Looking back
I had a moment, yesterday, when I was thinking about how long I've known Ang and I realized that it will almost be 7 years (end of July). Which made me realize that I've know Turtle and Feather and Aaron for twice that. I'm almost thirty. How...scary. Am I supposed to be grown up now? Am I supposed to make all the right decisions about my future? Am I supposed to know what i want to do, or who I am?
I don't feel that. I still just feel like me. I don't feel like I did three years ago. I know I've learned a lot; I know I won't just roll over any more. Anger doesn't scare me so much any more...Ediebelle said something interesting the other day about that. She said that when evil comes across my path that my anger at it's audacity is scary. That suprised me because I don't remember being like that before, but she said that I was, especially with a certain situation that was like an old wound I kept tearing open just to be enraged again that it was there. Or something along those lines. Which was true, about the wound thing. But that's gone now, replaced with a scare that I can barely see anymore and all the fighting and healing to get there was hard, but wow do I feel better about that wound, anyways.
I guess I just won't let anyone think they can walk over me anymore, or simply see through me, as though I don't matter. I am not a doormat, so keep your feet to yourself. It feels good to feel this way, to be someone who *knows* they won't allow that to happen, to be able to stand up for myself. Maybe that's a grown up thing. I think so, or maybe it's just me being more confident in myself. Yes, that sounds right.
So maybe not completely grown up, though i doubt I ever will...who wants to grow up, really? And miss out on all those imaginative things? :)
Ahhh...don't we love remeniecing on the drink drink...hey and before you all say anything, it's the weekend and I don't have to work tomorrow! :P
Love and Light!