This is long overdue so I'm just going to get it out.
I feel
like
crap.
I'm about to just chalk this summer up to being all around horrible. I don't have any hope of salvaging what's left of it either. Like, litterally, none. And that's not all I don't have any hope left for- I don't have any left for people.
I think the hardest thing has been realizing that friendships are in fact, over. But nothing makes it clearer than the fact that I no longer feel any hope whatsoever. I don't think people will do the right thing. They didn't in the first place. I know I've been treated like crap and I don't even feel anger; the only thing I feel is betrayal. I don't even think I've been directly betrayed in any of the situations but it doesn't change the fact that I've been stabbed by people I cared about in ways that I myself cannot seem to undo. I still can't comprehend how people I cared that much about can not even realize how much they've hurt me... And even worse, how they don't even seem to care. I guess there are times when an apology would really mean something to me. Unfortunately, those are the times I'll never hear a single one.
I feel like once I get ahold of something I really care about, it just crumbles in my very hands. There's nothing I can do but watch in dismay.
I think it's just time to give into solitude for a while. I can only make so much effort so I guess things will be quiet except for with those who actually do reach out to me.
I thought I had everything figured out because I thought that maybe I could overcome these feelings. I probably will in time but I feel like I'm... waiting for time. Oxymoron perhaps? I know this has been weighing down on me so much more than I'd really like to admit to anyone but these past few days I think I've actually lost the ability to distract myself. I just, don't know...
Maybe giving up is the first step towards silence. Then maybe eventually, silece will lead to peace and tranquility...
Maybe.
Maybe not.
like
crap.
I'm about to just chalk this summer up to being all around horrible. I don't have any hope of salvaging what's left of it either. Like, litterally, none. And that's not all I don't have any hope left for- I don't have any left for people.
I think the hardest thing has been realizing that friendships are in fact, over. But nothing makes it clearer than the fact that I no longer feel any hope whatsoever. I don't think people will do the right thing. They didn't in the first place. I know I've been treated like crap and I don't even feel anger; the only thing I feel is betrayal. I don't even think I've been directly betrayed in any of the situations but it doesn't change the fact that I've been stabbed by people I cared about in ways that I myself cannot seem to undo. I still can't comprehend how people I cared that much about can not even realize how much they've hurt me... And even worse, how they don't even seem to care. I guess there are times when an apology would really mean something to me. Unfortunately, those are the times I'll never hear a single one.
I feel like once I get ahold of something I really care about, it just crumbles in my very hands. There's nothing I can do but watch in dismay.
I think it's just time to give into solitude for a while. I can only make so much effort so I guess things will be quiet except for with those who actually do reach out to me.
I thought I had everything figured out because I thought that maybe I could overcome these feelings. I probably will in time but I feel like I'm... waiting for time. Oxymoron perhaps? I know this has been weighing down on me so much more than I'd really like to admit to anyone but these past few days I think I've actually lost the ability to distract myself. I just, don't know...
Maybe giving up is the first step towards silence. Then maybe eventually, silece will lead to peace and tranquility...
Maybe.
Maybe not.