Undone...part two!
Sooo, I got to thinking and decided to write the morning after Jeff made Jonathan spend the night alone in "Undone". I came up with this fluffy thing. Seriously, it's sweet.
Title - Undone, part 2
Author - rainstar11
Pairing - Jonathan/Jeff
Rating - PG13, language
Words - 1239
Sunlight filtered in through the the golden-colored curtains, rousing Jonathan from his sleep...if what he had been doing could be called sleep. He had tossed and turned all night, unable to stop his mind's internal monologue. He had gotten three, maybe four hours total. He groaned and covered his head with a pillow to block out the bright light. He wasn't ready to face the day, wasn't ready to wake up and find Jeff hadn't come back to their room. As he became more alert, he noticed that something about the bed wasn't quite right. It felt smaller. Warmer. There was something on the other side. His heart jolted in his chest as he realized why the bed felt so different. Jeff had come back after all. Jonathan turned over and gave a small smile when he found himself face-to-face with a pair of hazel eyes and shaggy, dark brown hair.
“Good morning,” Jeff said quietly.
“You came back,” Jonathan replied, almost in disbelief.
“Yeah. I, uh, I guess my conscience got the best of me,” the younger man replied as he sat up. “I felt like shit once I realized what I had done.”
“Hmm,” Jonathan said absently as he got out of bed and started making a pot of coffee using the tiny coffeemaker the hotel had provided. “Want some?”
“Yeah, sure.”
The air around them was thick with unsaid words and tension that needed to be resolved. Jonathan tapped his fingers on the top of the microwave as he waited for the coffee to finish. Once it finished, he poured an equal amount into two paper cups. He put some cream and sugar into his cup and waited while Jeff came over to fix his.
“We really need to talk,” Jeff said as they sat on the couch and stirred their coffee.
“Tell me something I don't know,” Jonathan said coolly.
“Not really in the mood for your sarcasm, Jonathan. I'm being serious.”
“Fine.”
“Jonathan, what the hell? I'm talking honestly to you and you're just blowing me off like you don't even care. What gives?”
“You wanna know 'what gives'? You really wanna know? I spent last night in my fucking head because you left. The ideas, the thoughts you had convinced me were wrong, they came back. All the doubt, all the...self-deprecation or whatever the hell it is that's wrong with me, everything. It was the worst I've felt in a long time. I didn't get any sleep because, on top of all that, I was worried that you wouldn't come back and that we were done.”
As he spoke, Jonathan's tone shifted from anger to vulnerability. He was about to say something very personal, something that he had been harboring for a while. He wasn't used to speaking so openly about how he felt, so it was a bit difficult for him. He paused to gather his courage and said, “This sounds so fucking weak of me, but...I need you. Actually, no one needs you more than I do, probably. I mean, if it weren't for you, I'd still be convinced that I'm nothing but the guy who stands in Wayne's shadow or who only gets gigs because people feel sorry for him. So yeah. I kinda need you, but not in a desperate way, if that makes sense.”
Jonathan felt a sense of relief come over him after his rant. His feelings were out in the open and off his chest. It felt good to do that for a change, but he felt extremely vulnerable. He could handle performing an improv show, but speaking about something so personal was a bit unnerving. Jonathan wanted to hide under a blanket just so he could feel some sense of protection.
“Damn,” Jeff sighed after taking a sip of coffee and letting Jonathan's revelation sink into his brain. “Jonathan, I'm so, so sorry. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, please tell me.”
Jeff knew good and well what thoughts had come back into Jonathan's head - questioning why they were together, why he had chosen him over everyone else, things like that. He had been that self-deprecating when their relationship first began. They had made huge progress with his self-esteem and worry, but they were still very fragile. Jeff was worried that his staying gone for most of the night had been a step in the wrong direction. He really hoped that wasn't the case.
“What do I need to do?” Jeff asked after Jonathan didn't respond to his apology. “Just tell me. Jon, I love you, and...I want to see you happy. I don't want you to go back to those thoughts because they're not good for you. They're not good for us.”
