mourning

[wonderingwhere]

i wish there were a word for the sensation--
that the sun has risen
but the day has not yet arrived

if there were some casual phrase that people could laugh at, yet understand--
today i am the walking dead
only say nice things to me
or nothing at all

i wish life provided breaks--
there was a button called "heartbreak"
that skipped you, mind and body
six months in the future
to find you better

there should be a way to take all the tears that you would have cried
and instead place them in an envelope
and send them via USPS to a friend that cares about you
or even just the person that hurt you
the end would read P.S. save me

how does a person learn to live again? the sun shines and the birds sing.
people speak, and the clouds break.
but you are trapped, suffocating from sobs that rattle your chest
from deep inside.

hiding red eyes and stained cheeks
contorted expressions from strangers
walking the other direction down the street

too ashamed to give up
too embarrassed to admit that, no, i am not okay.