My latest feelings
This evening is finally my time to start feeling the hurt coming out through the anger. Since all the news came pouring in about the whole Dez situation, I've spent a lot of my time being angry and horrified, trying my best to comfort Carrie and Liz, and taking my revenge. Now the truth is really starting to sink in, and the pain and despair are becoming very real to me. The reality of what's happened is hitting me hard, and the sorrow I feel now is so deep and can't be described in mere words.
I'm not sad that I lost Dez. I'm glad that he's gone. But when you spend close to 2 years giving perfect love and perfect trust to someone, to find that everything you believed your relationship to be was a lie is heart-breaking. To know that I put mine and my daughter's hearts into the hands of such a despicable person is revolting, but to know that every word spoken, every caress, every kiss, was also given to two other women is the hardest to bear. There were lies I knew about, and more that I suspected, but I never would have believed that the love I thought he felt was nothing but pretty words.
I defied family, friends, and Fate to be with this man, and I did it for nothing. All those lonely times I spent waiting for him to call or come see me were really spent waiting for him to be done telling two other women that he loved them and wanted to marry them. All the times we spent planning a wedding I believed was going to happen mirrored the times he spent making two others believe their weddings were going to happen too. The times my attempts at seduction were rejected because he had already been satisfied by someone else left me feeling unwanted and unattractive, and the whole time I thought it was my fault.
In this situation, I feel that all three of us were wronged in different ways. We are now left with deep, gaping wounds that will eventually heal, but leave scars that may fade but will never go away. It's a possibility that none of us will ever heal enough to trust someone again.
How sad is it that one person can cause so much pain for such a large number of people with his lies? In a world where it's hard enough to get through life on your own, why do some people feel the need to inflict more damage on the hearts and lives of good people? How can anyone be so heartless and cruel? How can anyone look into the eyes of 4 innocent children and intentionally hurt them and their mothers? And how do the victims of this horrible person even begin to put their lives back together after something like this?
I guess I could keep going about this forever. But I know there's no point in asking unanswered questions. Many people say that everything happens for a reason, but tell that to the people who have been hurt so badly by this and I promise you, none of us will care.
I'm not sad that I lost Dez. I'm glad that he's gone. But when you spend close to 2 years giving perfect love and perfect trust to someone, to find that everything you believed your relationship to be was a lie is heart-breaking. To know that I put mine and my daughter's hearts into the hands of such a despicable person is revolting, but to know that every word spoken, every caress, every kiss, was also given to two other women is the hardest to bear. There were lies I knew about, and more that I suspected, but I never would have believed that the love I thought he felt was nothing but pretty words.
I defied family, friends, and Fate to be with this man, and I did it for nothing. All those lonely times I spent waiting for him to call or come see me were really spent waiting for him to be done telling two other women that he loved them and wanted to marry them. All the times we spent planning a wedding I believed was going to happen mirrored the times he spent making two others believe their weddings were going to happen too. The times my attempts at seduction were rejected because he had already been satisfied by someone else left me feeling unwanted and unattractive, and the whole time I thought it was my fault.
In this situation, I feel that all three of us were wronged in different ways. We are now left with deep, gaping wounds that will eventually heal, but leave scars that may fade but will never go away. It's a possibility that none of us will ever heal enough to trust someone again.
How sad is it that one person can cause so much pain for such a large number of people with his lies? In a world where it's hard enough to get through life on your own, why do some people feel the need to inflict more damage on the hearts and lives of good people? How can anyone be so heartless and cruel? How can anyone look into the eyes of 4 innocent children and intentionally hurt them and their mothers? And how do the victims of this horrible person even begin to put their lives back together after something like this?
I guess I could keep going about this forever. But I know there's no point in asking unanswered questions. Many people say that everything happens for a reason, but tell that to the people who have been hurt so badly by this and I promise you, none of us will care.