[FIC] Love and Sex 4/8
Title: Love and Sex
Author: Clay
Pairings: Mainly Chip/Wayne and Chip/Drew, but there’s also Wayne/Drew, Ryan/Colin, Greg/Brad, and a mention of Greg/Ryan. Yes, my little Whose Line soap opera. Chip’s POV
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 over all, but most chapters are just R
Summary: “They had been friends who had taken to helping each other out with certain problems when they were away from their wives. Add feelings to the mix, however, and the situation would become far more complicated.”
Author’s notes: This is a little AU in the fact that Greg isn’t married and Chip is but has no children. Turns out that that thing that I thought happened later than it did is probably happening right on time.
Despite Drew’s enthusiasm, we didn’t leave the park straight away. It would be hours until my wife arrived home, and besides, he still had to convince me.
We ended up back under the maple tree, arguing.
“I still don’t see what you hope to achieve,” I said for what seemed like the millionth time in just under an hour.
Drew sighed. We were leaning on opposite sides of the trunk facing away from each other, so I couldn’t read his body language, but even an idiot would have been able to hear the frustration in his voice. “I told you: we’re going to catch her in the act.”
“But what if there’s nothing to catch? What if I’m just being stupid and paranoid? She’ll think I don’t trust her.”
“But you don’t,” Drew reasoned with me.
“But she doesn’t need to know that.”
Drew sighed again, and it was followed by a thump; in his aggravation, Drew had knocked the back of his head against the tree. I could hear him muttering curses under his breath and stifled a smile.
“If two people are in a relationship and there’s a lack of trust, it’s obvious. She already knows. Besides,” he continued when I didn’t respond, “why do you want to be with a woman you don’t trust?”
“You don’t trust Wayne,” I pointed out.
“Don’t change the subject,” he shot back. Oddly enough, it sounded as though he were smiling.
He was right, though. I was trying to divert the conversation; I wasn’t ready to answer that question. From what I knew of Drew, however, I had no choice.
“I love her.”
“So?”
“So?!” I cried, twisting around the trunk to look at Drew. He had done the same. We locked eyes, and I continued to rant, “What do you mean, ‘So?’ I take it you’ve never been in love before. And marriage-marriage is sacred....” I was quickly losing steam. I had already broken my vows, so to continue was nothing short of ludicrous. It didn’t help, the way Drew was smirking at me, either.
“If you’d let me interrupt for just a moment,” Drew said, “you never said you were in love with your wife. You said you loved her. There’s a big difference. But who cares? That’s not the point. The point is that loving someone, or even being in love with someone, is not enough to hold a relationship together. You need trust. You need common bonds. You need conviction.”
I broke his gaze and turned back to once again lean against the tree. “I can’t believe I’m getting relationship advice from you.”
“Hey! I’m with someone!”
“Drew,” I laughed, “you’re having an affair with a married man who’s cheating on you.”
“Well, yeah, but I still know what I’m talking about.” The hurt rang clearly in each word.
“Shit.” The guilt was creeping back. Here Drew was, only trying to help me and I had to go and flaunt my tryst with Wayne. “Look, man, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, it’s cool. It’s true.”
Damn it. Damnitdamnitdamnit. I sprang to my feet and circled around the tree to come face to face with Drew. He stared up at me, looking quite surprised. I hesitated for just a moment and then dropped to my knees and enveloped him in a tight hug.
“You’re too nice,” I said with absolute conviction. “You don’t deserve this.”
His arms came up around me hesitantly. “Chip?” he asked, voice low, concerned. “Are you okay? I’m really not that upset.”
I shook my head, but couldn’t seem to make myself speak. I was overreacting, at least from his point of view, but I couldn’t pull away. I think I needed this-needed to know that, for now, at least, things were good between us.
“Hey....” His arms tightened around me imperceptibly. “We can talk about it later if you want. For now let’s take care of your problem.”
“Yeah, okay.” I pulled back, flushed with embarrassment and unable to meet his worried gaze.
We both got to our feet and started for the car without speaking. When we had almost reached it, Drew asked, “Is there something else going on that you’re not telling me?”
“There is,” I admitted before I could stop myself, “but I really don’t want to talk about it.”
He nodded in understanding.
Other than my giving the occasional direction, we made the drive in silence. We wanted to get to my house around eight that evening, so we actually had a couple hours to kill. Conversation was the last thing I wanted to partake in, so I suggested a movie. Drew chose some low brow comedy that, while funny, left very little impression. All in all, it wasn’t a bad way to spend the evening.
We pulled up to my house at a quarter to nine. Drew hopped out of the car immediately, but I was a bit more reluctant. My wife’s car was parked in the driveway alongside an unfamiliar black Sedan. Part of me was dying to see what was going on inside, but mostly I was just scared. Whatever happened tonight, I had the feeling that it would change everything. I’m not sure I was ready for that.
Noting my hesitation, Drew came around the car to open my door. He ushered me out with a false sense of bravado, going into a deep bow and swinging one arm out.
I didn’t want to leave the safety of the car, but I did anyway. Drew followed me to the door where I paused yet again. With a sigh that bordered on disgusted, Drew pushed past me to open the door himself.
“Wait!” I shot one hand out, catching his wrist just as the door swung in. “Shouldn’t we knock?”
