Double Take 5/?
Title: Double Take 5/?
Author: Maggsie! (me)
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Emily/JJ
Rating: 15
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own any of the characters
AN: Thank you for all your amazing feedback!
AN2: I want to thank Darkbard0 being a kick ass beta and being my inspiration.
Summary: It's been 14 months and the unbreakable Jennifer Jareau is hellbent on self-destruction. Who will catch her when she falls?
X X X
JJ walked in to the BAU bullpen, rage seething inside her. She couldn't believe that Hotch had known all along about Emily being alive. How could he have kept something that important from her? How had he lied to her for the last 14 months while she had been breaking down? Storming through, she didn't even notice Reid and Morgan sitting at their desks doing paperwork.
"Morning JJ."
The lanky profiler said, but the media liaison just walked straight past. Stomping up the stairs, she stopped for a second just in front of her boss's door, taking a minute to think about what she was about to say. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and slammed it right behind her. Not giving him a chance to say anything, she started to let rip.
"You lying bastard!"
JJ seethed, and at hearing that, Hotch stood up behind his desk before walking around to the front of it, ready to face the raging agent.
"You've been lying to me this entire time; how the hell could you do this to me?"
Without even thinking about it, the blonde raised her hand, slapping her unit chief across the cheek. Putting a hand to his face, Hotch turned to his agent and he could see the fire in her eyes. He was shocked to say the least; he had never had an agent raise their hands to him. But he knew that for JJ to have a go, it was going to be something big. Removing his hand, he sat down on the edge of his desk, ready to face the angry media liaison.
"What's going on JJ?"
"You mean the fact that Emily is alive and you didn't tell me Hotch!"
After the unit chief had called the brunette yesterday after JJ had been sent home, he knew that Emily was worried but he didn't realise that she was going to blow her cover because of it. Well he assumed she had, as JJ now knew she was alive. As he watched the blonde pacing, a frown crossed his forehead.
"She's come back?"
JJ turned to face him. If looks could kill, he had no doubt that he would be dead by now.
"Yeah, last night. I came home and a little while later she appeared in the living room. I wasn't entirely sober, but then this morning I saw her lying in Henry's bed!"
"I had no idea that she was going to come back."
And he didn't, he really didn't think that Emily was going to come out of the programme. She was putting herself in danger because of what he had told her. Hotch could feel the guilt rising up inside him, what if he had put her life in jeopardy? Not only hers but what if he had put JJ's and Henry's life in danger too, because he couldn't stop himself from telling Emily what had been going on? He wasn't even supposed to be allowed contact with the brunette, but the programme had allowed it, and for that he was thankful because at least he was able to tell Emily that her wife and son were safe and that she didn't have to worry.
"What did you expect her to do when you told her everything that I've been doing? How could you betray me like that? You're just as bad as she is! You've been looking after me, coming round to make sure I was okay, having Jack and Henry spend time together round your house! Why did you do it?"
JJ screamed, the pacing starting again as she ran a hand through her hair. In a way he knew why he had done it, he had felt guilty for being the person that was lying to her, so he had tried to make it as easy as possible for her. It had been hard not to tell her when he saw how upset JJ was, but he pushed through for Emily's sake.
"She asked me to, she was doing it to keep you safe! If I was in the same position I would do everything in my power to keep my family safe."
"Why? You didn't bother when Haley was alive."
JJ sneered, stopping once more. That was like a sucker punch to the gut. For a minute the two of them just looked at each other, Hotch not really knowing what to say to the blonde agent. And it wasn't as if it wasn't true, he wasn't able to keep Haley safe, and that was going to haunt him for the rest of his life. It haunted him every time he looked at his son, and every time he closed his eyes. That's why he respected Emily's decision. She was doing everything in her power to keep the pair of them safe.
"Okay, that's enough JJ. You might be mad at me, but I'm still your boss. You can't talk to me like that."
Hotch put back on his game face, not wanting to show JJ how much that comment had hurt him. Because it did hurt him, and it was the most painful thing that he had ever heard come out of the media liaison's mouth.
"Like I give a shit right now! You betrayed me! EMILY IS ALIVE!"
"Don't you think I know that? Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep it from you? How hard it was when you started to spiral out of control? I only told her now after I thought it had gone too far. She's putting herself in jeopardy just by being back. Did you think about that?"
