Through the Rain / Chapter 36
'The Forks in the Road'
***
It’s just past midday at the very end of the working week and the radio is playing lightly in the background of Marissa’s room as Kyle and Summer are sitting on her bed flicking through various magazines while she packs to go to Newport that weekend. While the girls were occupied doing that, Seth took it upon himself to bring his Playstation as a means of entertaining himself anticipating the fact that the young women could take all afternoon doing goodness knows what, Ethan was on his way after Marissa called on him for a takeout run, and Ryan had called and said he’d come as soon as his class was out. For weeks now the core four found their group quickly expanding as Kyle and Ethan were brought into their tight knit mix, which wasn’t hard considering Kyle had always been a friend of the girls’ and when any of them would visit Marissa, Kyle and Ethan were always just relaxing at the dorm, so the friendship and inclusion of the new couple wasn’t a stretch at all but actually welcomed as they all got on seamlessly; even Ryan who used to feel somewhat threatened by Ethan, now had no reason to.
“Kyle have you seen my grey sweater?” Marissa called out from the bathroom.
“Yeah, it got mixed up with my laundry, it’s folded sitting on my shelf”, Kyle answered as she flipped on to the next page and Marissa went to the other bedroom as advised.
“Oh thanks.”
“You guys are coming for thanksgiving next week aren’t you?” Summer asked as she looked to Kyle.
“Yeah of course we’ll be there. I was going to come early and make my mom’s stuffing, I’ve been making it since forever so I hope you don’t mind.”
“Mind, are you kidding? Coop and I are such amateurs we just got lucky with our cooking last year, so you’re more than welcome.” She said as she came to a page full of fashion finds and grew wide eyed. “What do you think of this?” Summer asked as she flashed the spread out for her to see an image of a shift dress.
“It’d look adorable on you. Oh you know what we should do, we should go shopping at Union Square at the post thanksgiving sale.”
“Oh we should! Coop how’s about it?” She asked as the strawberry blonde walked into the room.
“How’s about what?”
“You, me, Kyle, post-thanksgiving sale…we were supposed to go last year but you bailed, So…”
“No, sounds good”, she conceded with a smile just as a knock on the door could be heard in the short distance.
“Can somebody get that?” Seth said loudly still glued to the television despite the fact that he was the closest to the entrance.
The girls rolled their eyes as Marissa decided to make her way considering she was already standing up.
“You could’ve gotten it…” Marissa said as she walked passed Seth who was slumped on the couch.
“Marissa I’m in the middle of a very important game.”
“There’s a ‘pause’ button…” She retorted as she answered the door to an Ethan carrying bags of Thai food. “Hey”, she said happily as they kissed each other on the cheek.
“Hey”, Ethan smiled back and set the bags down on the kitchen table.
Seth slid upright and looked over his shoulder, “Dude grab a controller…” he instructed as Ethan leaped over the armchair to take his position.
“Hey”, Kyle smiled as she came out to greet her boyfriend, kissing him on the lips before she made her way to the kitchen to help Marissa prepare lunch, Summer also trailing behind her.
“What time is your flight?” Summer asked as she looked through the drawer for serving utensils.
“It’s at 8 tomorrow morning. I just wanted to pack now because I know I won’t be so bothered later…”
“So how’s your mom going?” Kyle asked innocently as she was oblivious to the lie that had been surrounding them.
Summer’s ears perked up instantly as she made it a point not to make eye contact and her head hung low buried in her task; if anyone were to see the red hues splashed on her face they’d be able to read the guilt all over it as it always happened whenever someone would bring up Julie.
“Oh well, she’s had her bad days but yeah she’s going to be fine…”
“You know sometimes when I’m back here in San Francisco, I wonder what my family actually gets up to back in Boston. Is it stupid of me to think time actually stops over there until I get back?” Kyle laughed.
“Yes”, Marissa giggled. “I know what you mean though, sometimes I wonder about what goes on in Newport too…”
***
Along the southern coastlines of California where Newport becomes a small world all on its own and rarely anything is ever kept low on the radar, Kirsten sits in her office looking at proposals as her desk is swarming with layouts and plans. The clouds are overhead as it has been for a number of days now, which hasn’t really been typical of the regions weather on most days of the year, but there they were. She wrinkled her forehead as she marked out some changes on a large sheet against prototyped designs until her secretary knocks on her door.
