Somewhat off topic, but it's what I'm going through this week.
First of all, let me say that I would probably just about delete this journal were it not for this community. My friends list by and large ignored this post yesterday. It's not that I need the strokes, but it's an emotional time for me and just being acknowledged would have been nice.
So, forgive me if this is off topic, but I just had to post about my doctor visit yesterday. :P I'll put it behind a cut for your convenience. To refresh your memory, I'm having surgery to remove a 12 cm ovarian cyst this coming Tuesday.
So, I had to go back to the doctor this morning. Phillip had to go back to work, so I was on my own. I yelped every time I had to drive over a speed bump, and then I yelped again when I had to get a parking ticket to get in the lot at the women's building.
From there, I could hear myself narrating the play by play in my head. Have you ever had that happen? I don't remember all of it, but I'll inject some of what I was thinking...
When they called me back, they had me weigh again. I joked, "didn't I just do this?" I mean, seriously, less than 24 hours ago. I know they have to do this every time, but it's kind of weird when it just happened. I thought I was good to go, but then they wanted me to pee in a cup again.
Are you kidding me? Why? I just did this yesterday! I was a little cranky, because I knew what was coming, but I dutifully labeled my little cup in the bathroom and tried.
And tried.
And tried.
I don't know if it was the sheer anxiety of peeing in the cup or the fact that I hadn't had anything to drink that morning, but I had some difficulty. Honestly, I think it was the fear of pain more than anything else.
"oceans, rivers, streams... oceans, rivers, streams"
Finally, I let out another yelp as the urine stream came out. I swear the cyst must be sitting directly on my bladder. It's like I'm being stabbed in the hoo-hoo every time I go!
Finally, I put my pee in the little cabinet. I think all doctor's offices should have a pee cabinet. Nothing feels more odd than walking down a hallway with a cup of your own pee. And that has happened to me more times than I can count! Pee cabinets are awesome.
The nurse took me to my exam room, and told me to change into one of their gyno gowns and to get my own special paper sheet. When she shut the door, that's when the floodgates opened. I started my freakout. On Monday, I was pretty calm. Today (Tuesday), I've been freaking all day long. And then I have to fish through the gowns to find one that I won't feel humiliated to wear. I had so little faith in the staff, but right on top was a plus sized gown that had more than enough material to cover me for modesty. Thank you Lord for small blessings.
Finally, the doctor came in. I was warned yesterday that I would have a different doctor. I liked this doctor as well. I was feeling pretty good about where I had chosen to get treated, but then I started doing my emotional freakout thing again. I started blubbering about everything and yet I was still trying to remember all my questions. I eventually was able to verbalize my concerns about the anesthesia (mainly that I'm a fatty and I have severe sleep apnea and I would like to be able to breathe and be alive at the end of it all). She was comforting, and reminded me that I am in Dallas, after all, not small town America. They are equipped to deal with my fatness and my apnea. She reminded me that I'm not their first overweight patient.
Of course I'm not. Of course. How irrational of me!
Well, then it's time for the exam. I needed a pap smear and an endometrial biopsy. I've had exactly one pap smear in my life, and I remembered that it wasn't horrible. However, no one mentioned the biopsy to me. Had they mentioned it, I probably would have taken drugs before arriving (or run screaming the other way). I didn't even know what it was! The pap smear actually was slightly uncomfortable, but nothing major. Then it was time for the biopsy.
She said, "this might be a little uncomfortable."
SWEET MOTHER OF MARGARITA, WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!
If you've never had this done, imagine an army of savages running down the corridor of your vajayjay with spears and then stabbing the inside of your uterus. I screamed through the whole thing, then commenced hyperventilating. I was praying for the rapture, I tell you.
Thankfully, it didn't take very long. She says, "I put Vicodin in there, but I guess it wasn't enough."
"No $#!*, Sherlock!"
By this time, I'm certain that they think I'm crazy. I'm crying... again. But, thank the Lord, it's over.
It would have been nice to have a warning about bleeding afterward. I bled all over a new pair of panties without even realizing it. Yes, I wore new panties to the gyno. Isn't that the perfect occasion? At least then someone will see it.
At any rate, I'm scheduled to have the cyst removed next Tuesday morning. I'll be in the hospital about two days, providing I don't have a complication. Since my freakout this morning, I have calmed down quite a bit. But I could still use your prayers regarding the following:
1. That I would feel peace about this. It's not like I really have a choice in the matter.
2. That they would be able to do the procedure with the least amount of invasiveness to shorten recovery time.
3. That the anesthesiologist knows what the heck he's doing when it comes to sleep apnea patients and that nothing happens to my trachea.
4. That my parents will have safe travel getting here from Tennessee.
5. That my job search will not be jeopardized by being out for a few weeks.
To make it relevant... I did find out yesterday that my bypass surgery will likely be pushed out to the end of June or early July, because my surgeon likes to have 6-8 weeks of recovery between surgeries. Also, I now only have 8 more pounds to lose to make my surgeon's goal. I'm curious how much the fluid in the cyst weighs. Is that strange? Since all this hit last Thursday, I have had hardly any appetite, so I haven't strayed far from the program. I've done less of the shakes and more solid food, but I've stayed in the same calorie range (except that one day when all I wanted was Mexican... because I was unable to go poo for several days and I was backed up). So, I'm proud that I haven't really turned to my usual stress eating.
Also, I got like 9 bottles of DaVinci syrup yesterday, so I'm dying to take my snocone maker for a spin!