JJ hadn't even considered that. She hadn't considered the implications of Emily coming back home. Could she really still be in that much danger? Were these guys still after her? There was no denying that Emily still loved her, and if JJ was honest with herself, she still loved Emily too. And for that reason she never wanted to see the other woman hurt.
"No, but that doesn't change anything, you still betrayed me Hotch. How could you do it?"
"Because she honestly thought she was doing the right thing for her family. If she'd of asked you to go with her, would you have?"
"Yeah, of course I would."
The blonde had been thinking about the very same question since Emily had asked it just under an hour before. And it was the honest answer, because she would have followed her wife to the end of the world and back if it meant she could still have been with her.
"Would you really? It would have meant getting a new job, new name, a new school for Henry, new friends, would you have given up everything?"
There was no denying the upheaval it would have caused to their life, and JJ knew that Emily would have thought long and hard about it. She wasn't an impulsive person; she needed time to make any sort of decision. And that reason must have been a huge reason why she made the decision she did.
"Yes, because at least I still would have had Emily!"
When the brunette had 'died', JJ felt like her heart had been ripped out of her. She had thought about ending her life on more than one occasion, and the only thing that had stopped her from doing so had been Henry.
"She's back now, you can still have her."
JJ shook her head solemnly. She couldn't see any way back for them to be together again. The trust that had once been there had been completely destroyed. How could you be in a relationship with someone if you didn't trust them? The feelings were there, they always would be, but sometimes that wasn't enough.
"No I can't, too much has happened; I can't just forgive her like that. I wouldn't be able to trust her again. It's the same for you, how am I supposed to trust you again? Not just as a friend but as a boss too? You kept the biggest secret from me about the most important person in my life bar Henry. How am I supposed to keep working with you, trusting you in the field? Because right now, I don't see any way that I can."
"I can understand that, I can, and I don't expect you to trust me again right away. That's something I will have to try and build back up."
"I'm not sure if I want you to try."
The blonde whispered, and Hotch had to lean forward to hear her properly.
"What?"
"I'm not sure if I want to keep working here."
She had been thinking about it for the last couple of months. She couldn't keep working there while the rest of her life spiralled out of her control. For JJ to be good at her job she needed to get her personal life back in order again and that was going to take time. She was thinking about quitting even before Emily turned up, but now, it made the decision even easier.
"JJ, you're emotional. It's not a good idea to make a decision like this right now in your state."
"I'm not making a rash decision. You're right, I have been spiralling out of control since Emily left, and I don't trust myself in the field. Right now I think I just need to spend time with Henry, and focus on him for a while."
They both knew it was the right thing for her to do. Between working and then the social activities she'd been taking part in weekly, she'd barely been spending any time with Henry, and now she felt extremely guilty. She needed to prove to herself that she was a good Mom, because she knew she was, she had just let her son down since Emily had gone. In that sense, her Mom had been a lifesaver.
"Okay, that's understandable. But JJ, I don't think you should quit completely, because honestly? I think you'd come to regret it. So I'm not going to accept your resignation, but for now I will put you on two months paid leave."
He accepted the decision she had made, and he was telling the truth when he said he did understand it. But there was no way he was going to lose one of his best agents without even trying other alternatives. If after two months she was still wanting to leave, then he would accept it though he wouldn't be happy about it.
"Hotch-"
"JJ, please? I don't want to argue about this, and I think it's the least I could do after everything, don't you? I might have lost you as a friend after this, but I certainly don't want to lose you as an agent too."
"Okay, thank you."
"Can you let Emily know her job is still open when it's safe for her to do so?"
Knowing that she was alive, Hotch hadn't opened up the brunette's job hoping that one day she was going to come back. Filling that void that she had left would have been near impossible for anyone to do, and he knew that none of the team would have appreciated a newcomer coming in so soon after Emily had gone.
"No. You can tell her yourself."
"Okay, I will."
JJ nodded, and walked to the door. As she was stepping out, Hotch's voice stopped her in her tracks.
"And JJ? Take some time to think about why Emily made the decision she did, because she honestly did do it for yours and Henry's safety."
The blonde couldn't stop the tears as they caught in her throat. Looking out the door so Hotch couldn't see her crying, she took a deep breath.
"I don't question that; I just wish she had done it in a way that didn't break both mine and our son's hearts."
