Can It Just Stop Now Please?
After all the recent gubbins that the universe deemed fit to throw at me of late I had been hoping that this past week may have been a decidedly quieter affair that might allow to get my brains more settled and in as close as it ever gets to some sort of reasonable order. The universe however sadly seemed to have other plans. First it went about lulling me into some false sense of security with a most remarkably quite time at the shop over Sunday. I thinks it must have been a record for the lowest takings I've ever had over a Sunday, barely managing to scrape together £90 throughout the whole day! Heh, can't imagine what could have been putting the customers off coming out into town over the past few days. Still, I was really rather appreciative of such levels of tranquility and the space allowed me to herd the books around with a pleasing degree of freedom. Such helpful straightforwardness was sadly not to last however as come Monday I woke to find a quietness that was somewhat less appealing. Sometime during the night it seemed we had lost our electricity, thus there had been no radio alarm to rouse me in the morning and I had apparently slept through almost until noon. That was hardly the biggest problem I faced however since just about everything in my little abode is electric from lights and appliances to heating. It's a good thing really that parents right now are just around the corner, having moved out the caravan for these wintry weeks, or else I'm not really sure what I would have done and could well have ended up having to spend a much darker and colder night by myself. As it was, I eventually made my way through the falling snows to listlessly shamble around at the Coliseum for a little while, not that there was anything much to do there with nobody around besides gazing at the electricity company website vainly hoping for some sort of updates on the progress of repair. Electricity remained off by the evening however so I ended up having to spend a somewhat restless night on fold down sofa bed thing at the guest house round the corner where parents be staying. I suppose it could have been worse, but it was hardly the start to the week I had really been hoping for.
The snows fell quite prettily, and I couldn't help but appreciate the efforts of the workmen who were still ferreting about in the hole they had dug in the pavements at half past one in the morning which was the time I managed to get some small amount of sleeps. Come Tuesday however I was yet feeling a decidedly weary and rather discombobulated beast. Apparently Monday had been an even quieter day at the shop with barely £50 being taken on a full day. Tuesday turned out to be somewhat busier as I poked at the till but not by a particularly great degree. Somehow my brains weren't particularly in place to take much security out of the relative quiet, much as has seemed to have been the case for the rest of this tedious week. The disruptions of the start seems to have left me rather more wearied and generally on edge than might usually be the case, mayhap since previous weeks had already rendered me somewhat lacking in energies and more sensitive to stuffs generally. By and large, though nothing much at all noteworthy occurred for the rest of the intervening period I yet found myself dragging some uncomfortable weight about the place, not really having much of a solid connection with my thoughts and feeling generally alienated from any kind of thing the world might suggest to present me with. None of this being particularly helped with the fun prospect that lies in store for me on Monday when, as things have been arranged, I shall have a morning journey over to Scarborough to see the anxiety inspiring fairy job folk before I has to get back to Whitby for the afternoon and an appointment at the jobcentre here. Heh, of course I knows this really shouldn't be anything too dramatic but it has yet felt like some heavy splinter lodged in my head, something I would just rather curl up in a corner and hide from than go about facing. Of late I suppose the world has just seemed to do its very best to go about making me feel like its an unpleasant thing and, I suspects, writing ever more deeply into my brains the concept that avoiding these troublesome and difficult activities is really the much more rewarding path than actually going out and egaging with the world, properly overcoming these trials and actually doing things. It's entirely the wrong way round of course, but it's the unavoidable message that my brains keep shouting at me and I can't easily ignore these feelings that come from the core of my own self, and it further depresses me that I continue to respond in such a manner to events regardless of what I may rationally know is the mores sensible path to take.
Ho-hum, but what is a little puppy really to do about such things? Hm, I can't change the ways of the world obviously, but it seems as yet I can't really do very much to stop my nerves responding in unhelpful manner to these things. I may keep tryings to counter the unpleasant feelings and unhelpful thoughts they inspire with more positive thoughts of my own but for the main it just seems like I has to keep on enduring them. If that is how life is going to continue to feel though it really isn't going to be giving me much in the way of a sense of reward to provides me with the motivation I requires to make the real efforts to I need to make to do the things I needs to do. The more it continues to be a struggle the harder it gets to convince myself that livings is actually worth the excessive amount of effort I seem to require to get myself to go about living it. Nor does it particularly do much for my self-esteems or belief that I can make any real difference when it comes down it either. Puppy spirits are, I fear, somewhat waning at the moment. Having said that, this weekend has, thus far, not proved too unkindly. I got a fair bit more book herding done this Friday, although that was following the nonsensical orders that have come from regional management that all books can only be on the shelves for a period of two weeks. Thus, though I did get a whole bunch of tomes off the shelves and some shiny new volumes in their place, I left my shelves on Friday evening looking decidedly more bare than I would have liked to have left them in preparation for a weekend. It remains to be seen quite what sort of sales we now get with this new policy. This week has seen record breaking low sales indeed but that picture is of course complicated by the addition of the weather. The little graph I have been keeping last week registered its figure in three years for book sales but it had been running below the previous years figures before now and it remains to be seen quite how well they may recover now that the snows seem to be dissipating. I can't say I'm particularly hopeful, and at the moment it probably bothers me rather more than it should. All this works for a completely counterproductive result seems all too analagous with life in general, heh, or mayhap the economic policies of austerity of our much beloved coalition government? Heh, either ways, although getting some stuff done on Friday was somewhat heartening, the end result didn't particularly lead me to feeling any better about myself or the world. Speaking of government though, we are apparently having a grand visit from the overall second in command or somesuch of the whole retail division of the charity at the end of February! Heh, so that's bound to be fun.