“Knock?” he scoffed. “It’s your house!”
“Yeah, but-“
“But what?” Drew took his hand off the knob to face me properly. “You want to give them a chance to get decent?”
I cringed at that. His words had struck me like a physical blow. In actuality, I think that’s exactly what I wanted. Like I said, I wasn’t ready for this. I wanted to run, to get back in Drew’s car and head straight back to the hotel and forget I’d ever agreed to this.
I think Drew knew it as well because the next moment had him taking hold of my hand and practically dragging me inside. Most of the lights were off, save the kitchen and upstairs hall, both of which we could see from the foyer. The darkness, along with an unnatural quiet that seemed to permeate each room left me feeling like we were trespassing; any second a ghoul or a stern-faced old man with a shotgun would come round the corner, screaming at the top of his lungs.
I considered calling out to my wife, but I was sure Drew would smack me for even thinking it and stayed quiet. We made a quick circuit of the downstairs, not speaking except for Drew giving me a whispered compliment on the decor. It was his first time in my home.
The ground floor was empty, and we ended up back in the foyer facing the staircase that lead to the second floor. I felt a sinking feeling in my gut. There was a small computer room on the second floor, but it mostly housed bedrooms and the master bathroom. This wasn’t looking good.
But along with that sudden sense of dread, I felt an overwhelming surge of confidence. As it became more and more obvious that my suspicions were being confirmed, anger replaced hesitation. I may not have been ready to change my life, but that wasn’t going to stop me from plunging in head first.
I took the lead as we headed upstairs, Drew practically tiptoeing behind me. I turned right as we hit the landing, instinctively heading for the master bedroom. The door was shut tight. I had the urge to put my ear to the door, but held it in check. I think even I was tiptoeing now, and I knew I was holding my breath. I lay one hand on the door knob to my bedroom, alert, almost excited. The brass was cold against my sweaty palm. I couldn’t hear anything; the house still had that surreal, empty feeling. Finally, sucking in a deep breath, I threw the door open-
-only to find an empty room.
“Huh,” Drew said. He was so close behind me that I could feel his breath on my cheek.
I could do little more than stare into the room uncomprehendingly. I had been so sure. Coming back to my senses, I commented dumbly, “They’re not here.”
“Yeah,” Drew replied. “I noticed that.”
We stood there for a minute and then Drew shrugged. “Maybe they went out?”
“Both of their cars are in the driveway,” I pointed out, “They have to be here somewhere.”
“Maybe they-“ Drew started to say, but I swung around, slapping one hand over his mouth.
He started, eyes narrowing, but I paid him no mind. I was too busy listening, eyes skipping from door to door down the hallway.
“There! Did you hear that?”
It was muffled, but I distinctly heard what could only be described as a squeal. There were two more bedrooms, a bathroom, and the computer room. Oddly enough, I could swear the sound was coming from that last one.
“I heard it,” Drew said, pushing my hand from his mouth and meeting my eyes. He moved back against the wall, allowing me to pass him. All his energy from earlier had faded; he looked to me now with obvious concern, perhaps regretting that he’d pushed me into coming here. I didn’t hold it against him, though. I attempted to give Drew a reassuring smile, but I’m afraid ti came out as more of a grimace.
Giving up, I crossed the hall to the computer room door, swinging it open without hesitation.
I froze.
Whatever I had been preparing myself for, this was not it.
My wife sat in the rolling chair we used when seated at the computer, completely naked, head thrown back, knuckles white as she clutched at the armrests. Someone was kneeling between her legs, head buried between her thighs.
It wasn’t Bob.
Not unless he’d gotten a sex change since yesterday.
From what I could tell from my vantage point, my wife was cheating on me with a rather busty and undeniably female brunette. With a nice ass.
I could only stare as I tried to wrap my brain around this. They were still going at it, and as I watched, my wife let out another one of those squeals, puttering off into a breathy sigh. They had yet to notice us, that is, until Drew practically shouted, “Holy shit!” The amusement in his voice was plain, and I suddenly wanted to kick him.
My wife, Patty’s, eyes opened immediately and locked with mine. She looked absolutely mortified. Her lover jerked back, falling back on her ass.
“Chip!” Patty squeaked, desperately trying to cover herself with her hands.
“Patty,” I replied, my voice calm, even.
“What are you doing here?” She was practically yelling now.
Drew was outright laughing. “I think the better question is what are you doing?”
Patty finally noticed his presence. She turned a very deep shade of red, hand scrounging around on the floor for something, anything to throw at him. She finally came up with a shiny black heeled shoe and lobbed it erratically. Drew and I dived out of the way, watching it bounce off the wall as she screamed, “Get out! Get out of here!”
Anger was overtaking me yet again, shoving aside the shock. “Come on, Drew,” I said, turning and giving him a rather harsh shove back into the hallway. I followed, slamming the door behind me. I had every right to be mad at her, but at the same time, no right at all. The juxtaposition was just confusing and only added fuel to my anger.
“Chip, wait!” Patty called out to me as I stepped foot on the staircase, still herding Drew. I paused, but didn’t turn around. “I didn’t mean for you to go.”
