Sad story I want you to all read..I feel this way about Josh
About four years ago, when life wasn't so hard, and friends and good times were all that really mattered, a young girl about 14 years of age lived her life of simplicity. Her name was Leana. She was currently with someone totally different from her, and not to mention, a pure heart breaker and loser. But hey, life was good, she was young, and basically that didn't really matter. All that mattered was that she knew what it was like to feel for a guy at that time, and to live her life of endless happiness with her friends and family. One afternoon, she stood on the grassy hill after school, embracing her so-called boyfriend Jerry. And at that moment, about 10 feet away, at the flagpole, stood a boy about two years older than Leana by the name of James. He watched her gently hug her boyfriend, and then slowly walk away, until he could no longer see her image. He never knew what it was like to feel for anybody, however, a strange feeling inside took over him. Something extremely unexplainable, and so confusing. And he thought to himself, 'One day, I just gotta meet her.' "Hey James!" a boy called out. "Why do you look all dazed off en stuff?" "Ah nothin' Jay, lets just go home now" James replied. When James had arrived to Jay's house, they sat down for some soda, and James had totally gotten his mind off of that strange feeling. "Damn, I forgot to go call my homegirl man, can you hand me the phone James?" Jay asked as he took a sip of his soda. "Hello may I please speak to Leana? This is Jay," he asked. Jay and Leana began to conversate, until he remembered to do some chores. So he handed the phone to James. "Here man, can you go talk to her for awhile, I gotta do some stuff for my dad real quick?" "Aight cool" said James. "Hello! Yeah hi this is James! Who's this?" "Oh this is Leana" she replied. After that one conversation, Leana and James began to keep in touch with phone calls everyday. Neither one of them knew what they looked like, or so they thought. For James was totally clueless that that one girl he watched from the flagpole the other day, was the very girl he was laughing and talking with everyday. It had been weeks, and then months, and Leana and James grew close, and told one another everything imaginable. And with this bond, they became the best of friends. Still not knowing what they looked like in person, James decided to visit Jay again after school, which of course so happened to be the same school as Leana. James knew for a fact that Leana went to that school, but still didn't know what she looked like. Till that day after school... As James walked onto the campus, he stood by the same flagpole, and waited for Jay. He watched the crowd of people, chatting about, and doing their own thing, until he spotted that one girl he had seen that one afternoon. He was so caught up by the way she carried herself, and how different she seemed from the other girls. She was shy, mature, quiet, and simple. None of that make up stuff all over her face. As he admired her, something immediately caught his attention... "Ey Leana, wassup!" a girl called out, walking towards the girl James was admiring. "Wassup" she said with a grin on her face. 'Oh my god! Could that be Leana? The girl I've been talking to on the phone with?' James said to himself. He was so surprised. He walked up from behind Leana, and tapped her on her shoulder and quickly turned around, pretending he didn't do anything. Disturbed as Leana could be said "How rude!" And all James could do was laugh... He couldn't believe that that girl he was so eager to meet, was the very girl he had been talking to for quite awhile now...Leana. He called her that day, and told her that he saw her. Leana was so surprised. "Oh that was you, that one guy who tapped me on the shoulder huh?" she laughed. Inside, Leana and James felt something so weird, every time they talked and every time they were apart. They felt something inside when they thought of one another. But the feelings they felt, they let it pass, and denied it to themselves, as if it were simply nothing. They wondered about these feelings time to time, but never really tried to figure out what it meant, or what it was. Leana and James told one another about their lives, their fears, problems, and little infatuations over people every now and then, but never the kept feeling inside for one another. One rainy day, Leana called James up crying about losing Jerry. He comforted her so much, and she felt so much better when he did. James was always there for Leana, and he never once let her down. That's one thing she loved about him so much. Not to mention, they were so much like one another, always making people laugh, and always making each other happy. Some say that these two were exactly the same, except different names, and the opposite sex of course. Summer came and James and Lena spent more time with one another, and finally got to see each other in person. They met each other at Jays' house one day, and Leana's heart dropped when she saw James for the first time. She watched him play on the computer, just as he watched her that one day after school. When it was time to go home, James gave Leana his school ID and she said her goodbye with a warm embrace to James. They both blushed, and that same unexplainable feeling took over the both of them. Leana knew then what that long time feeling she had been feeling all those times. She was no longer in denial...she liked him. The first person she told was her best friend Lae, who too knew James. She was shocked! Days later, James was talking to Jay, as he said, "Hey Jay, I think I like Leana." "Really! Wow.. that's cool" From that day on forward, only five people knew, Jay, Lae, Leana, James, and god himself. And it was up to fate to lead the both of them to their destiny. It had been a whole year, and Leana and James still didn't want to admit their feelings to one another. They knew what was up, but never took the risk to admit. Until Leana hinted him out what she felt. "I'm suppose to tell you everything right, James?" she asked him. "Duh! Why? You like someone huh?" he replied. "Uh yeah, sort of" she said. "Who?" he asked. "Well, he has the same background as you, about your height, your age, and you know him very well. You see him everyday," she hinted out. James knew then what that meant. He felt the same, but was so afraid to show it, because he never had a girlfriend in his whole entire life. He knew it was him, and Leana was so relieved telling him Day by day they flirted every now and then and admitted their feelings in ways only they could understand. