Birds of a Feather
Chapter 22: Game On!
Summary: After Fawkes rescues Severus Snape from the Shrieking shack, the phoenix decides to stick around.
The usual disclaimer applies. See Chapter 1.
A/N: The next chapter isn't ready yet, so Lucius is going to entertain us with a story instead. And - who knows? - it might even be true. Thank you, Lucius!
~~~~~
"When the Sorting Hat cried 'Slytherin', I wasn't surprised," Lucius Malfoy said. "Young Severus looked like a neglected waif, which of course is exactly what he was, but he had an intensity about him that caught my interest immediately. As a Slytherin Prefect, it was my duty to clean him up and get him started on the right foot, which actually proved to be fairly easy, because he was thrilled to be sorted into Slytherin and he desperately wanted to fit in. For him, it was a dream come true."
Rita Skeeter looked up from taking notes. "Some say that being sorted into Slytherin is what sealed his fate," she said.
"Nonsense!" said Lucius. "If anything sealed his fate, it was the day he met that Gryffindor girl, long before he ever set foot in Hogwarts." Then he smiled warmly and added, "You would have been a credit to Slytherin House, Rita. It's a great loss that you went to Beauxbatons."
Rita smiled back and then returned to her notes. Lucius took the opportunity to sneak a quick glance at her long, shapely legs and her iridescent green stilettos. Not that he would ever dream of cheating on Narcissa, of course, but there was no denying that Rita Skeeter was an attractive woman, and there was no harm in looking.
"As you might expect, Severus hated the idea of charity," Lucius said, "but I convinced him that, as Slytherins, we had to maintain certain standards. I would give him some clothes that I'd outgrown, and he would pay me back in the future. When I said I'd throw in some of my old textbooks, his eyes lit up and I knew I had hooked him."
"I'm so glad you insisted on helping him, Lucius," Narcissa said. "He looked quite sharp in your old things, really, if a little bit out of date."
"We thought we might have to teach him manners, didn't we, Narcissa?" Lucius said, "but his mother had done that much for him, at least. And he watched the purebloods like a hawk, always studying their speech and deportment. If it weren't for his telltale last name, he would have been able to pass as a pureblood in no time."
"Muggles are all right in their place," Rita said, "but I gather that Tobias Snape was no gem."
"It's a shame that such a promising young man was saddled with such an unfortunate family situation," Narcissa agreed. "I said so myself at the time."
"He didn't let it hold him back, though," Lucius said. "He soon came up with a way to make a bit of pocket money: gambling. Gambling is forbidden at Hogwarts, of course, but that never stopped anyone. Slughorn turned a blind eye to it, except when he wanted to place a small wager himself. And of course, when he did, we always made sure that he won."
Draco smiled. When Snape was Head of House, he had always turned a blind eye to it, too, and now Draco understood why: Snape was carrying on the tradition that he had benefited from under Slughorn.
"Severus was very good at Wizard's Chess; apparently his mother had had some books on the subject, and he'd whiled away some boring afternoons studying the game. He also knew a muggle game called poker that he'd learned by watching his muggle father and his friends." Lucius couldn't quite hide his distaste at the thought of Tobias Snape and his mates. "Despite its muggle origins, it quickly became a hit in our common room, and eventually it spread to the other houses, too. The game seemed to be tailor-made for Slytherins, though, with the bluffing and strategy and so forth, and young Severus excelled at it.
"He was smart enough to know that, if he won too often, no one would play against him, so even though he hated losing, he limited his winnings to only a few percent, and he made sure that he occasionally had large losses. He would put on a good show, sulking when he lost, and he always had lots of eager opponents. But really, no one could hope to out-bluff him when he put his mind to it.
"Severus never gambled outside of Slytherin House, except for his big game against Sirius Black. That game was the stuff of legend, Rita! Not that it started out as a game of chance. The pooch-boy had slipped on the stairs and landed on his butt, and he claimed that Severus had tripped him. That might even have been true - who knows? - but he challenged Severus to duel him behind the greenhouses. I remember it like it was yesterday," Lucius said, with a faraway look in his eyes. "Severus was in his third year, I think. It was the year that I graduated."