"I think you'll find hers was broken too."
x x x
Emily sat on the couch in the place she used to call home waiting for Henry to come back with JJ's Mom. Looking around, she frowned as she noticed all the photo's that used to be in place on the wall's had been taken down. A photo of the two of them on their wedding day had gone, and so had a picture of the three of them at the park. A tear trickled down her cheek, because the hurt she had caused was evident around the house. Bringing her purse out of her pocket she pulled out a small photo of the three of them on one of Henry's birthdays, and ran her thumb over it. She wished she could go back to how it had been before, but deep down Emily knew that there was no chance of that happening.
Hearing the door open, she looked up and smiled when she saw Henry bounding towards her. Opening her arms, she steadied herself as the little boy jumped in to her arms. Wrapping her arms around him, Emily looked over his head to give Alison a faint smile and she was rewarded with one in return.
"Guess what Mom? Grams took me to the park!"
Henry squealed, pulling back to look at Emily. A wide smile spread across her face as she leaned forward and placed a small kiss on his forehead.
"Yeah? And did you have fun buddy?"
Nodding his head vigorously, Henry jumped off his Mom's lap and ran in to his bedroom. Emily watched him the whole way until the little boy disappeared out of sight and she turned back to her mother in law.
"The whole time we were there, the only thing he talked about was you and how much he's missed you."
Alison stated, walking to the couch and taking a seat next to Emily. She wasn't surprised when she walked in with her grandson and found the brunette waiting for them. The older woman would have been a little disappointed if she hadn't been there.
"It goes both ways, I've missed him so much."
Emily replied, almost in a whisper. Looking down at her hands, she swallowed as she tried to keep all the emotions that were inside her kept at bay.
"I haven't seen him this happy since you left."
The older woman said, and she watched as Emily's head shot up to look at her. Alison could see all the emotions that Emily was feeling just by looking in her eyes.
"How do you mean?"
The brunette asked, and Alison now regretted saying it. What she was going to say was no doubt going to hurt her daughter in law. And as much as she loved her daughter and wanted to be mad at Emily for hurting her, she still adored the mother of her grandson.
"While you've been gone, Henry hasn't been himself, and today for the first time in months, I've seen him smile and have a good time. JJ hasn't been herself lately, don't get me wrong she's been a fantastic mother given the circumstances, but kids pick up on these things. He's been asking me what's wrong with Mommy, and whether it was because of him. JJ has told him hundreds of times that she loves him, but he still knows she's been sad. And as much as she wanted to be, she hasn't been able to spend all the time she wants with him, because she's trying to juggle work and being a full time Mom at the same time. It's been hard work for her."
Emily just sat and listened to what Alison was saying, but she couldn't help the tear that ran down her cheek when she heard how sad Henry had been.
"You said before that she's been drinking?"
The brunette asked softly, wanting to know the facts but not wanting her mother in law to go on the defensive. Before she answered Alison reached across and stroked the tear away off of Emily's face. Pulling her hand back, she looked intently in to the brunette's eyes.
"She has been yeah, most nights it's just one or a couple at the most because she has work the next day or something. But sometimes she just takes it too far, and I've lost count on the number of times she's come home intoxicated, and not always alone."
At this Emily winced, and Alison reached across and squeezed her hand gently.
"I'm not saying this to try and hurt you, but you need to know what's been going on. All she's had since you've been gone is one night stands, there's been nothing significant. I don't know why she's been doing it, I just think that she missed the connection that she had with you, and she wanted to try and find it again even if it was just for one night. I just don't think it's worked."
"How many has there been?"
The older woman looked Emily straight in the eye, wondering if she should tell her the true amount. Knowing it was going to hurt the brunette, Alison took a deep breath.
"For the first couple of months there wasn't any, and she just spent all her time with Henry. Then there was maybe one a month or something like that, until now and it's become more like one a week. I've always been careful though that Henry doesn't see any of these women coming in to the house."
Seeing the tears drip down Emily's cheeks, Alison scooted closer to her, taking both her hands in her own.
"I don't know why you left, and for now I don't want to know, I'm just glad you're back. But you need to know this, JJ is a broken woman and I think you're the only one who can fix her. It's going to take a lot of time and patience because I've only seen her this bad once before and that was when her sister died, but I think you can do it."