“Mrs. Cohen, Paul Everett just called, he said he’ll be coming in early on Monday morning to look over the exterior and interior mock-ups for the Ames estate.” The young red haired woman said politely before moving back and closing the door behind her.
“Oh that reminds me…” Kirsten said to herself aloud as she got her secretary again, now on speaker phone.
“Evelyn, do you know if Julie’s back from lunch?”
“She walked back in about twenty minutes ago…”
“Thank you Evelyn”, Kirsten acknowledged before pressing a button to end the call and got up to search for a file in her drawer. Once the cream manila folder was in her possession she stepped out of her office and made her way through a short series of halls before knocking on Julie’s door.
***
The knock on the door repeated once more. “Seth can you answer that?” Summer beckoned as the girls were all still busy in the kitchen.
“We’re in the middle of an important battle. Do you really want Ethan to slice my head off at any moment, Summer?”
“Cohen is that a trick question?” Summer said bluntly. “Door - Now!” She instructed as she went over to stand on the sidelines where the boys were engulfed in their little match. After many moments of the two players on screen going back and forth getting nowhere she snatches the controller off of Ethan and does multiple attacking moves by the likes that Seth had never seen as he just watches wide eyed, and mere seconds later he’s defeated.
“Dude you suck”, Ethan said to Seth looking greatly impressed with Summer. “How did you do that?” He asked amazed.
“Eh, when Cohen’s not home I occasionally indulge in a little Ps2”, she answered casually with a shrug and went back to join the young women, not before instructing Seth to get the door for the final time of which he finally obliged.
“Alright don’t get your panties in a bunch”, Seth called out to the unknown visitor, “Just a…”
***
“Second…” She called out in a raspy voice. Julie with her head buried in her hands with her elbows propped up on her desk while silent cries and heavy tears penetrated the surface she slightly jumped, startled by the knock on coming from the other side of the wooden entry. Quickly, she began grabbing a series of facial tissues out of the box and rummaged to find a compact in her handbag. Dabbing the mascara and trying to conceal her reddened and puffy face as quickly as possible, she hoped it would all disappear in a matter of seconds and that she had done enough before letting the guest in. “Come in…”
Kirsten walked in leaving the door ajar, smiling until she noticed the state of her good friend sitting at her table. Julie’s efforts were not enough. “Julie what’s wrong?” Kirsten said at once as her steps slightly quickened to take a seat opposite her, forgetting all about what she came there for in the first place.
“Nothing Kirsten…” Julie said putting on a brave face, “So what did you need to talk to me about?”
The blonde looked to the woman across her and her facial expression soon became grave and concerned, “Then why were you crying?” Kirsten asked calm and serious.
“I wasn’t really, I was thinking about the girls and how much I missed them…” Julie said in her attempts to conceal the truth.
Kirsten didn’t seem moved, but rather had been having her suspicions about Julie and her condition for some time and she looked straight into her eyes as the room fell quiet for a short series of time, and the silence was deafening. The two women’s gazes locked and it was more of a fight to see who would back down and change the subject first, but Kirsten felt it was the time to speak up and to stay on track, so softly she said, “We’ve been friends, Julie, for a long time, not always on the best of terms, but you are my dearest friend so I’m asking you, and I need you to be honest with me…”
Julie looked on and could feel the heat in the air rise to a great degree and felt paralyzed in that frame.
“You’re not getting better are you?”
As soon as Kirsten finished her last sentence Julie could feel the wall she had built up around herself begin to crumble and she didn’t know how to answer, all she felt was more a grip on her windpipe and her vocal chords taut and limiting her ability of speech. Her mouth was open and yet no sound would outwardly come and since her voice was unable to work for her she tested her limbs and got to her feet, walking around her desk with a hand on the back of her waist and the other rubbing her temple.
Kirsten’s eyes followed her as she walked around the room until Julie’s cheeks again became visibly red and she sat amongst the lounge setup in the middle of her office. The second Julie couldn’t answer her, Kirsten already knew she was right and she moved to sit right by the distressed brunette.
