Starting new
So the new job didn't actually start when it was supposed to - just a few days before I was supposed to start I got a phone call, a "yeah, some things still aren't worked out yet, so would you be able to start next Monday instead?" Part of me was freaked - was this in response to my questions to HR about being gender fluid? But the non-paranoid side of me figured this was just a matter of large corporations figuring out details, and that that sort of thing just doesn't happen quickly. So I tried to look on the bright side of a bonus week off (unpaid, mind you), and get some stuff done around the house, figuring everything was going to be okay. And it turned out the non-paranoid side of me was right, it was just a matter of sorting out the details of how I was going to be employed, since this was through a recruiter. So once the recruiter people and the new job people had their ducks in a row, I started on Monday.
I will come back and talk about the new job - because holy smokes it's turning into everything I wanted - but the big thing I wanted to hit on was about how Phoenix was going to fit into things.
One of the things I had noticed when I was doing all the paperworky stuff, was that the new job has an anti-discrimination policy, and that policy specifically lists that they will not discriminate on gender identity or gender expression. What!?!? I knew that discrimination against being gay was illegal, and that under Obama there was a lot of talk about job protections for the LGBTQ community. But it was still a bit of a surprise to see it written out explicitly that gender identity or gender expression were protected. It's one of those things that I've tried to figure out, since I don't technically fall under L G B or T - the balance between Phoenix and WMTG is definitely a Q - and a lot of the social progress sometimes seems to leave the Q behind.
So with that specific protection in mind, I decided to reach out to HR before I ever started my new job. I wanted to talk to them and explain my gender fluidity, and basically feel out how it would go before I decided to show up to work in a dress one day. I tried to be as thoughtful as possible - understanding that there may be a bathroom issue, and that work clients would need to see a consistent WMTG no matter who was sitting at my desk - and see how it all fell together. Both HRs were extremely supportive, they made it clear that they were not going to say 'no' to Phoenix. It was honestly a bit of what I expected, since HR people would know better than to come across as discriminatory. But what I couldn't get from them was an answer on what to expect or how things would look going forward.
It was very clear that being gender fluid was okay from a legal employment standpoint, but that they didn't have any plans or protocol on how it would all play out in the office. They actually would say that - that gender fluid was a first for them, and that it fell into a grey area. Being transgender is easy - because there are defined issues to deal with. But being male one day and a woman the next? They just didn't quite know how to handle that.
But, even if they "didn't know", the one thing that was consistent was that I had their support. Every meeting or talk with HR ended the same way - "we don't know what to do, so we're going to let you steer this ship, but we have your back".
As my first day approached, I had a plan - I was going to start work, and then reach out to my immediate coworkers about being gender fluid. Once I reached out to them, I'd see what kind of reaction I got, and go from there. If all went well, my plan was to go to work as Phoenix by the second week. Well, my initial plan got slightly delayed by HR. I was really trying to do my best to ease into it - start with an email to my immediate coworkers, follow up with a general email to the office as a whole, and then show up as Phoenix. The issue was with the second email - there is a corporate policy about giving out the office wide distribution list. I understand that - the whole office didn't want to be flooded with chain letters and kids selling girl scout cookies - but it took a solid week of "let me look into it"s before I got an actual answer.
Back to the plan. The first email went out, to a generally subdued response. One coworker came over almost immediately, saying how brave she thought it was to come forward about it. But other than that - crickets. After the first email went out, I reached out to my supervisor to see about sending out a mass email. This was where the real back and forth with my boss and HR dragged on, before I just finally decided to go ahead and do it. Even though I didn't have a solid answer on the office-wide email yet, I got tired of waiting, and decided that if I was going to do it, I just had to do it.
