AHHHHH...
after Goddess only knows how long of getting maybe 4 hours of sleep a night, last night I went to bed at 10 and I actually slept all night - I just got up about 10 minutes ago. I actually woke up at 7:30 and spent the next two hours in that half awake/half asleep cozy stage. Maybe it was out of sheer exhaustion - physical, mental and emotional - but I didn't have any nightmares.
Or maybe it was because I said "Goodbye" to Doug last night.
OK, maybe the motivation was lame - I mean, after everything else he's done to me, this could be construed as pretty fucking silly - but I did it because he didn't say goodbye when he left.
See, he was here when I got home from work - ok, fine. Patrick left with my mom for the weekend (because I have drill, but I don't have to be there today until 12:30 hence my being able to sleep late) so I had a couple of drinks and we were getting along fine. However, my mood turned a bit morose when he was playing with the cat and the ring I had asked him to wear (ya know, as a symbol that he really wants us to be together and make it work) fell off of his finger...ok let me explain that - I had asked him to wear it on his ring finger with his other ring but he wasn't - he was wearing it on his index finger, no doubt so that he could slip it off into his pocket as soon as he left here so she wouldn't see it. Well, he didn't even notice that it had fallen off and in my semi-inebriated state, that disturbed me. So I waited a few minutes to see if he would notice that it was on the floor and not on his finger and when he didn't, I went over and picked it up. He saw me do it, looked at his finger and said "oh shit, it fell off"..but instead of giving it back to him, I just kept walking (I was on my way to the bathroom at the time) and he said "aw, come on..." then as I was going into the kitchen I heard him say to Dave "my ring fell off and now she's mad"...anyway, I did mything and came back out and no more was said about it until we were in the kitchen a bit later...he asked if I was going to give it back and I said "well are you going to wear it where it was supposed to be?" - he replied that he HAD been wearing it where it was supposed to be and I said "no that's NOT where I asked you to wear it". He said nothing and that was the end of that conversation.
OK, getting to be long here so lets move forward. We came back out and he was watching a movie - Good Will Hunting. Now I had made it very clear that at 8:00 I was going to watch Ghost Whisperer. At 7:55, I asked him when his movie was going to be over and he said "soon". At 7:58 I gathered my stuff up, he asked me where I was going and I said I was going to watch GW in the bedroom so he could finish watching his movie. He said nothing and off I went. About 8:10, I heard the door close but I thought he was going out to make a call or something...next thing I know Dave knocks on the bedroom door and tells me that I can come back out and watch my show because the movies over and Doug is gone. I was like, "He's WHAT??" so I came out and sure enough, his car and his stuff was gone. No goodbye, no note, no nothing. Dave said that when the movie was over, he just gathered up his shit, told Dave to tell me he said goodbye and left.
And I went over the edge into the abyss.
So like I said, maybe it's a silly reason to tell someone goodbye, but it was the last straw. If he was mad that I didn't give the ring back, if he was upset because I was upset, fine. That's still no excuse for being having bad manners and being inconsiderate, as far as I'm concerned. So I tried to call him, just to ask WHY he would leave without saying goodbye and he wouldn't answer his phone. I called 7 times and finally, I left him a voice mail which basically said that I couldn't believe that he left without at least saying goodbye, I'm tired of his shit, I don't know why he thinks it's ok to treat me like dirt but I've had enough and I'm done - that I hope he has a wonderful life with her, I hope she can take care of him the way I have and give him everything I've given him and been as good to him as I have and fuck you.
And, that was that. And I shed not one tear.
Dave said that Doug sometimes turns into an asshole when he drinks, and obviously last night was one of those times. I thought I was being considerate by lettinghim watch the rest of his movie, but apparently in his inebriated state it pissed him off that I went to watch my show in the other room. Or maybe it was the ring thing, I don't know. All I know is that I refuse to be treated like this anymore. I had given him until the end of this month to make some changes, to show me that he really wants us to be together and for HIM to try and make us work...the way I phrased it was for him "to pull something spectacular out of his ass"...obviously he didn't take me seriously...
but you know what, it doesn't matter anymore, because sometimes, it's not the big straw that breaks the camels back...it's the little one
Or maybe it was because I said "Goodbye" to Doug last night.