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ On October 11, 1996, James and Leana both officially started seeing each other. He was the most perfect guy you could ever meet in Leana's eyes to be exact He was tall, handsome, great sense of humor, caring, loving, just everything close to being perfect in Leana's eyes. And his eyes, his eyes were so warm, so sexy, so... WOW! And she was everything she thought of him to James. Everyone said that they were the most cutest, and perfect couple. And they were both so happy with one another. Everyone even thought they'd get married someday. He did everything for, to, and because of her, and she surely did the same for him. Their forgiveness, love, passion, and care were endless for one another. These two were inseparable, and in love. He always told her, "You're such a big baby...you and those big brown eyes of yours, and those cute chubby cheeks...God I love you!" and kissed her lovingly on her lips. "I love you too babe," she'd always reply. Two years passed, and James of course graduated and things began to change. They got into many fights, and Leana began to feel the hurt inside, she never ever felt before. James told her though, that throughout all this negativity, he still loved her. He took her hand one day, as she cried cold painful tears, and looked her in her eyes and said, "No matter what, through it all, this is it...there's no one else but you. I will always love you, and I will always end up with you...I promise," and wiped her tears away as he kissed her forehead gently. James, began to change, and emotionally hurt her daily. Her sweetest and most perfect man was slowly disappearing into someone she never knew. He began to stop doing things for her, he stopped making her happy, and he stopped saying sweet things. He stopped visiting her, and stopped calling, and always chose his friends over her. When they argued, he'd yell at her, hang the phone up on her, and leave her with so much pain and nothing to do but cry. It was soon passed half a year, and things gotten worse. When she tried telling him how she felt, he just let it pass. He started lying about many things, and became so unfaithful to her. He began to drink, which he promised he wouldn't, and hung out with his friends morning, noon, and night, and never had time for her. James did things that his old sweet self would never do before. He left her many times at home just crying, and didn't even bother to see if she was okay. Basically, Leana was in love with someone who seemed to not love her back anymore. They were together alright, but didn't seem like it to Leana. It hurt too much inside, but because Leana loved him so much, she never did let him go. She took the pain, and cried endless tears, and still loved him through it all, while he was out breaking promises, and being someone he knew he never was before. There never passed a day when Leana didn't think about him, worry about the relationship, wonder why he was the way he was, or cried about the hurt. The pain he caused her scarred her heart deeper and deeper everyday. Her family was affected, her friends, and even school. Everybody was worried about her. No one ever saw her smile anymore, and if she did, it was only for a while. She hardly slept, and just everything in her life fell apart. All because that one most perfect human being who walked into her life, and who she loved so much, hurt her in ways that could never be fixed. James basically left her out of his time, out of his reach, out of his life. He acted as if she wasn't even his girlfriend. She did as much as she could for him, though he didn't see it, and sacrificed her whole life for him. She did anything to make things work, but he didn't do much at all. She tried so hard to figure out what the problem was, & why he hurt her so much. "How can God give you the most perfect gift of your whole life to love, and take it away as if it wasn't yours to keep" she asked everyday. James became meaner and meaner, and it hurt her more and more. One day he picked her up from school, and his was so different. She looked at him slowly. His built was bigger, his lips...no smile, his voice so monotone, and his eyes... She looked at his eyes through the rear view mirror, and she began to cry. His eyes were so cold now, and that love, warmth, and sweetness she use to see no longer existed. James wasn't James anymore. They didn't speak a word that car ride home, and all she could think was 'Why? Why was it like this now?' She came home and cried her heart out. All that played in her head was the days he always dropped by just to see her, just to hold her. Now, he seemed as if he didn't even want to hold her anymore, touch her, or look at her. She blamed herself for all of this, didn't know why, but it just seemed like it was her fault She lay in bed that night reminiscing about the nights they laid together in bed, and he held her close to his body, and never did let go. How she use to wake up summer mornings, and he'd be smiling and watching her sleep