Fic breaking down the walls
Title: Breaking Down the Walls
Author: Wickedtwin
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Emily/JJ
Rating: Adults only
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I make nothing. All credit goes to the creators and CBS.
Spoilers/warnings: Spoilers Henry is here but no Will. BDSM. Mention of sexual assault on child but no details.
Summary: After a case that has Emily emotionally shutting down and JJ feeling out of control, JJ knows just how to set things right.
Author’s notes:
AN1- A big thank you to darkbardzero for her beta skills, advice, encouragement, and help.
AN2- This is not set in any particular season, yes there is a Henry. JJ and Emily are married and raising Henry together. No mention at all of Will (he’s gone with the wind). I like the idea of JJ being the more dominate one in the relationship that Emily needs to give over control to break out of those compartments.
AN3- Please be kind, this is my 2nd fanfic, my first femslash and first with bdsm themes. It will not be overly violent, just control, some bondage and maybe a little pain.
There is a change from 3rd person to 1st person part of the way through the story. It will be set off they same way a change point of view.
Jennifer sat on the plane watching her wife stare out the window. She knew that look on Emily’s face, it was the one that said she had put things in so many different compartments that there was almost nothing left of the woman herself. It was that compartmentalization that had first drawn JJ’s interest; it was now one of the things that scared her most about her wife. JJ knew that she would have to break through the walls that Emily had placed up. She walked to the other end of the plane and quickly phoned Garcia.
After making sure that her best friend could watch her son for the rest of the night, she began to make plans to help her wife. This case had been hard on both of them, a serial child molester whose target was young boys. Every picture and report had come across JJ’s desk. In every picture she could see the face of her son. She knew it was the same for Em, who treated Henry as her own. JJ was thankful that Morgan had brought in the unsub. She was afraid that if Emily had been alone on the call she would have killed him. That was something her wife would never be able to come back from.
JJ knew exactly how to bring down her wife’s walls; people would probably be surprised at the dynamics of the women’s relationship. Emily came off as the tough butch, always in control and a natural born leader. What people didn’t realize is that all of that control was an illusion. Emily wasn’t really in control, she was in hiding. JJ on the other hand was seen as the small town girl, outgoing, pleasant and happy to care for everyone else. This was true to an extent, but what people didn’t see was her need to control.
She quietly ran the BAU with an iron fist without anyone knowing she was. Her emotions tended to get the best of he, and without the proper outlet, she would break. It wasn’t long into their relationship that the two women discovered each other’s needs. They had always had an active sex life, full of variety and some kink. After several difficult cases, they both discovered in order to totally break free Emily needed to be controlled to feel, and JJ needed to be in control. JJ knew tonight was one of those nights.
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“Alright, it’s been a long day, we’ll debrief tomorrow at noon. Until then, everyone go home and get some rest.” Hotch told his team as they disembarked the plane.
JJ led Emily to the car, “You rest, and I’ll drive.”
After driving several miles, Emily noted, “We have to go by the daycare and get Henry.”
“I talked to Garcia; she’s picking him up and having him for the night.”
“Jennifer, we’ve already been gone 3 days, he shouldn’t have to wait another to see us.”
“Em, neither of us is in any condition to be with Henry right now, it’s best for him to be with Garcia until we can sort through this. He’ll just worry when he sees how distant we both are. Before you say anything else, I’m not changing my mind and from here on out you only speak when I tell you and you do exactly as I say. Do you understand?” JJ lifted a brow and looked intently at her wife as they were at a stoplight.
Emily was about to argue the point but the look in JJ’s eyes told her that it was futile. She swallowed hard as she realized what JJ may have planned for the evening, and that they both needed it. “Yes, I understand.”
As they entered their home JJ instructed Emily to remain on the couch until otherwise told. JJ went on to their bedroom and opened a locked box in the closet, she pulled out several items that they would need for the evening and placed them under a towel on the bed. She then went and took a quick shower. After she completed her absolutions, she got the bathroom ready for Emily’s shower.
