Late night philosophy
Or something like that. These always seem to deteriorate towards the end into nonsense. I wonder why that is.
You know, it's kinda silly, but sometimes I'm scared that when I wake up, people will gone. I've had dreams where the walls of the front hall were covered with blood, and the floor gaped open like a steel trap, with sharp teeth that would clang shut and cut through anything.
It's almost happened. If I hadn't woken up so fast, and mom and dad hadn't done what they'd done, Zac might've died in our living room.
I'm actually very terrified of losing people. Death, estrangement (I think that's the word), drugs...
Death and drugs are the two big-hitters, I think. Sickness.
So many people go from sickness.
I've often wondered what it's like to slit your wrists and bleed. Or put a gun in the mouth and pull the trigger. Too scared to do it, not that I really want to, but the curiosity's there. Like ecstasy. I've always been curious about the drug, but I won't do it. Allergies as bad as my family's would probably have me dying from the reaction.
Like sex, I'm curious, but I'm too scared to do it. Too scared that it's the wrong person, there'll be bad side effects. Destruction of friendships so violent it tears everyone to pieces. That's why I can't do it. It's all wrong. Fear. Disassociation. Not mine not mine. It's all wrong. I'm all hollow but there's no way to fill the gap. So sorry Justin, please forgive me, I don't mean to hurt you but it was all wrong. It took me so long to realize I was so hollow and the space wouldn't fill, I'm sorry. Nothing here for you, forgive me.
I don't want to feel myself tearing apart from the inside. Souls merge and tear apart, I've seen it happen so often, I warned Kim not to do it, but she did it anyway and now she's got bits of her that won't heal, they're festering and she's filling up with anger in the pieces that are missing, and I don't want that to happen again. Not to her, not to me. It's almost happened to me and I could feel myself screaming in terror deep inside, scared but too wide-eyed to move.
A duality. The one part wants to reach out and take, discover and understand the need that drives it, the other part shies away, trying desperately to avoid the pain and the slow decaying death. The two leave me immobile. Rooted in place and incapable of doing one or the other.
But force things on me and so help me, I'm going to have to slap a bitch. Don't. Touch me. Not unless you mean it. And by mean it I mean it better be more than just your need to satisfy your craving and desire. Filthy, so filthy, I'm covered in it and I'm rotting on the inside. I AM NOT YOUR SEX TOY.
Having your face shoved into a mattress does that. One time too many. What? Say nothing. Not yours to play with. Find something else to amuse yourself with.
...Now that I've worked that out of my system and uploaded a ton of new icons for myself...I think I'm off to bed. *loves to all*
You know, it's kinda silly, but sometimes I'm scared that when I wake up, people will gone. I've had dreams where the walls of the front hall were covered with blood, and the floor gaped open like a steel trap, with sharp teeth that would clang shut and cut through anything.
It's almost happened. If I hadn't woken up so fast, and mom and dad hadn't done what they'd done, Zac might've died in our living room.
I'm actually very terrified of losing people. Death, estrangement (I think that's the word), drugs...
Death and drugs are the two big-hitters, I think. Sickness.
So many people go from sickness.
I've often wondered what it's like to slit your wrists and bleed. Or put a gun in the mouth and pull the trigger. Too scared to do it, not that I really want to, but the curiosity's there. Like ecstasy. I've always been curious about the drug, but I won't do it. Allergies as bad as my family's would probably have me dying from the reaction.
Like sex, I'm curious, but I'm too scared to do it. Too scared that it's the wrong person, there'll be bad side effects. Destruction of friendships so violent it tears everyone to pieces. That's why I can't do it. It's all wrong. Fear. Disassociation. Not mine not mine. It's all wrong. I'm all hollow but there's no way to fill the gap. So sorry Justin, please forgive me, I don't mean to hurt you but it was all wrong. It took me so long to realize I was so hollow and the space wouldn't fill, I'm sorry. Nothing here for you, forgive me.
I don't want to feel myself tearing apart from the inside. Souls merge and tear apart, I've seen it happen so often, I warned Kim not to do it, but she did it anyway and now she's got bits of her that won't heal, they're festering and she's filling up with anger in the pieces that are missing, and I don't want that to happen again. Not to her, not to me. It's almost happened to me and I could feel myself screaming in terror deep inside, scared but too wide-eyed to move.
A duality. The one part wants to reach out and take, discover and understand the need that drives it, the other part shies away, trying desperately to avoid the pain and the slow decaying death. The two leave me immobile. Rooted in place and incapable of doing one or the other.
But force things on me and so help me, I'm going to have to slap a bitch. Don't. Touch me. Not unless you mean it. And by mean it I mean it better be more than just your need to satisfy your craving and desire. Filthy, so filthy, I'm covered in it and I'm rotting on the inside. I AM NOT YOUR SEX TOY.
Having your face shoved into a mattress does that. One time too many. What? Say nothing. Not yours to play with. Find something else to amuse yourself with.
...Now that I've worked that out of my system and uploaded a ton of new icons for myself...I think I'm off to bed. *loves to all*