Oh, and my students are a whole lot less irritating when I'm teaching them on painkillers.
Thanks for listening to me the last few days. This really is a great community.
So, forgive me if this is off topic, but I just had to post about my doctor visit yesterday. :P I'll put it behind a cut for your convenience. To refresh your memory, I'm having surgery to remove a 12 cm ovarian cyst this coming Tuesday.
So, I had to go back to the doctor this morning. Phillip had to go back to work, so I was on my own. I yelped every time I had to drive over a speed bump, and then I yelped again when I had to get a parking ticket to get in the lot at the women's building.
From there, I could hear myself narrating the play by play in my head. Have you ever had that happen? I don't remember all of it, but I'll inject some of what I was thinking...
When they called me back, they had me weigh again. I joked, "didn't I just do this?" I mean, seriously, less than 24 hours ago. I know they have to do this every time, but it's kind of weird when it just happened. I thought I was good to go, but then they wanted me to pee in a cup again.
Are you kidding me? Why? I just did this yesterday! I was a little cranky, because I knew what was coming, but I dutifully labeled my little cup in the bathroom and tried.
And tried.
And tried.
I don't know if it was the sheer anxiety of peeing in the cup or the fact that I hadn't had anything to drink that morning, but I had some difficulty. Honestly, I think it was the fear of pain more than anything else.
"oceans, rivers, streams... oceans, rivers, streams"
Finally, I let out another yelp as the urine stream came out. I swear the cyst must be sitting directly on my bladder. It's like I'm being stabbed in the hoo-hoo every time I go!
Finally, I put my pee in the little cabinet. I think all doctor's offices should have a pee cabinet. Nothing feels more odd than walking down a hallway with a cup of your own pee. And that has happened to me more times than I can count! Pee cabinets are awesome.
The nurse took me to my exam room, and told me to change into one of their gyno gowns and to get my own special paper sheet. When she shut the door, that's when the floodgates opened. I started my freakout. On Monday, I was pretty calm. Today (Tuesday), I've been freaking all day long. And then I have to fish through the gowns to find one that I won't feel humiliated to wear. I had so little faith in the staff, but right on top was a plus sized gown that had more than enough material to cover me for modesty. Thank you Lord for small blessings.
Finally, the doctor came in. I was warned yesterday that I would have a different doctor. I liked this doctor as well. I was feeling pretty good about where I had chosen to get treated, but then I started doing my emotional freakout thing again. I started blubbering about everything and yet I was still trying to remember all my questions. I eventually was able to verbalize my concerns about the anesthesia (mainly that I'm a fatty and I have severe sleep apnea and I would like to be able to breathe and be alive at the end of it all). She was comforting, and reminded me that I am in Dallas, after all, not small town America. They are equipped to deal with my fatness and my apnea. She reminded me that I'm not their first overweight patient.
Of course I'm not. Of course. How irrational of me!
Well, then it's time for the exam. I needed a pap smear and an endometrial biopsy. I've had exactly one pap smear in my life, and I remembered that it wasn't horrible. However, no one mentioned the biopsy to me. Had they mentioned it, I probably would have taken drugs before arriving (or run screaming the other way). I didn't even know what it was! The pap smear actually was slightly uncomfortable, but nothing major. Then it was time for the biopsy.
She said, "this might be a little uncomfortable."
SWEET MOTHER OF MARGARITA, WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!
If you've never had this done, imagine an army of savages running down the corridor of your vajayjay with spears and then stabbing the inside of your uterus. I screamed through the whole thing, then commenced hyperventilating. I was praying for the rapture, I tell you.
Thankfully, it didn't take very long. She says, "I put Vicodin in there, but I guess it wasn't enough."
"No $#!*, Sherlock!"
By this time, I'm certain that they think I'm crazy. I'm crying... again. But, thank the Lord, it's over.
It would have been nice to have a warning about bleeding afterward. I bled all over a new pair of panties without even realizing it. Yes, I wore new panties to the gyno. Isn't that the perfect occasion? At least then someone will see it.
At any rate, I'm scheduled to have the cyst removed next Tuesday morning. I'll be in the hospital about two days, providing I don't have a complication. Since my freakout this morning, I have calmed down quite a bit. But I could still use your prayers regarding the following:
1. That I would feel peace about this. It's not like I really have a choice in the matter.
2. That they would be able to do the procedure with the least amount of invasiveness to shorten recovery time.
3. That the anesthesiologist knows what the heck he's doing when it comes to sleep apnea patients and that nothing happens to my trachea.
4. That my parents will have safe travel getting here from Tennessee.
5. That my job search will not be jeopardized by being out for a few weeks.
To make it relevant... I did find out yesterday that my bypass surgery will likely be pushed out to the end of June or early July, because my surgeon likes to have 6-8 weeks of recovery between surgeries. Also, I now only have 8 more pounds to lose to make my surgeon's goal. I'm curious how much the fluid in the cyst weighs. Is that strange? Since all this hit last Thursday, I have had hardly any appetite, so I haven't strayed far from the program. I've done less of the shakes and more solid food, but I've stayed in the same calorie range (except that one day when all I wanted was Mexican... because I was unable to go poo for several days and I was backed up). So, I'm proud that I haven't really turned to my usual stress eating.
Also, I got like 9 bottles of DaVinci syrup yesterday, so I'm dying to take my snocone maker for a spin!
Oh, and my students are a whole lot less irritating when I'm teaching them on painkillers.
Thanks for listening to me the last few days. This really is a great community.