You times infinite [2/2]

[wolfodder]

part one

Being turned into a vampire makes one think, and so Kyungsoo wonders about details in vampire life, and how things work, if he'll live forever or just for a very long time. He hasn't considered this; is he really immortal now? How is it that Do Kyungsoo is immortal? He doesn't feel that different, and this sounds like something you would be able to feel. Maybe he'll start to notice the people he loves die. The thought is depressing, so he ignores it.

When he hears someone being slammed into a wall maybe two hundred meters away, he also wonders if his increased hearing will get him into trouble more often.

He internally curses his conscience for not allowing him to ignore the sounds of a struggle as he comes closer to the noise. Around the corner he sees a boy, probably a high school kid, white-faced in terror, being held against a wall by a man who is decidedly bigger. And fanged.

Kyungsoo has become a vampire detector. Great.

“Hey,” he calls. He's been noticed now; the vampire turns his head, eyes narrowing, while the boy's eyes widen. Kyungsoo reminds himself that he's not going to drink. “What are you beating up a kid for?”

“What's it to you? You're barely bigger than him yourself,” the vampire growls. And Kyungsoo isn't really the kind of person who goes getting into trouble. He knows very little about fighting, and he has no idea what he's doing. A part of him is screaming that he's gone mad -- being a vampire doesn’t make him some kind of vigilante -- but the comment on his size makes him want to do something in pure spite. Besides, the guy is attacking an innocent kid, and Kyungsoo can't let that go.

So he swallows and takes another few steps closer. “You shouldn't underestimate me just because of my size.”

The vampire's gaze glides over him with a frown, evidently realizing that they're the same. “What, you want a taste?”

And that, maybe, isn't something Kyungsoo should be replying yes to, but it does smell good. Either way, it might be a way to get close enough to the boy that he can let him go. “Yeah. You're so big, you know, if you start drinking you'll probably kill him before I get the chance to even touch him. I'm a bit smaller, so I'll be pleased with just a taste.” You're rambling, stop it. “Deal?”

He watches as the other vampire considers it. The kid, meanwhile, with the vampire's hand around his throat, looks like he just lost his last hope. Kyungsoo feels sorry for him. “Why don't you get your own food?” the vampire suggests. “We both get a full meal.”

That's not the reply Kyungsoo expected. He gives it another stab, willing himself not to give up, slightly shaky as he walks closer. “Come on, I'm just a fledgling, I'm not that good at catching people. Help a guy out.”

The vampire groans in irritation. “Fine,” he says, shoving the kid in Kyungsoo's direction. Kyungsoo grabs the boy and, smelling the blood on him, leans closer. His fangs even come out, his instincts telling him to bite into the skin, have a drink. It would be so good, to have another taste of blood. He has to fight to remind himself that this is not what he's here for, he wants to help the boy, not hurt him.

“Run,” he whispers, and releases the kid with a shove away from both of the vampires. He launches himself at the other vampire so that the boy can get away.

“How dare you,” the vampire shouts. A punch hits Kyungsoo in the face. It hurts, but the pain doesn't last very long. He panics, not knowing how to win over this guy or get away from him, and kicks him square in the chest. Vampire strength is what saves him, because the kick sends the other flying into the nearest wall, something that would never have happened without some extra strength.

The fear truly kicks in once he sees the anger on the other vampire’s face. Deciding that he’s done for, Kyungsoo takes off and starts to run. Despite his improved speed, though, he can’t outrun his opponent, and is slammed into the ground. This hurts much more than the punch, and he tries to ignore the tears peeking out of the corners of his eyes.

A hand grabs his neck and squeezes it painfully tightly. “What makes you think you have the right to interfere with my feeding? You trying to be a hero or something?”

“No,” Kyungsoo croaks, because he isn’t a hero, he just feels too close to the assault that is a vampire attacking a human. He wonders if the vampire will kill him, and if he’ll die for real this time.