Jonathan took a sip of his coffee and stared down at the patterned upholstery. There wasn't a specific thing that Jeff could do to make up for leaving like he did. It was more like...a few things needed to change in their communication. He gathered this thoughts, feeling Jeff's intent gaze on him the entire time. He looked up after what felt like an eternity and took a deep breath.
“Tell me,” Jeff said insistently.
“Okay. This...this walking out during a fight thing has to stop. It doesn't help anything,” Jonathan began tentatively, running his hand through his disheveled curls out of nervousness.
“Makes sense,” Jeff agreed with a few slow nods.
“I also think both of us need to stop flaring up at the least little thing. I mean, really...how much of the shit we fight over is really worth it?”
“You really thought this over, didn't you?”
“I couldn't sleep, what else was I supposed to do?” Jonathan retorted. “Anyway...um, that's all I can think of. I mean, those are our two huge problems...outside of my stupid brain.”
“We can handle them,” Jeff said reassuringly as he gave Jonathan's hands a gentle squeeze. “It's going to take work, but we're gonna be fine. And as for those thoughts in your head, they're wrong. You're awesome. You're smart, funny as hell, talented, and that nerdiness of yours? It's one of the reasons I was attracted to you in the first place. Need I go on?”
Jonathan smiled and shook his head.
“Good. Please, please don't forget that.”
“Okay,” Jonathan replied softly.
As he accepted a slow, sweet, coffee-flavored kiss from Jeff, Jonathan knew that they were going to be okay. He knew that arguments were inevitable. They were human; nothing was going to be perfect. However, they were going to handle things differently from now on. It would take some work to break those old habits, but they had each other to help out along the way. Hopefully, they would be able to work things out after their tempers settled instead of spending nights alone. If they couldn't work things out...no. Jonathan didn't want to think about that. They were going to be able to work things out now. Maybe, just maybe, Jon would be able to get his mind to stop with the self-deprecation as well. He pulled back and looked into Jeff's hazel eyes. Jeff. The man he loved and who loved Jonathan in return. Jeff's smile said it all.
Yeah...things were going to be fine.
Title - Undone, part 2
Author - rainstar11
Pairing - Jonathan/Jeff
Rating - PG13, language
Words - 1239
Sunlight filtered in through the the golden-colored curtains, rousing Jonathan from his sleep...if what he had been doing could be called sleep. He had tossed and turned all night, unable to stop his mind's internal monologue. He had gotten three, maybe four hours total. He groaned and covered his head with a pillow to block out the bright light. He wasn't ready to face the day, wasn't ready to wake up and find Jeff hadn't come back to their room. As he became more alert, he noticed that something about the bed wasn't quite right. It felt smaller. Warmer. There was something on the other side. His heart jolted in his chest as he realized why the bed felt so different. Jeff had come back after all. Jonathan turned over and gave a small smile when he found himself face-to-face with a pair of hazel eyes and shaggy, dark brown hair.
“Good morning,” Jeff said quietly.
“You came back,” Jonathan replied, almost in disbelief.
“Yeah. I, uh, I guess my conscience got the best of me,” the younger man replied as he sat up. “I felt like shit once I realized what I had done.”
“Hmm,” Jonathan said absently as he got out of bed and started making a pot of coffee using the tiny coffeemaker the hotel had provided. “Want some?”
“Yeah, sure.”
The air around them was thick with unsaid words and tension that needed to be resolved. Jonathan tapped his fingers on the top of the microwave as he waited for the coffee to finish. Once it finished, he poured an equal amount into two paper cups. He put some cream and sugar into his cup and waited while Jeff came over to fix his.
“We really need to talk,” Jeff said as they sat on the couch and stirred their coffee.
“Tell me something I don't know,” Jonathan said coolly.
“Not really in the mood for your sarcasm, Jonathan. I'm being serious.”
“Fine.”
“Jonathan, what the hell? I'm talking honestly to you and you're just blowing me off like you don't even care. What gives?”