~~~~~~
"I think not, Black," Severus said. "You may not care if you get expelled, but I do." He knew that, win or lose, he would be expelled for unsupervised dueling, even if he didn't hurt the Gryffindor thug. Black, on the other hand, would probably get off with detention.
"Coward!" Black sneered. A crowd was starting to gather.
"No, just sensible," Severus replied calmly, "but if you're so eager to face me, how about a little game? Poker, perhaps." He paused for a moment. "But of course, with your limited intellect, you wouldn't have a chance. It's a very subtle game, and you probably couldn't even figure out how to play it. Forget that I mentioned it."
"I can beat you any day, at anything, Snivellus!" Black roared.
Oh, now I've got him! Severus thought. Disowned by his family, Black didn't have any money except for whatever Potter happened to give him, but Severus would be pleased to take anything he had, and make a fool of him in the process.
"In the Charms classroom then, tonight at seven o'clock," Severus said.
~~~~~~
"What was Black thinking?" Rita asked. "Poker is no game for Gryffindors."
"Nobody ever said that Mr Dog-Breath was smart," Lucius said, chuckling. "Unfortunately, his pal James Potter was a bit brighter."
~~~~~~
Word of the challenge had spread quickly, although fortunately it hadn't reached the staff, and there was standing room only in the Charms classroom when seven o'clock rolled around and the two combatants took their places at the table. There was a ragtag assortment of Gryffindors and Slytherins, and naturally they gathered on opposite sides of the classroom. Some Hufflepuffs and a few Ravenclaws who'd turned up settled in the center. Kirby Pond, a Hufflepuff prefect, agreed to be the dealer. Letting either player touch the deck would have been the height of foolishness.
"Poker?" said Black. "Isn't that the game where you have to bet your clothes, and the first one to get naked is the loser?"
"Don't be absurd. It's played for money," Severus sneered.
~~~~~~
"I'd provided him with a substantial stake for the game, of course," Lucius said proudly, "and along with Potter, I was a referee, casting the privacy charms on the classroom, and the anti-cheating spells."
~~~~~~
"No, it's called Strip Poker for a reason, Snivellus," Black said, "which is that you've got to take your clothes off."
"We're going to play Draw Poker, idiot. As in Five-Card Draw. For money. The thought of seeing you naked makes me ill."
"You don't get to decide," Potter said, grinning. "We'll put it to a vote! Who here wants to see them play Strip Poker? Raise your hands!"
James Potter always was a jerk.
~~~~~~
"It happened too fast, and there was nothing I could do to stop it," Lucius said. "The worst part of it was that Potter had invented a variation in which the players had to put the clothes on the table first, when they made a bet, and they couldn't put them back on again, no matter who won the round. I objected strongly, of course," Lucius added. "That is not how the game is supposed to be played! One should only have to take clothes off after one loses."
Narcissa looked aghast. "You've never actually played it, have you?"
"Of course not, dear," Lucius reassured her. "It's totally undignified. I am familiar with the concept, however."
"In any event," Lucius continued, "all of the Gryffindors voted for Potter's rules, and some of the others, too, so they passed, despite the fact that the Slytherins all voted against them. Some people would much rather watch people losing their clothes than winning money, it seems." He shook his head as though he found that impossible to comprehend.
"So Severus was trapped. I knew he was self-conscious about his body - he usually showered early, before anyone else was up, for example - but he didn't dare let Black and Potter know that, so he had to pretend he didn't care."
~~~~~~
The problem wasn't that Severus was losing. He wasn't. Black was losing, but he was raising his bets like a deranged stockbroker, and he proved to be wearing a lot of clothes. It was a question of which one of them would run out first.
I've been set up! Severus realized. They must have planned this after I challenged Black. Potter must have thought it up. It's way too clever for Black. Lucius should have put a stop to it as soon as Potter brought it up.
"I'll see that, and raise you a vest," Black said. They'd bet their sweaters this time. Their robes, scarves, and ties were already gone. Black stood up and made a show of wiggling out of his sweater and unbuttoning his vest. Then he twirled the garments over his head before he tossed them on the table. The Gryffindors cheered.
A disturbing thought was starting to dawn on Severus: Black is enjoying this! He's actually enjoying stripping in front of an audience. He loves the attention. Sweet Merlin, I'm doomed! At least Lily isn't here to see it. He could feel Lupin and Pettigrew staring intently, though.
