Goodbye before hello
“Spencer…..It’ll be okay” Derek said softly.
“Don’t say that, don’t you dare say that. How is this okay? She’s gone. And it’s all my fault” he crashed to the floor, holding himself in a tight embrace as though he was about to shatter into a hundred pieces.
“You can’t help what an Unsub does, you know that Spencer. You did everything you could; four people get to go home to their families because of you.”
“But not everyone got to go home Derek, what good is it saving everyone else’s family if we can’t save our own?” The younger cried.
“Baby boy, you can’t let this eat at you. You have to be strong, so you can recover”
“What’s the point?”
“’What’s the point?’ Spencer what about me, what about Ali, we need you. I know you’re hurting baby boy, but so am I, and so will our daughter when she realises that bastard took her little sister and hurt you too in doing that.” Tears ran down the strong man’s face.
“I couldn’t save her” the lithe man broke down.
“I know Baby Boy, I know” his husband cried, holding the lithe man in the hospital bed. “We could have lost both of you.”
“I want to bury her, she’s not just medical waste, I want to bring her away from this terrible place, and lay her to rest. I want to be able to visit her. I want to….to….Derek, our poor baby” and the slighter built man broke down once more.”
“I already made arrangements Pretty Boy; she’s coming home with us.”
“I was prepared for miscarriage, I was prepared for natural occurrences, but I wasn’t prepared for this.” Spencer sobbed.
“No one would have ever expected you to be” Derek wrapped his arm around him tighter.
“I want to quit. I’m serious Derek, I’m done. I want to be at home with Ali, have a nice safe, normal job, and in time, I want to try and have another baby. Not to replace her, never to replace her, just continue as we planned you know. Two to three kids and a nice home”
“Sounds like a plan. I think I’ll take your idea too, a nice normal job. I could do the property restoration full time and you could lecture. We’ll wait til we’re ready and yes then we’ll try again. That sounds like heaven to me pretty boy”
A knock on the door made the two men jump. A nurse came in “I’m so sorry to have to do this, I know personally what you are going through right now, and this is probably the last thing you need. But since you are burying the baby, we’re going to need to record her name”
Both men looked at each other; they had shortlisted names together as a family, but wanted to wait until she was born to decide definitely.
“Joanne” Spencer said plainly. “Joanne Elizabeth Morgan”
“Beautiful” the nurse said, her eyes watering as she left the room.
“She’s right Pretty Boy, that is beautiful, but where did Joanne come from?” Derek asked.
“When I explained to Ali about there being a baby in my stomach, she compared it to a kangaroo and it’s young.” Spencer began “she asked me what a baby kangaroo was called and I told her it was a Joey, so she’s been calling the baby Joey since. And since Joanne is the closest name I could think of”
“It’s perfect” Derek interjected, smiling weakly. “We’ll get through this Spencer, I know we will”
“I hope” the other replied.
“Don’t say that, don’t you dare say that. How is this okay? She’s gone. And it’s all my fault” he crashed to the floor, holding himself in a tight embrace as though he was about to shatter into a hundred pieces.
“You can’t help what an Unsub does, you know that Spencer. You did everything you could; four people get to go home to their families because of you.”
“But not everyone got to go home Derek, what good is it saving everyone else’s family if we can’t save our own?” The younger cried.
“Baby boy, you can’t let this eat at you. You have to be strong, so you can recover”
“What’s the point?”
“’What’s the point?’ Spencer what about me, what about Ali, we need you. I know you’re hurting baby boy, but so am I, and so will our daughter when she realises that bastard took her little sister and hurt you too in doing that.” Tears ran down the strong man’s face.
“I couldn’t save her” the lithe man broke down.
“I know Baby Boy, I know” his husband cried, holding the lithe man in the hospital bed. “We could have lost both of you.”
“I want to bury her, she’s not just medical waste, I want to bring her away from this terrible place, and lay her to rest. I want to be able to visit her. I want to….to….Derek, our poor baby” and the slighter built man broke down once more.”
“I already made arrangements Pretty Boy; she’s coming home with us.”
“I was prepared for miscarriage, I was prepared for natural occurrences, but I wasn’t prepared for this.” Spencer sobbed.
“No one would have ever expected you to be” Derek wrapped his arm around him tighter.
“I want to quit. I’m serious Derek, I’m done. I want to be at home with Ali, have a nice safe, normal job, and in time, I want to try and have another baby. Not to replace her, never to replace her, just continue as we planned you know. Two to three kids and a nice home”
“Sounds like a plan. I think I’ll take your idea too, a nice normal job. I could do the property restoration full time and you could lecture. We’ll wait til we’re ready and yes then we’ll try again. That sounds like heaven to me pretty boy”
A knock on the door made the two men jump. A nurse came in “I’m so sorry to have to do this, I know personally what you are going through right now, and this is probably the last thing you need. But since you are burying the baby, we’re going to need to record her name”
Both men looked at each other; they had shortlisted names together as a family, but wanted to wait until she was born to decide definitely.
“Joanne” Spencer said plainly. “Joanne Elizabeth Morgan”
“Beautiful” the nurse said, her eyes watering as she left the room.
“She’s right Pretty Boy, that is beautiful, but where did Joanne come from?” Derek asked.
“When I explained to Ali about there being a baby in my stomach, she compared it to a kangaroo and it’s young.” Spencer began “she asked me what a baby kangaroo was called and I told her it was a Joey, so she’s been calling the baby Joey since. And since Joanne is the closest name I could think of”
“It’s perfect” Derek interjected, smiling weakly. “We’ll get through this Spencer, I know we will”
“I hope” the other replied.