(no subject)
the honest truth
recently things have changed. maybe its just me but honestly.. i really dont know. i feel like im alone in the world with no one to turn to.yeah, i have friends. but lately it feels like i dont even fit in with them anymore. i feel like im trying to be like them and pretending that i do just to make myself feel better when it really doesnt. somedays everything is fine and i think nothing is wrong. but then i always realize that there is something wrong, but im trying so hard to believe that its not the case.. it kinda hurts to realize that after so many years of being friends with the same people, you are trying to fit in with them when you never had to in the beginning. now i feel as though none of them like me and im just that girl who was invited because they felt sorry for me...when im with them, i just stand there quietly trying to stay out of the way and let them do their own thing. and im left pretending once again. i have other friends who i only talk to in school and i love them to death, but i dont see them as much as i should, or talk to them like i used to talk to my friends before..
things this year just havent been the same. last year i always had friends* i could talk to and they would know everything that was going on in my life. every detail. but right now.. not one single person knows how i really feel. about anything. and its not that im not telling anyone.. its just that i feel like if i do, they wont care. i still love them though because last year i went through a really hard time in my life and they helped me get through it.. even when they were distant they would be there for me, and they helped me deal with it, and when they had something wrong i would be there for them. thats how it always worked. but now times have changed once again. i am still very close to them, but for some reason it seems like i dont exist... i have lost friends over the years, some who were very close to me, and i really dont want to lose the rest of them my senior year..i love them and everything but im just really tired of being "fake" around them and acting like everything is fine when in all reality it just really hurts. i just really want to talk to somebody who cares.. i dont know.. maybe im the one who has changed, maybe i just have to learn to accept it or something. i just dont want to graduate a loner, and even though that sounds really bitchy...its true.. nobody wants to be like that. everyone has at least one good friend. but as for me... i am alone.