Emily sat on the couch where JJ had left her. She knew the wait was part of the process. She knew she shut down after this case. Walking in and seeing that son of a bitch with a ten year old boy was enough to make her want to kill him. Luckily, Morgan had gotten there first. In that moment, Emily could only see Henry and the thought that she couldn’t protect her son was too much for her to process so she put it away. JJ had seen this and had decided to make a pre-emptive strike. At the moment, Emily felt empty. She had buried everything so deep, she could feel nothing.
She was pulled from her thoughts by JJ’s appearance in the room. She was dressed in a short silk robe, her hair still damp from her shower. “Emily, are you ready for this? If you don’t want to do this, tell me now and we’ll stop. If you do want this, remember your safe word and go to the bathroom.”
Emily didn’t need to think, she knew both she and JJ needed this release. She needed to submit to JJ so that she could let her feelings out and let go of her guilt, and JJ needed to get back a level of control. As hard as this case had been on Emily, it was just as painful for JJ. Emily could see the fear and pain in her lover’s eyes. The sparkle that was normally there was absent. Emily did not respond verbally, she just got up and walked to the bathroom.
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The master bathroom was a large room which was specially designed by the two women. It held a large Jacuzzi tub, separate shower large enough for two with multiple heads as well as a double vanity. There was a separate enclosure for the toilet. Upon entering, Emily noted several products sitting on the marble vanity and realized that her wife had decided to go all out for this evening.
“Strip and get in the shower,” JJ stated as she entered behind her wife.
At this command, Emily felt more of her control fall to JJ. As she removed her clothing, she made sure to keep her eyes on her wife. She neatly folded her garments and placed those for dry cleaning in one basket, and those for in house laundry in another. She had long ago learned that if she did not take the time to do these things, she would pay for it later. She almost gave in to the temptation to drop them on the floor because some part of her felt the need for punishment, that she could not be everything her family needed, and that she should have figured the unsub out earlier and gotten to that boy before he had been assaulted.
“Emily, you will get what you need and deserve tonight. You don’t need to fabricate offenses to receive punishment, what you need is for me to decide, not you,” JJ said as she read the look in her wife’s eyes. She knew only too well how Emily would try to manipulate the situation to assuage her guilt.
Emily finished stripping and entered the shower. She did not start the water or touch anything. She waited for her next command.
JJ knew that Emily was waiting to be ordered to prepare. She wanted to be controlled and to give in to JJ’s wants. JJ had a different idea this evening. If she followed a standard routine, Emily would be able to perform her part and still keep aloof. JJ had to change things around to keep Em off balance and focused on her. JJ dropped her robe on the vanity and picked up the products she would need. She entered the shower and programmed the thermostat. She could see that her change had paid off by the confusion in Emily’s eyes.
“You need to stop thinking, I’m in control, don’t try to profile me or believe you know what I’ll do. You are here to do what I want, you’re only tasks are to obey, submit and feel.” JJ knew if she did not overcome Emily’s cognitive processes and get her strictly on a plane of feeling and emotion, then this evening would be for nothing.
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“Wet your hair.” Emily instantly responds to your demand. After her hair is wet you begin to gently shampoo it, normally you instruct Emily on the preparations you want her to perform for the evening and then check how well she carried out the tasks. Tonight you decide on a more hands on approach. The feeling of your hands on her will increase her arousal levels as well as letting her feel your control of her body.
After the shampoo is finished, you add conditioner. While the conditioner is working you prepare to shave her. You move her from the spray and start to apply the foam from her ankle up to the v of her legs. You continue the process until both legs and underarms are smooth. Just because you can, you trim her bikini line, leaving only a small v of curls which you follow with your fingers to find wetness that has nothing to do with the shower.
Briefly, you dip your fingers through the wetness and drag it over her clit. Looking at her as she stands before you, she is trying hard to stay still and silent but you can see her breath quicken, her eyes dilating, nipples harden and she draws her lower lip between her teeth. You work her for a few minutes and abruptly halt. This is not new to her; she knows her release won’t come for a long time.