“I’m not getting better…” Julie softly conceded as she closed her eyes and let the silent tears breach the barriers once again; Kirsten biting her lip and feeling her eyes water simultaneously. “I’m not getting better, because…with what I have there’s no such thing as getting better.” Julie said with a cracked voice as she shook her head with Kirsten inching closer to wrap an arm around her best friend.
It was now Kirsten with a loss for words, she couldn’t speak the words it’s going to be okay, because that was something she knew she didn’t know, and Julie knew it too.
“There’s no cure, no transplant, no…anything. Just time…until…”
Kirsten felt her heart breaking for her as the two women exemplified exactly what it meant to have a best friend right there in those moments.
“Kirsten, I…I…I’m scared. I’m not going to see Kaitlin graduate from high school, or Marissa graduate from college. I’m not going to see my girls when they get married or when they become mothers-“
“You don’t know that…”
“No, I do know that”, Julie said with her tone of voice slightly rising out of frustration, not with Kirsten but more so just with life.
“You need to tell Marissa…you need to tell both of them”
“I don’t know how, I don’t know when…I’ve wanted to…” Julie answered as she stared down at her hands studying its wear and the lines upon it that have marked her years. “I didn’t want to put this on the girls, they’ve pretty much lost one parent I didn’t want to say they would be losing another, and they both seem to be doing so well. Especially Marissa…”
The two women slightly shifted to face each other as Kirsten said reassuringly, “Julie there’s never going to be a good time for you to give them this news but it has to be done, and you need to be the one to tell them. Your girls are strong young women, and they got that from you, they will deal with it, because you taught them how to. You need to tell them. If time is something you don’t think you have that much of, then all the more reason to right?”
As the woman sat in sadness as Kirsten tried her best to comfort her a silent figure on her way to see Julie, accidentally stumbling upon their conversation, turned on their heels and walked away.
***
As the six friends sat on the floor around the coffee table at the dorm with Evermore’s ‘Running’ playing so lightly in the background it could barely be heard, they all ate while caught up in random conversation.
“What would you rather have 28 navels or 14 toes?” Kyle asked.
“Then what would happen to all my shoes?” Summer unsurprisingly answered.
“Would you rather be blind or deaf?” Ryan posed the question to the others.
“Deaf”, they said in unison.
“Would you rather do a jail sentence for 1 year or send your friend to jail for 10 years?”
“Jail for 1 year”, Marissa answered taking a bite out of her salad.
“Okay, find your parents having sex or your parents finding you having sex?” Summer questioned.
“Your parents find you…” Ethan said.
“Yeah agreed”, Seth supporting the notion.
“See, you’ll get over the fact that they saw you having sex, but the image of them having sex will stay with you forever.” Ethan continued as the others just laughed.
“Okay I have one”, said Marissa. “Would you rather run naked through a mall, or through the school.”
“The mall”, responded Kyle, “There’s less likelihood you’ll see the people in the mall ever again.”
“Would you rather be able to fly, or read people’s thoughts?”
“Do you have a choice whether you want to read their thoughts or not?”
“No.” Seth retorted.
“Hmmm…then I don’t know, they could be some sick-o, I’d rather be able to fly then.”
“Would you rather everything you say be an insult or a come-on?”
“That’s a hard one…” Ryan answered as Marissa nodded, agreeing with him.
“Okay, okay, how about”, Ethan began, “would you rather have the ability to foresee the future, or change the past.”
The five of them suddenly became quiet as they all deeply considered his last question, all of them pondering their own lives, the choices they’ve made, their futures, the things they wish they could do over…some having more things to consider than others.
You don’t need a broken heart, to know a heart can be broken
You just need to open your eyes
We don’t need to be deceived, to know a lie can be spoken
We don’t have to learn everything twice
***
After Kirsten had left the office to resume work, Julie remained static in her office buried within herself, her eyes sealed, the door shut, and the drapes closed. The tears continued to stream freely as each drop left her cheek and splattered vicariously on scattered documents. Before she knew it the copy of her will was on the verge of staining so she quickly propped it back in its folder and set it aside back in her draw as she prayed that everything she did and would continue to do as a mother would help to see her daughters through this world.