The tears were not falling freely from the brunette's eyes, and Emily pulled her hands away and put her head in them. She couldn't believe the hurt that JJ had been through, she had broken the woman she loved. Emily didn't know whether she was ever going to be able to forgive herself, let alone JJ forgiving her.
As she sobbed, she felt Alison get up from the couch and walk away. Her body shook, and she struggled to get her breathing under control. The sobbing only stopped when she heard the opening of the front door for a second time. Taking a deep breath, she looked up to see JJ looking at her, and Emily could tell straight away that she had been drinking. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was a mess. This wasn't the woman she had left behind, this was another person. Standing up she came face to face with her wife.
"What are you doing here?"
JJ slurred, and Emily reached out a hand as she saw the blonde sway side to side. But the media liaison quickly backed away from the touch and Emily brought her hand back to her side.
"I stayed to see Henry, he's in his room playing, and I've just been talking to your Mom for a little bit. How much have you had to drink?"
The brunette asked and JJ let out a loud sigh before leaning back against the front door. She looked Emily up and down and noted how good she still looked. A little skinnier than what she remembered, but she had dark jeans on with a red top and they enunciated the curves that she did have. Damn it, now she was horny. Why hadn't she picked up anyone from the bar?
"Not enough."
JJ sneered, walking past Emily and in to the kitchen, straight to the fridge that held a bottle of wine. Grabbing a glass, she started pouring the wine before the bottle was snatched away from her hand. Looking up, she saw that Emily had taken it.
"What the hell are you doing?"
The brunette could see the anger etched on her wife's face, but she didn't care. The drinking had to stop, for Henry's sake.
"I think you've had enough, don't you?"
"Who the hell do you think you are?"
JJ shouted, and Emily almost recoiled from the tone in the blonde's voice but she stood her ground. Somebody had to tell her, and if she was the person to do that then so be it.
"I'M YOUR WIFE, DAMNIT!"
The brunette shouted back, and JJ stood there in shock. Who the hell was she to call herself her wife? How the hell could she call her her wife after she had left them?
"No, you're not. You stopped being my wife the day you decided to die. You have no right to take the wine away from me."
The media liaison said as calmly as she could, not wanting to get in to an argument with Emily. If she did, it would show that she cared, and even though she did, she didn't want the brunette to know that. She might think there was a chance of them getting back together.
"Yes I do, Henry needs his Mommy to be sober!"
"How the hell can you claim to know what Henry wants? Yesterday was the first time you've seen him in months!"
Emily ran her hand through her hair; this really wasn't how she wanted this to go down. But JJ seemed to be looking for a fight, and if she wanted one, she was going to get one.
"Because I've heard about everything you've been doing! Did you even know how unhappy he's been? Or were you too busy screwing a different woman every week?"
JJ recoiled, taking a step back. Emily was breathing heavily from how angry she felt. She wasn't going to bring any of this up, but she couldn't stop herself. The blonde took a moment to compose herself before replying.
"You do not get to judge me. You're the one that left, remember?"
"Don't you think I know that! I've regretted it every day since. I thought about you every single day, wondering how you were doing, and if Henry was okay. And now I come back, and find out you've been fucking every woman on the planet! How was it for you? Were they good fucks? Did it make you forget about me? Tell me, how long did you leave it after I died before you went out looking for sex exactly? You're just a WHORE!"
"NO! NOTHING EVER MADE ME FORGET ABOUT YOU!"
And with that, JJ rushed forward, pushing Emily back against the fridge as she crashed her lips against hers. They fought for dominance, their tongues battling against one another. Everything was in the kiss, the hurt they both felt, the feeling of loss and the love they still held for one another. JJ reached for Emily's hands, holding them above the brunette's head. The blonde thrust her hips in to her wife, as the passion overcame them.
As oxygen became an issue, JJ pulled back to look at Emily. The brunette's lips were swollen, and as clarity overcame her, the blonde released her wife's arms. Stepping back, there was nothing for silence except the heavy breathing coming from both of them.
"Get out."
JJ whispered, so quietly that Emily struggled to hear it. She went to approach her, but the blonde stepped back.
"Jennifer..."
"I said get out, please."
Emily nodded, walking out to the lounge as she grabbed her coat from the chair. JJ stood where the brunette had left her in the kitchen. Emily glanced back at the kitchen as the tears flowed again, before walking out of the place she once called home. Inside, JJ let the emotion overcome her as she slid down the fridge on to the floor, her body racked with sobs.
