(no subject)

[wolfjaw]

Have you ever wondered what was wrong with me? If I have ever offended or disgusted, a person was very dishonest. People are shallow and sex-driven, regardless if they believe it or not. I can recall my sophomore year in college. I went to a fraternity party. I had a few mixers. The next thing I know, the girl I was with was requesting me to retire to a private venue with her. It was apparent from the crotch-massage her knee was giving me. Something happened to me at that moment; it isn't what you are thinking. Things became less fuzzy and my god-damned rationale kicked in. "This is not what I want," I can remember thinking. Some of my friends ignore that alarm in their head. They look out only for their needs, regardless of the consequences that may follow. You play nice just so long as you get yours. I can't do that. I constantly keep this thought on the edge of my mind:

"Think about what you're saying and who you're saying it to."

It is a variation on "Think before you speak." Quite frankly, every time I use that logic I don't speak. I have no reason to speak. I have no one to speak to. If I believe otherwise, the person I'm speaking to is dishonest. They are playing Nice. I had an incredible time at my best friend's wedding. I spent time with this woman. She stuck to me like I was a warm fire on a cold day. I was astonished. I instantly felt drawn to her simply because she seemed to want me around. The way to anyone's heart is to make them feel needed.

Make her feel needed. Where was that thought when I needed it?