Deceitful Preservation
When a man lies, he murders some part of the world.
~Rospo Pallenberg and John Boorman, Excalibur
based on Le Morte d'Arthur by Thomas Malory
XXXXXX
It's getting easier to lie. Maura can count the number of times she'd lied before meeting Jane Rizzoli on one hand. Now after their short time together, that number has nearly tripled.
It started out easily enough, lying through omission. Jane, Korsak, Frost, and the others would set up the lie and then she would say something that wasn't quite a lie. Eventually it got a little bit easier, where she could weave her own words into not quite a lie.
She tells herself it's for the greater good. These lies, they're part of her job. The lies she's allowed herself, serve purpose. They put the bad guys away; they don't hurt anyone.
It's just for work. She tries not to think about the times she lies purely because Jane asks her too. She tries not to think about Jane's big brown eyes begging her to lie, needing her to. Granted, they still serve a higher purpose, but would it matter if they didn't? Something in the back of her mind tells her she'd always lie for Jane Rizzoli. The woman has a way of unhinging her.
So when it's Jane she's faced up against, she's a little surprised that the words slip through her lips with ease. She knew lying was getting easier, but she never thought she'd be able to lie to Jane. Nonetheless, when Jane cancelled their plans for a date, and her face had fallen, she'd managed to let those tainted words slip from her lips. "I'm fine Jane, go, have a good time."
She can tell Jane is hesitant, and she can't help but briefly wonder if it's because her lying isn't as good as she thought or if the other woman doesn't want to believe. "Are you sure? I mean, I could stay," Jane offers, looking at her in a way that leaves Maura internally screaming yes stay.
"Jane, gooo," she laughs, knowing that her experience in upper society qualifies her to be very good at masking it's shallowness, "I'll be fine. Really, I have a bit of a headache anyways, so it's probably worked out for the best."
"Okay," Jane says, giving in. She tosses a look over her shoulder, at her waiting date. She's completely oblivious to the death glares her date is receiving or the homicidal thoughts running through her partners head.
Maura smiles softly, biting back the emotions that are trying to break through. She doesn't want Jane to leave. She doesn't want her to have dinner with someone else. She definitely doesn't want her to be out on a date.
"Feel better Maura," the sincerity in her voice, leaves Maura without hers. Before Maura can even process the emotion she hears, Jane is leaning forward, one hand on Maura's slender waist, and her lips pressed to the doctor's cheek. "I'll see you in the morning."
Hope in exchange for security. She feels the loss the same as she feels Jane walking away. Stepping inside her home, she wipes a single tear away and tells herself it's for the best.
She lies to protect the innocent. She lies to put the bad guys away. And now, now, she lies to protect herself. Because if Jane ever knew, if she ever risked letting someone else in, Maura's not sure if she could handle the truth.
~Rospo Pallenberg and John Boorman, Excalibur
based on Le Morte d'Arthur by Thomas Malory
XXXXXX
It's getting easier to lie. Maura can count the number of times she'd lied before meeting Jane Rizzoli on one hand. Now after their short time together, that number has nearly tripled.
It started out easily enough, lying through omission. Jane, Korsak, Frost, and the others would set up the lie and then she would say something that wasn't quite a lie. Eventually it got a little bit easier, where she could weave her own words into not quite a lie.
She tells herself it's for the greater good. These lies, they're part of her job. The lies she's allowed herself, serve purpose. They put the bad guys away; they don't hurt anyone.
It's just for work. She tries not to think about the times she lies purely because Jane asks her too. She tries not to think about Jane's big brown eyes begging her to lie, needing her to. Granted, they still serve a higher purpose, but would it matter if they didn't? Something in the back of her mind tells her she'd always lie for Jane Rizzoli. The woman has a way of unhinging her.
So when it's Jane she's faced up against, she's a little surprised that the words slip through her lips with ease. She knew lying was getting easier, but she never thought she'd be able to lie to Jane. Nonetheless, when Jane cancelled their plans for a date, and her face had fallen, she'd managed to let those tainted words slip from her lips. "I'm fine Jane, go, have a good time."
She can tell Jane is hesitant, and she can't help but briefly wonder if it's because her lying isn't as good as she thought or if the other woman doesn't want to believe. "Are you sure? I mean, I could stay," Jane offers, looking at her in a way that leaves Maura internally screaming yes stay.
"Jane, gooo," she laughs, knowing that her experience in upper society qualifies her to be very good at masking it's shallowness, "I'll be fine. Really, I have a bit of a headache anyways, so it's probably worked out for the best."
"Okay," Jane says, giving in. She tosses a look over her shoulder, at her waiting date. She's completely oblivious to the death glares her date is receiving or the homicidal thoughts running through her partners head.
Maura smiles softly, biting back the emotions that are trying to break through. She doesn't want Jane to leave. She doesn't want her to have dinner with someone else. She definitely doesn't want her to be out on a date.
"Feel better Maura," the sincerity in her voice, leaves Maura without hers. Before Maura can even process the emotion she hears, Jane is leaning forward, one hand on Maura's slender waist, and her lips pressed to the doctor's cheek. "I'll see you in the morning."
Hope in exchange for security. She feels the loss the same as she feels Jane walking away. Stepping inside her home, she wipes a single tear away and tells herself it's for the best.
She lies to protect the innocent. She lies to put the bad guys away. And now, now, she lies to protect herself. Because if Jane ever knew, if she ever risked letting someone else in, Maura's not sure if she could handle the truth.