(no subject)
Everyone, seemingly, was in a horrible mood today.
Perhaps it's the rain. It's been raining here for the past two weeks, at least every other day. It's ranged from grey and cold to oppressively humid, and morale could be down due to that. Perhaps it's the fact that the torrent of exams that people have to go through are just now ceasing; I know for a fact that my last exam for this period is on Thursday, and even still I've had a lot of work to do. Perhaps it's the food, the pressing feeling of expectation, or a million other minute things. It works into a furious pace, a frothing at the mind, a uneasiness much like the one that comes after drinking too much coffee. And past this point, it never goes away for some of them. Whatever time was mashed out over the summer to give them calm to this point has been flushed out of their system, like a six-week-heroin-sweat-out slumber party.
Needless to say, people around me are getting edgy. That makes me edgy. I can almost feel the tension as I move amongst friends and strangers; a latent static hanging in the air, tiring. Instead of tiring, I find myself ducking classes and staying up late. As always the night seems to focus me, calm me. Perhaps it's just what I tell myself so I don't get all retarded mid-stride and break apart.
I've been considering going into counseling to see if taking mood-altering medications would make sense. While I feel fine (Fantastic, eve) most times... When I hit bottom, I hit bottom. Last winter was testament of that. I refuse to see that happen again now that I've gotten myself back into place, back into gear. Perhaps this Thursday I'll set up an appointment.
It's silent now except for the dull thrum of the computer, and the rain outside. Occasional cars pass by doing goodness knows what at this hour of the morning. I think it's due time for this box, this slow moving beast what moves towards Bethlehem, to instead take a nap.
I'd go and sit in the rain, but it's too cold, and too late to do so without ending up sick for a week. Alas.
"Let the wind blow this furious thing inside/ to spring forth some life"
Perhaps it's the rain. It's been raining here for the past two weeks, at least every other day. It's ranged from grey and cold to oppressively humid, and morale could be down due to that. Perhaps it's the fact that the torrent of exams that people have to go through are just now ceasing; I know for a fact that my last exam for this period is on Thursday, and even still I've had a lot of work to do. Perhaps it's the food, the pressing feeling of expectation, or a million other minute things. It works into a furious pace, a frothing at the mind, a uneasiness much like the one that comes after drinking too much coffee. And past this point, it never goes away for some of them. Whatever time was mashed out over the summer to give them calm to this point has been flushed out of their system, like a six-week-heroin-sweat-out slumber party.
Needless to say, people around me are getting edgy. That makes me edgy. I can almost feel the tension as I move amongst friends and strangers; a latent static hanging in the air, tiring. Instead of tiring, I find myself ducking classes and staying up late. As always the night seems to focus me, calm me. Perhaps it's just what I tell myself so I don't get all retarded mid-stride and break apart.
I've been considering going into counseling to see if taking mood-altering medications would make sense. While I feel fine (Fantastic, eve) most times... When I hit bottom, I hit bottom. Last winter was testament of that. I refuse to see that happen again now that I've gotten myself back into place, back into gear. Perhaps this Thursday I'll set up an appointment.
It's silent now except for the dull thrum of the computer, and the rain outside. Occasional cars pass by doing goodness knows what at this hour of the morning. I think it's due time for this box, this slow moving beast what moves towards Bethlehem, to instead take a nap.
I'd go and sit in the rain, but it's too cold, and too late to do so without ending up sick for a week. Alas.
"Let the wind blow this furious thing inside/ to spring forth some life"