~~~~~~
"Severus was a scrawny lad," Lucius said, "but no more so than many other boys his age, and he really had nothing to be ashamed of, although I'm sure no one could have convinced him of that. Black, on the other hand, was more heavily built and a bit pudgy. His sojourn in Azkaban probably thinned him down later on, but then he must have filled out again while he was hiding out with the Order of the Phoenix. I was there at the Ministry when he met his end, and he was really rather flabby then."
Rita nodded. "I never met Mr Black, but he certainly looked dreadful in his Wanted posters."
"He was never an appealing sight," Lucius agreed. "I remember I thought that Black was unusually hairy for a boy that young, but of course I didn't know about his Animagus-dog thing at that time. None of us did."
~~~~~~
Severus wasn't wearing a vest, so he had to substitute something else. "I'll call that," he said, putting one of his shoes on the table.
"No way!" said Potter. "A shoe doesn't equal a vest. It requires a shirt, at the very least."
"I beg to differ," said Lucius. "That's an excellent-quality shoe, far more valuable than that vest." It had once been his own shoe, after all. "And that vest is worn and threadbare. In fact, isn't that a rip I see in the lining?"
"Yup," said Kirby the dealer. He picked up the shoe and admired it. "Real nice leather, this."
"Who asked you?" Black snapped, but eventually he agreed to throw in his belt to bring up his bet. It had a gaudy Gryffindor belt-buckle that he claimed was extremely valuable. The Gryffindors hooted in agreement.
~~~~~~
"So let me see if I understand this properly. Mr Black's strategy was simply to keep betting, win or lose, because he knew Mr Snape would run out clothes first?" Rita asked.
Draco winced. He knew what it must have felt like. He'd had a similar problem when Moody, or whoever it was, had transformed him into a ferret. His clothes hadn't been changed with him, and when he was changed back to human, he was sitting beside a pile of his clothes, stark naked, and everyone was standing around laughing at him. He still had nightmares about it.
"That's right, Rita," Lucius said. "I'm not sure Black even knew how to play the game, but he was wearing more clothes than an onion has layers. His losses didn't matter. There was no way that Severus could outlast him, and they both knew it."
~~~~~~
Their shoes and socks disappeared in the next rounds. Even though Severus had been behind by one shoe, he won some small victories as Lucius continued to disparage the quality of Black's items, demanding that he make 'extra payments', while the spectators enjoyed the bickering. But Black didn't care. He happily threw in his shirt, revealing not his naked chest like everyone expected, but a layer of muggle-style long underwear! It was Gryffindor red, too. The Gryffindors roared with laughter.
Severus was on the edge of panic, but somehow he managed to maintain his disinterested expression and relaxed posture. It would be his shirt next, and then …
His mind worked furiously, trying to come up with some way, any way, to disrupt the game. Perhaps he could he attract a professor somehow. But how? Maybe he could Incendio a small fire under Flitwick's desk? Or maybe he should just hex Black right through the wall and be done with it. Being expelled might not be so bad after all. Not nearly as bad as being forced to strip naked in front of Black and the crowd.
~~~~~~
"All eyes were on the players, so there was really nothing Severus could do without someone noticing," Lucius said. "Even with the help of concealment charms, someone was bound to spot it, so I knew I had to do something.
"I was up to the challenge, of course," he said proudly. "Potter had cast the privacy spell that kept the noise from being overheard in the hall, so while the crowd was laughing at Black, I wordlessly cast the countercharm. After that, it was just a matter of time before the staff would notice the commotion. And everyone would think that it was Potter's fault because his spell hadn't been up to snuff." Lucius smiled at his own cleverness.
~~~~~~
"Finished yet, Black?" Severus drawled as Black bowed to the spectators, "or are you going to give them an encore?"
"They love me, Snivellus," Black said, sneering, and he bowed again, making sure to point his derriere at his opponent. The Gryffindors whistled and cheered.
I might as well be hung for a wolf as hung for a lamb, Severus thought, and slipping his wand out under the table, he cast a silent, slow-acting itching hex on Black. A murmur ran through the Slytherin section. Some of them must have seen me, he knew, but I think the Gryffindors missed it; they're too busy laughing at Black's antics.
