(no subject)
While in some ways I am happy right now i have fallen on to bad habits lately. Things I didn't think i would do again. I had to hurt again...I had to....Part of me is sad...but not all of me. I feel like this time I was allowed to both times. Once was worse then the other....Once was like before except i only needed one line instead of the 4 or 5 I used to. I had done skills for hours and it wasn't working....I paged and it didn't help....I paged again....I finally broke down....I had to. One line, one inch long and the world got better and the noise went away and i could sleep. In class today i found i can make crescent moon shapes with my fingernails and the red stay for a while on my white skin. i needed it then too. I will maybe always need it.
Hartigan doesn't like me marking myself. I am sad when I dissapoint him because...well just because. When he is with me and I need it he does it for me and there is something better about that. I am not sure why it is better for him to do it then for me but he says it is and i understand that and respect it. I am sure he is right and he has helped alot. I don't think he believes it when i tell him how much he has helped me but he does, and I know it so i guess that is all that matters.
I will have to tell Alison. She will understand and want to talk more but I can justify this is the sad thing.
sigh...Life...it Burns
Hartigan doesn't like me marking myself. I am sad when I dissapoint him because...well just because. When he is with me and I need it he does it for me and there is something better about that. I am not sure why it is better for him to do it then for me but he says it is and i understand that and respect it. I am sure he is right and he has helped alot. I don't think he believes it when i tell him how much he has helped me but he does, and I know it so i guess that is all that matters.
I will have to tell Alison. She will understand and want to talk more but I can justify this is the sad thing.
sigh...Life...it Burns