I live!
I do need to update more often, if anything for my own therapeutic reasons. Though not for bad reasons, I'm enjoying life as much as I can right now. Still not thrilled having to continue sharing a bed with my mother, or living in middle of bumfucknowhere. My issue is that I need money to move closer, but I don't have money because I don't live closer. It's a vicious circle and one that frustrates me to no end. It's doing a number on me, on my car, and just... dragging life down from where it should be.
What it all boils down to is money. My tax refund helped, but half of it went to bills, the other to my car for new tires that happened last week, and an alignment that's happening tomorrow. I thank my blessed stars that I have Jason, I sometimes fear what I would have paid for the new tires had it not been for him and the shop he works for.
I'm still waiting on any news of my father's estate, and whether I'm actually getting anything or not. It would be amazing if I could get just enough to get me the fuck out of here and into a place with Jay, preferably a house. I'm just tired of not having a place to actually call my home, and wanting to share it with Jason. I hate being forced to share things, and this is what my current situation means.. Me being forced to share a room and bed with my mother. And it makes my skin crawl because I have no place to retreat here. Nothing is private and I absolutely hate that. I'm a very secluded creature, preferring a quiet environment.
So I'm hoping with that estate money [if there even is anything], and my state refund, perhaps I'd have enough to work with the bank to get them to approve me for a home loan. But even then. I honestly don't know. Once again, it's a fucking vicious circle in that I need to live closer to save money, but I need to save money in order to live closer. And this fucking area and it's high cost of living is just ridiculous. I think that's what makes me miss MN so damn much, other than the fact that there's nothing you can do unless you drive out of your way for it [meanwhile in MN I would just walk down to the mall, or to target, or the library].
But I will say this, something that I often thought would be impossible, Jay has given me a great reason to settle down here in CT, with all of its flaws and stupid ways of life... He's actually made CT so much more tolerable than I ever thought it'd be. Hell, I loathed the idea of moving back whenever Andrea would bring it up, simply because I hated this place so much. But I hate CT a little less than I hate RI.. So much so, that I've slipped many a time and said that I still live in CT. But in the end, everything boils down to money... And the vicious circles it always creates.
What it all boils down to is money. My tax refund helped, but half of it went to bills, the other to my car for new tires that happened last week, and an alignment that's happening tomorrow. I thank my blessed stars that I have Jason, I sometimes fear what I would have paid for the new tires had it not been for him and the shop he works for.
I'm still waiting on any news of my father's estate, and whether I'm actually getting anything or not. It would be amazing if I could get just enough to get me the fuck out of here and into a place with Jay, preferably a house. I'm just tired of not having a place to actually call my home, and wanting to share it with Jason. I hate being forced to share things, and this is what my current situation means.. Me being forced to share a room and bed with my mother. And it makes my skin crawl because I have no place to retreat here. Nothing is private and I absolutely hate that. I'm a very secluded creature, preferring a quiet environment.
So I'm hoping with that estate money [if there even is anything], and my state refund, perhaps I'd have enough to work with the bank to get them to approve me for a home loan. But even then. I honestly don't know. Once again, it's a fucking vicious circle in that I need to live closer to save money, but I need to save money in order to live closer. And this fucking area and it's high cost of living is just ridiculous. I think that's what makes me miss MN so damn much, other than the fact that there's nothing you can do unless you drive out of your way for it [meanwhile in MN I would just walk down to the mall, or to target, or the library].
But I will say this, something that I often thought would be impossible, Jay has given me a great reason to settle down here in CT, with all of its flaws and stupid ways of life... He's actually made CT so much more tolerable than I ever thought it'd be. Hell, I loathed the idea of moving back whenever Andrea would bring it up, simply because I hated this place so much. But I hate CT a little less than I hate RI.. So much so, that I've slipped many a time and said that I still live in CT. But in the end, everything boils down to money... And the vicious circles it always creates.