Author: Maggsie! (me)
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Emily/JJ
Rating: 15
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own any of the characters
AN: Thank you for all your amazing feedback!
AN2: I want to thank Darkbard0 being a kick ass beta and being my inspiration.
Summary: It's been 14 months and the unbreakable Jennifer Jareau is hellbent on self-destruction. Who will catch her when she falls?
X X X
JJ walked in to the BAU bullpen, rage seething inside her. She couldn't believe that Hotch had known all along about Emily being alive. How could he have kept something that important from her? How had he lied to her for the last 14 months while she had been breaking down? Storming through, she didn't even notice Reid and Morgan sitting at their desks doing paperwork.
"Morning JJ."
The lanky profiler said, but the media liaison just walked straight past. Stomping up the stairs, she stopped for a second just in front of her boss's door, taking a minute to think about what she was about to say. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and slammed it right behind her. Not giving him a chance to say anything, she started to let rip.
"You lying bastard!"
JJ seethed, and at hearing that, Hotch stood up behind his desk before walking around to the front of it, ready to face the raging agent.
"You've been lying to me this entire time; how the hell could you do this to me?"
Without even thinking about it, the blonde raised her hand, slapping her unit chief across the cheek. Putting a hand to his face, Hotch turned to his agent and he could see the fire in her eyes. He was shocked to say the least; he had never had an agent raise their hands to him. But he knew that for JJ to have a go, it was going to be something big. Removing his hand, he sat down on the edge of his desk, ready to face the angry media liaison.
"What's going on JJ?"
"You mean the fact that Emily is alive and you didn't tell me Hotch!"
After the unit chief had called the brunette yesterday after JJ had been sent home, he knew that Emily was worried but he didn't realise that she was going to blow her cover because of it. Well he assumed she had, as JJ now knew she was alive. As he watched the blonde pacing, a frown crossed his forehead.
"She's come back?"
JJ turned to face him. If looks could kill, he had no doubt that he would be dead by now.
"Yeah, last night. I came home and a little while later she appeared in the living room. I wasn't entirely sober, but then this morning I saw her lying in Henry's bed!"
"I had no idea that she was going to come back."
And he didn't, he really didn't think that Emily was going to come out of the programme. She was putting herself in danger because of what he had told her. Hotch could feel the guilt rising up inside him, what if he had put her life in jeopardy? Not only hers but what if he had put JJ's and Henry's life in danger too, because he couldn't stop himself from telling Emily what had been going on? He wasn't even supposed to be allowed contact with the brunette, but the programme had allowed it, and for that he was thankful because at least he was able to tell Emily that her wife and son were safe and that she didn't have to worry.
"What did you expect her to do when you told her everything that I've been doing? How could you betray me like that? You're just as bad as she is! You've been looking after me, coming round to make sure I was okay, having Jack and Henry spend time together round your house! Why did you do it?"
JJ screamed, the pacing starting again as she ran a hand through her hair. In a way he knew why he had done it, he had felt guilty for being the person that was lying to her, so he had tried to make it as easy as possible for her. It had been hard not to tell her when he saw how upset JJ was, but he pushed through for Emily's sake.
"She asked me to, she was doing it to keep you safe! If I was in the same position I would do everything in my power to keep my family safe."
"Why? You didn't bother when Haley was alive."
JJ sneered, stopping once more. That was like a sucker punch to the gut. For a minute the two of them just looked at each other, Hotch not really knowing what to say to the blonde agent. And it wasn't as if it wasn't true, he wasn't able to keep Haley safe, and that was going to haunt him for the rest of his life. It haunted him every time he looked at his son, and every time he closed his eyes. That's why he respected Emily's decision. She was doing everything in her power to keep the pair of them safe.
"Okay, that's enough JJ. You might be mad at me, but I'm still your boss. You can't talk to me like that."
Hotch put back on his game face, not wanting to show JJ how much that comment had hurt him. Because it did hurt him, and it was the most painful thing that he had ever heard come out of the media liaison's mouth.
"Like I give a shit right now! You betrayed me! EMILY IS ALIVE!"
"Don't you think I know that? Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep it from you? How hard it was when you started to spiral out of control? I only told her now after I thought it had gone too far. She's putting herself in jeopardy just by being back. Did you think about that?"