Before the big day, Ceri and I went out to revisit my work wardrobe. Phoenix's clothes have been extremely dress heavy and not necessarily work appropriate, and with talking to Ceri she brought up the idea of easing in to Phoenix at work with a slightly more subdued work attire - pants, a top, a cardigan and a low heel. We ended up with a few pairs of pants and a couple tops, so that I have a couple mix and match outfit possibilities. The outfit we settled on was a pair of soft pink pants, a light pink striped halter, and dusty pink cardigan, matched with a pair of low nude heels. So, definitely super feminine, but not something too revealing or fitted. Finished off with the usual wig and some subdued makeup, and I looked ready for work.
It's really kind of hard to describe that moment when it all came together. Ceri took a picture of the completed outfit, proudly posting "ready for *her* first day of work", and there was a lot of emotion there - excitement, relief, nerves, to say the least.
In a lot of ways it was everything I've been wanting, but that also led to the avalanche of "what ifs". But all the emotions aside, having a picture of me, looking liked I've wanted to and so obviously happy, it felt like the realization of a dream. And aside from having a complete look together, I felt like I had reached a level of comfort in my skin that just wasn't there before.
Usually when I'm dressed as Phoenix there's a certain self awareness to it - seeing myself dressed acts as a constant reminder that I am, if that makes any sense. But this time was starting to feel different - I was become less self aware, less self-conscious, and with that more confident in my look. I was ready.
So when the time came to actually go to work as Phoenix, I was excited. My morning routine obviously changed - putting on makeup takes some extra time. But again, there was a touch of excitement and nervousness there, but I felt a lot more calm about how the day was going to progress. I was a little nervous - was the non-reaction to my email a good sign or a bad sign - but the cat was out of the bag, the people in my office knew, and I wasn't going to go back to hiding it. And in this instance, the slightly longer commute proved to be a blessing, as it gave me a solid half hour to find my zen.
So I pulled into work, got my purse and self together, and went in. Walking up to the entrance I could see my reflection in the glass doors, and what I saw was a woman walking in to work. I felt that my outfit was well put together, and felt right in my own skin. Interestingly though, since my immediate coworkers knew and there was no pressure to "pass", most of my nerves were gone. I could just be happy in what I saw, and go forth.
Now, I know this has been leading towards some sort of climactic event, but really, that major thing is that there wasn't a major thing. That first day at work as Phoenix was almost identical to any other day. Every person I ran into, every co-worker I talked to, every person I walked past - being Phoenix was just not an issue. So even though it feels like a soft ending, it really was just that - an uneventful work day.
So, one day down of Phoenix at work, and likely many more to come.
I will come back and talk about the new job - because holy smokes it's turning into everything I wanted - but the big thing I wanted to hit on was about how Phoenix was going to fit into things.
One of the things I had noticed when I was doing all the paperworky stuff, was that the new job has an anti-discrimination policy, and that policy specifically lists that they will not discriminate on gender identity or gender expression. What!?!? I knew that discrimination against being gay was illegal, and that under Obama there was a lot of talk about job protections for the LGBTQ community. But it was still a bit of a surprise to see it written out explicitly that gender identity or gender expression were protected. It's one of those things that I've tried to figure out, since I don't technically fall under L G B or T - the balance between Phoenix and WMTG is definitely a Q - and a lot of the social progress sometimes seems to leave the Q behind.
So with that specific protection in mind, I decided to reach out to HR before I ever started my new job. I wanted to talk to them and explain my gender fluidity, and basically feel out how it would go before I decided to show up to work in a dress one day. I tried to be as thoughtful as possible - understanding that there may be a bathroom issue, and that work clients would need to see a consistent WMTG no matter who was sitting at my desk - and see how it all fell together. Both HRs were extremely supportive, they made it clear that they were not going to say 'no' to Phoenix. It was honestly a bit of what I expected, since HR people would know better than to come across as discriminatory. But what I couldn't get from them was an answer on what to expect or how things would look going forward.
It was very clear that being gender fluid was okay from a legal employment standpoint, but that they didn't have any plans or protocol on how it would all play out in the office. They actually would say that - that gender fluid was a first for them, and that it fell into a grey area. Being transgender is easy - because there are defined issues to deal with. But being male one day and a woman the next? They just didn't quite know how to handle that.