You complete washing and rinsing her. “I’m getting out; you finish cleaning all of the necessary areas and then meet me in the bedroom. Don’t touch yourself or you won’t come tonight.”
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It takes me a minute to get myself together enough to follow the instructions given. This has been a different experience. I normally perform all these tasks as I think about the evening to come. Having JJ’s hands on me has cranked up my arousal to a new level, and I realize that it’s going to be a long evening of the unexpected.
It takes me about 20 minutes to finish all of the preparations which are necessary for our encounter, insuring that every part inside and out is clean. I carefully dry myself and rub in the lotion provided, its fragrance is cinnamon and it actually adds heat to my skin. I finish drying my hair and walk slowly in the bedroom. Staring at the floor I walk over to her. She is seated on the loveseat in the small sitting area of our room.
“Tonight you will look at me at all times. You will hide nothing from me; I want to see it all.”
I quickly look up at her. I move into the appropriate stance with my hands behind my back and legs spread. JJ sits there in a sapphire camisole, there is lace on the bodice through which I can see her nipples which have begun to pucker at my gaze. Her hair is spread about her shoulders. Her eyes are sharp and dark with arousal and control.
“Kneel before me with your legs apart,” she states as she looks me up and down. “In the bathroom earlier, you thought about dropping your clothes knowing it would lead to punishment. Tell me Em, why do you feel the need to be punished?”
“I wasn’t able to stop what happened to that boy, I didn’t get there soon enough.” I knew it was more than that. Yes, he had been assaulted but unlike the others, we had stopped his death. We couldn’t have gotten there any sooner, he would be scarred but hopefully he would recover.
“That’s not it. Even if it was, that’s not enough for punishment. You saved his life,” she said this as she drew out a pair of clamps. “Come stand before me.”
I quickly complied. “You may not deserve punishment for that but you do for holding back on me.” She stood up and began to lick around my breast. The cinnamon lotion on my skin began to heat and then burn as she covered the entire area of my breast. It was all I could do not to groan at the sensations she was causing. She next began to flick and suck on my nipple. It was as if there was a cord attached from that nipple to my clit. My arousal soared and without thought I began to arch into her mouth. To my surprise, she sucked as much of my breast into her mouth as she could fit. This was only a temporary state as she quickly let go and bit down harshly on my nipple.
“You know better than to move or press for more.” She said this as she fitted a clamp on the nipple. It bit sharply into my skin and the pressure continued to build as she tightened the clamp. She continued the same process on my other breast, though I was careful not to react this time. It saved me from another painful nip.
By this time, both of my breasts were burning from the heat from the cinnamon lotion. My nipples had become more desensitized from the pressure of the clamps, but I knew that when removed the pain would return with a vengeance. My breasts weren’t the only parts burning, my clit was hard as a rock and I was extremely wet. The ability to think was beginning to desert me as I started to become a being made only of responses and feelings.
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She stood before me completely open and oh so beautiful. It took all my control not to throw her on the bed and fuck her. I had to remind myself that this was not just about sex though my body throbbed for it. The time for fucking her would come soon enough and when it did it was going to be hard and deep. I took a deep breath to calm myself; I could feel the wetness between my legs start to spread to my thighs. It’s time to move on.
“Go to the bed and lie on your stomach, hands above your head and legs spread.”
As Emily moved to the proper position, I removed the items I had prepared earlier. “Tonight you will only feel. You will not have to think about restraining yourself because I will restrain you.”
A shiver went through her body at my words. I normally did not restrain Emily, I liked that she controlled her body for me but tonight I didn’t want her to think or to even know what was coming next. I attached the padded Velcro restraints to her wrists and ankles making sure they weren’t too tight and that her body was totally open to me.
Next I took a scarf and covered her eyes. I don’t like to cause real pain to Emily; it actually bothers me to do so. I do know there are, times when she needs the pain to break through her barriers, but I use the minimum amount possible. If Emily had her way, I would use my hand or a paddle to show my domination, but that is not my way.
