Story Time
"Like it would matter to him anyway! I could be killed and he wouldn’t break stride over it! He doesn’t care about me, he doesn’t care about you…" I sobbed deeply. Sickly shivers, so cold. I ached. I wanted to vomit. I sat down on the nearest barstool. Monk set his hand on my back. I calmed down a little, forcing the rest out bitterly. "And he doesn’t care about his kid."
I don’t say things like that around Monk. I don’t think I’ve ever said it so directly around him before, but the kid isn’t naive. Jennings, I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew as soon as I did. Although I figured he knew, I still couldn’t bring myself to say it out-loud. Somehow, if I didn’t say it, it just wasn’t real.
V fixed me a plate, and I sat down at the bar, same as always, staring at my plate more than usual, I guess. I glanced up at Steve every now and then. He smiled back encouragingly, his leaves as brilliant as ever. I swear, that plant is a mutant.
But I couldn’t look at Monk. He sat on the stool next to me, just staring. He looked like feds. He leaned against the bar, his arms sort of crossed on it, and he looked positively miserable. I finished my plate; drank my water. I got up a couple times refilling my cup, but he just sat there on the verge of tears, just waiting for something. A moment I guess.
When I was done, I just sat there with my empty cup and plate, looking straight ahead. It was probably a half-hour after I finished eating, and still he just sat there. I couldn’t take it.
"Look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, ok Monk? I’m not a hero. I’m not even a good person, ok? If you knew all of the things I’ve done..." Still he sat there, looking. Finally I turned, and looked right into his bright, mournful eyes. Jennings, it’s mind-searing to look so deep, to discover the untold fathoms of his beautiful soul, to see vast dreamscapes on those eyes of his. More tears came. "Monk..."
"Kari? I love you. You’re the only sister I’ve ever had, and you’ve been better to me than anyone I’ve ever known. I don’t care about all of that. I love you. I just... I love you, Kari." I was crying harder now, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. My eyes fixed so strong that other things around him seemed to be even darker, almost revealing how unimportant it all was. I would have hid the tears, but somehow that wasn’t important either.
"Kari, I need you to hold me now, ok? I need you to tell me it’ll be ok." I nodded, and threw my arms around him. I could feel the tears on his cheeks too.
"It’ll work out, Monk. No matter what happens, I’m still your sister, right? I’m here for you, Monk." Why the scourge was I the one comforting him? He doesn’t always make sense that way. Though sometimes later, I look back and finally see what he knew all along.
I ran my fingers through his hair, softly, gently, just like when he was younger. Like when I found him.
He would have died, maybe even that night. The boy was alone on the streets. He would never say exactly why, not even to me. Filthy as scourge though, and his clothes were thin and falling apart. Just like him. It was November, too.
Not to say I had a whole lot, but it was way more than him. A place to sleep, a few blankets. For food, there was begging, snatching... prostitution. But only when I had to. I never told the kid about that, though he probably knew that too. The whole city was repping cold ten months out of the year, and so we slept next to each other under all of the blankets. At night, I stroked his hair to get him to fall asleep, especially on those first nights.
After I met Hachi, he put us both up with V, and sent us extra food, so that between that and V’s food rations, all three of us had enough to eat. But there was always pressure about it, favors he needed done. Just like tomorrow. Jennings, if there were ever some other way.
Monk’s breathing was calmer now, and I pulled away to look at him. His eyes were softer, easier to look into now. This time, he put his arms around me.
"It’s ok, Kari. It’s ok. You’re my sister, no matter what happens. Soon, I’ll take care of you. I promise."
~~~
A bit more for all of you.