Out by the lake

[wolf_in_hiding]

Remus was annoyed. He wasn't sure why. Just the vague feeling of being trapped made Remus go alone to the lake. He didn't want to be bothered by pranks, being witty or even being studious.

Lighting a cigarette he had hidden in his things, Remus sat by a large tree and tried to decide what to do.

Comments

[theonlydogstar]

Sirius left the castle and noticed the glow of a cigarette as he turned toward the lake. He wandered and noticed Remus, seemingly deep in thought.

"Hi... um, want some company?"

[wolf_in_hiding]

Remus looked up. He nodded and continued to smoke.

"What's wrong?"

[theonlydogstar]

"I could ask you the same thing." Sirius gestured to the cigarette. "Got another one of them? It's not that often you smoke. I figure something must be bothering you."

He continued to stand, kicking idly at a clump of grass.

[wolf_in_hiding]

Remus tossed him the pack. He shrugged "I'm not exactly sure. I felt confined in there. I felt caged."

Looking up at the night sky, Remus gestured at the almost full moon. "Suppose it's that, but sometimes it's just me getting nervous or worried."

[theonlydogstar]

Sirius nodded. "Nervous? Worried about what?" He let a cigarette fall from the pack and lit it, dragging deeply on it. "The change, or something else?"

He plonked himself down where he was, not next to Remus, sensing the other boy didn't want to be crowded right now.

[wolf_in_hiding]

Making a vague gesture at the castle, Remus sighed. "Who knows. I don't worry over the change much any longer. I do worry about my marks and school will be over, for the term, in a short time."

He took a drag off his cigarette. "I appreiciate it, but I get a bit worn by those 'looks' Madame Pomfrey gives me. Like I am going to expire soon."

[theonlydogstar]

Sirius smiled. "I didn't think the change worried you too much anymore. And as for your marks, you're doing fine." He flicked the ash and concentrated on the glow at the end of the cigarette. "Aren't you?"

He chuckled softly. "She cares love. Don't forget she doesn't know about Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail. She doesn't know how tough you are and how we look after you. She only sees you the morning after."

[wolf_in_hiding]

Remus nodded. "My marks are excellent, but I work really hard." He glanced at Sirius. "The change isn't bad like it was."

He sighed. "I think I am tired of being, or trying to, what people think I am. Calm, polite..." Remus shrugged again.

[theonlydogstar]

Sirius nodded.
Of course Remus' marks were fine.

The next statement was harder to come to terms with though. Sirius was momentarily surprised.
"Well, why do you?" Sirius dragged on his cigarette again. He didn't have to say anything while he did that.

What had brought this on?
When was he going to be changed?
If everyone found a nice Remus so appealing, what would happen when he displayed the other side of his personality?

"Start being whatever you want to be if it makes you happy. You are what matters. Don't be what they want you to be, what they expect you to be. What do you owe any of them?"

[wolf_in_hiding]

Remus shrugged again. "It's nothing. I feel this way sometimes. I will be fine and nice...all those things the Headmaster expects of me." He picked up a rock and looked out at the lake. The squid was eyeing Sirius again, so he dropped it.

"Why does that thing still hate you so much?"

[theonlydogstar]

"Dunno, I guess squids have long memories." Sirius resisted lobbing the rock. "Obviously it is something, otherwise you wouldn't be sitting out here smoking. It's none to warm."

[wolf_in_hiding]

"Or it's just part of being an adult sooner or later." Remus flicked his cigarette. "Then again, this could be some tragic moment of brief introspection, to be followed by some immature prank." He chuckled.

[theonlydogstar]

"Ah." Sirius mused, trying to seem intellectual. "The 'I'm not an adult but I'm not a child anymore' syndrome."
Cigarette finished, Sirius stubbed it out and flicked it away. "Don't grow up in a hurry Moony. There's no point. It'll hit us quite soon enough."

[wolf_in_hiding]

Remus laughed. "I rather doubt I shall be all grown up ever." He smiled and moved over next to Sirius. "Besides, I know you won't let me go into these moods often."

[theonlydogstar]

"That's good to know. There's times when you scare me." Sirius dropped his arm across his boyfriend's shoulders. "All I can do is be there and try to help. If it doesn't make you feel any worse, you'll always have me."

The importance of those simple words suddenly dawned on Sirius. Remus would always have him. Sirius couldn't even contemplate a future without him. He was owned, body and soul.
And strangely enough, the situation didn't scare him as much as he'd always thought it would.

[wolf_in_hiding]

"It makes me feel better...", Remus laughed. "Wanker."

"Oooo...the big doggy is afraid of the frail boy...how manly.."

Remus was trying to move away, kind of, before the pouncing.