random thoughts
~If having him in my life seems to be essential to my happiness-- then regardless of the moments when I am away from him and thinking about how things didn’t work out-- I want, well, need for us to be okay. It’s so hard to explain... I guess you'd have to be me or my heart to get it.
~A lot of people know who he is, but I also know there are not that many who got to see the guy that I did and that guy, well, I'll never forget him… never. I've learned so much about life and emotion from knowing him and I wouldn't change a thing about it. Your heart needs to go through some bumps like these in order to make it through. Besides, no matter what he's done or not done he had the biggest impact on me this past year and a half. And, I know, no matter how many years go by… my stomach will always do a little flip when I see that face.
~You smile when you feel like crying, you act like you're okay, when you're falling apart inside and you let it go. You move on, because there's nothing else you can do...
~Even though I've "stopped liking him", every time someone mentions his name my head turns right toward them. Its like every time I hear it, I think of all that we could have had, and all that could have happened that didn't.
~He hurt me so bad, but maybe it's my fault, because I stuck around too long.
~It’s like taking me to the top of the tallest mountain, showing me the world and saying "and that’s what you CAN'T have".
~It's easy to let go when holding on hurts so bad.
~Today is different... I don't look at him the same. I don't look at him and say to myself “I wish he'd love me” because this morning when I woke up it just clicked... just like that. I realized that he can never love me... he won't let himself. But that's all on him, not me; it was his decision, not mine. So when he's thinking “I wish she'd love me” he'd better remember that day when he told me that we'd never be anything more than friends.
~And everyone asks me why I just don’t call him, and why we can’t just be friends… and the reason is because I don’t want to be just friends. We didn’t really start out as just friends and I dont want to end as just friends. I can’t be with him without wanting to be with him. So I have to totally let him go for a few minutes, a few hours, a few days, a few weeks, a few months, a few years... really for as long as it takes.. I have to forget about him and all the things about him, the reasons why I fell for him... then someday I will call him up and we can be friends again... then maybe the feelings will be gone. But the funny thing is I know no matter what, whenever I’m with him, the feelings are still going to be there... but it’s the only way I can try to get over him.
~I should have listened to my head instead of following my heart because my head was telling me “You've felt like this before - you'll just get hurt” but my heart was saying “He's Different!! He's Different!!” Well, my heart was wrong. He wasn't different…he broke my heart just like the other did. Just goes to prove that nothing changes....that nothing is ever different.
~I've gone through this before... and that's why I don’t get why this is so hard for me to deal with. I guess it’s the simple fact that he just doesn’t want me like I want him. I guess, maybe, it’s so hard because for a while there... he made me feel like he did... maybe that’s the difference.
~My heart is like a dartboard, everyone gets a stab. Some miss and hit the edges, but he went straight for the middle and hit the bulls-eye... hard.
~I've never felt like this before. It’s like I want to throw him out into traffic, and then risk my life to save him.
~Right now I’m scared and confused and all I really want is for him to hold me and be there for me and help me straighten out this mess they call life.
~Maybe it’s not supposed to end up happily ever after … but for once I want to live in that fairy tale world and feel what it feels like to be loved.
~Can he honestly tell me that when he looks in my eyes, he feels nothing? Cause if he can say those words to me, I will walk away and never bother him again. But if he cannot, if he feels even the slightest tug at his heart that says "this girl is special" then I can't be all wrong in thinking that maybe, just maybe... we do belong together.