The hand pulls his head up by the neck and slams him into the ground one more time. Kyungsoo cries out, pain shooting through his head and he must be bleeding now, how did this happen? “This ought to teach you. Stupid fledglings with your sense of righteousness; you have no idea what you have gotten into,” says the voice above him. His head pounds so hard he probably missed some of the words that are said to him.

Then the hand lets go of his neck. Kyungsoo is sure the vampire is going to attack him again and braces himself for more pain, but nothing happens and he starts hearing noises that sound like a fight. Since he’s in too much pain to move anywhere, he stays completely still and listens, trying hard to focus.

Soon enough the noises stop, the fight over, and steps approach him. It can’t be the vampire he made angry, because the steps sound too light to be someone that big.

“Hello? You okay?” The voice is gentle, but Kyungsoo doesn’t want to blindly trust this new person, so he slowly turns his head to get a look at him, replying in a throaty, wary voice. “Alive. Sort of.”

The newcomer is smaller than the other vampire, with a soft face and a gentle but serious expression. He moves to lift Kyungsoo up, revealing strength that can be none other than what Kyungsoo has recently acquired. “Come on. I’ll help you out.”

The movement paired with the pain in his head and the rest of his body makes Kyungsoo’s vision hazy, and as he’s picked up he very absently decides to give in to the looming darkness, eyes rolling into the back of his head.

White floods his vision when he wakes up, a weak ache in his head the only remainder of his fight. As his vision clears, Kyungsoo realizes that he’s inside a living room, a very bright one. White walls, white blinds on the windows, a bright gray table next to the couch he’s lying on. It’s a little too much, honestly.

Where is he, anyway? He sits up and surveys the room some more. It contains little furniture and is nearly spotless. It’s so quiet, it almost seems like there is nothing outside these walls.

“You’re awake, I see,” a voice comments, and Kyungsoo turns to see a man with a vaguely familiar face enter the room. He recognizes the man as the one who must have gotten rid of the other vampire.

Kyungsoo tenses. Despite the fact that this man saved him, he doesn’t know that he has no ulterior motives. The man might very well kill him himself. “Who are you?”

The man regards him in a calm manner, like he’s approaching a cautious animal. “Kim Junmyeon. I’m a vampire, like you. Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you.”

This seems nice, but one can never be too sure. “That other guy didn’t seem too friendly,” Kyungsoo remarks.

“There’s always some rogue vampires who make the rest of us look bad. Most of us are actually pretty okay.” Kim Junmyeon motions for Kyungsoo to sit up and removes a bloodstained pillow from the couch. Producing a cloth from his pocket, he attempts to wipe the blood off. “I spend a lot of time tracking down fledglings to help them out. You’re in a safe space here. Which is my apartment, if you were wondering. You can leave any time you want, but I imagine you might like some help.”

“I’m not dead, then?” Kyungsoo asks.

The man quirks a brow. “Technically you have been dead since you were turned. But otherwise, no, not likely. That would be quite the feat when you’re a vampire.”

“Then why is everything so bright here? It feels like I woke up and was in some white heaven,” Kyungsoo points out.

Junmyeon looks at him for a second, then laughs lightly. “I like to keep it bright, to have some semblance of natural light since I can’t actually walk into sunlight. But I’m flattered that you think it looks like heaven.” He flashes Kyungsoo a teasing grin, then seemingly decides that the blood on the pillow isn’t coming off so easy and puts it down. “I’m sure you have a life to get back to, but you’re obviously new to this. So what do you say? Will you let me help you?”

Kyungsoo never talked to strangers much before his untimely death. He preferred to stay close to those he knew and were sure of. So now that this vampire he only just met is offering to help him, he’s wary, especially because he has only had bad experiences with vampires so far. But isn’t this what I wanted? This is what I need, if I’m going to be safe. If I want to keep my loved ones safe. “How do I know I can trust you?”