JJ hadn't even considered that. She hadn't considered the implications of Emily coming back home. Could she really still be in that much danger? Were these guys still after her? There was no denying that Emily still loved her, and if JJ was honest with herself, she still loved Emily too. And for that reason she never wanted to see the other woman hurt.
"No, but that doesn't change anything, you still betrayed me Hotch. How could you do it?"
"Because she honestly thought she was doing the right thing for her family. If she'd of asked you to go with her, would you have?"
"Yeah, of course I would."
The blonde had been thinking about the very same question since Emily had asked it just under an hour before. And it was the honest answer, because she would have followed her wife to the end of the world and back if it meant she could still have been with her.
"Would you really? It would have meant getting a new job, new name, a new school for Henry, new friends, would you have given up everything?"
There was no denying the upheaval it would have caused to their life, and JJ knew that Emily would have thought long and hard about it. She wasn't an impulsive person; she needed time to make any sort of decision. And that reason must have been a huge reason why she made the decision she did.
"Yes, because at least I still would have had Emily!"
When the brunette had 'died', JJ felt like her heart had been ripped out of her. She had thought about ending her life on more than one occasion, and the only thing that had stopped her from doing so had been Henry.
"She's back now, you can still have her."
JJ shook her head solemnly. She couldn't see any way back for them to be together again. The trust that had once been there had been completely destroyed. How could you be in a relationship with someone if you didn't trust them? The feelings were there, they always would be, but sometimes that wasn't enough.
"No I can't, too much has happened; I can't just forgive her like that. I wouldn't be able to trust her again. It's the same for you, how am I supposed to trust you again? Not just as a friend but as a boss too? You kept the biggest secret from me about the most important person in my life bar Henry. How am I supposed to keep working with you, trusting you in the field? Because right now, I don't see any way that I can."
"I can understand that, I can, and I don't expect you to trust me again right away. That's something I will have to try and build back up."
"I'm not sure if I want you to try."
The blonde whispered, and Hotch had to lean forward to hear her properly.
"What?"
"I'm not sure if I want to keep working here."
She had been thinking about it for the last couple of months. She couldn't keep working there while the rest of her life spiralled out of her control. For JJ to be good at her job she needed to get her personal life back in order again and that was going to take time. She was thinking about quitting even before Emily turned up, but now, it made the decision even easier.
"JJ, you're emotional. It's not a good idea to make a decision like this right now in your state."
"I'm not making a rash decision. You're right, I have been spiralling out of control since Emily left, and I don't trust myself in the field. Right now I think I just need to spend time with Henry, and focus on him for a while."
They both knew it was the right thing for her to do. Between working and then the social activities she'd been taking part in weekly, she'd barely been spending any time with Henry, and now she felt extremely guilty. She needed to prove to herself that she was a good Mom, because she knew she was, she had just let her son down since Emily had gone. In that sense, her Mom had been a lifesaver.
"Okay, that's understandable. But JJ, I don't think you should quit completely, because honestly? I think you'd come to regret it. So I'm not going to accept your resignation, but for now I will put you on two months paid leave."
He accepted the decision she had made, and he was telling the truth when he said he did understand it. But there was no way he was going to lose one of his best agents without even trying other alternatives. If after two months she was still wanting to leave, then he would accept it though he wouldn't be happy about it.
"Hotch-"
"JJ, please? I don't want to argue about this, and I think it's the least I could do after everything, don't you? I might have lost you as a friend after this, but I certainly don't want to lose you as an agent too."
"Okay, thank you."
"Can you let Emily know her job is still open when it's safe for her to do so?"
Knowing that she was alive, Hotch hadn't opened up the brunette's job hoping that one day she was going to come back. Filling that void that she had left would have been near impossible for anyone to do, and he knew that none of the team would have appreciated a newcomer coming in so soon after Emily had gone.
"No. You can tell her yourself."
"Okay, I will."
JJ nodded, and walked to the door. As she was stepping out, Hotch's voice stopped her in her tracks.
"And JJ? Take some time to think about why Emily made the decision she did, because she honestly did do it for yours and Henry's safety."
The blonde couldn't stop the tears as they caught in her throat. Looking out the door so Hotch couldn't see her crying, she took a deep breath.
"I don't question that; I just wish she had done it in a way that didn't break both mine and our son's hearts."
