I HATE THE WAY I REACT
I really hate the way I have reacted to certain situations this past weekend. I let things fester in my mind then I usually take is over the top or too sensitively, I want it to stop.
First, on Friday night I log onto the computer and notice "Terry Mahony" on the history as Rosie sorts it out. So What? It really shouldn't bother me, all she did was look at one of his pictures. Thats it. Nothing. But Oh No, I'm not able to rationalise things at the time! Instead I got all inverted again and we ended up having another conversation about him and subsequently Rosie thought I was jealous of an Ice-Cream man at the cinema she was talking to. ARGH!
I thought things were sorted when she deleted him from her phone, etc. I felt ... dunno how to explain but I felt like something was lifted from me. I'm not sure if Rosie realises how much the Terry thing actually hurt me. I was pretty devastated... even if it was 'sorted' out in only a day, I was heart broken! I hate him for what he said to Rosie knowing that she was in a relationship with me and when I hear Rosie say stuff like "I don't wanna be harsh on him" it does piss me off. Were they thinking how harsh it was on me when they went way beyond flirting and suggested fucking eachother? Fuck did they! But lets save his feelings on a fucking friend request!
I want Rosie to be friends with whoever she wants and I really dont want to feel this way everytime I hear his name, or see that she has looked at his website, I don't want him to have this effect on me, but im not just not ready to deal with them being friends... not yet anyway. The whole thing only happened about 6 months ago but he keeps popping up now and again, like when Rosie arranged to meet up with him for a drink, and it hasn't given me any time to forget about it, to get over it.
I also hate the way I reacted over people thinking I was flirting with my friend at a meal. Fuck off. Ive never flirted with anyone in my life, let alone would I flirt with anyone under Rosie's nose (who was sat next to me). I know it shouldn't bother me what people thought, but it was mainly annoyed because I waited so long to be able to go with a large group of MY friends and not just be Rosie's plus one and when I finally got the chance people made me feel uncomfortable so I went home early. Although noone said anything to me at the time, I came back from the toilet and everyone was acting different towards me. So I went home cause I couldn't figure out what I had done. My job isn't like Rosie's, she has some social event going on every week, this was probably the only time my work will be going out collectively for ages, so thank you to everyone who fucked it up for me! Back to being the plus one.
I wish I could be rational at the time of these things happening, but it usually takes me a while to put things in prospective, Im gunna work on it big time though!
First, on Friday night I log onto the computer and notice "Terry Mahony" on the history as Rosie sorts it out. So What? It really shouldn't bother me, all she did was look at one of his pictures. Thats it. Nothing. But Oh No, I'm not able to rationalise things at the time! Instead I got all inverted again and we ended up having another conversation about him and subsequently Rosie thought I was jealous of an Ice-Cream man at the cinema she was talking to. ARGH!
I thought things were sorted when she deleted him from her phone, etc. I felt ... dunno how to explain but I felt like something was lifted from me. I'm not sure if Rosie realises how much the Terry thing actually hurt me. I was pretty devastated... even if it was 'sorted' out in only a day, I was heart broken! I hate him for what he said to Rosie knowing that she was in a relationship with me and when I hear Rosie say stuff like "I don't wanna be harsh on him" it does piss me off. Were they thinking how harsh it was on me when they went way beyond flirting and suggested fucking eachother? Fuck did they! But lets save his feelings on a fucking friend request!
I want Rosie to be friends with whoever she wants and I really dont want to feel this way everytime I hear his name, or see that she has looked at his website, I don't want him to have this effect on me, but im not just not ready to deal with them being friends... not yet anyway. The whole thing only happened about 6 months ago but he keeps popping up now and again, like when Rosie arranged to meet up with him for a drink, and it hasn't given me any time to forget about it, to get over it.
I also hate the way I reacted over people thinking I was flirting with my friend at a meal. Fuck off. Ive never flirted with anyone in my life, let alone would I flirt with anyone under Rosie's nose (who was sat next to me). I know it shouldn't bother me what people thought, but it was mainly annoyed because I waited so long to be able to go with a large group of MY friends and not just be Rosie's plus one and when I finally got the chance people made me feel uncomfortable so I went home early. Although noone said anything to me at the time, I came back from the toilet and everyone was acting different towards me. So I went home cause I couldn't figure out what I had done. My job isn't like Rosie's, she has some social event going on every week, this was probably the only time my work will be going out collectively for ages, so thank you to everyone who fucked it up for me! Back to being the plus one.
I wish I could be rational at the time of these things happening, but it usually takes me a while to put things in prospective, Im gunna work on it big time though!