is it over yet?
today that is... i'm pretty much exhausted right now. i went to bed at 11 last night, but of course i didn't fall asleep till something like 1, and i got up at 5:30. my show went ok, despite someone having jacked up the ear monitors so i couldn't exactly hear anything that was going out. i had a few little spaces of dead air when i was switching things over, but it wasn't a big deal.
my big blow came this morning when i had a meeting with lorie. you know when you think that you have an understanding with someone, but then it turns out you don't, after you have already done something based on that supposed understanding and its too late to fix it? well that happened. things that were said got taken out of context and i ended up looking like a complete ass, i feel stupid, and for about 30min this morning i felt like dropping out of school. seriously. she said she wasn't mad about any of it, but i still feel a prat for having really messed up.
i've been crying on and off all day since, and trying to come up with excuses for my puffy eyes and totally depressed behavior. completely unrelated but totally unhelpful is the fact that i really miss my boyfriend, and i just want someone to hold me. i am ditching history of rock and roll right now cuz there are a bunch of really snarky people in there and i just don't feel like dealing with them.
magazine writing wasn't a train wreck, but i walked out having a panic attack about the fact that i only have one internship under my belt with a semester and a half to go before graduation. i feel like a fool guys and i am almost ready to just pack it all in. i went to my car to grab my lunch and just about got in and drove away. to where? no idea. anywhere but here. i don't want to look anyone in the face right now. i'm that ashamed of myself. and the worst thing is, i didn't think i had done anything wrong. i was completely clueless.
i think i am going to go to reporting today, mainly because i need to talk to dr. klyde. hopefully she can help me get things a little closer to straightened out and i might be able to sleep at night again sometime this year. i don't know how i am going to do it without being completely hysterical, but i'll give it my best.
i'm sure the girl next to me thinks i am insane. i am sitting crying all over myself and my nose is running like crazy and i am sniffling. i must look a tit. i'm not crying because i feel sorry for myself, i feel sorry for everybody else. lorie said she didn't want me to have to feel bad about this forever, but that's pretty much how it looks right now.
i'm supposed to cover a city council meeting tonight, but i don't know if i can handle it. it doesn't start until 7:30 and it won't end until something like 11:30. then i have to write submit the story by 12 so it'll be an intense evening. i guess i'll see how i feel closer to time.
i've wanted to throw up all afternoon, but i don't have anything to purge other than emotion. gah, today sucks and tomorrow probably won't be much better....
"life, don't talk to me about life" marvin the paranoid android
my big blow came this morning when i had a meeting with lorie. you know when you think that you have an understanding with someone, but then it turns out you don't, after you have already done something based on that supposed understanding and its too late to fix it? well that happened. things that were said got taken out of context and i ended up looking like a complete ass, i feel stupid, and for about 30min this morning i felt like dropping out of school. seriously. she said she wasn't mad about any of it, but i still feel a prat for having really messed up.
i've been crying on and off all day since, and trying to come up with excuses for my puffy eyes and totally depressed behavior. completely unrelated but totally unhelpful is the fact that i really miss my boyfriend, and i just want someone to hold me. i am ditching history of rock and roll right now cuz there are a bunch of really snarky people in there and i just don't feel like dealing with them.
magazine writing wasn't a train wreck, but i walked out having a panic attack about the fact that i only have one internship under my belt with a semester and a half to go before graduation. i feel like a fool guys and i am almost ready to just pack it all in. i went to my car to grab my lunch and just about got in and drove away. to where? no idea. anywhere but here. i don't want to look anyone in the face right now. i'm that ashamed of myself. and the worst thing is, i didn't think i had done anything wrong. i was completely clueless.
i think i am going to go to reporting today, mainly because i need to talk to dr. klyde. hopefully she can help me get things a little closer to straightened out and i might be able to sleep at night again sometime this year. i don't know how i am going to do it without being completely hysterical, but i'll give it my best.
i'm sure the girl next to me thinks i am insane. i am sitting crying all over myself and my nose is running like crazy and i am sniffling. i must look a tit. i'm not crying because i feel sorry for myself, i feel sorry for everybody else. lorie said she didn't want me to have to feel bad about this forever, but that's pretty much how it looks right now.
i'm supposed to cover a city council meeting tonight, but i don't know if i can handle it. it doesn't start until 7:30 and it won't end until something like 11:30. then i have to write submit the story by 12 so it'll be an intense evening. i guess i'll see how i feel closer to time.
i've wanted to throw up all afternoon, but i don't have anything to purge other than emotion. gah, today sucks and tomorrow probably won't be much better....
"life, don't talk to me about life" marvin the paranoid android