Well, I've decided to be the better person.
Even if it does mean sacrificing my dignity. Even if it doesn't get me anywhere. I feel like some burden has been lifted. Both people know exactly how I feel. I suppose it's completely up to them how they react to it and what they do with it. I'm still more at peace knowing I've let go of it. Perhaps it's one step closer to moving forward in one situation, and one step closer to moving on in another. I'm actually proud of myself; I didn't just give up.
I'm starting to see that I've actually matured a lot in the past year. I no longer want to wage outright ugly wars with people, much less former friends. When someone hurts me, I am no longer going to deny that I ever cared about them. Or that I still care. I am going to try my hardest not to hate people for hurting me and although I've been successful in some cases, I still have work to do. Who knows? Maybe anger will always be my natural reaction. But I've found it within myself to be more patient. I've found it within myself to give second chances. I've found it within myself to forgive.
It would also appear I'm now relearning the art of commitment. Part of me is actually starting to feel that I'll get bored or frustrated with him, move on, and end up breaking his heart. Maybe I like to blame frustration and all the things that aren't right with it, or maybe I just can't stand feeling trapped. I don't know... I think maybe I'm entitled to atleast a little doubt at the current moment. It's just that all the things he said... things I wanted to hear... things that should have made me feel better... Well, I'm not sure they did. I can't tell if I'm still mad, disappointed, or just confused. I guess I'll just wait and see. You know, it'd probably be a lot easier to see if I could actually see him.
Odly enough, I feel guilty- Like I should be sharing this doubt with him- Like it's now his right to know. I know it's not but... Oh how part of me hates commitment!
I really think I should just consider becoming a nun. I wonder if any of my friends would join me on such a wonderful spiritual journey... Haha, just kidding. (Maybe)
I'm starting to see that I've actually matured a lot in the past year. I no longer want to wage outright ugly wars with people, much less former friends. When someone hurts me, I am no longer going to deny that I ever cared about them. Or that I still care. I am going to try my hardest not to hate people for hurting me and although I've been successful in some cases, I still have work to do. Who knows? Maybe anger will always be my natural reaction. But I've found it within myself to be more patient. I've found it within myself to give second chances. I've found it within myself to forgive.
It would also appear I'm now relearning the art of commitment. Part of me is actually starting to feel that I'll get bored or frustrated with him, move on, and end up breaking his heart. Maybe I like to blame frustration and all the things that aren't right with it, or maybe I just can't stand feeling trapped. I don't know... I think maybe I'm entitled to atleast a little doubt at the current moment. It's just that all the things he said... things I wanted to hear... things that should have made me feel better... Well, I'm not sure they did. I can't tell if I'm still mad, disappointed, or just confused. I guess I'll just wait and see. You know, it'd probably be a lot easier to see if I could actually see him.
Odly enough, I feel guilty- Like I should be sharing this doubt with him- Like it's now his right to know. I know it's not but... Oh how part of me hates commitment!
I really think I should just consider becoming a nun. I wonder if any of my friends would join me on such a wonderful spiritual journey... Haha, just kidding. (Maybe)