At Twighlight
It always seems that I have the most to say at daybreak... maybe it's because of my roommate who has a truly ridiculous sleep schedule (she always seems to be partying early in the morning when I'm trying to sleep)or maybe it's because thats when I get most of my thinking done anyways, when the whole rest of the world is sleeping and i have no one to talk to...
As of right now, I can with a postive certainty, say that I am happier now, than I have been in years. Right now, I have more confidence in myself, my beauty, and my talents than I ever did in middle school (oh GOD yes), highschool, or even anytime in college since then. I'm happier now than I was even in my relationship with Jake--which, upon closer inspection is quite a topic within itself:
My relationship with Jake, as I'm finding more and more, was not a relationship of true love, but more of first love. Our love was immature and inexperienced. It was our first taste. We didn't know what to expect, or how to react to it. It was a learning experience, and I'm glad I had it.
On the topic of relationships in general... I'm finding myself searching for someone lately. I search in my classes, at work, and even on the street. It might seem hard to understand why I'm searching now, as my new singledom has perpetuated only positive feelings in my life, but it doesn't seem all that weird to me. With this new found self-confidence and awareness comes the desire to share with other people. I've found one person in particular that I'd like to share myself with...
Mike is amazing. He makes me smile and laugh and THINK. He makes me giggle inside. He surprises me. He keeps me waiting and wanting. But most of all, Mike is one of the most respectful people I've ever met in my life. He comes from an interesting yet ordinary background, and seems to find outer interests that satisfy a certain "culture" he hasn't been exposed to. His taste is unique and quirky. He surrounds himself with good people. I dig him.
So what do I do with these new feelings? I've spent a lot of time going back and forth with other guys, never feeling ready or prepared, always worrying if my recent ex-relationship backmath will get in the way... but with Mike I feel ready. With Mike I'm not scared or worried, and I never wonder about the little shit. The situation is a little sticky right now, it could use some tidying up, but I don't sweat it. It's gonna happen....I'll just keep waiting and wanting. It's an enjoyable existence--you just gotta flip it on yourself.
A quick sidenote on the topic of friends:
I've got some amazing ones. Some that have been around for as long as I can remember, and I've made a bunch of new friends in the last few months as well. Old friendships have blossomed into new ones all over again, complete with excitement and maturity. The new ones seem to be sliding into place with the old... this city has a lot of cool people in it. I like the fact that I'm hanging out with non-UW students as well. It's offering a new perspective.... Above all else, I'd like to bring a certain attention to my cousin, Helen. You rock my world, girl. I can't thank you enough.
In an attempt to further my "self-betterment" plan (inclusive of everything from eating well, to excercize, to mental-health) I recently performed a self-written monologue at a local open-mic/variety show. I was extremely nervous about the whole idea of being on stage (something that I wouldn't have expected of myself) but now that I did it, I can't think of a better way to challenge myself. The monologue went very well, and was extremely well received. I can't wait until next month, to do another piece. I'm going to hit up the library this week and find a new monologue (perhaps something a bit more dramatic this time) to start memorizing. It won't be the same, not reading my own work, but I don't think I can come up with a monologue every month on my own. Cheers to overcoming your fears!
On that note, I good you bid evening, or really good morning sunshine, I should sleep an hour or two before work......
As of right now, I can with a postive certainty, say that I am happier now, than I have been in years. Right now, I have more confidence in myself, my beauty, and my talents than I ever did in middle school (oh GOD yes), highschool, or even anytime in college since then. I'm happier now than I was even in my relationship with Jake--which, upon closer inspection is quite a topic within itself:
My relationship with Jake, as I'm finding more and more, was not a relationship of true love, but more of first love. Our love was immature and inexperienced. It was our first taste. We didn't know what to expect, or how to react to it. It was a learning experience, and I'm glad I had it.
On the topic of relationships in general... I'm finding myself searching for someone lately. I search in my classes, at work, and even on the street. It might seem hard to understand why I'm searching now, as my new singledom has perpetuated only positive feelings in my life, but it doesn't seem all that weird to me. With this new found self-confidence and awareness comes the desire to share with other people. I've found one person in particular that I'd like to share myself with...
Mike is amazing. He makes me smile and laugh and THINK. He makes me giggle inside. He surprises me. He keeps me waiting and wanting. But most of all, Mike is one of the most respectful people I've ever met in my life. He comes from an interesting yet ordinary background, and seems to find outer interests that satisfy a certain "culture" he hasn't been exposed to. His taste is unique and quirky. He surrounds himself with good people. I dig him.
So what do I do with these new feelings? I've spent a lot of time going back and forth with other guys, never feeling ready or prepared, always worrying if my recent ex-relationship backmath will get in the way... but with Mike I feel ready. With Mike I'm not scared or worried, and I never wonder about the little shit. The situation is a little sticky right now, it could use some tidying up, but I don't sweat it. It's gonna happen....I'll just keep waiting and wanting. It's an enjoyable existence--you just gotta flip it on yourself.
A quick sidenote on the topic of friends:
I've got some amazing ones. Some that have been around for as long as I can remember, and I've made a bunch of new friends in the last few months as well. Old friendships have blossomed into new ones all over again, complete with excitement and maturity. The new ones seem to be sliding into place with the old... this city has a lot of cool people in it. I like the fact that I'm hanging out with non-UW students as well. It's offering a new perspective.... Above all else, I'd like to bring a certain attention to my cousin, Helen. You rock my world, girl. I can't thank you enough.
In an attempt to further my "self-betterment" plan (inclusive of everything from eating well, to excercize, to mental-health) I recently performed a self-written monologue at a local open-mic/variety show. I was extremely nervous about the whole idea of being on stage (something that I wouldn't have expected of myself) but now that I did it, I can't think of a better way to challenge myself. The monologue went very well, and was extremely well received. I can't wait until next month, to do another piece. I'm going to hit up the library this week and find a new monologue (perhaps something a bit more dramatic this time) to start memorizing. It won't be the same, not reading my own work, but I don't think I can come up with a monologue every month on my own. Cheers to overcoming your fears!
On that note, I good you bid evening, or really good morning sunshine, I should sleep an hour or two before work......