“Well, you don’t. But you can choose to trust me and see where that gets you. I can offer you my assurance that I’m not going to kill you -- if I was, I would have let the other guy do it himself -- and I’ll assume that in time you’ll see that I’m not so bad. And, like I said, you can leave any time you want. That also goes for coming back. It doesn’t take long, learning the basics of vampirism, but you can come here whenever you feel like it afterwards.”

It’s a good offer, Kyungsoo thinks. He had imagined having to leave civilization for weeks, maybe months, to learn control of the bloodlust. (Maybe his imagination occasionally runs off with him.) And the less time it takes for him to understand his new life, the faster he can go back to what he wants to. “Okay. Teach me.”

His new mentor smiles widely. “Great. What do you want to know?”

Kyungsoo learns a lot about vampirism from a few hours in Junmyeon’s apartment. He learns that vampires don’t immediately burst into flames in the sunlight, but that it can take anything from a few seconds to a minute before bad damage is made, and he probably shouldn’t be running around in the sun. He learns that garlic isn’t so much dangerous as it is simply unappealing, like most other food, but a vampire can eat regular food if one wants to. He learns that the enhanced sight and hearing can’t be trained, but he will get used to it after a short while, and that’s almost the same thing.

He also learns that for his own safety he should stay away from people wielding pointy wooden stakes, and try not to interfere with another vampire’s feeding. Especially as a fledgling. Junmyeon looks pointedly at Kyungsoo when he mentions this.

“What? Am I supposed to let it happen?” Kyungsoo asks, mouth agape. He doesn’t understand; there must be alternatives to attacking innocent people on the street.

“Disturbing as it may sound, many vampires will either ignore you or bite your head off if you try to make them drink animal blood instead of human blood,” Junmyeon explains, leaning against his kitchen counter. “The fact is that human blood sates us much better than animal blood, so even some who are against drinking human blood will eventually give in if they get a good enough whiff. It’s who we are. If you think it’s that horrible, a silver lining of this entire business is that the human won’t have to remember any of it, and any traces of a feeding will be gone. There are also some of us who have their own personal blood donor, an affair which should obviously be consented to. A lot of vampires who are with a human do this, so it’s not a huge deal. I forgot to ask, how many times have you fed since you turned?”

It’s a lot of information to take in, a lot to accept, but despite his disgust with the usual vampire ways Kyungsoo didn’t expect vampires to consider any of the options presented to him by Junmyeon. “Twice,” he replies. “There was a girl in the alley where I was attacked, and she was knocked out. I think the guy who turned me left her there for me.”

“And the second?” Junmyeon prompts gently.

It felt so strangely impersonal when Kyungsoo talked about the girl, who he doesn’t know at all. When he starts to mention Jongin, he needs to swallow repeatedly as he searches for the right words, and a chill runs through him at the thought of Jongin’s blood. “The second was a friend of mine. I went to him when I got out of the alley, and I told him everything that had happened. He let me drink from him after he bled for my fangs to come out.”

“He sounds like a good friend. Not many people would let one do that.”

Kyungsoo nods, watching his feet. “Yeah...He is.”

“Well, since it’s been, what, only one night since you were turned? I think you’re better off than most of us, getting a hold of it all pretty early. That said, you do need blood, and I happen to have a stash,” says Junmyeon and walks over to the fridge, opening the door to reveal bottles filled with a dark red substance. Kyungsoo doesn’t need to smell it -- which he does -- to know what it is. “Human blood, drawn from willing donors. And,” the vampire grins, “free of charge. Since I’m a bleeding heart when it comes to my fellow undead.”

How large is the vampire society? Kyungsoo is starting to wonder, because it now seems like this option is so thought out. “There is all of this, and vampires still attack innocents and kill them for blood?”

Junmyeon shrugs in a way that suggests he is used to it. Kyungsoo wonders how old he is. “Some call themselves traditional. They’re the older ones, who think themselves above humans. There’s also the newer vampires who can’t control their instincts for various reasons. Know that there are more of those who don't respect humans out there than there are of you and me. You'd do well to mind your own business as much as you can if you want to live long.”