I begin by pouring a cinnamon extract much like the lotion I had her use earlier down her back. The extract combined with the lotion will cause a burning sensation in her skin. I observe the effect and am pleased to see goose bumps break out from the initial chill of the liquid on her skin. Her skin then begins to heat up before it begins to redden from the heat. I use latex gloves as I spread the extract across her back.
I lean over her, flicking my tongue over her earlobe and nipping it roughly. “Em, does it burn? Do you like the heat? Can you take more for me?”
I get wetter as she groans out an impossibly long “Fuck yesss!”
I firmly swat her ass at the comment, enjoying the shape of my hand that appears as well as knowing that her ass cheek would be on fire from the cinnamon as well as the slap.
“Yes or no only!”
I remove my gloves and move my hand slowly between her legs. She is extremely wet which takes my own arousal up another notch. Next I pick up a bottle of lube from my supplies and squeeze a generous amount on my fingers. I begin to work between her legs, concentrating on her hard little nub until she can’t stop herself from grinding against my fingers.
I keep an eye on the clock and note that the extract has sat long enough to work her back without damage. I pick up a loofah and begin to rub up and down her back. I know this will give her the edge of pain that she needs. After her back, I moved to her buttocks and legs until her entire backside was red and abraded. I then added more of the extract to her back, buttocks and legs knowing this would increase the burn she felt.
At this point, Emily couldn’t help but react. She moaned at the burn and bucked her hips as I reached between her legs, thrusting three fingers abruptly into her pussy. I love the feel of fucking Emily. Her tight walls clutching around my fingers, it was enough to make me want to come right then. I continued to thrust hard and fast into her until she was close to her orgasm and quickly withdrew. Watching Emily closely I knew I had her where I wanted her. She could only react, not think. It was time to end this. I needed to come and so did she.
Quickly I unstrapped her restraints from the bed and rolled her over. She arched her body into an impossible bow as her back touched the sheets. As she relaxed back, I reset her restraints and removed the blindfold. Her eyes were closed; tears had dried on her cheeks.
“Open your eyes baby, let me in.”
Those beautiful brown eyes opened to me. They were unfocused, dilated and full of desire. I knew we were finally there. She could no longer think, only react. It turned me on so much to see her look at me like that, with that need. “I’ll let you come soon but first you have to take care of me.” As I tell her this I remove my panties but leave on the camisole. I move up and straddle her head.
“Eat me baby. Use that magic tongue; make me come but take your time. If you make me come too fast, you’ll have to wait longer,” as I tell her this, she already has her mouth open waiting for me. I lower myself down. “That’s it baby, take it slow.” Her tongue circles my clit and gently flicks across it. I really don’t have to tell her what to do; she knows exactly how to build me up, to make me come long and hard. She continues to work me, building me up higher but she makes a mistake, she starts to tease. I reach back behind me and yank one of the clamps off her nipple. She screams and it makes me hotter.
“You know better. Hold your tongue out.” She quickly complies and I begin to grind myself on her tongue. I bear down hard and fuck myself on her face until I start to come. I pull back enough to give her air. “Put your tongue up in me.” As she stuffs her tongue up in me, I begin to contract around it. When I come down off my climax; I climb off her face. It’s glistening in the lamp light with my juices. Her breathing is ragged and hard. Her chest rises and falls. The breast that I ripped the clamp from is an angry red. I lean down and lick it lightly.
I reach for the last of my toys for the evening. One is a doubled ended dildo. I insert the bulbous end into myself. I rearrange her restraints so that her knees are bent and her ankles are strapped to her thighs leaving her totally open to me. I next put on another latex glove and coat it in lube. I squeeze two drops of the cinnamon extract on her anus and then begin to use a lubed finger to open her rear. She cringes, whether from the penetration or from the burn I’m not sure. I take this slow, Emily loves anal play but requires a long time to adjust. That’s fine because now that I’ve come once, I have the patience to go slow. “Do you want me to fuck your ass or your pussy?”
“I want whatever you want, please just fuck me.”