Oh well, I thinks I'm going to keep this rather melancholic entry somewhat short since I don't want to burden all you good folks with too much of my downcast disappointments. Besides my brains aren't really much in order for insightful insights and too many lengthy sentences at present. Hopefully though having got some bit more written down may at least make me feel, if not better about things, that I at least has a bit more of a handle on proceedings. I shall leave you then with some kind of effort to look on the bright side since now it would seem we have seen the last of the snows for a little while, the sun is actually shining and having briefly padded about the town, the outside world actually looks somewhat pretty. Hm, I can't say that the pretty really touches me a great deal at the moment since thoughts of Monday yet sit like some grumpy vulture pecking at my deadened brains but mayhap if I can survive that ordeal it bodes well that perhaps there are brighter times ahead. This month will indeed be done soon and as meaningless to the univerese as these human created landmarks in time might be, hopefully things can pick up in the next month. Having just watched the weather forecast though, now that the snows are passed and we have slightly warmer air over the country, there's playful band of rains due to trundle over the country for the start of next week. Heh, in a different mood I might quite enjoy the rains but as it is I'm looking forward to an unpleasantly soggy, and not a little unnecessarily scary, trip to Scarborough and back again come Monday whilst in the meantime I try to avoid thinking such thoughts as how much more appealing it would be to have some sort of accident or physical injury that would prevent me from having to do these stupid things. Instead I shall endeavour to try and think about what may possibly come after Monday, the sense of relief of having got that thing done and the knowledge of feeling relatively secure that I won't have to do it again for a little while at least. Some brighter times ahead, but there's a whole bunch of rain clouds to pass over before we gets there. Oh well, I shall tries to keep looking beyond the dark horizon as best I may and hope for lighter skies beyond. In the meanwhile, today the sun shines and I am due to be fed by parents once more. I was there yesterday evening too where naturally the man, after a long afternoon enjoying the convivial society of his friends around the local hostelries, got all grumpy and scarily argumentative which made for a most excruciatingly uncomfortable time given the excessively sensitive state I guess I was already in. Well hopefully this time around will be easier, much as I hope things ahead may improve too. Wish me luck anyways, and in the meantime I hopes the world is being more kindly to all you good folks out there. Heh, for all our sakes I hope I shall has a slightly more perky and entertaining entry to share with you all next time around! In the meantime though, I leaves you with the best wishes I can and will sees what sort of sting in the tail this unhelpful month may yet have in store. Be seeings you.
The snows fell quite prettily, and I couldn't help but appreciate the efforts of the workmen who were still ferreting about in the hole they had dug in the pavements at half past one in the morning which was the time I managed to get some small amount of sleeps. Come Tuesday however I was yet feeling a decidedly weary and rather discombobulated beast. Apparently Monday had been an even quieter day at the shop with barely £50 being taken on a full day. Tuesday turned out to be somewhat busier as I poked at the till but not by a particularly great degree. Somehow my brains weren't particularly in place to take much security out of the relative quiet, much as has seemed to have been the case for the rest of this tedious week. The disruptions of the start seems to have left me rather more wearied and generally on edge than might usually be the case, mayhap since previous weeks had already rendered me somewhat lacking in energies and more sensitive to stuffs generally. By and large, though nothing much at all noteworthy occurred for the rest of the intervening period I yet found myself dragging some uncomfortable weight about the place, not really having much of a solid connection with my thoughts and feeling generally alienated from any kind of thing the world might suggest to present me with. None of this being particularly helped with the fun prospect that lies in store for me on Monday when, as things have been arranged, I shall have a morning journey over to Scarborough to see the anxiety inspiring fairy job folk before I has to get back to Whitby for the afternoon and an appointment at the jobcentre here. Heh, of course I knows this really shouldn't be anything too dramatic but it has yet felt like some heavy splinter lodged in my head, something I would just rather curl up in a corner and hide from than go about facing. Of late I suppose the world has just seemed to do its very best to go about making me feel like its an unpleasant thing and, I suspects, writing ever more deeply into my brains the concept that avoiding these troublesome and difficult activities is really the much more rewarding path than actually going out and egaging with the world, properly overcoming these trials and actually doing things. It's entirely the wrong way round of course, but it's the unavoidable message that my brains keep shouting at me and I can't easily ignore these feelings that come from the core of my own self, and it further depresses me that I continue to respond in such a manner to events regardless of what I may rationally know is the mores sensible path to take.