“I can’t be here right now.” My voice was low, but in the otherwise silent hallway I had no doubt that she heard me. “I can’t deal with this now. I can’t even look at you.”
I started down again, blocking out any further protests. Drew had reached the first floor and stood at the bottom of the steps, watching, waiting patiently for me to join him. There was no trace of amusement in his wide, blue eyes now. Only pity. And I hated him for that.
I was disgusted with myself. I felt used, betrayed, like a five dollar whore thrown out on the street. I wasn’t in the mood for sympathy. I just wanted to curl up in a dark corner with a bottle of Jack Daniels and wallow in self-loathing.
I brushed past Drew and out of the house without another word. We didn’t speak as Drew unlocked the Porche and we slid inside. Out of habit, I automatically buckled my seatbelt, but then turned to stare out the window. I wasn’t looking at anything in particular; more it was my way of telling Drew that I needed to be left alone, not that it worked.
“Hey, man,” he said, reaching out a hand to me, but pulling it back at the last moment. “I’m so sorry.” We were still in the driveway, the car idling mindlessly in the background. I half expected my wife to come out, to make another attempt at stopping me, but there was no sign of her.
“Are you okay?”
“Do I fucking look okay?” It came out far harsher than I had intended, growled into the car window, but I had no intention of apologizing.
“Yeah. Sorry. Stupid question.” Drew sighed. His fingers tapped a rhythm on the steering wheel. “Look, let’s get out of here... go back to the hotel....”
“Fine.”
Drew shifted the car into reverse and began to back out of the driveway. He paused once we were on the street, however.
“Um... I need directions back to the highway.”
“I don’t care.”
Drew heaved another sigh, this one out of obvious aggravation. “If you want to get back, then you need to help me.”
“Just leave me alone.”
“Then stop being such a fucking prick and give me directions!”
It was the first time I had ever heard Drew raise his voice. I whipped my head around to stare at him, startled speechless. I think it startled him a little as well. He was looking back at me, eyes wide, breathing quick and shallow.
“I’m sorry,” he said. He closed his eyes, turning back to face front. “Can I please have directions?”
I nodded numbly. “You don’t have to apologize. I.... You’re trying to help, and I’m taking out my anger on you, and-“
Drew shook his head and cut me off with, ‘No, it’s cool. Just tell me where to go.”
Once we made it to the highway, we lapsed back into silence. Strangely, it felt rather companionable. The day’s events had left me drained, slumped bonelessly into the car seat. I was dozing on and off, but grateful for Drew’s presence. Most of his attention was focused on the road, though he continued to randomly flip through radio stations the entire drive. On one level it was quite annoying, especially considering that I was trying to sleep, but it was also comforting. It was so normal, like he was coming back from a day at the beach and his biggest concern in the whole world was avoiding listening to the Backstreet Boys.
The sun had set some time ago. The sky was an inky black as we set out from my house, but the closer we got to the city, the lighter the horizon grew, like a perpetual half-light covering L.A. I found myself smiling at my reflection in the window. Los Angeles was OZ, but I had left my ruby slippers back in Kansas. I could never go home again.
My smile faded, and I closed my eyes again, slipping back into unconsciousness.
I jolted awake when Drew turned the car off. We were in the parking garage beneath our hotel. The yellowish-green overhead lights threw Drew’s profile into sharp relief. We stayed in the car for a moment, Drew staring forward, lost in thought as I yawned and stretched. My back was killing me; the Porche was a nice car but not the ideal place for a nap.
Drew still wasn’t moving by the time I’d fully awakened, so I made myself ask, “Now what?”
If he was surprised to hear me speak, it didn’t show in his demeanor. He shrugged.
“Thanks for...” I turned away to stare out the windshield, tracing the grooves of the concrete wall beyond with my eyes as I searched for the right words. “... for today. For everything. It was.... fun.” While that may not have been entirely true, all things considered, I’d had a better day than I would have imagined.
Drew chuckled, shaking his head. “You sound like we’re on a date.”
I laughed along with him. “Hey, a stroll through the park, a movie... all we need is a goodnight kiss.”
“Yeah.”
We turned back to each other at the same moment, and our eyes locked. Some irrational part of me wondered just what it would be like to kiss Drew. He had nice lips.
The next moment I was blushing, my ears burning as I thanked God for the dim lighting.
It had grown extremely uncomfortable in the car. Drew opened his mouth to speak, but his words came out muffled and scratchy. He cleared his throat and tried again.
“Feeling better?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry I was such a dick earlier.”
Drew shrugged it off, smiling. “You had reason.”
There was another lull in the conversations where we both fidgeted nervously. I was reminded that while today had been fun, I really didn’t know Drew very well. Nevertheless, it still felt odd that we couldn’t think of a thing to say.
“Hey,” Drew said suddenly with a burst of inspiration. “Let’s go up to my room. We can order room service and watch tv. You know, relax.”
I was all for it, but once we’d reached Drew’s room (which was actually more of a suite) we realized just how late it was and Drew opted to raid his dinette for beer rather than order actual food. There wasn’t much on at eleven o’clock on a Monday night, however. We eventually settled on some B movie on the sci-fi channel, ripping on everything from the bad acting to the even worse special effects. We had turned to the film when it was already half over, and had absolutely no idea what was going on, but that just made it all the more fun.
