Sayonara, aoki hibi yo...
So, I went to the neurologist today. I was given two options for the cyst in my brain. I can have surgery and survive, or I can ignore it and die. It's that bad.
I'm having the surgery on Wednesday. I'm very scared. Actually, in all truth, that's an understatement. I'm terrified out of my mind. Every time someone mentions it, I start to cry; it's really bad. I don't usually do that. I even bawled in front of Sarah, whom I thank very much for being there to support me and... just being there, I suppose. It meant a lot, especially when you didn't freak out like most people when they see me cry. Heh.
My hair, that I've worked so hard to grow out again... I have to have it all shaved off. I'm really sad. I never realized how much I adore my hair, even if it is a pain most of the time.
I might even have to have another surgery sometime after the one on Wednesday. I'm glad that for the time being I only have to have the one hour surgery with one night in the hospital for recovery. The second would be to have part of the cyst removed. The surgery itself is six to eight hours, and I'd be stuck in the ICU for three or four days. Then, I'd be stuck in the hospital recovering for another week. Finally, it'd be about four weeks before I felt up to par. It's not a pleasant thought for me. I'm really scared, but I've accepted the fact that I have to have this done.
I don't want to die.
Seriously, I know this sounds like a truly dramatic entry, but it really is. I'm not bluffing. I'm not exaggerating. I'm stating things as they are.
Today, after hearing my choices, I began to see things in a new light. For all the terrible things that plague this planet, I really love this world. I'd miss it a lot, if that's possible when you pass on. I'll never take as much for granted now as I have in the past. There are things I want to do, and I'll live so I can do them. Life will get better eventually. I just have to put up with the bad points of it until then. Someday, I'll be happy and healthy, and I'll look back on this moment and think, Everything worked out fine, didn't it? Why was I so worried?
So, now, in closing, I quote a translated line from "Shangri-La" from the anime Fafner:
"Sayonara, aoki hibi yo."
"Goodbye, days of my youth."
Who cares about youth? I'll take whatever of moment of life I can have. ^^
--Wolfram003
I'm having the surgery on Wednesday. I'm very scared. Actually, in all truth, that's an understatement. I'm terrified out of my mind. Every time someone mentions it, I start to cry; it's really bad. I don't usually do that. I even bawled in front of Sarah, whom I thank very much for being there to support me and... just being there, I suppose. It meant a lot, especially when you didn't freak out like most people when they see me cry. Heh.
My hair, that I've worked so hard to grow out again... I have to have it all shaved off. I'm really sad. I never realized how much I adore my hair, even if it is a pain most of the time.
I might even have to have another surgery sometime after the one on Wednesday. I'm glad that for the time being I only have to have the one hour surgery with one night in the hospital for recovery. The second would be to have part of the cyst removed. The surgery itself is six to eight hours, and I'd be stuck in the ICU for three or four days. Then, I'd be stuck in the hospital recovering for another week. Finally, it'd be about four weeks before I felt up to par. It's not a pleasant thought for me. I'm really scared, but I've accepted the fact that I have to have this done.
I don't want to die.
Seriously, I know this sounds like a truly dramatic entry, but it really is. I'm not bluffing. I'm not exaggerating. I'm stating things as they are.
Today, after hearing my choices, I began to see things in a new light. For all the terrible things that plague this planet, I really love this world. I'd miss it a lot, if that's possible when you pass on. I'll never take as much for granted now as I have in the past. There are things I want to do, and I'll live so I can do them. Life will get better eventually. I just have to put up with the bad points of it until then. Someday, I'll be happy and healthy, and I'll look back on this moment and think, Everything worked out fine, didn't it? Why was I so worried?
So, now, in closing, I quote a translated line from "Shangri-La" from the anime Fafner:
"Sayonara, aoki hibi yo."
"Goodbye, days of my youth."
Who cares about youth? I'll take whatever of moment of life I can have. ^^
--Wolfram003