(no subject)
Its November and I'm still not dead. I celebrate while you plot.....suprise me next time......it might work. There is so much that I want to write in this blank little place in cyberspace, to tell you what is happening deep within this mind as well as what has happened. Oh how the rain had fallen on me, and oh had it washed me clean.....clean of everything but hurt. It was beautiful. I would wake to hate and the sting of water running too hot intentionally. I suppose to wash away the life I lived. Only time washes that away but it felt good to punish myself and think of all the maybes. Maybe if I.....no...there was no maybe it just didnt fucking happen. Took a long time to accept that.....maybe doesnt matter because the past has already passed and left you for dead. I tried everything to make the hurt go away, even forgetting....and the whole time it was only hurt that came from it. I suppose this poem i wrote during that time sums it up
"On a Cold Winters Night"
On a cold winters night that was so deep, I would not could not sleep. There I would lay and hope for the day that you Oh Angel would bring forth the promised eternity, that together we could still be far past the end of time.
But nay, the only thing that came from that night was the sight of my blood flowing fresh from this flesh, falling softly onto the snow. While far below the fires raged and the beast uncaged waiting for my arrival, waiting for his rival.
I looked to the stars but I could only see your scars, the ones I had caused. The ones you had inflicted. Oh how they glistened!And oh how I listened to the sound of your heartbeat, your sobs and sighs.
And on a cold winters night that was so deep all I found was rest was sleep in those fires down below.
J.W.M.
And so I was dead and in hell. And in hell there is insanity in surplus...but not on my part. I needed somewhere to land and I hit a demon instead of the flames.....I would have opted for the flames had I gone back....This one claimed to have loved me but I never could have loved her...as she knew and that is why she decided she would fabricate something to the extent of being with child. So I stayed a little longer to ensure it was a lie...as it was...she was infertile. Though as fate would have it,through lust this demon brought me to a tortured Angel of Sky and when I graced her lips I tasted purity. And I had to have more....
Months and months had passed.....and finally finally God felt it was my time for heaven. After torturing and killing myself softly for all that time....it just passed....everything that had happened had happened and now failed to exist.I was content. There it came and there I layed...holding perfection. All that had happened no longer existed....because when I kissed her again....everything that was bad and everything that was wrong with this life went away. I love her.....truly....i thought I had truly loved before...but I now know that I hadnt. There is no other but her....there is no thoughts of another, there is no more lust, there is no more hate, there is no more blood being shed. She saved me...as i have saved her. Now I know that when I die....it isnt to flames where I will go....but to home with her, I love Olivia more thn what is able to be described.
"On a Cold Winters Night"
On a cold winters night that was so deep, I would not could not sleep. There I would lay and hope for the day that you Oh Angel would bring forth the promised eternity, that together we could still be far past the end of time.
But nay, the only thing that came from that night was the sight of my blood flowing fresh from this flesh, falling softly onto the snow. While far below the fires raged and the beast uncaged waiting for my arrival, waiting for his rival.
I looked to the stars but I could only see your scars, the ones I had caused. The ones you had inflicted. Oh how they glistened!And oh how I listened to the sound of your heartbeat, your sobs and sighs.
And on a cold winters night that was so deep all I found was rest was sleep in those fires down below.
J.W.M.
And so I was dead and in hell. And in hell there is insanity in surplus...but not on my part. I needed somewhere to land and I hit a demon instead of the flames.....I would have opted for the flames had I gone back....This one claimed to have loved me but I never could have loved her...as she knew and that is why she decided she would fabricate something to the extent of being with child. So I stayed a little longer to ensure it was a lie...as it was...she was infertile. Though as fate would have it,through lust this demon brought me to a tortured Angel of Sky and when I graced her lips I tasted purity. And I had to have more....
Months and months had passed.....and finally finally God felt it was my time for heaven. After torturing and killing myself softly for all that time....it just passed....everything that had happened had happened and now failed to exist.I was content. There it came and there I layed...holding perfection. All that had happened no longer existed....because when I kissed her again....everything that was bad and everything that was wrong with this life went away. I love her.....truly....i thought I had truly loved before...but I now know that I hadnt. There is no other but her....there is no thoughts of another, there is no more lust, there is no more hate, there is no more blood being shed. She saved me...as i have saved her. Now I know that when I die....it isnt to flames where I will go....but to home with her, I love Olivia more thn what is able to be described.