“But you...you find fledglings and help them, right? So they don't go astray.”

“That's the idea, yeah. I just try to do what I've been doing for you tonight. Not everyone accepts,” says Junmyeon, taking four bottles out of the fridge and placing them on the counter. The scent of blood is vague, but there, and Kyungsoo wonders how it will taste.

“I want to help.” The words escape his mouth before Kyungsoo has fully decided to utter them, but he is certain either way.

It makes Junmyeon stop, and then a friendly smile graces his face. “Maybe you should go back to your life first, Kyungsoo. Get into it and figure things out. Don't forget about your studies, and other important things. You can come here any time, you know. With some luck you'll have a long life.”

Kyungsoo wants that, to go back to his life. But there is a fear that has been settling deeply in his stomach. “I can’t go back yet,” he says. “Jongin -- my friend who let me drink from him -- will be there, I can’t avoid him because he’s too sweet, and his...his blood was so good, and I don’t know if any blood tastes better than that but I’m terrified that if I look at him I’ll want to drink from him again and what if I do it and I can’t stop and I kill him?”

For a short while it is silent, the words hanging in the air. Kyungsoo blurted that out much faster than he thought he would. Finally admitting his fears out loud is scary but relieving, and he feels a headache coming on. He opens one of the bottles of blood and pours the liquid into his mouth. As he hoped, it eases the pain a little and makes him feel less woozy. When he sets the bottle back on the counter, Junmyeon is simply watching him with his head slightly tilted.

“He sounds like more than a friend,” Junmyeon says softly, a hint of curiosity in his tone.

Kyungsoo fidgets nervously with his hands, running one through his hair. Jongin is more than a friend to him, has been so for a while, but he has been scared of saying anything, instead denying his feelings. “He is,” he mumbles, maybe more to himself than to Junmyeon. His gaze is fixed on the ground. “He is. But I don't know... Especially now that I've changed like this, I keep thinking, ‘what if he doesn't want me? What if what I've become scares him? What if I hurt him and he becomes scared of me?’ I don't want that. Maybe it's safer to just keep my distance, you know? His blood tasted so good, I'm scared I won't be able to control myself.”

A hand lands on his shoulder, and Kyungsoo looks up in surprise. Junmyeon's expression is grave, which is not what he had expected. “I’m going to tell you something about being a vampire, Kyungsoo. Something very important. Provided that you don't get killed very soon, you're going to live for a long time. Take this from someone who has lived a couple of hundred years: in that time, you will experience many things. Love, heartbreak, loss, and pain are among them. Unless he is also turned, Jongin will eventually die, or you may break up. There's no avoiding it. But if he feels the same as you do, which could certainly be the case, it will be much better for you to spend some of your long life with him. Otherwise, in several years you might regret it.”

This is something Kyungsoo knows, somewhere in the back of his mind. It’s something he has neglected to admit to himself, that he wants to be with Jongin, that if Jongin feels the same way they do have a chance together even if Kyungsoo is likely to outlive Jongin. That he doesn’t have to make excuses, reasons it could never happen. Junmyeon tells him what he already knows, in a very convincing manner.

Still, though…

“But what about his blood?”

“Well, you managed to stop drinking from him last time, right? It’s not easy for a fledgling to stop without someone else stopping them. What snapped you out of it?” Junmyeon asks.

“I heard--he said my name. And his arm tensed. That was it, but I was ready to drain him and just that gesture made me realize what was happening, so I managed to stop.” Kyungsoo fidgets while he speaks. He's not a fan of describing events and how they made him feel. It's so personal and strange, not something that he would do unless it's to someone he's very close with, and even though he's become mostly comfortable with Junmyeon he still only met the guy tonight.

“And you say his blood tasted especially good? Like nothing can compare, right?”

“Yeah.”