OK, maybe the motivation was lame - I mean, after everything else he's done to me, this could be construed as pretty fucking silly - but I did it because he didn't say goodbye when he left.
See, he was here when I got home from work - ok, fine. Patrick left with my mom for the weekend (because I have drill, but I don't have to be there today until 12:30 hence my being able to sleep late) so I had a couple of drinks and we were getting along fine. However, my mood turned a bit morose when he was playing with the cat and the ring I had asked him to wear (ya know, as a symbol that he really wants us to be together and make it work) fell off of his finger...ok let me explain that - I had asked him to wear it on his ring finger with his other ring but he wasn't - he was wearing it on his index finger, no doubt so that he could slip it off into his pocket as soon as he left here so she wouldn't see it. Well, he didn't even notice that it had fallen off and in my semi-inebriated state, that disturbed me. So I waited a few minutes to see if he would notice that it was on the floor and not on his finger and when he didn't, I went over and picked it up. He saw me do it, looked at his finger and said "oh shit, it fell off"..but instead of giving it back to him, I just kept walking (I was on my way to the bathroom at the time) and he said "aw, come on..." then as I was going into the kitchen I heard him say to Dave "my ring fell off and now she's mad"...anyway, I did mything and came back out and no more was said about it until we were in the kitchen a bit later...he asked if I was going to give it back and I said "well are you going to wear it where it was supposed to be?" - he replied that he HAD been wearing it where it was supposed to be and I said "no that's NOT where I asked you to wear it". He said nothing and that was the end of that conversation.
OK, getting to be long here so lets move forward. We came back out and he was watching a movie - Good Will Hunting. Now I had made it very clear that at 8:00 I was going to watch Ghost Whisperer. At 7:55, I asked him when his movie was going to be over and he said "soon". At 7:58 I gathered my stuff up, he asked me where I was going and I said I was going to watch GW in the bedroom so he could finish watching his movie. He said nothing and off I went. About 8:10, I heard the door close but I thought he was going out to make a call or something...next thing I know Dave knocks on the bedroom door and tells me that I can come back out and watch my show because the movies over and Doug is gone. I was like, "He's WHAT??" so I came out and sure enough, his car and his stuff was gone. No goodbye, no note, no nothing. Dave said that when the movie was over, he just gathered up his shit, told Dave to tell me he said goodbye and left.
And I went over the edge into the abyss.
So like I said, maybe it's a silly reason to tell someone goodbye, but it was the last straw. If he was mad that I didn't give the ring back, if he was upset because I was upset, fine. That's still no excuse for being having bad manners and being inconsiderate, as far as I'm concerned. So I tried to call him, just to ask WHY he would leave without saying goodbye and he wouldn't answer his phone. I called 7 times and finally, I left him a voice mail which basically said that I couldn't believe that he left without at least saying goodbye, I'm tired of his shit, I don't know why he thinks it's ok to treat me like dirt but I've had enough and I'm done - that I hope he has a wonderful life with her, I hope she can take care of him the way I have and give him everything I've given him and been as good to him as I have and fuck you.
And, that was that. And I shed not one tear.
Dave said that Doug sometimes turns into an asshole when he drinks, and obviously last night was one of those times. I thought I was being considerate by lettinghim watch the rest of his movie, but apparently in his inebriated state it pissed him off that I went to watch my show in the other room. Or maybe it was the ring thing, I don't know. All I know is that I refuse to be treated like this anymore. I had given him until the end of this month to make some changes, to show me that he really wants us to be together and for HIM to try and make us work...the way I phrased it was for him "to pull something spectacular out of his ass"...obviously he didn't take me seriously...
but you know what, it doesn't matter anymore, because sometimes, it's not the big straw that breaks the camels back...it's the little one