I quickly added a second finger into her ass and begin to scissor them to open her further. “I think I want both tonight.” I continue to open her until I can get three fingers in her hole. I put a condom on my cock and proceed to lube it and add more of the cinnamon. “This is going to burn.” She nods her understanding. There is no fear in her eyes, she is beyond that.
I push my way in making sure I go slow enough to not damage tissues. She begins to squirm under me, the burn starting to work. This turns me on more because the action forces my cock further into her. After several minutes I’m fully seated in her ass. “I love taking you like this. You give yourself so fully to me. You’re mine!” As I say this, I begin to thrust in her slowly. “Tell me how you want it.”
“Take me hard, please Jennifer, fuck my ass,” she pleads as she groans and gasps for air. The combinations of pain and pleasure are easy to read on her face. I pick of the pace and force of my strokes. I keep up the pace and slide my hand to her clit. The noises of flesh slapping against flesh start to make me lose control.
“I had a hard time deciding how to take you tonight. I love to mount your back and fuck you like my bitch, I but decided I would rather watch your face as you come.” She’s about ready to come, I can feel her tense. I reach up and pull off the other nipple clamp. I do this more gently than the first, but I know that the rush of blood back in will slow down her climax. “I haven’t told you to come for me yet. Hold it back baby.”
On my next stroke I pull all the way out. She whimpers at the loss. I pull out the final toy, a butt plug, which I lube and roughly shove back in her ass. I quickly remove the condom from the dildo and apply a new one. Before she’s had time to adjust, I fully enter her pussy. I waste no time. We are both so close. I fuck her hard and fast. I reach up a final time and release her right hand from its restraint.
“Touch yourself baby, make yourself come for me.” Her arm moves slowly at first. I can tell there are pins and needles in her arm from the long held position. She finally finds her clit and begins to rub it. “No baby, pinch it. Be rough, make yourself come.” She follows my instructions to the letter. She squeezes her clit, probably harder than I ever would. When I know she is close, I let go. I pound in her, the base of the dildo hitting my clit. I continue at a frenetic pace until stars appear behind my eyelids and I begin to pulse around the bulbous portion working inside me. Emily screams her release and I follow her.
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I don’t know when she has made me come so hard. As I relax into my restrains I begin to feel the effects of her actions. There is a burning soreness all long my back and legs. JJ has collapsed on me. I feel secure with her weight resting on me. My nipples are throbbing and the sweat off her body makes them burn. As we each start to get our breath back she slowly eases out of me. I watch her remove the dildo from her own body. The harshness of her control has left but she still controls me. Now is the time that she takes care of me.
First she carefully removes the butt plug; she pulls out a small pin light and checks the plug and me to insure there is no blood or damage. She next removes my restraints and begins to rub my arms and legs to get my circulation going. I still don’t speak because the scene is not yet complete. I’m still under her control and follow her directions. Her gentleness and care are as much a part of her control as her force and dominance. She is still in control of my body and actions.
I feel so loved and cared for when she does these things. Her eyes have softened and she is gentle. “You lie here while I start the shower. Don’t try to go anywhere without me. I love you Em. You were so good tonight,” she tells me as she strokes my face and places a gentle open mouth kiss on mine.
I hear the shower start and she comes back in with a wash cloth. “Sweetie, this might sting but I want to get some of this off you before you get in the shower.” She gently places the cloth between my legs. I’m already sore from the extract burning and the hard use of both of my holes. The warmth from the cloth both burned and soothed. She gently cleaned between my legs and getting a second cloth worked on my face and torso.
“Okay baby, roll over again. This is going to hurt more, but if I don’t get most of the extract off before you get in the shower, it will burn like hell.”
I slowly roll to my stomach. The movement makes me know that I’ll be feeling this for days. My pussy and ass won’t forget this workout anytime soon. JJ continues with the cloth until she has cleaned me from head to toe.
“Let’s get you up slowly. Hold on to me, you’ve been restrained for a while and I don’t want you to fall.” JJ assists me in sitting up and as I slowly stand, her arms are there to support me. We slowly make our way to the bathroom. I can feel each step as the muscles in my back and legs pull from the loofah.
