Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
there have been so many things running through my head lately i just dont know what to do anymore.
last week i was asked to move to gainsville with 3 other people. and im considering it. like really considering it. i have so many reasons to go. i guess there are about 4 reasons/people stopping me. and money.. which i will soon learn how much the cost will be. the others i dont even feel comfortable talking about here.
theres no one left here anyways.. all of my friends are leaving for college anyways.. not like that would make a difference.. ive already lost them. but you know what..i saw it coming. it was only a matter of time. yeah i am sad. it sucks a lot. but seriously. EVERYONE is leaving here. its basically just me left. so while everyone goes off to college and forgets everything they left behind, all i have are the memories staring back at me in the face.of course ill make new friends and everything but ill be going somewhere.. remember that time we went there and... oh wait.. no you dont. bc you're not here anymore. and soon you will say.. shannon who?
you cant really say im wrong though..because you know its been happening already whether you like it or not. maybe you just failed to notice it. but ive already accepted it. "we'll always be friends forever" that only goes so far. there have been so many times these past few years.. mainly this year, that ive felt like i was only a friend to people because of how we used to be and the memories and inside jokes we've had since middle school or simply because im friends with their friends.it sucks to see everyone doing that to you and then you pretending like it doesnt bother you. but it does. it hurts. it truly hurts. but even going through what i did this year has helped me a lot. i felt like i had no friends at all. well i cant say that..because i did. i had "outside sources" i guess you could say and they helped me get through it. but it seriously felt like i had no one. i hope no one goes through what i did. but it definately made me stronger. but i have to admit, ive never actually trusted anyone ever the same. maybe thats why its so easy for me to lose everyone. maybe thats why i wasnt sad about graduating. sure there are people im going to miss and probably never see again. but thats life. it happens. it changed how i trust people forever.
this might sound all mean but i dont hate anyone. i love all the memories ive had with everyone.. but maybe thats all they should be. memories. its time to move on. maybe i should get out now. start over. never look back. i planned on doing it before. my dream was to go to queens university in ireland. and the reason that i never persued that dream was because i would miss my friends too much.. look how far that got me.
i dont know what im doing. im so confused about everything. im confused about what i want. im confused about people. i want to leave so bad.get away and start over. and this is my chance.if i had gotten this chance earlier i definately would have taken it. and now that i finally have it.. im holding back. im looking for reasons not to go. when i only have one major one.
lifes a bitch.
help me.
last week i was asked to move to gainsville with 3 other people. and im considering it. like really considering it. i have so many reasons to go. i guess there are about 4 reasons/people stopping me. and money.. which i will soon learn how much the cost will be. the others i dont even feel comfortable talking about here.
theres no one left here anyways.. all of my friends are leaving for college anyways.. not like that would make a difference.. ive already lost them. but you know what..i saw it coming. it was only a matter of time. yeah i am sad. it sucks a lot. but seriously. EVERYONE is leaving here. its basically just me left. so while everyone goes off to college and forgets everything they left behind, all i have are the memories staring back at me in the face.of course ill make new friends and everything but ill be going somewhere.. remember that time we went there and... oh wait.. no you dont. bc you're not here anymore. and soon you will say.. shannon who?
you cant really say im wrong though..because you know its been happening already whether you like it or not. maybe you just failed to notice it. but ive already accepted it. "we'll always be friends forever" that only goes so far. there have been so many times these past few years.. mainly this year, that ive felt like i was only a friend to people because of how we used to be and the memories and inside jokes we've had since middle school or simply because im friends with their friends.it sucks to see everyone doing that to you and then you pretending like it doesnt bother you. but it does. it hurts. it truly hurts. but even going through what i did this year has helped me a lot. i felt like i had no friends at all. well i cant say that..because i did. i had "outside sources" i guess you could say and they helped me get through it. but it seriously felt like i had no one. i hope no one goes through what i did. but it definately made me stronger. but i have to admit, ive never actually trusted anyone ever the same. maybe thats why its so easy for me to lose everyone. maybe thats why i wasnt sad about graduating. sure there are people im going to miss and probably never see again. but thats life. it happens. it changed how i trust people forever.
this might sound all mean but i dont hate anyone. i love all the memories ive had with everyone.. but maybe thats all they should be. memories. its time to move on. maybe i should get out now. start over. never look back. i planned on doing it before. my dream was to go to queens university in ireland. and the reason that i never persued that dream was because i would miss my friends too much.. look how far that got me.
i dont know what im doing. im so confused about everything. im confused about what i want. im confused about people. i want to leave so bad.get away and start over. and this is my chance.if i had gotten this chance earlier i definately would have taken it. and now that i finally have it.. im holding back. im looking for reasons not to go. when i only have one major one.
lifes a bitch.
help me.