By the time the credits were rolling, squashed to the side to make room for a Stargate commercial, my eyelids were drooping. Drew and I had worked our way through one six pack and were nearly finished a second, so I was feeling warm, safe, and pleasantly buzzed, curled up on one half of Drew’s king sized bed.
The credits faded away to be replaced by an old episode of The Twilight Zone. I rarely caught the show, but I tended to like what I saw of it. I was far too tired to pay attention tonight, though, and found my mind wandering. Drew had slipped off the bed and was wiggling out of his jeans. It seemed like a good idea. Pants were stupid.
Stripped down to a t-shirt and boxers, Drew crawled back into bed, scrounging around the mess we had made of the covers for the remote. He muted the tv. I watched Rod Sterling give the premise for the episode. It was creepy, watching him talking without hearing him. I knew he was warning the audience of something disturbing if not downright terrifying, and in my sleepy haze, it worried me just a little that I would have to finish the night without his prophetic advice.
“I think it’s time for bed,” Drew said after a moment, stifling a yawn.
That was an absolutely fabulous idea. “Yeah....” I snuggled further into the covers.
Drew laughed. “Not going back to your room?”
“Too far,” I objected. In truth, I was just down the hall and around the corner, but I couldn’t imagine myself making the trip as tired as I was.
Drew was still laughing, but he nodded. “You can stay here if you want.”
I made some indistinct happy noises in the back of my throat and made a half-assed effort to pull off my button down shirt. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Drew stiffen slightly just before I lifted the material over my head, but I paid it little mind as I was currently working on getting rid of my slacks. Wearing nothing but the briefs I had donned that morning, I wormed back under the covers.
Drew stayed in bed another moment and then got up to switch off the light. He had pulled closed the curtains some time ago, so once they were off, it left the room in compete darkness. I could hear Drew stumbling across the room as he attempted to locate the bed. It sagged a little under his weight before I felt him shifting around; his bare calf brushed mine.
I must have giggled or something then because Drew asked, “What’s so funny?”
“This,” I said, still chuckling. “I did not imagine the day ending up like this when I woke up this morning.”
“Yeah...,” Drew mused and then chuckled himself. “It is kind of weird, isn’t it?”
“The whole day was weird,” I replied. Drew said nothing. I found my thoughts drifting over the events of the day, ending with, “Did you want to talk about Wayne?”
“Not now,” Drew said immediately. “I’m too tired.”
Despite his response, I had questions of my own. This might be my only chance to ask them. “Do you love him?”
Drew was a long time in answering, so long, in fact, that I figured he was either ignoring me or had fallen asleep. When he did speak, it was soft, hesitant. “I... I’m not sure how to answer that. I do... but, then I love all my friends. Am I in love with him? I don’t know. I care about him. A lot. More than a friend, I guess, but... it’s... I’m.... Wayne is married. I want to get married. I want to have kids, so no matter how I feel about him, it can’t last.”
“Did you ever think about adopting kids?”
“Of course, but.... I don’t know. Just the thought that I’ll never be with a woman again scares me. I’m not homophobic,” he chuckled, “obviously, but I don’t know if I want to be labeled as gay. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.” I nodded in the dark, thinking to myself, fully aware that he couldn’t see me. I think that was part of my problem: I was starting to get comfortable with the idea of getting sexual with another guy, but to be thought of as gay still bothered me.
Coming back to the present, I considered Drew’s words and then asked, “So if you don’t see a future with Wayne, then why are you with him?”
“Well....” Drew blew out a long breath. “It’s like... it’s like Ryan and Colin. You know they’ll never leave their wives, but they can’t not be together. It’s just the way things are.”
“Yeah....” I was nodding again. I suppose it was like what Greg had said that first night: there was so much sexual tension floating around that it would be more of a shock if nothing ever developed from it.
“But now he’s cheating on you.”
“Probably. Yeah.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Of course not! It sucks. It hurts. I mean, I know he’s married, but this... I thought....” Drew groaned, and his next words were muffled, as though he’d covered his face with his hands. “This is going to make me sound like such a girl, but I thought we had something special.”
“Yeah, you do sound like a girl,” I chuckled, trying to make light of the situation. Possibly more for my benefit than his; that old familiar guilt was creeping back. Drew whipped his pillow from under his head and smacked me with it. I laughed, but the next instant he was sighing deeply. Okay. Joking time was over.
“Well, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I guess that depends on Wayne.”
“Do you want to stay with him?”
Drew sighed. “I want... I want to go to bed. Can we talk about this later?”
He sounded frustrated and just a little put off. I supposed I could understand that. I was dragging the information out of him, making him talk about something that could only be painful. “Yeah. Um... goodnight.”
“Night.”
The bed shifted as he rolled onto his side, facing away from me. Soon he was snoring softly, but I was a long time from finding my own rest.
It felt like I had just fallen asleep when I was awoken by the sound of arguing. I opened my eyes briefly. I had rolled onto my back some time in the night and could only see the blank white canvas that was the ceiling. I tried to look around without moving too much. Near the foot of the bed, just to the right, Drew stood in the doorway that connected the bedroom to the rest of his suite. He was speaking to someone out of my line of sight. While they were obviously fighting, their words were being kept to just above a whisper and I couldn’t make them out.