Junmyeon smiles, and his face brightens. “There you go, then. His blood was delicious, but he still managed to snap you out of it. You see, since you're in love with Jongin, and you two are intimately involved in a way, his blood tasted much more appealing than the blood of someone you barely know. The relationship between the vampire and the human often determines how the blood tastes. It won't taste the same to all vampires.” He explains excitedly, like someone who is explaining a great book. “As for how you'll stop...He brought you back to reality once before, without even trying, so he can do it again if he tries. Really, if there's a close bond between you, like close friends or lovers, any familiar voice or touch will do it.”

“So…” Kyungsoo says slowly.

“I think you will be fine,” says Junmyeon, grinning. He reaches into a cupboard and pulls out a plastic bag, carefully filling it with the bottles he had placed on the counter, then handing it to Kyungsoo. “These are for you. I suggest you don't go more than about two days without drinking, or you'll be more easily affected by the sight or smell of blood. If you don't need them, I'd appreciate it if you returned them, yeah?”

Nodding in affirmation, Kyungsoo accepts the bag. It is time he leaves now, so he can figure out how he wants to live this new life of his. “Thanks for...all of this,” he says. “I really appreciate you, you know, saving my life and everything you did afterwards.”

“I told you,” Junmyeon tells him, a glint in his eyes, “I'm a bleeding heart.”

It takes two weeks.

Two weeks of Kyungsoo staying away from Jongin. He hides his face under a hoodie whenever he goes to university lectures, sitting in the other end of the hall and only occasionally peeking at the boy he's avoiding. Why he's avoiding him he isn't completely sure. Maybe because he's still weirded out by his new lifestyle. He needs time to adjust, and he doesn't need to bring Jongin into that.

He allows Jongdae to come with him to his apartment after lectures, because he's his best friend and because Jongdae is a very insistent person. They hang around in the evenings, and Jongdae talks about Minseok and vampires and various other themes.

“You look really pale, Kyungsoo,” he comments one evening, munching on crisps. “Are you sure you're eating enough people?”

Kyungsoo throws a pillow at him without a word.

Jongdae simply laughs, removing the pillow from his face and placing it underneath him instead. “Seriously, though. People are going to question it. Maybe you should get a spray tan?”

“Ugh, no. I'd rather just be creepy and pale. People will get used to it,” Kyungsoo mumbles and takes a sip of blood from the glass he's holding. The blood tastes fine, and he's getting used to it being a necessity. He also finds himself not thinking about Jongdae's blood, and resolutely shaking his head when his friend offers, because he honestly doesn't want to drink when the bottled blood is doing the deed for him. Still, he kind of appreciates the offer.

Jongdae is a good best friend. And like a good best friend, he doesn't mention Jongin until the end of the week.

“So?” he says with a frown.

“So...what?” Kyungsoo asks, in honest confusion. Jongdae was just telling him about Minseok finally asking him to be his boyfriend (“He asked if I wanted to be exclusive, Kyungsoo! And so sweetly! Help me, I think I’m in love. I finally get to touch him inappropriately.” Kyungsoo grinned widely and congratulated him.) What does he want that relates to that --

Oh.

“Jongin, obviously! I see you gaze longingly at him in every lecture, buddy. You’ve had your sulky week--”

“It’s not a sulky week!” Kyungsoo protest.

“--and another week. It’s time you get yourself together and talk to him. You know your vamp mentor is right, no matter how cheesy it sounds. You have most of forever; he doesn’t.”

Kyungsoo sighs, because he knows that both Jongdae and Junmyeon are right, no matter how much he’d prefer to just hide in his blankets. Maybe it’s time he finally does something, so he doesn’t have to walk around with this constantly on his mind.

He finds Jongin the next evening after a lecture. Jongin is packing his bag, with his back to him, and for a second Kyungsoo contemplates turning around and leaving. It would be ridiculously easy with his new-found super sneaky powers.

But the name leaves his lips before he has planned to say anything at all. “Jongin?”