JJ leans me against the vanity and removes her camisole. We enter the shower enclosure, and when the water hits my back and nipples, I can’t help but hiss as pain explodes through my body. JJ just holds me closes, placing gentle kisses on my face and lightly runs her hands up and down my arms.
After I adjust to the water, she follows many of the steps she took earlier; washing my hair and body. She stops the water and leads me to the tub. I had not even noted that she had run it. She steps in and then assists me with getting in. “That’s it baby, just lean back on me.” As she held me in her arms and the water surrounds us it all hits me.
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As her tears released, so did mine. I held her tight and just let her cry. After, we had both spent our tears she started to speak. “If I couldn’t protect that kid, how can I expect to protect Henry or anybody else?”
“Em, we’ve been through this before. We see the worst of the worst; we know that monsters really do exist. We help to put them away and do what we can to keep Henry safe. We can’t become hyper vigilant, we can’t keep him locked up and we have to keep living our lives.”
I continue to hold her, stroking her body trying to give her my love and support through my touch.
“There’s more to this isn’t there? This isn’t the first case that’s hit this close to home for us. What is it about this one?”
She tenses in my arms. “Jennifer, what if I become the monster? All I wanted to do was to kill that son of a bitch. I mean, how many people have we tracked who were vigilantes just out to right wrongs? Look at Elle, I may not have known her but I know what she did. If Derek hadn’t been there I might have done it. Where would we all have been if I had? I would have lost my family.”
I turn her head and look in her eyes. “Emily, we have all wanted to do that. I wanted to go in that cell and kill him with my bare hands. But you didn’t and neither did I. It’s no crime to think it, only to act on it. Derek is your partner, I know him, he was probably as close to snapping as you were. The two of you together were able to do the right thing. I love you; Henry loves you and you’re right here with us. Please don’t draw away,” as I tell her this, I feel my tears start again. “It would kill me if you shut us out.”
“Jennifer, I love you and just know that I will always do my best to let you in.” As she tells me this, she leans in and kisses me. The kiss deepens and my mouth opens to her. I suck her tongue in my mouth and reach around to her breasts. This time it will be slow and gentle. I know she is still sore from the rough treatment earlier, so my touch is light and soothing.
Her nipples begin to tighten as our kiss deepens further. One of my hands starts to move down her abdomen tracing small circles as I go. I continue to dip further enjoying the smooth feel of where I removed most of her curls. As I break our kiss to take a breath, “I think you need to keep it like this for a while. I love the feel of your bare skin. Next time I may take it all. The thought of taking you in my mouth when you’re totally bare makes me so wet.” I keep the dirty talk going knowing, this would ratchet up her arousal, thus decreasing the need for direct stimulation. I finally eased my way down to her clit and began to gently stimulate her. After several minutes of stimulation, Emily’s hips started to buck as she climaxed.
“Baby, it’s time for bed,” I helped her up out of the water and gently dried her off. I quickly finished drying myself and led her to the loveseat while I changed the bedding. We settled on the clean sheets and moved into each other’s arms.
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“Thank you for this. Jennifer, I love you so much. I’m so glad that you don’t let me shut you out. I’ll get past this because of what we are together.”
With that I roll over on top of Jennifer. “You do realize that your reign is now over,” I state as I slide my hand between her thighs. I lean down and capture her nipple between my lips and begin to suck. She is already wet and I push two fingers up into her. I move at a fast pace knowing she was getting turned on in the tub. “Let go for me baby.”
I move down her body and take her clit between my teeth, flicking it with
my tongue. Her hips lift and thrust towards my mouth, her hands go to my hair. I suck hard on her clit as I add another finger, curling them and pressing up. Her body stills and stiffens; I can feel her contract around my fingers as she calls out my name. I move back up and kiss her firmly. I turn her on her side and spoon up behind her.
“Let’s sleep now. We need to get Henry in the morning and spend some time with him before the debriefing. I love you Jennifer.”
“No more than I love and need you Em.”
Finis