Suddenly Drew turned to look my way. I slammed my eyes shut and forced myself to relax. He must have thought I was still asleep because he dared to raise his voice just the tiniest bit.
“This really isn’t a good time.”
“What? Why?”
I recognized Wayne voice immediately. The only thing I could think was “Oh shit.” It repeated in my mind, a useless mantra. After all, if I was fighting with my boyfriend and went to see him just to find another man in bed, I’d sure as Hell think something was up. Belatedly, I realized that Drew must have been thinking along the same lines, because he wasn’t just standing in the doorway-he was blocking it.
“It’s just... I’m not dressed, and I’m not awake, and I don’t want to argue right now.”
“I just want to know where you were last night. Why won’t you tell me?”
“I did. I went to the park.”
Wayne sounded incredulous. “Ten at night and you were at the park?”
“Well....”
For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why Drew wasn’t telling Wayne the truth. Last night had been nothing if not innocent. It didn’t make sense.
“Is there someone in there?”
Shit. I had the insane urge to hide under covers, but that was stupid-nothing had happened.
“No. Well, yes, but it’s not what you think.”
“Oh? And why don’t you tell me what it is, exactly, that I think?”
“Look... he... we... he wasn’t feeling well, so we came back here and we were tired, and-“
“He? He who?”
There was a bit of shuffling. Wayne was trying to see into the room. I immediately turned away from the door. I didn’t want him to see my face.
“Chip?”
“Yes, Chip-“
“What did you do?”
“Nothing!” Drew was almost practically shouting now. “I’m trying to tell you that we went to the park and we got to talking, and-“
“What did he tell you?”
“-he told me that he was having.... wait. What? He thought his wife was being unfaithful.... What did you think I was going to say?”
“Never mind. You know what? This is a bad time. I’m going to go.”
“No. No no nononono. Hold up. You can’t just leave. What did you think I was going to say?”
It was so strange to hear Wayne and Drew arguing. I felt like a child, my parents fighting in the next room as my world fell apart around me. I wanted to bury my head under the pillow and forget this was happening.
“Not now, Drew.” Wayne sighed, paused. “We’re going to wake him up.”
“Then we’ll shut the door,” Drew replied and did just that. I could hear the conversation continue, but their voices were lowered and I could no longer make out the words. I decided then that I was going to get the Hell out of there. I was far too deep into this-Jesus, I was practically the cause of this argument, and I had no desire to deal with Drew when it was all over, or worse, get pulled into the fight myself.
Luckily, Drew’s suite had two doors that led to the hallway: one in the living room and one in the bedroom. I dressed and made a hasty exit. I considered leaving Drew a note, but that seemed far too reminiscent of a one night stand. It was the last impression I wanted to leave.
Tuesday and Wednesday passed in somewhat of a blur. Miraculously I saw neither Wayne nor Drew over the course of those two days. In fact, I didn’t see much of anyone. I randomly ran into Brad once on the elevator, but he was busy and I was tired, so very few words were even exchanged.
Much of Tuesday was spent talking to my wife. After leaving Drew’s room I headed for my own. I had no less than five messages from Patty ranging from angry to tearful, and even though I knew she would be at work at the time, I called back and left a message of my own.
The phone rang a few times while I stayed holed up, flipping through the channels and drinking water from the tap because I had no appetite. I ignored the calls, however, as they were most likely Drew or Wayne calling; it was far too early for my wife to be home.
I tried her again around seven, and this time I got her. Less than twenty four hours had passed since we’d last seen each other, but tempers seemed to have cooled considerably on both sides.
The conversation was calm, almost business-like. She asked if I wanted to try and work things out. I said “No” without even thinking, and she seemed okay with that. The word divorce was never spoken, though it was heavily implied. We discussed who would get what, and it was decided that she would keep anything that didn’t hold a personal significance for me, including the house and ninety percent of the furnishings. None of it seemed important.
Somewhere in there I admitted that I had cheated on her as well. She didn’t appear to be surprised, and even went as far as to guess that it had been with a man. I didn’t contradict her, but I refused to give her any further information.
She promised to get in contact with our lawyer, and I was content to let her handle most of the details. Someone would find me later that week so I could read through the papers and give them my signature.
The conversation ended shortly thereafter. Out of habit I almost said “I love you” just as I was about to hang up the phone, but stopped myself just in time. She sensed the words, though, because with a mirthless chuckle she said, “I love you, too, Chip,” and I was left listening to dead air.
It certainly wasn’t the best conversation of my life, but it left me with a bewildered sense of freedom. I spent most of Wednesday trying to figure out what I was going to do now. I knew I needed to find somewhere to live, and I didn’t have a lot of time. I would be in L.A. for just over a week, and after that I’d have nowhere to go. I considered asking one of the guys if I could crash at their place, but I didn’t want to impose. I’d probably end up in a cheap motel for a while.
Once the conversation with my wife was over I didn’t really think about her much. I was far too busy considering my own future. Other than the housing situation, I had to wonder when I would be dating again. Mind, I wasn’t quite ready to jump back into a relationship, but to have something going on with another guy-with Wayne specifically-was looking very appealing.