“You wanna know 'what gives'? You really wanna know? I spent last night in my fucking head because you left. The ideas, the thoughts you had convinced me were wrong, they came back. All the doubt, all the...self-deprecation or whatever the hell it is that's wrong with me, everything. It was the worst I've felt in a long time. I didn't get any sleep because, on top of all that, I was worried that you wouldn't come back and that we were done.”
As he spoke, Jonathan's tone shifted from anger to vulnerability. He was about to say something very personal, something that he had been harboring for a while. He wasn't used to speaking so openly about how he felt, so it was a bit difficult for him. He paused to gather his courage and said, “This sounds so fucking weak of me, but...I need you. Actually, no one needs you more than I do, probably. I mean, if it weren't for you, I'd still be convinced that I'm nothing but the guy who stands in Wayne's shadow or who only gets gigs because people feel sorry for him. So yeah. I kinda need you, but not in a desperate way, if that makes sense.”
Jonathan felt a sense of relief come over him after his rant. His feelings were out in the open and off his chest. It felt good to do that for a change, but he felt extremely vulnerable. He could handle performing an improv show, but speaking about something so personal was a bit unnerving. Jonathan wanted to hide under a blanket just so he could feel some sense of protection.
“Damn,” Jeff sighed after taking a sip of coffee and letting Jonathan's revelation sink into his brain. “Jonathan, I'm so, so sorry. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, please tell me.”
Jeff knew good and well what thoughts had come back into Jonathan's head - questioning why they were together, why he had chosen him over everyone else, things like that. He had been that self-deprecating when their relationship first began. They had made huge progress with his self-esteem and worry, but they were still very fragile. Jeff was worried that his staying gone for most of the night had been a step in the wrong direction. He really hoped that wasn't the case.
“What do I need to do?” Jeff asked after Jonathan didn't respond to his apology. “Just tell me. Jon, I love you, and...I want to see you happy. I don't want you to go back to those thoughts because they're not good for you. They're not good for us.”
Jonathan took a sip of his coffee and stared down at the patterned upholstery. There wasn't a specific thing that Jeff could do to make up for leaving like he did. It was more like...a few things needed to change in their communication. He gathered this thoughts, feeling Jeff's intent gaze on him the entire time. He looked up after what felt like an eternity and took a deep breath.
“Tell me,” Jeff said insistently.
“Okay. This...this walking out during a fight thing has to stop. It doesn't help anything,” Jonathan began tentatively, running his hand through his disheveled curls out of nervousness.
“Makes sense,” Jeff agreed with a few slow nods.
“I also think both of us need to stop flaring up at the least little thing. I mean, really...how much of the shit we fight over is really worth it?”
“You really thought this over, didn't you?”
“I couldn't sleep, what else was I supposed to do?” Jonathan retorted. “Anyway...um, that's all I can think of. I mean, those are our two huge problems...outside of my stupid brain.”
“We can handle them,” Jeff said reassuringly as he gave Jonathan's hands a gentle squeeze. “It's going to take work, but we're gonna be fine. And as for those thoughts in your head, they're wrong. You're awesome. You're smart, funny as hell, talented, and that nerdiness of yours? It's one of the reasons I was attracted to you in the first place. Need I go on?”
Jonathan smiled and shook his head.
“Good. Please, please don't forget that.”
“Okay,” Jonathan replied softly.
As he accepted a slow, sweet, coffee-flavored kiss from Jeff, Jonathan knew that they were going to be okay. He knew that arguments were inevitable. They were human; nothing was going to be perfect. However, they were going to handle things differently from now on. It would take some work to break those old habits, but they had each other to help out along the way. Hopefully, they would be able to work things out after their tempers settled instead of spending nights alone. If they couldn't work things out...no. Jonathan didn't want to think about that. They were going to be able to work things out now. Maybe, just maybe, Jon would be able to get his mind to stop with the self-deprecation as well. He pulled back and looked into Jeff's hazel eyes. Jeff. The man he loved and who loved Jonathan in return. Jeff's smile said it all.
Yeah...things were going to be fine.