28 Weeks Later
This movie is about a virus that makes people into super aggressive, zombie-like killers. But with everyone involved being completely stupid in the first place, it's amazing anyone noticed that the virus makes you aggressive AND zombie like.
Anyone who knows me, knows I don't think very highly of many people. I typically think that people, in general, are pretty dumb. Yes, this makes me an arrogant ass sometimes, but at least I can never be accused of expecting too much smarts from folks, unless they're one of those rare folks I've come to respect and appreciate as being significantly brighter than the average bulb (and hopefully you folks know who you are).
But even saying that, even with my already low expectations of how smart the average moron is, the people portrayed in this film are completely-fucking-beyond-redemption stupid.
The best way to deal with civilians in a crises is to unexpectedly herd them all into a group, sirens blaring, lock them up, and then shut off the lights. That way when the zombies find them, the super virus can spread to the whole bunch of them in a few seconds and they'll wait peacefully and calmly for rescue. They won't panic at all. Why would they?
Oh, and the best way to quarantine a potentially infected person is in the same area your keeping all the civilians. That way, if they are infected, and it starts to spread, they're right in the middle of the area than non-infected folks are living. :P
Because you know, having the quarantine/medical assessment facility securely locked away outside the civilian 'safe' area - and well guarded by troops - is just ridiculously paranoid and dumb. Unlike the aforementioned 'keeping the rabid wolf in the dog kennel' plan they actually used, which is obviously smart.
Remember kids: SUV's and sweaters-over-the-nose can keep you safe from lethal zombie-killing gas. And if your looking to die dramatically, don't worry about popping open the door to hop outside and push - after all, gas can't get inside if your fast. Also, if your intended to die by flame thrower to the tune of a entire string-section generating a sense of sympathy and pathos, you can survive the zombie-killing gas for a good five minutes, even breathing heavy and pushing a car, even though it killed the zombies in seconds!
Oh, and here's a pro-tip - If your escorting a child that may be the key to curing the zombie virus, please expect everyone to accept that you're doing the right thing without even explaining it to them. Because explaining things to people who can help you takes too long and is too smart, and we're trying to be dumb.
If your a soldier killing zombies with a flame thrower, remember even zombies may be doing human-like things, suck as hiding in a car, trying to start it, and/or communicating loudly - and coherently - with the folks inside. Zombies are tricksy little bastards, and your just not that bright. Best just to kill them.
Helicopters can be disrupted easily - and to much dramatic effect - by jumping onto their *landing gear*. However, that same chopper can use it's *rotors* to mow down zombie hoards, while flying, to no ill effect. Amazing!
Really, this show sucked, and I haven't even gotten into what apparently passes for dramatic cinematography and directing. I'm stoned on pain pills and still couldn't suspend my disbelief long enough to get into it. This is the perfect example of why awesome, comparatively low-budget films should never be franchised. And if they are, at least try to spend the money on a decent script, not on shitty, shaky 'victim cams' and explosives. :P
Anyone who knows me, knows I don't think very highly of many people. I typically think that people, in general, are pretty dumb. Yes, this makes me an arrogant ass sometimes, but at least I can never be accused of expecting too much smarts from folks, unless they're one of those rare folks I've come to respect and appreciate as being significantly brighter than the average bulb (and hopefully you folks know who you are).
But even saying that, even with my already low expectations of how smart the average moron is, the people portrayed in this film are completely-fucking-beyond-redemption stupid.
The best way to deal with civilians in a crises is to unexpectedly herd them all into a group, sirens blaring, lock them up, and then shut off the lights. That way when the zombies find them, the super virus can spread to the whole bunch of them in a few seconds and they'll wait peacefully and calmly for rescue. They won't panic at all. Why would they?
Oh, and the best way to quarantine a potentially infected person is in the same area your keeping all the civilians. That way, if they are infected, and it starts to spread, they're right in the middle of the area than non-infected folks are living. :P
Because you know, having the quarantine/medical assessment facility securely locked away outside the civilian 'safe' area - and well guarded by troops - is just ridiculously paranoid and dumb. Unlike the aforementioned 'keeping the rabid wolf in the dog kennel' plan they actually used, which is obviously smart.
Remember kids: SUV's and sweaters-over-the-nose can keep you safe from lethal zombie-killing gas. And if your looking to die dramatically, don't worry about popping open the door to hop outside and push - after all, gas can't get inside if your fast. Also, if your intended to die by flame thrower to the tune of a entire string-section generating a sense of sympathy and pathos, you can survive the zombie-killing gas for a good five minutes, even breathing heavy and pushing a car, even though it killed the zombies in seconds!
Oh, and here's a pro-tip - If your escorting a child that may be the key to curing the zombie virus, please expect everyone to accept that you're doing the right thing without even explaining it to them. Because explaining things to people who can help you takes too long and is too smart, and we're trying to be dumb.
If your a soldier killing zombies with a flame thrower, remember even zombies may be doing human-like things, suck as hiding in a car, trying to start it, and/or communicating loudly - and coherently - with the folks inside. Zombies are tricksy little bastards, and your just not that bright. Best just to kill them.
Helicopters can be disrupted easily - and to much dramatic effect - by jumping onto their *landing gear*. However, that same chopper can use it's *rotors* to mow down zombie hoards, while flying, to no ill effect. Amazing!
Really, this show sucked, and I haven't even gotten into what apparently passes for dramatic cinematography and directing. I'm stoned on pain pills and still couldn't suspend my disbelief long enough to get into it. This is the perfect example of why awesome, comparatively low-budget films should never be franchised. And if they are, at least try to spend the money on a decent script, not on shitty, shaky 'victim cams' and explosives. :P