And it would be safe. There was no chance that Wayne would be looking for something long term. Of course there was my old friend guilt to contend with. I wasn’t about to destroy Wayne and Drew’s relationship, not after all Drew had done for me.
It was that complication that haunted me throughout Wednesday and into Thursday. That is, until something more interesting came up.
I was venturing out of my room for the first time in over twenty four hours late Thursday morning dressed in jeans and an old t-shirt when I ran into Kathy Greenwood in the lobby.
She had checked in barely an hour before. She, Brad and I would be the fourth seaters for the upcoming weekend.
We chatted amicably over an early lunch, talking of trivial things. I didn’t know Kathy very well; I had no desire to discuss my current situation with her. Still, the conversation was pleasant enough and I found myself very much enjoying her company.
As we parted ways (she was going out and I was thinking going back to my room) something very interesting came up.
I had given her a quick hug, saying, “So I guess I’ll see you around?”
“Sure,” she nodded. Something occurred to her then. Her eyes widened comically. “Oh. Just so you know-I won’t be able to make it tonight. Tell the others if I don’t see them?”
“Tonight?”
“You know. The party?”
I think the confusion on my face was clear because she looked absolutely mortified. The next moment it was gone, to be replaced by a bright smile. “Oh, ah, nothing. Never mind. See you.” She gave a short wave and turned away quickly, but there was no way I was letting her go.
“Hold on one minute.” I ran after her, scooting around to block her exit. “What party?”
“No party,” she replied in that obviously false cheerful tone. “I was just... um....”
I simply raised my eyebrows at her, waiting for the truth.
“No, really... I... ah, crap.” She sighed, and with a grimace, met my eyes. “Drew’s having a party tonight at Ryan’s house. I ran into him when I was checking in, and he invited me. He said everyone was going to be there, but if you don’t know about it yet....”
“Oh.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense!” she continued hastily. “I mean, he’d have no reason not to invite you. I’m sure it’s just... he forgot... or....”
If you asked me, Drew had every reason not to invite me. I had to wonder just what was said between him and Wayne after I’d left. I plastered a smile on my lips and replied, “I’m sure you’re right. Yeah. I should go. I’ll see you later.”
I could see it in her eyes; she was afraid she’d made a huge mistake mentioning the party to me, but I had no intention of getting her in trouble. I wasn’t about to crash a party when I was obviously not wanted. I turned and walked to the elevators without glancing back. I was far too sure that she was looking at me with pity. I was going to get enough of that when everyone learned of the divorce; I didn’t need it to start now.
Of course now, I reflected during the short ride to the ninth floor, I had even more on my mind. I’d been doing nothing but thinking for days and I was damn sick of it. It would have been nice to go to a party and just not think for a few hours.
The bell dinged, signaling my arrival as the elevator gave a slow lurch. The doors slid open and I found myself facing Brad.
“Hey!” he cried, grinning broadly at the sight of me. Well, I thought, at least one person is still happy to see me. I squashed the thought before it had time to fully surface, however, rippling with mild disgust. Hadn’t I just been thinking that I wasn’t ready for the pity parade to begin just yet?
“Hey, Brad,” I greeted him with the most genuine smile I could muster.
“Long time no see,” he only half joked, slapping me on the back as we passed each other. He settled into the elevator and spun around. “See you tonight?”
I mumbled some neutral response, and Brad frowned. “You are coming, right?”
I just shrugged, my smile fading. “I don’t know.”
Just then the elevator dinged impatiently. It gave a hiccup and the doors kicked into gear, wanting to close. I turned to go back to my room, but a scuffle behind me gave me pause. Brad had thrown himself forward and was now trapped by the doors, squirming between the metal slabs before the elevator realized he was there and released him. He stumbled into the hallway and up to me, red-faced and panting.
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
His concern for me was obvious and incredibly touching, bringing back my smile full force. I found myself laughing at the picture he made. “I wasn’t invited, but it’s fine.”
“Not invited? Of course you were!”
“No,” I insisted, still smiling. After all, the party seemed rather trivial when facing Brad-a friend, and a damn good one at that. “No one’s mentioned it.”
“We’ll see about that!” he huffed. The next moment he had grabbed my hand and was tugging me forcefully down the hall.
“No, wait, Brad- it’s okay! Really!”
“No, it’s not.”
I fought against him, but Brad was stronger than I and managed to pull me down the hall to Drew’s door. With one hand still clamped around mine, he lifted the other to knock on the door.
A few moments passed and I began to fidget. I had it in my head that not only did Drew not want to see me, but he’d be downright angry with me. I was seriously considering employing all my strength and making a run for it when the door opened.
Drew stood in the doorway blinking sleepily. He looked much the way he had the last time I had seen him, dressed in boxers and a t-shirt. He smiled when he saw us.
“Hi Brad, Chip. Something wrong?”
Brad took the offensive, stepping forward to prod Drew with one forefinger and dropping my hand. “Did you invite Chip to the party?”
Drew blinked at him. “What?”
“Chip thinks he wasn’t invited.”
Drew turned to me thoughtfully. The smile had fled from his lips, but now it came back, bright and mischievous. “Of course I invited him. Maybe if he’d actually answer his phone once in a while....”
I had to blush at that. It was true that I hadn’t taken any calls since Monday; I hadn’t even thought about it.