I don’t know
I really don’t know if this castle in the sand
Is strong enough to stand…
The lights come down
I feel I could
The lights come down
And I know I should step away, turn around
Let my feet hit the ground
Running, running
Running, running
***
Song / Running by Evermore
***
It’s just past midday at the very end of the working week and the radio is playing lightly in the background of Marissa’s room as Kyle and Summer are sitting on her bed flicking through various magazines while she packs to go to Newport that weekend. While the girls were occupied doing that, Seth took it upon himself to bring his Playstation as a means of entertaining himself anticipating the fact that the young women could take all afternoon doing goodness knows what, Ethan was on his way after Marissa called on him for a takeout run, and Ryan had called and said he’d come as soon as his class was out. For weeks now the core four found their group quickly expanding as Kyle and Ethan were brought into their tight knit mix, which wasn’t hard considering Kyle had always been a friend of the girls’ and when any of them would visit Marissa, Kyle and Ethan were always just relaxing at the dorm, so the friendship and inclusion of the new couple wasn’t a stretch at all but actually welcomed as they all got on seamlessly; even Ryan who used to feel somewhat threatened by Ethan, now had no reason to.
“Kyle have you seen my grey sweater?” Marissa called out from the bathroom.
“Yeah, it got mixed up with my laundry, it’s folded sitting on my shelf”, Kyle answered as she flipped on to the next page and Marissa went to the other bedroom as advised.
“Oh thanks.”
“You guys are coming for thanksgiving next week aren’t you?” Summer asked as she looked to Kyle.
“Yeah of course we’ll be there. I was going to come early and make my mom’s stuffing, I’ve been making it since forever so I hope you don’t mind.”
“Mind, are you kidding? Coop and I are such amateurs we just got lucky with our cooking last year, so you’re more than welcome.” She said as she came to a page full of fashion finds and grew wide eyed. “What do you think of this?” Summer asked as she flashed the spread out for her to see an image of a shift dress.
“It’d look adorable on you. Oh you know what we should do, we should go shopping at Union Square at the post thanksgiving sale.”
“Oh we should! Coop how’s about it?” She asked as the strawberry blonde walked into the room.
“How’s about what?”
“You, me, Kyle, post-thanksgiving sale…we were supposed to go last year but you bailed, So…”
“No, sounds good”, she conceded with a smile just as a knock on the door could be heard in the short distance.
“Can somebody get that?” Seth said loudly still glued to the television despite the fact that he was the closest to the entrance.
The girls rolled their eyes as Marissa decided to make her way considering she was already standing up.
“You could’ve gotten it…” Marissa said as she walked passed Seth who was slumped on the couch.
“Marissa I’m in the middle of a very important game.”
“There’s a ‘pause’ button…” She retorted as she answered the door to an Ethan carrying bags of Thai food. “Hey”, she said happily as they kissed each other on the cheek.
“Hey”, Ethan smiled back and set the bags down on the kitchen table.
Seth slid upright and looked over his shoulder, “Dude grab a controller…” he instructed as Ethan leaped over the armchair to take his position.
“Hey”, Kyle smiled as she came out to greet her boyfriend, kissing him on the lips before she made her way to the kitchen to help Marissa prepare lunch, Summer also trailing behind her.
“What time is your flight?” Summer asked as she looked through the drawer for serving utensils.
“It’s at 8 tomorrow morning. I just wanted to pack now because I know I won’t be so bothered later…”
“So how’s your mom going?” Kyle asked innocently as she was oblivious to the lie that had been surrounding them.
Summer’s ears perked up instantly as she made it a point not to make eye contact and her head hung low buried in her task; if anyone were to see the red hues splashed on her face they’d be able to read the guilt all over it as it always happened whenever someone would bring up Julie.
“Oh well, she’s had her bad days but yeah she’s going to be fine…”
“You know sometimes when I’m back here in San Francisco, I wonder what my family actually gets up to back in Boston. Is it stupid of me to think time actually stops over there until I get back?” Kyle laughed.
“Yes”, Marissa giggled. “I know what you mean though, sometimes I wonder about what goes on in Newport too…”
***
Along the southern coastlines of California where Newport becomes a small world all on its own and rarely anything is ever kept low on the radar, Kirsten sits in her office looking at proposals as her desk is swarming with layouts and plans. The clouds are overhead as it has been for a number of days now, which hasn’t really been typical of the regions weather on most days of the year, but there they were. She wrinkled her forehead as she marked out some changes on a large sheet against prototyped designs until her secretary knocks on her door.
