We are all DOOMed if movies continue on this route...
Last night... I got the call. James wanted to see Doom. Since I was the only one up, and I was bored... I agreed to, only under one condition: If he would pay for me. He said he would, so... a half an hour later, we were at the theater. Let me start out by saying... I knew the movie was going to blow, but little did I know that this would blow as much as House of the dead. The highlight of the movie-- The Universal Logo- Instead of the Earth being shown... we get Mars. A pretty cool effect, the game (also named "Doom") takes place on mars. Well... the 3rd one anyways, not much of a fan of the 1st two games to be honest. As soon as the Universal logo vanishes from the screen... this is where the movie goes downhill. I kid you not. The first thing you notice is... the sound effects are TOO DAMN LOUD. EVERYONE complained about it once it started. I will assume this is how the movie was, since... that was the case with House of the Dead. From there... it shows a mars facility. The UAC, another connection to the game. Which... the logo that you see later, rips off a sucky internet service's logo. Ok... from there, we see people running in... a dim, hallway. I mean seriously, in the future, there must not be much use for eyes since half of the time nothing is really lit up in these hallways. All the hallways look the same, the grating floor, pipes, vents, ducts... you name it, its there. Just like in the game-ALL THE HALLWAYS ARE THE SAME, thats yet another connection. We really dont get to see any monsters... oh wait, excuse me, demons. Since this is a movie based on Doom, there has to be Hell and demons, otherwise... why say its based on the video game Doom?
So right, we dont see a unseen force take out the... 5 or 6 people. Some doctor runs to a room, closes the doors behind him. Now there is a woman running for the door calling out his name. The doors appear to be steel... or at least metal, not plastic. So... she does what any smart person would do... she sticks her right hand out to stop the doors from closing. You know, like elevator doors right? WRONG!!! The doors close and slice off her hand. From there we get the really un-necessarly LOUD banging noises on the door which comes apart like tinfoil. My complaint... whatever was hitting that door, obivously cant get hurt by hitting a big thick steel door. Que the un-necessarly LOUD scream and metal crunching noises... and... end scene.
They intro the Marines. These badasses with... guns that Id them through their gloves. See, since its the future, the gun handles can tell who is holding the gun, and it says there name. But... yet... everyone is wearing gloves, so... since they are gambit gloves... they must read the finger tips (or... finger prints I should say). But... not everyone puts their finger on the trigger for it to read the prints... hmmm... Oh well. Why should it make sense, this is a movie we gots going here!
This... is where a major problem arises... They fly in a cool looking helicopter to a teleporting place (which... rips off the computer mainframe sequence in Cypher, the whole... elevator coming up out of the ground... which Cypher did a lot better by the way). They are able to go to Mars from Earth in SECONDS!!!!!! Yes... but wait... didnt we just see them travel in a helicopter to the base? Why not save time and teleport to the base too? You could say "but Thomas, the thing is new, and experimental!!! DUH!!"... So... they used something like that, to go to a different planet... but... yet cant find a useful way on Earth to use it? Oh, of course, how dumb am I.
From there the movie continues to go on a downward spiral. This is when a friend of mine (Dudley) pointed out the UAC logo... had the America Online (AOL) logo right in the middle. Look at it and tell me its not. If it was worth it I would get a pic of it, but screw it. Right from there... we get the whole "Sci-fi, on another planet/spaceship with some kind of mutation/monster/demons/ghosts" thing that has been done over and over and over and over again. Been there done that.
This is the beauty of it though... they're not demons. Dispite the constant heaven, hell and demon references the movie makes... there is no hell. There are no demons... and there certainly isnt a god if shit like this can see the light of the day. Oh and get this... one guy is a ... bible/god guy. Or as John would say, "Godboy". He is sneaking around and... does what every trained marine does, and knocks over a barrel. Had this been a movie of Metal Gear Solid, he would've had to run into a locker and wait for the alarm mode go down. But... he just says "Goddamn!". Oh no... he used the Lord's name in vein. So... he does what any devoted "godboy" would do... and... cuts a "X" into his arm. Thats right, when you sin, you have to... cut yourself. I guess... Thou Shall Not Kill is one sin he doesnt keep track of... I mean... you can say that he cuts himself everytime he kills... but... he's still sinning... therefore... why would he take up a job where... he has to kill people??????
