Oy

[wolfcaroling]

Okay, so videos are uploading, but it's gonna take a while.

Option 1: 
Kitchen is bone white walls, with grey tile, and bone white cabinets. rosy taupe walls in hallway/living room. One bedroom has yellow walls, the other two are robin egg blue (might clash with our red satin sheets!). Cheap counters, all new stove and fridge. Laminate upstairs and

Comments

[orenda]

That sounds exactly like depression.
It plays weird tricks on your mind and disguises your frame of reference so that you never realise just how bad things are until you've started to get better. It also strongly encourages blaming yourself for everything wrong with your life. That's what makes it so hard to fight, because you can't trust your own viewpoint and because there will be truth to every negative thing you think, just twisted slightly or shifted a few shades darker. That's how all the best lies work.
I also think it comes out in different people in different ways. They've found it's not really the sadness part of depression that tends to make suicide likely - it's lowered inhibitions. I have nothing to back this up, but I think people who are prone to strong swings or risk-taking behaviour (often because of other co-morbid disorders) are much more likely to be at risk of self-harm. We introverts tend to be more subdued about things. Which isn't to say things can't get really, REALLY bad, just that that final step takes a much bigger push. Mild to moderate depression is going to be much more blatant in some people than others.
And even if it's not depression or some other mish mash of stuff, even if it is what you consider just needing a kick in the pants, that's what therapy is FOR. It's helping you figure out what you are doing that's contributing to you being unhappy and then how to reprogram those behaviours and thought processes. It's not an indulgence. It only helps if you actually do the work yourself. It's a lot like trying to clicker train yourself. You just sometimes need a professional to guide it because our sense of perspective tends to go all wonky when examining ourselves.

[orenda]

^THIS^

*claps hands*

Exactly! Well put!

~ Hannah

[wolfcaroling]

Benn is going to take me down to the tri-cities mental health centre. According to my GP, who was too busy to do much more than prod my uterus and then fill out a blood sheet and remind me to take folic acid before trying for a baby, they have excellent nurses there who can get you a referral even faster than a GP can anyway.

Ugh.