till she got up. Why was everything so hard now, and why did it hurt so much? She remembered the sweet ring of his voice constantly telling her he loved her, while they kissed, or just stared into each other's eyes. She remembered the days when he'd stroke her hair, and laid the most simplest, sweetest, kisses on her lips. She remembered the days when he'd run all the way to her house just to hug her tight, and she remembered the days when just everything between them was so perfect. She cried helpless tears, and all hope was just gone. She knew she was still so young, but regardless what age she was, it still hurt. She felt that endless pain that shuts your whole life and hope down. The point was, she felt it, and she didn't know how to make it go away. There were times where she'd think about leaving him, but she imagined how worse the pain would feel knowing she lived a life without him. Just as long as she knew she was his, and he was hers made the slightest bit of feeling okay. Her tears fell harder, and her mind began to shut down on her. All she could think was "God I love you James, I miss your old self so much." One afternoon, James picked her up from school again. They were both walking until Leana began to cry like usual. "Why are you crying again damn it!" James yelled. "Nothing..." she struggled to say. "You know what I hate about seeing you all the time, is that you always end up crying on me for no ****ing reason! What the hell am I doing wrong now ****!" he yelled again. She tried to hug him tight, yet he resisted. "I love you James, I'm sorry," she cried. "Yeah, whatever," he coldly said. James was so frustrated, didn't know what he was thinking, didn't know what he was doing. A confusion of being with her or leaving her just rushed through his head, as they walked towards the car. Suddenly, in the midst of it all, a loud bang alerted them both. James didn't know what it was. He turned around to see if Leana heard it, "Ey did you... NOOOOOO!" he cried. Leana had been shot on her right side, as she laid bleeding, and gasping for breath on the street by James' car. He ran over to her as everyone crowded around. "****in' call 911" he screamed, as tears began to roll down his eyes. "Babe are you okay?" he asked, holding her in his arms. Leana slowly reached to touch his right cheek, as she looked him in the eyes, and lightly smile. "Babe, I'm so sorry if I did anything wrong to make us the way we are now" she struggled to say. "Leana don't even say that, you're going to be okay...God someone help!" he cried. "You hurt me a lot James, but I still continued to love you. Because no matter what, through it all, that's it, there's no one else...no one else but you," she smiled, and coughed as she gasped for air. She began to cry, and still the pain she felt within her heart still struck her like always. Flashbacks of their times together rushed through her mind, and she could hardly keep her eyes open, as her helpless body lay strongly against James' chest. James crying harder than ever looked down into her eyes, hoping she wouldn't die. "Babe I'm so sorry for everything, God I love you! You cant leave, we're suppose to get married remember? Remember babe, I promised, this is it, it's you that I'm suppose to end up with. Babe remember?" he cried. "I know I know," she nodded her head slightly up and down, as her tears began to mix with the bright red blood upon her body. James held her tighter and closer to his body. "God please no, don't take her away from me..." he whispered. Leana's hand began to slowly drift away from his cheek, as she struggled to keep her eyes open. "I love you so much James, and I wish I could've made everything all better. But babe, everything I did, every tear I cried, I did it all for you...everything...I love you babe," she said, "I don't wanna go, but I have to, and God knows I love you. We'll be together again babe. Remember, because you said, we will always be together. We will." She said slowly as one last tear rolled upon her cheek, and dropped slowly on James hand. Her eyes closed, "I love you," she whispered, and Leana had passed away. "Noooo!!" James cried. "You cant go.." he rocked her back and forth, and tried to wake her up. "Babe? Babe? Wake up..c'mon Leana. Please please...we can work things out I promise, c'mon babe, we're suppose to get married babe, wake up! Babe? Please..." he begged. He closed his eyes and rested his head upon hers as endless tears continued to fall. "God I'm so sorry I didn't take care of you babe, I'm so sorry," he cried as he kissed her forehead. All James could do was cry, and hold her until the ambulance came. As they put her on a stretch, and placed a white blanket over her head, it began to rain. James on his knees looked up into the sky and cried his heart out. "I love you Leanaaa!!!!" he screamed. "I love you." He whispered one last time. From that day on, James knew there was nothing else he could fix. His life, his love, was no longer there. And all he could think about was her smile, and that one day she lay in his arms dying. He will always remember her, and will always love her. Because this is it, it was her, that he chose to love for life. You see, life is never forever, and things come only once. You don't know how long you'll get to keep things, and you'll never how long you'll get to live. But as long as you know you've got something in your life you love, and cherish so much.. make the best of it. Because one day, when you least expect it, you could lose the most important thing in your life you set your whole future for. Take care of things while their still small, and most of all take much care of the people you love. Because one day, it just might be too late to take care of anything, or even see them smile again. Trust me. I know..some day we will be...because we promised we would.