(no subject)
Ok.
So here I go.
Earlier, I told myself I wasn't going to post about anything related to Nick until after the funeral tomorrow, but honestly I can't help it. Tonight was so amazing that waiting isn't really an option anymore. I can feel my heart wanting to talk about about him.
It isn't brain science to know these past two weeks have been filled with shock, then to worry, to hope, to loss, to grief for not only me but everyone that knew Nick. I can do well with hiding any emotion I'm feeling...but not when it comes to my friends being hurt in any way or form. Never, did I expect to go see so many funerals this year. Never. People that I just saw, just held, just spoke to, suddenly gone. Leaving you with just tons and tons of memories that you cannot continue to collect.Just rewind and replay. I think my body and pride finally said: "I don't give a shit, just cry already". So I have been, all week. But not until tonight did I feel any relief from tears
I held it together pretty well until it was time for the visitation. I stood in line with everyone else. When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE; I was in awe of how many people were there to support Nick's family. Kids and parents I knew from when I went to grade school with him, and of course all my classmates from St. Benedict and their families. I hugged so many people and made sure to hold on to them for awhile before I let go. It might be the last hug I give them. Although I saw Nick everyday at school, it had been 8th grade when I last saw his parents. They look how I remember them, it was so incredibly comforting. So being the tough girl that I am, immediately starting crying when it was my turn to speak with them. His dad looked at me and said "I can't recall your name, but you've been with Nick since St. Anns, right?". I replied that I had, and preceded to share my condolenses with him.
but it was the moment with Nick's mom that I'll never forget.
"Gina!"
*grabs me and pulls me into the most incredible hug I've gotten from anyone*
"I can't believe you two remember me...its been so long"
"How could we ever forget you, Nick really loved you, you know?"
"I know, I miss him so much too, so much, I'm so sorry"
"Thank you for being here, Gina. It means alot to us, and Nick"
Then I shook and cried on her shoulder for several more minutes, before realizing theres a huge line of people waiting to do the same thing.
Jeffrey, Nick's little brother is almost a splitting image of him. I couldn't stop staring at him. His face, his laugh, his smile; everything reminded me of Nick and I'm positive tons of people told him this tonight. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to talk with him-he was in conversation with a few people and I didn't feel inclined to interupt them. Its nice to know that Nick's image lives on with his siblings-looking at them and the pictures that were outside in the entrance made me smile.
I finally feel a little bit more at peace now. One day I'll see that boy again, and I can't wait. His presense was all over that church. It will be the same tomorrow.
I'm not afraid to die. To see the people I've loved and lost. If the chance comes, I'm not afraid to give my life for a friend. Pain is only temporary and it never lasts.
Monsignor (the priest) said something that caught my ear during the prayer service.
"Death took Nick from us. But God took Nick from Death"
Wow. Something more to think about, huh?
Right now I'm listening to a song that I don't know the name of. I call it Wolfwood's song. Why? It plays in the background of an anime called Trigun when one of the characters, Wolfwood, is about to die. I adore this song, and whenever I feel extremely down I listen to it. It doesn't have any words, except at one point the male singer sings "Hallelujah" a couple of times. Yet, he hums and strums a tune that gives me shivers; like he's comforting and holding me. If anyone wants to hear it I'd be glad to send it to you. It might not have the same impact on you as it does me but I don't expect it too. It has meaning to me. I could listen to it on repeat for the rest of the night and never tire of it.
Oh, and here is what Nick looks like. For all of you on my friend list who don't know Nick. Stacy made this. She is awesome. Stacy, you are my superhero:
Isn't he a gorgeous guy? <3
I love each and everyone of you. Even if I don't see you very often. I do. So do me a favor and don't die this week, ok? I've had a little too much emo-ness to handle. K thx.
Goodnight.
So here I go.
Earlier, I told myself I wasn't going to post about anything related to Nick until after the funeral tomorrow, but honestly I can't help it. Tonight was so amazing that waiting isn't really an option anymore. I can feel my heart wanting to talk about about him.
It isn't brain science to know these past two weeks have been filled with shock, then to worry, to hope, to loss, to grief for not only me but everyone that knew Nick. I can do well with hiding any emotion I'm feeling...but not when it comes to my friends being hurt in any way or form. Never, did I expect to go see so many funerals this year. Never. People that I just saw, just held, just spoke to, suddenly gone. Leaving you with just tons and tons of memories that you cannot continue to collect.Just rewind and replay. I think my body and pride finally said: "I don't give a shit, just cry already". So I have been, all week. But not until tonight did I feel any relief from tears
I held it together pretty well until it was time for the visitation. I stood in line with everyone else. When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE; I was in awe of how many people were there to support Nick's family. Kids and parents I knew from when I went to grade school with him, and of course all my classmates from St. Benedict and their families. I hugged so many people and made sure to hold on to them for awhile before I let go. It might be the last hug I give them. Although I saw Nick everyday at school, it had been 8th grade when I last saw his parents. They look how I remember them, it was so incredibly comforting. So being the tough girl that I am, immediately starting crying when it was my turn to speak with them. His dad looked at me and said "I can't recall your name, but you've been with Nick since St. Anns, right?". I replied that I had, and preceded to share my condolenses with him.
but it was the moment with Nick's mom that I'll never forget.
"Gina!"
*grabs me and pulls me into the most incredible hug I've gotten from anyone*
"I can't believe you two remember me...its been so long"
"How could we ever forget you, Nick really loved you, you know?"
"I know, I miss him so much too, so much, I'm so sorry"
"Thank you for being here, Gina. It means alot to us, and Nick"
Then I shook and cried on her shoulder for several more minutes, before realizing theres a huge line of people waiting to do the same thing.
Jeffrey, Nick's little brother is almost a splitting image of him. I couldn't stop staring at him. His face, his laugh, his smile; everything reminded me of Nick and I'm positive tons of people told him this tonight. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to talk with him-he was in conversation with a few people and I didn't feel inclined to interupt them. Its nice to know that Nick's image lives on with his siblings-looking at them and the pictures that were outside in the entrance made me smile.
I finally feel a little bit more at peace now. One day I'll see that boy again, and I can't wait. His presense was all over that church. It will be the same tomorrow.
I'm not afraid to die. To see the people I've loved and lost. If the chance comes, I'm not afraid to give my life for a friend. Pain is only temporary and it never lasts.
Monsignor (the priest) said something that caught my ear during the prayer service.
"Death took Nick from us. But God took Nick from Death"
Wow. Something more to think about, huh?
Right now I'm listening to a song that I don't know the name of. I call it Wolfwood's song. Why? It plays in the background of an anime called Trigun when one of the characters, Wolfwood, is about to die. I adore this song, and whenever I feel extremely down I listen to it. It doesn't have any words, except at one point the male singer sings "Hallelujah" a couple of times. Yet, he hums and strums a tune that gives me shivers; like he's comforting and holding me. If anyone wants to hear it I'd be glad to send it to you. It might not have the same impact on you as it does me but I don't expect it too. It has meaning to me. I could listen to it on repeat for the rest of the night and never tire of it.
Oh, and here is what Nick looks like. For all of you on my friend list who don't know Nick. Stacy made this. She is awesome. Stacy, you are my superhero:
Isn't he a gorgeous guy? <3
I love each and everyone of you. Even if I don't see you very often. I do. So do me a favor and don't die this week, ok? I've had a little too much emo-ness to handle. K thx.
Goodnight.