And once again, I am procrastinating on finishing my essay. I really don't want to work on it. But I guess I have to. I have to revise it and hand the revised version tomorrow. *Sigh
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Because I'm too busy. The College requires you to do homework and stuff, and I just can't get it done with all the other homework I have to do. Right now, I'm thinking SCHOOLschool is more important.
Plus...I have a little problem with the hierarchy...I know I've posted about this in my journal before. I'll try to find the post so you can read it...
And I don't feel the Goddess, even in the rituals we do. I feel her in the circles I go to outside the College, but not in the College. It's like we're so focused on doing everything *right* and not pissing off the High Priestess...It's just really getting to me.
Our situations are different, so I'm not going to give you advice. I suggest that you ask the Goddess for guidance, or look inside your heart and see what it tells you (same difference).
It sounds like you've made the right decision, tho, honey.
I just am not sure what to do...I think withdrawing indefinitely is what I want to do, I just don't know how to tell everyone that I am going to. If I did it in class...I don't get very much response from anyone in any situation, really, so if I did it in person, I'm not sure how different it would be from E-mail. Probably not very.
If it makes it less traumatic for you, I will tell them that you're are taking a break. I'm not sure what your issue is with Paula, but my suggestion would be to talk with her. When I first started, she seemed unapproachable to me as well, but she's really not.
Not sure who your mentor is, but if you'd like to talk, feel free to either call or e-mail me. (My cell # is on the e-group)
Will miss you if you leave, but I also understand that you're trying to find what you need in life to be complete. It's definitely not the same for us all.
Sorry I hadn't commented earlier, but my life has been a fluster of activity lately...*grins*
I actually don't really have *problems* with Paula...I just don't know if I agree with her on everything she says, and I know that's going to happen with anybody, but she always says, "That's the way it is, don't argue with me on that." And to me, that makes her very unapproachable...
It's mostly just 'cuz I'm so busy...I haven't been getting enough sleep, I haven't been able to do the College homework because of all the other homework I have to do, I haven't been able to be at class because Sunday morning comes and I'm like, "Crap, my apartment is a mess, I have homework, I need sleep," etc. etc. etc. It's just so overwhelming right now...
I don't know if I want to withdraw *forever.* Just indefinitely...
I guess, I don't really know *what* I'm feeling...And that makes me think that maybe I really should indefinitely take a break, just because I need to be with myself, away from the situation, to really think about it...
Like I said...I don't really feel the Goddess in the College. I don't mean to make that sound insulting or anything at all, it's just how I feel. It is because I'm so hung up on doing things right? So hung up on learning what the Sabbats, for example, are *about?* I just don't know...But when I go to circles that some good friends of mine have outside the College, I really do feel her. And maybe that's because there, I'm just letting it flow and not worrying about anything...
I just don't know...I'm sorry if any of my posts sounded insulting, I don't mean them to be. I'm just confused...
I think the biggest difference with the College rituals are that they are "teaching" rituals and so aren't nearly as intense as they could be. I also do Sabbats and Esbats with some folks away from the College and those are always much more "meaty" so to speak.
I don't think I've ever heard Paula use that particular phrase and would really like to know the topic she was discussing when she said it. Do you remember what it was about?
I argue with her all the time...lol. Won't say that I win her over to my side of the debate everytime, but I've never felt like I couldn't say what I feel.
Don't feel bad, please. You need to do what's right for you to be happy, and if you're leaning strongly towards another group, then maybe that's just where you need to be right now. It's ok....really....*grins*
I hope that you find all that you're searching for and find and feel that connection with the Divine that we all desire.
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Plus...I have a little problem with the hierarchy...I know I've posted about this in my journal before. I'll try to find the post so you can read it...
And I don't feel the Goddess, even in the rituals we do. I feel her in the circles I go to outside the College, but not in the College. It's like we're so focused on doing everything *right* and not pissing off the High Priestess...It's just really getting to me.
I'll try to find those posts.
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It sounds like you've made the right decision, tho, honey.
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Not sure who your mentor is, but if you'd like to talk, feel free to either call or e-mail me. (My cell # is on the e-group)
Will miss you if you leave, but I also understand that you're trying to find what you need in life to be complete. It's definitely not the same for us all.
Sorry I hadn't commented earlier, but my life has been a fluster of activity lately...*grins*
Hugs
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It's mostly just 'cuz I'm so busy...I haven't been getting enough sleep, I haven't been able to do the College homework because of all the other homework I have to do, I haven't been able to be at class because Sunday morning comes and I'm like, "Crap, my apartment is a mess, I have homework, I need sleep," etc. etc. etc. It's just so overwhelming right now...
I don't know if I want to withdraw *forever.* Just indefinitely...
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Like I said...I don't really feel the Goddess in the College. I don't mean to make that sound insulting or anything at all, it's just how I feel. It is because I'm so hung up on doing things right? So hung up on learning what the Sabbats, for example, are *about?* I just don't know...But when I go to circles that some good friends of mine have outside the College, I really do feel her. And maybe that's because there, I'm just letting it flow and not worrying about anything...
I just don't know...I'm sorry if any of my posts sounded insulting, I don't mean them to be. I'm just confused...
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I don't think I've ever heard Paula use that particular phrase and would really like to know the topic she was discussing when she said it. Do you remember what it was about?
I argue with her all the time...lol. Won't say that I win her over to my side of the debate everytime, but I've never felt like I couldn't say what I feel.
Don't feel bad, please. You need to do what's right for you to be happy, and if you're leaning strongly towards another group, then maybe that's just where you need to be right now. It's ok....really....*grins*
I hope that you find all that you're searching for and find and feel that connection with the Divine that we all desire.
Blessings
(Don't be a stranger)
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