Ok... the BFG... the movie spends about... 10 minutes building up to that gun right? The Rock even finds the hand that got cut off from the girl at the beginning of the movie to put on the DNA scanner to get the Bio Force Gun (or... Big Fucking Gun). Ok... here's my prob with that. If he's going to get it this EARLY in the movie... he should use it a lot... WRONG. He only fires it on screen TWICE. And... once offscreen it looks like. I would say more... but there is not evidence on any other shots taken.
Since these arent creatures from hell... then... why call it Doom? Would've been like if they decided not to have zombies in the Resident Evil movie. Just doesnt make sense... why call it Doom, when it CLEARLY ISNT Doom??? Well... this one has "zombies". More like... the "infected" from 28 Days Later... I kid you not again. These "zombies" have more screen time than any other creature... besides the marines. I can understand building up to the sight of a creature... but... when the movie is almost over and you've barely seen anything... whats the point??? The beauty of the infected... it only changes you if you are ... "evil" inside (another "hell" reference the keep making. Well... Evil, you think hell and stuff like that...but its just a word they throw around in this movie. Should've just said "bad people" instead of "evil"). From there... it gets stupid.
This guy right? Because he is a good guy DEEP inside... he doesnt change. This is where ... the movie goes into a "first person mode". Now... I imagine it sounded like a good idea when they were thinking it up. But... they really should've thought it out big time. As soon as people caught on (... me, james, dudley and... the other ... 5 people in the theater) EVERYONE started to laugh. The Rock said in a interview I say the day before the movie came out, said... "its just like the game". Ok... so far... its not. The "zombies" show up a lot... then a Imp... that... runs away for no reason. After this buttfuck... the Rock and ... main really good guy fight it out. This really isnt important since you know the good guy is going to win. and... thats exactly what happens.
The whole... first person mode was like they ran out of ideas... and was like "how can we fill up this 20 minutes towards the end of the movie?" Thats when one of the producer's... or... director's kids walk in and say "why not have someone play the game??" How fucking stupid is that?? Think about it... Imagine if Resident evil, did something like that. Towards the end of the movie the cameras change from "normal" views to fixed views in the corners of rooms?? Then the heros get to a door. they say "Oh no! I dont have the Crest Key, I have to go back through the movie and find it!!"... (if you never played RE... the game has a lot of backtracking...). Or... if the SUper Mario Brother's movie just broke off and had Bob Hoskins shown from the side as he started to hop onto the Gumbas. Did I mention that EVERY SINGLE FUCKING GUN HAS A FLASHLIGHT in the movie. Right down to the BFG (if you dont believe me, check out the Photo gallery to Doom on the Internet Movie Database webside (www.imdb.com). Must be bacause of those dark dark hallways... ashame they didnt have the same flashlight/gun fusing technology in the game... oh well.
So... yea thats it basically. It sucked. As much as House of the Dead I would say. There are more things I could say about this movie... but... I think I said enough. It sucks. I'm just glad I didnt pay for it. EVERYONE (meaning... the 8 people in the theater) walked out upset and/or annoyed at the piece of shit that was seen. If movies continue to do this then... we're in for a suck filled time... and we're DOOMED!!!
So right, we dont see a unseen force take out the... 5 or 6 people. Some doctor runs to a room, closes the doors behind him. Now there is a woman running for the door calling out his name. The doors appear to be steel... or at least metal, not plastic. So... she does what any smart person would do... she sticks her right hand out to stop the doors from closing. You know, like elevator doors right? WRONG!!! The doors close and slice off her hand. From there we get the really un-necessarly LOUD banging noises on the door which comes apart like tinfoil. My complaint... whatever was hitting that door, obivously cant get hurt by hitting a big thick steel door. Que the un-necessarly LOUD scream and metal crunching noises... and... end scene.
They intro the Marines. These badasses with... guns that Id them through their gloves. See, since its the future, the gun handles can tell who is holding the gun, and it says there name. But... yet... everyone is wearing gloves, so... since they are gambit gloves... they must read the finger tips (or... finger prints I should say). But... not everyone puts their finger on the trigger for it to read the prints... hmmm... Oh well. Why should it make sense, this is a movie we gots going here!
This... is where a major problem arises... They fly in a cool looking helicopter to a teleporting place (which... rips off the computer mainframe sequence in Cypher, the whole... elevator coming up out of the ground... which Cypher did a lot better by the way). They are able to go to Mars from Earth in SECONDS!!!!!! Yes... but wait... didnt we just see them travel in a helicopter to the base? Why not save time and teleport to the base too? You could say "but Thomas, the thing is new, and experimental!!! DUH!!"... So... they used something like that, to go to a different planet... but... yet cant find a useful way on Earth to use it? Oh, of course, how dumb am I.
