(no subject)
I would be should be could be working on the four page essay due tomorrow in rough draft form for Jazz and Rock seventh period tomorrow, but since my heart and mind are so cluttered with the kind of fury that only passes with exhaustion, I'm sitting here and cutting ties that obviously need to be severed.
You always told me I gave people too many chances- I gave in and forgave too easily. Well here's where that trend ends. Ironically, it starts with you.
"You don't appreciate anything I do for you"
I'm seven-fucking-teen years old and live on the opposite end of the fucking country. If the fact that I care about you, and try to talk to you as much as possible despite the fact that you work all damn day and I have an entire LIFE of my own to attend to isn't good enough- I'll try and do better. I'll spend two hundred dollars and three days out of my life to fly myself, alone, down to fucking see you, and drive back with you, your older sister, a baby, and a bunch of other shit in the car.
Wait, that doesn't count either?
Well shit, then.
Yeah, in the past four years you've known me, I just recently turned into the type of unnapreciative, angry, and spiteful bastards you like to bitch about. Does it make it easier for you if I don't beg? I didn't do anything wrong. I wanted to see you, I wanted to spend time with you, I was incredibly excited to see you for my birthday and was thrilled that we were going to the show together because it was something that I wished you had been there for in the first place.
It was YOUR FUCKING CHOICE to change that, you're the one who told me to take Jess instead, when you KNOW that I didn't want to. That's just fucking childish, and stupid. Then you blame ME for WASTING YOUR MONEY.
YOU THINK I'M NOT AWARE OF YOUR FUCKING SITUATION?! YOU TELL ME EVERY GOD DAMN DAY.
I'm sorry you're sick. I'm sorry you're poor. I didn't do those things, they weren't my fault. You never should have left new hampshire in the first place, but you thought it would help. It turned out shitty, and now you're stuck. I CAN'T DO SHIT ABOUT IT. I listen, I care, just like you had done for me. What the fuck more do you want from me?
I'm so fucking angry I feel I could breathe fucking flames. Yeah, maybe I'm just so fucking cruel and hurtful that it OBVIOUSLY explains why she's so hurt over words- not like I have a right to be hurt over any of the shit she, or YOU for that matter, have done to ME for no fucking reason other than you just can't hold your damn temper in check.
The fact that this attitude is coming from you, it disgusts me.
This is not like you.
Call me when you feel like acting like yourself.
Or don't call me, at all. Ever.
You always told me I gave people too many chances- I gave in and forgave too easily. Well here's where that trend ends. Ironically, it starts with you.
"You don't appreciate anything I do for you"
I'm seven-fucking-teen years old and live on the opposite end of the fucking country. If the fact that I care about you, and try to talk to you as much as possible despite the fact that you work all damn day and I have an entire LIFE of my own to attend to isn't good enough- I'll try and do better. I'll spend two hundred dollars and three days out of my life to fly myself, alone, down to fucking see you, and drive back with you, your older sister, a baby, and a bunch of other shit in the car.
Wait, that doesn't count either?
Well shit, then.
Yeah, in the past four years you've known me, I just recently turned into the type of unnapreciative, angry, and spiteful bastards you like to bitch about. Does it make it easier for you if I don't beg? I didn't do anything wrong. I wanted to see you, I wanted to spend time with you, I was incredibly excited to see you for my birthday and was thrilled that we were going to the show together because it was something that I wished you had been there for in the first place.
It was YOUR FUCKING CHOICE to change that, you're the one who told me to take Jess instead, when you KNOW that I didn't want to. That's just fucking childish, and stupid. Then you blame ME for WASTING YOUR MONEY.
YOU THINK I'M NOT AWARE OF YOUR FUCKING SITUATION?! YOU TELL ME EVERY GOD DAMN DAY.
I'm sorry you're sick. I'm sorry you're poor. I didn't do those things, they weren't my fault. You never should have left new hampshire in the first place, but you thought it would help. It turned out shitty, and now you're stuck. I CAN'T DO SHIT ABOUT IT. I listen, I care, just like you had done for me. What the fuck more do you want from me?
I'm so fucking angry I feel I could breathe fucking flames. Yeah, maybe I'm just so fucking cruel and hurtful that it OBVIOUSLY explains why she's so hurt over words- not like I have a right to be hurt over any of the shit she, or YOU for that matter, have done to ME for no fucking reason other than you just can't hold your damn temper in check.
The fact that this attitude is coming from you, it disgusts me.
This is not like you.
Call me when you feel like acting like yourself.
Or don't call me, at all. Ever.