“Mrs. Cohen, Paul Everett just called, he said he’ll be coming in early on Monday morning to look over the exterior and interior mock-ups for the Ames estate.” The young red haired woman said politely before moving back and closing the door behind her.
“Oh that reminds me…” Kirsten said to herself aloud as she got her secretary again, now on speaker phone.
“Evelyn, do you know if Julie’s back from lunch?”
“She walked back in about twenty minutes ago…”
“Thank you Evelyn”, Kirsten acknowledged before pressing a button to end the call and got up to search for a file in her drawer. Once the cream manila folder was in her possession she stepped out of her office and made her way through a short series of halls before knocking on Julie’s door.
***
The knock on the door repeated once more. “Seth can you answer that?” Summer beckoned as the girls were all still busy in the kitchen.
“We’re in the middle of an important battle. Do you really want Ethan to slice my head off at any moment, Summer?”
“Cohen is that a trick question?” Summer said bluntly. “Door - Now!” She instructed as she went over to stand on the sidelines where the boys were engulfed in their little match. After many moments of the two players on screen going back and forth getting nowhere she snatches the controller off of Ethan and does multiple attacking moves by the likes that Seth had never seen as he just watches wide eyed, and mere seconds later he’s defeated.
“Dude you suck”, Ethan said to Seth looking greatly impressed with Summer. “How did you do that?” He asked amazed.
“Eh, when Cohen’s not home I occasionally indulge in a little Ps2”, she answered casually with a shrug and went back to join the young women, not before instructing Seth to get the door for the final time of which he finally obliged.
“Alright don’t get your panties in a bunch”, Seth called out to the unknown visitor, “Just a…”
***
“Second…” She called out in a raspy voice. Julie with her head buried in her hands with her elbows propped up on her desk while silent cries and heavy tears penetrated the surface she slightly jumped, startled by the knock on coming from the other side of the wooden entry. Quickly, she began grabbing a series of facial tissues out of the box and rummaged to find a compact in her handbag. Dabbing the mascara and trying to conceal her reddened and puffy face as quickly as possible, she hoped it would all disappear in a matter of seconds and that she had done enough before letting the guest in. “Come in…”
Kirsten walked in leaving the door ajar, smiling until she noticed the state of her good friend sitting at her table. Julie’s efforts were not enough. “Julie what’s wrong?” Kirsten said at once as her steps slightly quickened to take a seat opposite her, forgetting all about what she came there for in the first place.
“Nothing Kirsten…” Julie said putting on a brave face, “So what did you need to talk to me about?”
The blonde looked to the woman across her and her facial expression soon became grave and concerned, “Then why were you crying?” Kirsten asked calm and serious.
“I wasn’t really, I was thinking about the girls and how much I missed them…” Julie said in her attempts to conceal the truth.
Kirsten didn’t seem moved, but rather had been having her suspicions about Julie and her condition for some time and she looked straight into her eyes as the room fell quiet for a short series of time, and the silence was deafening. The two women’s gazes locked and it was more of a fight to see who would back down and change the subject first, but Kirsten felt it was the time to speak up and to stay on track, so softly she said, “We’ve been friends, Julie, for a long time, not always on the best of terms, but you are my dearest friend so I’m asking you, and I need you to be honest with me…”
Julie looked on and could feel the heat in the air rise to a great degree and felt paralyzed in that frame.
“You’re not getting better are you?”
As soon as Kirsten finished her last sentence Julie could feel the wall she had built up around herself begin to crumble and she didn’t know how to answer, all she felt was more a grip on her windpipe and her vocal chords taut and limiting her ability of speech. Her mouth was open and yet no sound would outwardly come and since her voice was unable to work for her she tested her limbs and got to her feet, walking around her desk with a hand on the back of her waist and the other rubbing her temple.
Kirsten’s eyes followed her as she walked around the room until Julie’s cheeks again became visibly red and she sat amongst the lounge setup in the middle of her office. The second Julie couldn’t answer her, Kirsten already knew she was right and she moved to sit right by the distressed brunette.
