(no subject)
I'm bringing my journal back to mostly public again. I'm not at the computer much until late night, so unless you don't sleep either chances are we havn't been talking. I don't IM other people usually unless there's something i need to avoid the classic "wats ^/ nmnmu" & numerous other ways to have a horrible conversation.
I was out of school for a week and a day due to some side effects and to an extent havn't dissipated. Almost all my skin has healed, everything else is just internal. I've been working with what I have and confirming with doctors then taking whatever i wanted out of it because there are no major side effects anymore. It's either, get knocked-out and sleep but get no work done and have no social life, or don't sleep & keep busy constantly. Missing more than a week of school didn't have a bad effect on my grades. All my teachers kept in contact with my mom through e-mail & sometimes sent work. After two days I found myself completely ahead of most classes. Reading this probably scared you since it's so vague. Last night I stayed up making sure that I had the best spanish project and just talking with friends. I spent i think 17 minutes of it getting ready for school. It's so easy to pick out clothes, all i did was take a shower, get my books together and partially blow dry my hair. I thought about it and what am i getting ready for, SCHOOL. It's not like i even wear eyeliner anymore either, maybe one day this week.
I need to be more passive. I went from recognizing everything/one that bothered me and doing something about it, take "missy" for example, to- just recognizing it and not being afraid of it. I took some advice from a couple different people, "set a time, i'd stab her, but you CANT, you'd get in too much shit" & "If i were you, i'd tell her to get cancer and die, That seems to be the best route for people like that. its funny because shes different than us, you're better off letting stupid people be stupid. their own idiocty will get them into shit eventually, after a while you'll just get sick of it and give up" They both were completely right, but the opportunity is dangling right in front of my face, every day. I try my best to ignore it unless i'm with friends or something, then i have people to be there to understand exactly how I feel, and how to deal with it. I wish I had Jill in some of my classes, we'd have the best time ever. I guess in the long run it would be bad for me, we don't even talk shit because we don't need to, we just tell them or show them.
I've been getting increasingly angry with this one girl in particular, the perfect example of almost every thing I hate. She wouldn't be that bad of a person if she stopped copying everyone else. When you actually find a good band on your own, and you listen to it with you're close friends and make sure everyone else that you don't like doesn't start listening to them too, with your closest friends. It's great, you catch people in situations of not being able to name one song of a band on their t-shirt, or people you just don't like at all, with lyrics of a favorite band. You just know exactly what kind of person they are, you don't want to have anything to do with them. Like the whole park thing. I'd like to believe that Nycole and I knew the most about park, we both found out about them on our own and it was such a surprise that we both shared the some feelings. I feel entitled to almost everything but I'm not selfish about it. It's not jealousy, I don't want to be them, i just don't feel they should have it, or like it, more even pretend they like it. I told Cat about everything that i had noticed, last night. she basically enforced and agreed with that there are too many "coincidences" and that it is somewhat scary, it's like, i'm being watched in everything I do, there's no privacy. FashionFightKill: wow, that's like, stalker.
I don't want to go through and write everything I did today. I was having short times where'd a pass out and totally lose focus in just a second. I even scared myself, in ap euro i must of read about erasmus at least 6 times, the same passage and not be able to answer the questions. I found myself in math on my test writing "eagles" instead of "women" which was weird and i forgot which period I had bio, came and stayed at the wrong one and didn't go to gym. The whole day I was confused, struggling to keep myself together. I don't want to get into more details. But i would like to thank billy, chris rosenman and "bus" for helping me out despite me not making any sense. <3
I was out of school for a week and a day due to some side effects and to an extent havn't dissipated. Almost all my skin has healed, everything else is just internal. I've been working with what I have and confirming with doctors then taking whatever i wanted out of it because there are no major side effects anymore. It's either, get knocked-out and sleep but get no work done and have no social life, or don't sleep & keep busy constantly. Missing more than a week of school didn't have a bad effect on my grades. All my teachers kept in contact with my mom through e-mail & sometimes sent work. After two days I found myself completely ahead of most classes. Reading this probably scared you since it's so vague. Last night I stayed up making sure that I had the best spanish project and just talking with friends. I spent i think 17 minutes of it getting ready for school. It's so easy to pick out clothes, all i did was take a shower, get my books together and partially blow dry my hair. I thought about it and what am i getting ready for, SCHOOL. It's not like i even wear eyeliner anymore either, maybe one day this week.
I need to be more passive. I went from recognizing everything/one that bothered me and doing something about it, take "missy" for example, to- just recognizing it and not being afraid of it. I took some advice from a couple different people, "set a time, i'd stab her, but you CANT, you'd get in too much shit" & "If i were you, i'd tell her to get cancer and die, That seems to be the best route for people like that. its funny because shes different than us, you're better off letting stupid people be stupid. their own idiocty will get them into shit eventually, after a while you'll just get sick of it and give up" They both were completely right, but the opportunity is dangling right in front of my face, every day. I try my best to ignore it unless i'm with friends or something, then i have people to be there to understand exactly how I feel, and how to deal with it. I wish I had Jill in some of my classes, we'd have the best time ever. I guess in the long run it would be bad for me, we don't even talk shit because we don't need to, we just tell them or show them.
I've been getting increasingly angry with this one girl in particular, the perfect example of almost every thing I hate. She wouldn't be that bad of a person if she stopped copying everyone else. When you actually find a good band on your own, and you listen to it with you're close friends and make sure everyone else that you don't like doesn't start listening to them too, with your closest friends. It's great, you catch people in situations of not being able to name one song of a band on their t-shirt, or people you just don't like at all, with lyrics of a favorite band. You just know exactly what kind of person they are, you don't want to have anything to do with them. Like the whole park thing. I'd like to believe that Nycole and I knew the most about park, we both found out about them on our own and it was such a surprise that we both shared the some feelings. I feel entitled to almost everything but I'm not selfish about it. It's not jealousy, I don't want to be them, i just don't feel they should have it, or like it, more even pretend they like it. I told Cat about everything that i had noticed, last night. she basically enforced and agreed with that there are too many "coincidences" and that it is somewhat scary, it's like, i'm being watched in everything I do, there's no privacy. FashionFightKill: wow, that's like, stalker.
I don't want to go through and write everything I did today. I was having short times where'd a pass out and totally lose focus in just a second. I even scared myself, in ap euro i must of read about erasmus at least 6 times, the same passage and not be able to answer the questions. I found myself in math on my test writing "eagles" instead of "women" which was weird and i forgot which period I had bio, came and stayed at the wrong one and didn't go to gym. The whole day I was confused, struggling to keep myself together. I don't want to get into more details. But i would like to thank billy, chris rosenman and "bus" for helping me out despite me not making any sense. <3