Ho-hum, but what is a little puppy really to do about such things? Hm, I can't change the ways of the world obviously, but it seems as yet I can't really do very much to stop my nerves responding in unhelpful manner to these things. I may keep tryings to counter the unpleasant feelings and unhelpful thoughts they inspire with more positive thoughts of my own but for the main it just seems like I has to keep on enduring them. If that is how life is going to continue to feel though it really isn't going to be giving me much in the way of a sense of reward to provides me with the motivation I requires to make the real efforts to I need to make to do the things I needs to do. The more it continues to be a struggle the harder it gets to convince myself that livings is actually worth the excessive amount of effort I seem to require to get myself to go about living it. Nor does it particularly do much for my self-esteems or belief that I can make any real difference when it comes down it either. Puppy spirits are, I fear, somewhat waning at the moment. Having said that, this weekend has, thus far, not proved too unkindly. I got a fair bit more book herding done this Friday, although that was following the nonsensical orders that have come from regional management that all books can only be on the shelves for a period of two weeks. Thus, though I did get a whole bunch of tomes off the shelves and some shiny new volumes in their place, I left my shelves on Friday evening looking decidedly more bare than I would have liked to have left them in preparation for a weekend. It remains to be seen quite what sort of sales we now get with this new policy. This week has seen record breaking low sales indeed but that picture is of course complicated by the addition of the weather. The little graph I have been keeping last week registered its figure in three years for book sales but it had been running below the previous years figures before now and it remains to be seen quite how well they may recover now that the snows seem to be dissipating. I can't say I'm particularly hopeful, and at the moment it probably bothers me rather more than it should. All this works for a completely counterproductive result seems all too analagous with life in general, heh, or mayhap the economic policies of austerity of our much beloved coalition government? Heh, either ways, although getting some stuff done on Friday was somewhat heartening, the end result didn't particularly lead me to feeling any better about myself or the world. Speaking of government though, we are apparently having a grand visit from the overall second in command or somesuch of the whole retail division of the charity at the end of February! Heh, so that's bound to be fun.
Oh well, I thinks I'm going to keep this rather melancholic entry somewhat short since I don't want to burden all you good folks with too much of my downcast disappointments. Besides my brains aren't really much in order for insightful insights and too many lengthy sentences at present. Hopefully though having got some bit more written down may at least make me feel, if not better about things, that I at least has a bit more of a handle on proceedings. I shall leave you then with some kind of effort to look on the bright side since now it would seem we have seen the last of the snows for a little while, the sun is actually shining and having briefly padded about the town, the outside world actually looks somewhat pretty. Hm, I can't say that the pretty really touches me a great deal at the moment since thoughts of Monday yet sit like some grumpy vulture pecking at my deadened brains but mayhap if I can survive that ordeal it bodes well that perhaps there are brighter times ahead. This month will indeed be done soon and as meaningless to the univerese as these human created landmarks in time might be, hopefully things can pick up in the next month. Having just watched the weather forecast though, now that the snows are passed and we have slightly warmer air over the country, there's playful band of rains due to trundle over the country for the start of next week. Heh, in a different mood I might quite enjoy the rains but as it is I'm looking forward to an unpleasantly soggy, and not a little unnecessarily scary, trip to Scarborough and back again come Monday whilst in the meantime I try to avoid thinking such thoughts as how much more appealing it would be to have some sort of accident or physical injury that would prevent me from having to do these stupid things. Instead I shall endeavour to try and think about what may possibly come after Monday, the sense of relief of having got that thing done and the knowledge of feeling relatively secure that I won't have to do it again for a little while at least. Some brighter times ahead, but there's a whole bunch of rain clouds to pass over before we gets there. Oh well, I shall tries to keep looking beyond the dark horizon as best I may and hope for lighter skies beyond. In the meanwhile, today the sun shines and I am due to be fed by parents once more. I was there yesterday evening too where naturally the man, after a long afternoon enjoying the convivial society of his friends around the local hostelries, got all grumpy and scarily argumentative which made for a most excruciatingly uncomfortable time given the excessively sensitive state I guess I was already in. Well hopefully this time around will be easier, much as I hope things ahead may improve too. Wish me luck anyways, and in the meantime I hopes the world is being more kindly to all you good folks out there. Heh, for all our sakes I hope I shall has a slightly more perky and entertaining entry to share with you all next time around! In the meantime though, I leaves you with the best wishes I can and will sees what sort of sting in the tail this unhelpful month may yet have in store. Be seeings you.