Grinning, Black sat down and Kirby dealt the next hand. It was Black's turn to make the opening bet, but at least that meant he wouldn't get a chance to raise it. That wasn't much consolation, though, because Severus didn't have anything left that he was willing to take off.
"Trousers this time, Snivellus," Black said, starting to unfasten his. "And you have to match it with trousers. You can keep your shirt, for now." He reached over his left shoulder to scratch his back.
"My shirt is far better than your pants," Severus said, playing for time. "In fact, if I match your bet with my shirt, it amounts to a raise and you'll have to throw in that dreadful red undergarment."
Black wasn't really listening though. He was twisting around, trying to scratch his back with both hands, which meant that his unfastened trousers were free to fall down around his knees. That impeded him when he tried step forward, and he staggered and fell. Then he started thrashing around, rubbing his itchy back against the floor and making unintelligible noises.
"Unfair!" cried Lupin, jumping up from his seat. "They've done something to him!"
Potter drew his wand. "Snape, you cheating creep …"
~~~~~~
"I drew my wand then," Lucius said, "and of course Severus and the Slytherins followed my lead. Then all the Gryffindors did likewise, and Pettigrew fired off a wild hex that barely missed Kirby Pond. Pandemonium broke out, with Gryffindors and Slytherins sniping at each other. The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were caught in the crossfire and dove for cover. And Black continued to thrash about on the floor, trying to strip off the remainder of his clothes in a futile attempt to stop the itching."
Rita chuckled. She'd long ago stopped taking notes and was leaning back in her chair, sipping her sherry and enjoying the story.
"The racket was incredible," Lucius added. "It sounded like a fireworks display was in progress, and it looked like it, too, so it was no surprise when Professor Sprout came barging in."
~~~~~~
"Stop this at once, all of you!" Pomona Sprout shouted, waving her wand angrily. "What's going on in here?"
Everyone froze, of course, although Severus managed to discretely release the itching hex while she was looking around the classroom in shock.
"Mr Black! What in the world are you …"
Black had stopped thrashing and was lying there on his back, partially naked and tangled up in the long underwear. He looked up at her sheepishly, "I, errr, well I, uh …"
"Never mind!" Pomona said. "I don't think I want to know. Detention, each and every one of you, and 20 points each from your Houses!" She was particularly annoyed to see Hufflepuffs in the group, including one of her prefects.
"You'll pay for this, Snape!" Potter hissed as they filed out of the wrecked classroom. "Some day, we'll make you pay!"
~~~~~~
"So we all spent a lot of time doing chores over the next few weeks," Lucius said, laughing, "starting with cleaning up the Charms classroom. It was a shambles. And all of the Quidditch teams were a bit short-staffed for a while, except for Ravenclaw - there hadn't been many Ravenclaws in the crowd. Maybe no one had bothered to tell most of them; they tend to be a bit stuffy.
"Anyway, it was a good thing that Professor Sprout never figured out what was really going on, or it would have been a lot worse. Kirby Pond told me that the Hufflepuffs thought it had been worth it, despite the detentions, because it had all been so exciting. And the pooch-man's belt, with its big Gryffindor belt-buckle, graced the wall in the Slytherin trophy room right up to the end." A sad expression crossed his face. "I wish I could show it to you."
When the Houses had been officially disbanded during the summer, all of the House trophies, some of which were hundreds of years old, had been put into storage until the Board of Governors decided what to do with them.
Lucius picked up the cut-glass decanter. "More sherry, Rita? Narcissa?" Draco was on his second elf-made beer.
"No, thank you," said Rita, looking longingly at her empty glass. "It's been lovely, but it's getting late, and I'm afraid really I must be going. Could we continue this another time, perhaps?" Interviewing Lucius had turned out to be a lot more interesting and fun than she'd expected, and she'd gained a colorful story for her book about Severus.
"Of course, Rita," Lucius said, smiling, "I'm sure we can arrange another session whenever you'd like." He'd be happy to give her another story. One could never go wrong by gaining favor with wizarding Britain's most influential reporter.
A/N: This story is usually updated first at fanfiction.net. See wolfwillow there.