Edited and added
I woke up this morning to all of the sounds that make my world complete. The sound of her hair, soft and dark, sliding across her pillow, she's stirring even at this early hour. Something about her knows when I'm awake. The sound of the birds, fifteen minutes before the sun comes up; but I never miss it. It's my heart beat, day to day. The sound of the spring morning light, creeping over the tops of the trees, blanketing the world in a cover of clarity is like God is reaching across Mother Nature's shoulders, and giving her a gentle shake, whispering in her ear "Morning Comes..." It gives me an electric feeling, I feel the hair staind on the back of my neck. I realize I'm sitting up when she touches my hand and makes a barely audible noise; the simple gesture that meant I had pulled the blankets away from her, and her shoulders were getting cold. I think to myself all of the things I need to do; the boy needs his bicycle tires pumped up; she wants to help cook breakfast; I want to finish painting the play room; she wants to have family dinner; we all want to swim in the lake today... I think, just like I always do, about all of the things that need to be done, that I need to do, that won't go away unless I tend to them with individual attention. The responsibility that would nag me until the end of time, stressing me until I could no longer bear it.
This is what I'm thinking to myself, as I smile while I fall back into an ocean of warm blankets and soft hair and wrap my body close to her; that sound of a brand new morning, the touch of her warm skin to mine, it all makesthe ability to remember all of those helpless and frustrated feelings so god damn gratifying I feel cheated.
So I kiss her cheek, and whisper into her ear, through a mess of locks, a quiet and unprecedented "thank you". I know she won't hear me, but I know that she doesn't need to.
Because this is what happens at the end.
It wasn't always this easy, no. I can remember so clearly the sting of my younger years. While everyone around me was stuck in the awkward phase of growing from a boy to a man, I always felt stuck in reverse, trying to fit the mentality of a man into the life of a child.
The predicament was almost lethal for me; it left my heart quite overburdened and my social life underwritten. For far too long my education took a back seat to the responsibilities before me that demanded more attention and higher priority. My parents had failed me, and in many ways I would find myself emotionally damaged for a long time; socially handicapped. It's one thing, I feel, to be strong, independant, and self sufficient in the world of today. It's another to refuse the help of anyone who may try and give it. At first I was arrogant- I felt that I needed no one, and depending on someone was just a good opportunity to get eaten alive by the jaws of dependance and depsair.
Then came the breakdown. And I realized how I'd been going about things all wrong. I realized I needed to be able to accept and understand my own shortcomings so that I could allow the fatal mistakes to turn into life lessons, instead of letting them lie and rot in my heart until the festered into deep regrets, losing all educational value, however miniscule it might be. That's when everything changed.
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This is what I'm thinking to myself, as I smile while I fall back into an ocean of warm blankets and soft hair and wrap my body close to her; that sound of a brand new morning, the touch of her warm skin to mine, it all makesthe ability to remember all of those helpless and frustrated feelings so god damn gratifying I feel cheated.
So I kiss her cheek, and whisper into her ear, through a mess of locks, a quiet and unprecedented "thank you". I know she won't hear me, but I know that she doesn't need to.
Because this is what happens at the end.
It wasn't always this easy, no. I can remember so clearly the sting of my younger years. While everyone around me was stuck in the awkward phase of growing from a boy to a man, I always felt stuck in reverse, trying to fit the mentality of a man into the life of a child.
The predicament was almost lethal for me; it left my heart quite overburdened and my social life underwritten. For far too long my education took a back seat to the responsibilities before me that demanded more attention and higher priority. My parents had failed me, and in many ways I would find myself emotionally damaged for a long time; socially handicapped. It's one thing, I feel, to be strong, independant, and self sufficient in the world of today. It's another to refuse the help of anyone who may try and give it. At first I was arrogant- I felt that I needed no one, and depending on someone was just a good opportunity to get eaten alive by the jaws of dependance and depsair.
Then came the breakdown. And I realized how I'd been going about things all wrong. I realized I needed to be able to accept and understand my own shortcomings so that I could allow the fatal mistakes to turn into life lessons, instead of letting them lie and rot in my heart until the festered into deep regrets, losing all educational value, however miniscule it might be. That's when everything changed.
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