But, even if they "didn't know", the one thing that was consistent was that I had their support. Every meeting or talk with HR ended the same way - "we don't know what to do, so we're going to let you steer this ship, but we have your back".
As my first day approached, I had a plan - I was going to start work, and then reach out to my immediate coworkers about being gender fluid. Once I reached out to them, I'd see what kind of reaction I got, and go from there. If all went well, my plan was to go to work as Phoenix by the second week. Well, my initial plan got slightly delayed by HR. I was really trying to do my best to ease into it - start with an email to my immediate coworkers, follow up with a general email to the office as a whole, and then show up as Phoenix. The issue was with the second email - there is a corporate policy about giving out the office wide distribution list. I understand that - the whole office didn't want to be flooded with chain letters and kids selling girl scout cookies - but it took a solid week of "let me look into it"s before I got an actual answer.
Back to the plan. The first email went out, to a generally subdued response. One coworker came over almost immediately, saying how brave she thought it was to come forward about it. But other than that - crickets. After the first email went out, I reached out to my supervisor to see about sending out a mass email. This was where the real back and forth with my boss and HR dragged on, before I just finally decided to go ahead and do it. Even though I didn't have a solid answer on the office-wide email yet, I got tired of waiting, and decided that if I was going to do it, I just had to do it.
Before the big day, Ceri and I went out to revisit my work wardrobe. Phoenix's clothes have been extremely dress heavy and not necessarily work appropriate, and with talking to Ceri she brought up the idea of easing in to Phoenix at work with a slightly more subdued work attire - pants, a top, a cardigan and a low heel. We ended up with a few pairs of pants and a couple tops, so that I have a couple mix and match outfit possibilities. The outfit we settled on was a pair of soft pink pants, a light pink striped halter, and dusty pink cardigan, matched with a pair of low nude heels. So, definitely super feminine, but not something too revealing or fitted. Finished off with the usual wig and some subdued makeup, and I looked ready for work.
It's really kind of hard to describe that moment when it all came together. Ceri took a picture of the completed outfit, proudly posting "ready for *her* first day of work", and there was a lot of emotion there - excitement, relief, nerves, to say the least.
In a lot of ways it was everything I've been wanting, but that also led to the avalanche of "what ifs". But all the emotions aside, having a picture of me, looking liked I've wanted to and so obviously happy, it felt like the realization of a dream. And aside from having a complete look together, I felt like I had reached a level of comfort in my skin that just wasn't there before.
Usually when I'm dressed as Phoenix there's a certain self awareness to it - seeing myself dressed acts as a constant reminder that I am, if that makes any sense. But this time was starting to feel different - I was become less self aware, less self-conscious, and with that more confident in my look. I was ready.
So when the time came to actually go to work as Phoenix, I was excited. My morning routine obviously changed - putting on makeup takes some extra time. But again, there was a touch of excitement and nervousness there, but I felt a lot more calm about how the day was going to progress. I was a little nervous - was the non-reaction to my email a good sign or a bad sign - but the cat was out of the bag, the people in my office knew, and I wasn't going to go back to hiding it. And in this instance, the slightly longer commute proved to be a blessing, as it gave me a solid half hour to find my zen.
So I pulled into work, got my purse and self together, and went in. Walking up to the entrance I could see my reflection in the glass doors, and what I saw was a woman walking in to work. I felt that my outfit was well put together, and felt right in my own skin. Interestingly though, since my immediate coworkers knew and there was no pressure to "pass", most of my nerves were gone. I could just be happy in what I saw, and go forth.
Now, I know this has been leading towards some sort of climactic event, but really, that major thing is that there wasn't a major thing. That first day at work as Phoenix was almost identical to any other day. Every person I ran into, every co-worker I talked to, every person I walked past - being Phoenix was just not an issue. So even though it feels like a soft ending, it really was just that - an uneventful work day.
So, one day down of Phoenix at work, and likely many more to come.