“I left you, like, half a dozen messages,” Drew continued, “but you seem to want to take up life as a hermit.”
“Yeah.” I had to grin back at him. “I guess I have been kind of out of it.”
“See!” Brad crossed his arms smugly, aiming a smirk my way. “What did I tell you?” He nodded to himself, and then something seemed to occur to him. “Shit! Now I’m really late. I have to go.” He turned to bolt, but paused and looked back to me. “So I’ll see you tonight? Both of you?”
We nodded, and he smiled before taking off.
“So...” Drew said after we’d watched Brad disappear around the corner. “Didn’t think you were invited?”
I couldn’t meet his eyes. “I thought you might be angry at me.”
Drew didn’t respond right away. When he did, it was in a much softer tone. “Why would I be mad?”
“I don’t know. I....”
“Because you had sex with Wayne?”
I think I just about shit myself. I spun to face Drew, shocked beyond words, fear a cold, hard thing in the pit of my stomach. “How...?”
“How did I know? I didn’t, but I guess I do now.” We stared at each other for a second and then Drew laughed. “No, I’m fucking with you; I knew.” He was smiling at me and I had no idea what was going on. “Wayne fessed up the other day, but I knew before then. It wasn’t that hard to figure out.” Drew nodded to himself, leaning against the door jam as he settled in to tell me a story. “Wayne’s not the type for a one night stand, so I assumed it was someone he knew. Since it happened just a few days ago, it had to be one of us. Colin and Ryan are out of the question, so it would have to be either you, Greg, or Brad. Greg is so not Wayne’s type; I counted him out immediately. And then Greg told us that he’d started something with Brad, so that only left you.”
“So...” I frowned, thinking, trying to figure out the time line. “Then you knew on Monday? We spent the whole day together and you never said anything.”
Drew shrugged. “We were dealing with your problem that day.”
I couldn’t wrap my mind around that one. “But why would you do that for me after what I did to you?”
It took Drew a moment to mull that over. Eventually he shrugged. “I don’t know. We were having fun. And you seemed so upset that it didn’t feel right to be mad at you.”
It was nearly incomprehensible, the selflessness of that statement. People weren’t that nice. I wanted to give him another hug, but I couldn’t imagine Drew wanting me to touch him just then.
“So yeah,” Drew straightened up. He smiled at me, though it looked almost strained. “You’re coming tonight, right?”
“I... yeah... I guess.... You... you’re okay with this?”
“No.” The barest hint of a frown crossed his lips before the smile was back. “I mean, well, it’s complicated. We’re not talking about it”
“Well... don’t we kind of have to?”
Drew sighed. “Probably, but not now. I don’t want to think about it. Let’s just have this party and have fun, okay?”
I nodded and let him go back to his room, even though I still felt uneasy. This party seemed like an even worse idea than when I thought I hadn’t been invited. I’d try to have fun, but I couldn’t imagine relaxing enough to really let loose, not when I’d be dealing with Drew and Wayne all night. If they’d made up, they’d most likely be all over each other, and I wasn’t sure I could deal with that. After all, despite everything that had transpired, I still wanted Wayne.
But Drew had forgiven me once. I wasn’t about to push my luck. Well, I’d try not to.
The next couple of hours passed torturously slowly. A little after six, Greg came over. We’d be taking his rental car over to Ryan’s house together. They’d told me to pack a few things as we would all be drinking heavily and therefore spending the night. They also hinted that I might want to take a pair of swim trunks, though I didn’t actually bring a pair with me. Ryan had an awesome pool, though, and even if swimming and drinking wasn’t the smartest idea, it sure as Hell wasn’t going to stop us.
My house was vaguely in the same direction as Ryan’s, however, so the guys offered to make a stop. I had yet to tell them about my marriage problems and had absolutely no idea how to get out of it without making the night more awkward than it was already bound to be.
Eventually, and completely against my better judgement, I conceded. Less than twenty minutes later we were pulling out of the hotel’s garage.
The drive over was pleasant enough. Brad and Greg were in high spirits, though far less touchy-feely than I had expected. It struck me as odd, all things considered. So much so that I found myself asking about it just as we turned into my neighborhood.
“So... how are you guys doing?”
“Fine.” They replied in unison and then glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
“No,” I ratified, “I mean... you know... relationship wise.”
There was another shared look and then Brad turned around in his seat to look at me. “There is no relationship.”
“But-“
“It’s just sex,” Greg clarified. He was looking at me in the rearview mirror.
“I know, but... shouldn’t you...”
“Shouldn’t we what?” Greg had lifted an eyebrow. He continued to glance between me and the road, looking thoroughly amused.
“Well, you’re having sex!” I cried, lifting my arms in frustration. “Shouldn’t you act like it?”
They looked at each other again.
Brad frowned. “I think he wants to see us make out.”
Greg nodded, the picture of seriousness. “A voyeur.” He had pulled the car into the driveway and parked it.
“I’m serious.”
They smiled and both turned to meet my eyes. “Calm down, dude,” Greg laughed. “What Brad and I have going on... it’s like the whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing. We like it that way. It’s never going to be something more.”
Brad nodded his agreement. “It’s not like we’re boyfriends or anything like that.” The idea alone made him giggle.