Jongin’s head lifts, and Kyungsoo hears his breath hitch. It takes a few seconds before he turns around, an expression like relief on his face. “Hey,” he says, and the utterance is quiet, a sigh.

“How have you been?” Kyungsoo asks. He doesn’t know how this is supposed to go. All he knows is what he wants: for his life to stay the same even though he’s become a vampire, for nothing to have to change except for his relationship with Jongin.

“Oh, you know. Busy studying for finals, and all that. Not as interesting as it must have been for you.” Jongin looks at him shyly, gaze flitting between Kyungsoo and the floor. Then, “I missed you.”

Kyungsoo missed him too. He wants to close the distance between them and kiss Jongin right now. “I...I needed some time to think. Can we talk somewhere more private?” Most of the students have left the room, but there are still a few remaining, speaking with the professor. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to talk about vampires, much less discuss his feelings for Jongin, right here where anyone can hear.

As always, Jongin is blessedly understanding. They end up going to Jongin’s apartment as it’s the closest to their university, and sit in his living room, quietly looking at each other for a long while.

“So--” Kyungsoo starts.

“I like you,” Jongin blurts suddenly, then looks down at the floor.

It takes Kyungsoo a moment to react. Then a smile starts to creep onto his face, the excitement from what he has heard controlling his expression. He can hear Jongin’s heart rate pick up, and he suddenly feels so happy that he doesn’t know what to do. So he says, “I like you, too.” His fingers ghost over Jongin’s hand. There are still things that must be explained.

He tells Jongin about what happened since they last spoke: his fight with another vampire; being saved by Junmyeon; not knowing if he could stay around Jongin, out of fear of hurting him. “But the fact is, I like you. A lot. I don’t care that I’m a vampire; you won’t let me hurt you. And I don’t know what’ll happen in the future, but I know that I want to be with you now. If you want to.” The words pour out of him, Jongin’s confession giving him confidence he was afraid he didn’t have.

Jongin likes him. Jongin likes him. Jongin likes him. Kyungsoo is floating on a cloud.

“I do. Want to, I mean,” Jongin says, a little hoarsely. His gaze is flickering from Kyungsoo’s eyes to Kyungsoo’s lips, lingering on the latter. Suddenly the air has shifted between them, something changing in their relationship, Kyungsoo can feel it, and he wants wants wants so bad, can smell it on Jongin too. They must have moved closer to each other without realizing it, because Jongin is now close enough for Kyungsoo to grab him by the shirt and kiss him hard. Which he does.

Kyungsoo learns more about Jongin, then, like how he gasps beautifully in between kisses; like how he mutters Kyungsoo’s name against his lips; like how he cups Kyungsoo’s face as if he can’t ever part from him, his heart pounding in Kyungsoo’s ears. And Kyungsoo is sure Jongin learns about him as well: his eagerness, built up to become desperate need in the time they’ve known each other; his urge to tug at Jongin’s lips with his teeth, like he is tempted to draw blood and lick it into his own mouth; how his hand tugs at Jongin’s hair with a similar fervor.

Finally, their lips part; Jongin flushed and breathing heavily, Kyungsoo ridiculously disheveled, their foreheads pressed together. “Wow,” is all Kyungsoo knows to say. Jongin chuckles softly.

The tension is gone, everything that had built up between them leaving them simply watching each other, a hand on a thigh, a hand on a waist. Jongin watches Kyungsoo with a look that must be the fondest he’s ever seen on anyone he could call his boyfriend, and it makes him feel warm, feel like his heart has suddenly started beating in his chest again. If it had, it would surely have been beating as fast as Jongin’s. “You’re amazing,” Jongin says.

Kyungsoo kisses him again, more softly, slower, shorter. When he pulls away, he can’t keep the smile off his face.

“So are you.”

minor note at the end:
i've called this fic su(dden vampirism) for months now :)))
also i'll probably write bonuses in this au jsyk