“I’m not getting better…” Julie softly conceded as she closed her eyes and let the silent tears breach the barriers once again; Kirsten biting her lip and feeling her eyes water simultaneously. “I’m not getting better, because…with what I have there’s no such thing as getting better.” Julie said with a cracked voice as she shook her head with Kirsten inching closer to wrap an arm around her best friend.
It was now Kirsten with a loss for words, she couldn’t speak the words it’s going to be okay, because that was something she knew she didn’t know, and Julie knew it too.
“There’s no cure, no transplant, no…anything. Just time…until…”
Kirsten felt her heart breaking for her as the two women exemplified exactly what it meant to have a best friend right there in those moments.
“Kirsten, I…I…I’m scared. I’m not going to see Kaitlin graduate from high school, or Marissa graduate from college. I’m not going to see my girls when they get married or when they become mothers-“
“You don’t know that…”
“No, I do know that”, Julie said with her tone of voice slightly rising out of frustration, not with Kirsten but more so just with life.
“You need to tell Marissa…you need to tell both of them”
“I don’t know how, I don’t know when…I’ve wanted to…” Julie answered as she stared down at her hands studying its wear and the lines upon it that have marked her years. “I didn’t want to put this on the girls, they’ve pretty much lost one parent I didn’t want to say they would be losing another, and they both seem to be doing so well. Especially Marissa…”
The two women slightly shifted to face each other as Kirsten said reassuringly, “Julie there’s never going to be a good time for you to give them this news but it has to be done, and you need to be the one to tell them. Your girls are strong young women, and they got that from you, they will deal with it, because you taught them how to. You need to tell them. If time is something you don’t think you have that much of, then all the more reason to right?”
As the woman sat in sadness as Kirsten tried her best to comfort her a silent figure on her way to see Julie, accidentally stumbling upon their conversation, turned on their heels and walked away.
***
As the six friends sat on the floor around the coffee table at the dorm with Evermore’s ‘Running’ playing so lightly in the background it could barely be heard, they all ate while caught up in random conversation.
“What would you rather have 28 navels or 14 toes?” Kyle asked.
“Then what would happen to all my shoes?” Summer unsurprisingly answered.
“Would you rather be blind or deaf?” Ryan posed the question to the others.
“Deaf”, they said in unison.
“Would you rather do a jail sentence for 1 year or send your friend to jail for 10 years?”
“Jail for 1 year”, Marissa answered taking a bite out of her salad.
“Okay, find your parents having sex or your parents finding you having sex?” Summer questioned.
“Your parents find you…” Ethan said.
“Yeah agreed”, Seth supporting the notion.
“See, you’ll get over the fact that they saw you having sex, but the image of them having sex will stay with you forever.” Ethan continued as the others just laughed.
“Okay I have one”, said Marissa. “Would you rather run naked through a mall, or through the school.”
“The mall”, responded Kyle, “There’s less likelihood you’ll see the people in the mall ever again.”
“Would you rather be able to fly, or read people’s thoughts?”
“Do you have a choice whether you want to read their thoughts or not?”
“No.” Seth retorted.
“Hmmm…then I don’t know, they could be some sick-o, I’d rather be able to fly then.”
“Would you rather everything you say be an insult or a come-on?”
“That’s a hard one…” Ryan answered as Marissa nodded, agreeing with him.
“Okay, okay, how about”, Ethan began, “would you rather have the ability to foresee the future, or change the past.”
The five of them suddenly became quiet as they all deeply considered his last question, all of them pondering their own lives, the choices they’ve made, their futures, the things they wish they could do over…some having more things to consider than others.
You don’t need a broken heart, to know a heart can be broken
You just need to open your eyes
We don’t need to be deceived, to know a lie can be spoken
We don’t have to learn everything twice
***
After Kirsten had left the office to resume work, Julie remained static in her office buried within herself, her eyes sealed, the door shut, and the drapes closed. The tears continued to stream freely as each drop left her cheek and splattered vicariously on scattered documents. Before she knew it the copy of her will was on the verge of staining so she quickly propped it back in its folder and set it aside back in her draw as she prayed that everything she did and would continue to do as a mother would help to see her daughters through this world.
I don’t know
I really don’t know if this castle in the sand
Is strong enough to stand…
The lights come down
I feel I could
The lights come down
And I know I should step away, turn around
Let my feet hit the ground
Running, running
Running, running
***
Song / Running by Evermore