"I think you'll find hers was broken too."
x x x
Emily sat on the couch in the place she used to call home waiting for Henry to come back with JJ's Mom. Looking around, she frowned as she noticed all the photo's that used to be in place on the wall's had been taken down. A photo of the two of them on their wedding day had gone, and so had a picture of the three of them at the park. A tear trickled down her cheek, because the hurt she had caused was evident around the house. Bringing her purse out of her pocket she pulled out a small photo of the three of them on one of Henry's birthdays, and ran her thumb over it. She wished she could go back to how it had been before, but deep down Emily knew that there was no chance of that happening.
Hearing the door open, she looked up and smiled when she saw Henry bounding towards her. Opening her arms, she steadied herself as the little boy jumped in to her arms. Wrapping her arms around him, Emily looked over his head to give Alison a faint smile and she was rewarded with one in return.
"Guess what Mom? Grams took me to the park!"
Henry squealed, pulling back to look at Emily. A wide smile spread across her face as she leaned forward and placed a small kiss on his forehead.
"Yeah? And did you have fun buddy?"
Nodding his head vigorously, Henry jumped off his Mom's lap and ran in to his bedroom. Emily watched him the whole way until the little boy disappeared out of sight and she turned back to her mother in law.
"The whole time we were there, the only thing he talked about was you and how much he's missed you."
Alison stated, walking to the couch and taking a seat next to Emily. She wasn't surprised when she walked in with her grandson and found the brunette waiting for them. The older woman would have been a little disappointed if she hadn't been there.
"It goes both ways, I've missed him so much."
Emily replied, almost in a whisper. Looking down at her hands, she swallowed as she tried to keep all the emotions that were inside her kept at bay.
"I haven't seen him this happy since you left."
The older woman said, and she watched as Emily's head shot up to look at her. Alison could see all the emotions that Emily was feeling just by looking in her eyes.
"How do you mean?"
The brunette asked, and Alison now regretted saying it. What she was going to say was no doubt going to hurt her daughter in law. And as much as she loved her daughter and wanted to be mad at Emily for hurting her, she still adored the mother of her grandson.
"While you've been gone, Henry hasn't been himself, and today for the first time in months, I've seen him smile and have a good time. JJ hasn't been herself lately, don't get me wrong she's been a fantastic mother given the circumstances, but kids pick up on these things. He's been asking me what's wrong with Mommy, and whether it was because of him. JJ has told him hundreds of times that she loves him, but he still knows she's been sad. And as much as she wanted to be, she hasn't been able to spend all the time she wants with him, because she's trying to juggle work and being a full time Mom at the same time. It's been hard work for her."
Emily just sat and listened to what Alison was saying, but she couldn't help the tear that ran down her cheek when she heard how sad Henry had been.
"You said before that she's been drinking?"
The brunette asked softly, wanting to know the facts but not wanting her mother in law to go on the defensive. Before she answered Alison reached across and stroked the tear away off of Emily's face. Pulling her hand back, she looked intently in to the brunette's eyes.
"She has been yeah, most nights it's just one or a couple at the most because she has work the next day or something. But sometimes she just takes it too far, and I've lost count on the number of times she's come home intoxicated, and not always alone."
At this Emily winced, and Alison reached across and squeezed her hand gently.
"I'm not saying this to try and hurt you, but you need to know what's been going on. All she's had since you've been gone is one night stands, there's been nothing significant. I don't know why she's been doing it, I just think that she missed the connection that she had with you, and she wanted to try and find it again even if it was just for one night. I just don't think it's worked."
"How many has there been?"
The older woman looked Emily straight in the eye, wondering if she should tell her the true amount. Knowing it was going to hurt the brunette, Alison took a deep breath.
"For the first couple of months there wasn't any, and she just spent all her time with Henry. Then there was maybe one a month or something like that, until now and it's become more like one a week. I've always been careful though that Henry doesn't see any of these women coming in to the house."
Seeing the tears drip down Emily's cheeks, Alison scooted closer to her, taking both her hands in her own.
"I don't know why you left, and for now I don't want to know, I'm just glad you're back. But you need to know this, JJ is a broken woman and I think you're the only one who can fix her. It's going to take a lot of time and patience because I've only seen her this bad once before and that was when her sister died, but I think you can do it."
The tears were not falling freely from the brunette's eyes, and Emily pulled her hands away and put her head in them. She couldn't believe the hurt that JJ had been through, she had broken the woman she loved. Emily didn't know whether she was ever going to be able to forgive herself, let alone JJ forgiving her.
