Escape from the cuckoo's nest
They took my clothes. The nurse handed me a big plastic drawstring
bag, and told me to change into a gown, take EVERYTHING off. We had a little terse conversation
about what everything meant. Turns out, she allowed me the dignity of keeping
my underwear on. Then she made off with the bag of clothes. I looked at my
friend J, and said 'well, now i really feel like i have no rights'. That was yesterday, late morning. After breaking down and posting to this community,
I called J, thank god she was home. I couldn't get composure while telling
her my tales of woe, i was getting worse and worse. I was inert. I kept saying,
i have to get off of this phone, I have to do some things. Then, proceeded to
sob into the phone, and tell more of my story. J called a friend, a psych nurse who told her to get me to the ER asap.
Type your cut contents here.
I got there at 1230pm, I was seen very quickly. After the clothes struggle,
I got bloodwork. they were looking for siqnificant whacked out levels of blood sugars, blood pressure meds. but NO THYROID levels were taken. J's friend psych nurse had stressed to get that one done. A whacky thyroid can cause discombobulation, mania, sometimes violence.
So, hours later after the tests returned normal, but thyroid tests not taken. i was told that was not a standard test for mental health. an outreach team from the local
mental hospital visited and asked me questions, wrote up a report, suggested i go to the mental hosp, talk to their team, and they recommended inpatient
care for 3-5 days. This caused quite a break down for me. I worried about
how bad it was going to be on hubby and son. the outreach team said i had
no choice, they were required to comitt me, i had admitted to wanting to harm my child, husband and said i would be so devestated by all of that, i would harm myself. i told the truth. what i thought was that i would get some help. what i got was a terribly embarrassing ride in an ambulance gurney. a teeny tiny little lady ems volunteer and her very young, gangly partner kind of cringed when they saw what they would be hauling to the funny farm. i kept saying i could walk, but they wouldn't let me. i didn't want to make a scene, chance them having to subdue me, so i just seethed through the entire 40 minute ambulance ride. The mental hospital was a locked ward, inside of a locked ward of a regular hospital. The surroundings looked dingy and gray. The little room they walked me to smelled of urine. The walls the same beige as the floor, the ceiling, the furniture, door. I paced back and forth as i waited what seemed an eternity for them to bring the psychiatrist in. I had a lot of people talking to be in slow, measured sentences, coming in and out asking if i would like a sleeping pill, wouldn't i like to lay on the bed and rest, and was i still thinking of killing my husband... no, i wanted to kill the entire team so i could get on with treatment and rest in a proper hospital room. not this holding cell of purgatory. i was really getting pissed. it had been 12 hours since the start of this ordeal, and i was ready to just walk out with my hospital gown blowing in the wind. except for the locked doors and all the cameras, it would have been easy.
I slept a fitful night, even with the anxiety/sleep drugs i finally swallowed down.
at 630am this morning, a loud booming voice called my name out, then proceeded to pelt me with questions regarding my state of mind. I presumed he was the good doctor i'd been trapped waiting for. i guess from my mumbled answers that he was satisfied, because he loudly said before leaving, that he was releasing me. i eagerly requested my belongings and jumped into my pants. a few hours later, the discharge papers came through, and i was sprung. i had agreed to go to an emergency visit with a shrink in the community, and i certainly did, knowing they would follow up to check me.
I really want to get help and have made a good effort to do so. In the past 2 weeks, i've been yelling as loudly as i can that I NEED SOME HELP HERE.
The psychiatrist i saw later this afternoon has prescribed some new meds, and has written to wean me off the ones i'm already on.
she also wrote a script for thyroid bloodwork. she liked my suggestion.
in the long run, it was an arduous journey to get from A to B. Some things
were accomplished that i couldn't have done myself: Getting that emergency
appointment directly from the hospital was well worth it. Going through the
wringer was not. giving up my rights as a human being, losing my clothing,
riding in a teeny little ambulance cot was undiginified. cutting those hospital
bracelts off my wrist today- priceless.
my sincere, grateful thanks to all of you posters who let me know they have
experienced some of these problems. And to you who let me know just what to do about getting help- those suggestions were wonderful, too.
i'm not posting for my story, but to let another person know that they can get some help. we're all connected . we need to teach so others can move forward.
best regards, ynid
RNY 7-30-07