From there the movie continues to go on a downward spiral. This is when a friend of mine (Dudley) pointed out the UAC logo... had the America Online (AOL) logo right in the middle. Look at it and tell me its not. If it was worth it I would get a pic of it, but screw it. Right from there... we get the whole "Sci-fi, on another planet/spaceship with some kind of mutation/monster/demons/ghosts" thing that has been done over and over and over and over again. Been there done that.
This is the beauty of it though... they're not demons. Dispite the constant heaven, hell and demon references the movie makes... there is no hell. There are no demons... and there certainly isnt a god if shit like this can see the light of the day. Oh and get this... one guy is a ... bible/god guy. Or as John would say, "Godboy". He is sneaking around and... does what every trained marine does, and knocks over a barrel. Had this been a movie of Metal Gear Solid, he would've had to run into a locker and wait for the alarm mode go down. But... he just says "Goddamn!". Oh no... he used the Lord's name in vein. So... he does what any devoted "godboy" would do... and... cuts a "X" into his arm. Thats right, when you sin, you have to... cut yourself. I guess... Thou Shall Not Kill is one sin he doesnt keep track of... I mean... you can say that he cuts himself everytime he kills... but... he's still sinning... therefore... why would he take up a job where... he has to kill people??????
Ok... the BFG... the movie spends about... 10 minutes building up to that gun right? The Rock even finds the hand that got cut off from the girl at the beginning of the movie to put on the DNA scanner to get the Bio Force Gun (or... Big Fucking Gun). Ok... here's my prob with that. If he's going to get it this EARLY in the movie... he should use it a lot... WRONG. He only fires it on screen TWICE. And... once offscreen it looks like. I would say more... but there is not evidence on any other shots taken.
Since these arent creatures from hell... then... why call it Doom? Would've been like if they decided not to have zombies in the Resident Evil movie. Just doesnt make sense... why call it Doom, when it CLEARLY ISNT Doom??? Well... this one has "zombies". More like... the "infected" from 28 Days Later... I kid you not again. These "zombies" have more screen time than any other creature... besides the marines. I can understand building up to the sight of a creature... but... when the movie is almost over and you've barely seen anything... whats the point??? The beauty of the infected... it only changes you if you are ... "evil" inside (another "hell" reference the keep making. Well... Evil, you think hell and stuff like that...but its just a word they throw around in this movie. Should've just said "bad people" instead of "evil"). From there... it gets stupid.
This guy right? Because he is a good guy DEEP inside... he doesnt change. This is where ... the movie goes into a "first person mode". Now... I imagine it sounded like a good idea when they were thinking it up. But... they really should've thought it out big time. As soon as people caught on (... me, james, dudley and... the other ... 5 people in the theater) EVERYONE started to laugh. The Rock said in a interview I say the day before the movie came out, said... "its just like the game". Ok... so far... its not. The "zombies" show up a lot... then a Imp... that... runs away for no reason. After this buttfuck... the Rock and ... main really good guy fight it out. This really isnt important since you know the good guy is going to win. and... thats exactly what happens.
The whole... first person mode was like they ran out of ideas... and was like "how can we fill up this 20 minutes towards the end of the movie?" Thats when one of the producer's... or... director's kids walk in and say "why not have someone play the game??" How fucking stupid is that?? Think about it... Imagine if Resident evil, did something like that. Towards the end of the movie the cameras change from "normal" views to fixed views in the corners of rooms?? Then the heros get to a door. they say "Oh no! I dont have the Crest Key, I have to go back through the movie and find it!!"... (if you never played RE... the game has a lot of backtracking...). Or... if the SUper Mario Brother's movie just broke off and had Bob Hoskins shown from the side as he started to hop onto the Gumbas. Did I mention that EVERY SINGLE FUCKING GUN HAS A FLASHLIGHT in the movie. Right down to the BFG (if you dont believe me, check out the Photo gallery to Doom on the Internet Movie Database webside (www.imdb.com). Must be bacause of those dark dark hallways... ashame they didnt have the same flashlight/gun fusing technology in the game... oh well.
So... yea thats it basically. It sucked. As much as House of the Dead I would say. There are more things I could say about this movie... but... I think I said enough. It sucks. I'm just glad I didnt pay for it. EVERYONE (meaning... the 8 people in the theater) walked out upset and/or annoyed at the piece of shit that was seen. If movies continue to do this then... we're in for a suck filled time... and we're DOOMED!!!