Endings lead to new beginings
I need to log this. My memory is getting worse and well I see all the lies I have told myself in the past reading though older journals on here. It's amazing really.
First off, me and Chris are done. We ended our 6 year relationship. I have stayed with him out of fear. Fear of his abusive ways.T Things I've hidden from everyone. I am not a punching bag. I am tired of living in fear, tired of being a slave in a failing relationship.
While I know that it looks like I left Chris for Andrew (Keely) that is not the case. Kee helped me get out of there. Things with Chris have been bad for over a year (check my last post, its been bad since then) I DID NOT LEAVE CHRIS FOR KEELY DAMNIT. Yes, I ended up with Kee but GUESS WHAT?! HE FUCKING GETS ME. I don't have to feel like a freak or loser or anything around him, he just gets me. He is a furry and accepts the way I am.
Moving back home has been a huge hit for me. Yes I get to see Steph and Manda more but..it sucks. My parents are always fighting. My mom is on my case like always. I hate living on this. She goes out of her way to piss me off and i swear im going to snap I need someone to protect me. Take me in their arms and hold me. Tell me that it will be alright. Keep me from this world. Fight for me. I need an alpha. Im so low, im below even an omega. I should be a shamed to even call myself a wolf. I should be a mouse, or something even lower like a rabbit, scared of everything.
As of May 18, 2012 Keely asked me out. He is by far the only person who I have ever felt so connected with. He gets my feral side. He gets my obsession with scent and my weird mannerisms. He deals with my craziness and all my sickness. He deals with all the shit I throw at him. He is patient and kind. He doesn't seem to have an ounce of anger in him. I love him. My soul feels complete with him. It sings when I'm around him. I just feel right. When i'm not with him it hurts. Its like i need him to live. Yes that sounds extreme, but its how it is. I love that he just accepts everything. I have never been trusted so easily like i was with him. I know we were meant to be. Even with all my insecurities and neurotic tendencies.
I know this is unorganized and that's kinda pissing me off, but i needed all this out. It was weird i also was driving home from getting hit in the head by my bestie and heard this stipid song on the radio. Call me Maybe, and every time i hear it I think of how stupid he sings it and cant help but smile, hell im smiling now. Okay so anyway...me and Manda went to the mall like 2 days before he asked me out...and We wished on the fountain, a few times, and I wished that he would ask me out...well the very first line in that song is I threw a wish in the well, Don't ask me, I'll never tell I looked to you as it fell, and now you're in my way I trade my soul for a wish, pennies and dimes for a kiss I wasn't looking for this, but now you're in my way....
well...humm...SIGN MUCH? I just noticed that today, after listening to the song like 100 times now. Funny how last night I was sobbing and questioning everything and now this is put out there for me. I'll take it as a sign and stop making problems in my head that aren't there.
First off, me and Chris are done. We ended our 6 year relationship. I have stayed with him out of fear. Fear of his abusive ways.T Things I've hidden from everyone. I am not a punching bag. I am tired of living in fear, tired of being a slave in a failing relationship.
While I know that it looks like I left Chris for Andrew (Keely) that is not the case. Kee helped me get out of there. Things with Chris have been bad for over a year (check my last post, its been bad since then) I DID NOT LEAVE CHRIS FOR KEELY DAMNIT. Yes, I ended up with Kee but GUESS WHAT?! HE FUCKING GETS ME. I don't have to feel like a freak or loser or anything around him, he just gets me. He is a furry and accepts the way I am.
Moving back home has been a huge hit for me. Yes I get to see Steph and Manda more but..it sucks. My parents are always fighting. My mom is on my case like always. I hate living on this. She goes out of her way to piss me off and i swear im going to snap I need someone to protect me. Take me in their arms and hold me. Tell me that it will be alright. Keep me from this world. Fight for me. I need an alpha. Im so low, im below even an omega. I should be a shamed to even call myself a wolf. I should be a mouse, or something even lower like a rabbit, scared of everything.
As of May 18, 2012 Keely asked me out. He is by far the only person who I have ever felt so connected with. He gets my feral side. He gets my obsession with scent and my weird mannerisms. He deals with my craziness and all my sickness. He deals with all the shit I throw at him. He is patient and kind. He doesn't seem to have an ounce of anger in him. I love him. My soul feels complete with him. It sings when I'm around him. I just feel right. When i'm not with him it hurts. Its like i need him to live. Yes that sounds extreme, but its how it is. I love that he just accepts everything. I have never been trusted so easily like i was with him. I know we were meant to be. Even with all my insecurities and neurotic tendencies.
I know this is unorganized and that's kinda pissing me off, but i needed all this out. It was weird i also was driving home from getting hit in the head by my bestie and heard this stipid song on the radio. Call me Maybe, and every time i hear it I think of how stupid he sings it and cant help but smile, hell im smiling now. Okay so anyway...me and Manda went to the mall like 2 days before he asked me out...and We wished on the fountain, a few times, and I wished that he would ask me out...well the very first line in that song is I threw a wish in the well, Don't ask me, I'll never tell I looked to you as it fell, and now you're in my way I trade my soul for a wish, pennies and dimes for a kiss I wasn't looking for this, but now you're in my way....
well...humm...SIGN MUCH? I just noticed that today, after listening to the song like 100 times now. Funny how last night I was sobbing and questioning everything and now this is put out there for me. I'll take it as a sign and stop making problems in my head that aren't there.