As she sobbed, she felt Alison get up from the couch and walk away. Her body shook, and she struggled to get her breathing under control. The sobbing only stopped when she heard the opening of the front door for a second time. Taking a deep breath, she looked up to see JJ looking at her, and Emily could tell straight away that she had been drinking. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was a mess. This wasn't the woman she had left behind, this was another person. Standing up she came face to face with her wife.
"What are you doing here?"
JJ slurred, and Emily reached out a hand as she saw the blonde sway side to side. But the media liaison quickly backed away from the touch and Emily brought her hand back to her side.
"I stayed to see Henry, he's in his room playing, and I've just been talking to your Mom for a little bit. How much have you had to drink?"
The brunette asked and JJ let out a loud sigh before leaning back against the front door. She looked Emily up and down and noted how good she still looked. A little skinnier than what she remembered, but she had dark jeans on with a red top and they enunciated the curves that she did have. Damn it, now she was horny. Why hadn't she picked up anyone from the bar?
"Not enough."
JJ sneered, walking past Emily and in to the kitchen, straight to the fridge that held a bottle of wine. Grabbing a glass, she started pouring the wine before the bottle was snatched away from her hand. Looking up, she saw that Emily had taken it.
"What the hell are you doing?"
The brunette could see the anger etched on her wife's face, but she didn't care. The drinking had to stop, for Henry's sake.
"I think you've had enough, don't you?"
"Who the hell do you think you are?"
JJ shouted, and Emily almost recoiled from the tone in the blonde's voice but she stood her ground. Somebody had to tell her, and if she was the person to do that then so be it.
"I'M YOUR WIFE, DAMNIT!"
The brunette shouted back, and JJ stood there in shock. Who the hell was she to call herself her wife? How the hell could she call her her wife after she had left them?
"No, you're not. You stopped being my wife the day you decided to die. You have no right to take the wine away from me."
The media liaison said as calmly as she could, not wanting to get in to an argument with Emily. If she did, it would show that she cared, and even though she did, she didn't want the brunette to know that. She might think there was a chance of them getting back together.
"Yes I do, Henry needs his Mommy to be sober!"
"How the hell can you claim to know what Henry wants? Yesterday was the first time you've seen him in months!"
Emily ran her hand through her hair; this really wasn't how she wanted this to go down. But JJ seemed to be looking for a fight, and if she wanted one, she was going to get one.
"Because I've heard about everything you've been doing! Did you even know how unhappy he's been? Or were you too busy screwing a different woman every week?"
JJ recoiled, taking a step back. Emily was breathing heavily from how angry she felt. She wasn't going to bring any of this up, but she couldn't stop herself. The blonde took a moment to compose herself before replying.
"You do not get to judge me. You're the one that left, remember?"
"Don't you think I know that! I've regretted it every day since. I thought about you every single day, wondering how you were doing, and if Henry was okay. And now I come back, and find out you've been fucking every woman on the planet! How was it for you? Were they good fucks? Did it make you forget about me? Tell me, how long did you leave it after I died before you went out looking for sex exactly? You're just a WHORE!"
"NO! NOTHING EVER MADE ME FORGET ABOUT YOU!"
And with that, JJ rushed forward, pushing Emily back against the fridge as she crashed her lips against hers. They fought for dominance, their tongues battling against one another. Everything was in the kiss, the hurt they both felt, the feeling of loss and the love they still held for one another. JJ reached for Emily's hands, holding them above the brunette's head. The blonde thrust her hips in to her wife, as the passion overcame them.
As oxygen became an issue, JJ pulled back to look at Emily. The brunette's lips were swollen, and as clarity overcame her, the blonde released her wife's arms. Stepping back, there was nothing for silence except the heavy breathing coming from both of them.
"Get out."
JJ whispered, so quietly that Emily struggled to hear it. She went to approach her, but the blonde stepped back.
"Jennifer..."
"I said get out, please."
Emily nodded, walking out to the lounge as she grabbed her coat from the chair. JJ stood where the brunette had left her in the kitchen. Emily glanced back at the kitchen as the tears flowed again, before walking out of the place she once called home. Inside, JJ let the emotion overcome her as she slid down the fridge on to the floor, her body racked with sobs.