I still wasn’t getting it; it seemed far too impersonal. But then, wasn’t it what I was hoping for with Wayne: sex with no commitment? I had thought so... I could never have anything more with him... so why did it bother me so much?
“Go,” Greg said suddenly, startling me. He nodded toward the house. “Get your stuff so we can get going.”
I approached the front door with more than a little apprehension. My wife’s car was in the driveway, but it was alone. My hand hovered over the knob for a moment. Just as I had worked up the courage to go inside, the door swung open on its own.
Patty stood just inside, looking at me expectantly. She looked rather fetching in jeans and an untucked button down, the top few buttons undone to reveal just a hint of cleavage.
“Chip.” She nodded to me, face devoid of any emotion.
“Hi.”
We stood there awkwardly for a moment where her eyes skipped past me to glance at the car. “What are you doing here?”
“Why?” I asked, feeling irrationally angry, “Going on a date?”
Her demeanor darkened for just a moment and then she smiled. “That’s funny. I was thinking that you came here to flaunt your boy-toy, actually.”
I smiled back, weak, but genuine. Here we were, both automatically thinking the worst of each other. “What happened?”
Though the question wasn’t exactly clear, she seemed to know what I was asking. “I honestly don’t know.” She moved aside then and I passed her to head inside. I automatically went up the steps, going to the bedroom, and she followed.
“Sometimes people just... they just don’t work,” she commented. “Maybe we did at first, but-“
“Yeah.” I nodded, glancing back at her as I crossed the threshold into what used to be our bedroom. She still looked good to me, but I found I really didn’t want her-not the way I used to. My anger from a few days ago and faded into almost nothing. While this exchange was far from comfortable, it held the distinct feeling of being right, like this was how things were meant to me.
I turned away to search my bureau, and we lapsed into silence. I could feel her eyes on me.
“I’m just here to get my swimsuit,” I said once the quiet had become oppressive. “We’re goingn over to Ryan’s house.”
“Mm.”
“So... How is... she?”
“Christy is fine,” Patty replied, putting a slight emphasis on the name. "She’s a little embarrassed, of course, but not really upset. I think she’s kind of happy about this. I think I am, too.”
I looked up at her then, having just found my shorts. I considered her words and then smiled. “You know, I think I am, too.”
She smiled back and suddenly things weren’t so uncomfortable.
“So are you seeing anyone?”
I shook my head. “Not really. How long have you and Christy been together?”
She took a moment to work it out. “I think it’s been six months now.” She thought a little more, her smile turning wistful. “I’m thinking about asking her to move in.”
I considered asking Patty if she loved Christy, but the fact that just thinking of her brought a smile to her lips told me all I needed to know. I stood to go, telling Patty that the guys would be waiting for me. She followed me down the steps to the front door, showing me out. After I’d stepped outside, we stood, just staring at each other.
“I’ll come and get my stuff once the tapings are over,” I told her.
She just nodded. “All right.”
I glanced back to the car to see Greg and Brad waiting impatiently. “I’m going to go now. I’ll see you later.”
“Chip? Wait.” Patty stumbled through the doorway to pull me into a tight hug which I returned immediately. We stayed that way for a moment, hanging on to each other, trying to convey all the things we didn’t know how to say in words. Finally, she pulled back and lay a soft kiss on my lips.
“Good luck,” she whispered. “Go be happy.”
I grinned at her. “Christy is one lucky woman. Don’t let her forget it.”
I was feeling far brighter climbing into the car than when I’d left it.
Brad was looking at me curiously. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, smiling, watching Patty as Greg backed into the street. “Everything’s fine.”
They knew there was something I wasn’t telling them, but neither Brad nor Greg pressed the issue. I was immensely glad that we’d made the stop at my house. Not only did it give me the sense of closure that I’d needed, but it also put another aspect of my life into surprising perspective.
“So you’re not in a relationship,” I said, picking up our conversation from earlier as we approached the on ramp to the 405, “but how would you feel if the other cheated on you?”
“Well,” Brad argued, “since we’re not in a relationship, there really can’t be any cheating.”
“So you’re saying that you wouldn’t be upset if you found out Greg and I were having sex?”
Brad laughed. “You mean after getting over how ludicrous that would be?”
“Greg and Ryan then.”
Brad frowned and then glanced at Greg, milling it over. “I wouldn’t be upset, no.... I’d be pissed, maybe, but mostly concerned about Ryan and Colin.”
I supposed I could understand that, but still it didn’t feel like a strong enough reaction. “You wouldn’t be jealous?”
“No,” Brad answered immediately and with absolute certainty.
“But, see, I’d need that.”
Greg laughed, flicking his eyes to me briefly. “You’d need to be jealous?”
“Yes!” I cried and then clarified, “I couldn’t just have sex with someone I didn’t want all to myself.”
“You had sex with Wayne,” Brad pointed out.
Despite the fact that I hadn’t mentioned the affair to Greg, I wasn’t surprised at his lack of reaction. After all, if Brad hadn’t already mentioned it to Greg, then I assumed he’d heard it from Ryan who would have gotten it from Drew.
“Exactly,” was all I said.
Brad looked confused for a moment, and then his eyes lit up with clarity. “Oh.” He glanced at Greg and then back to me. “That’s not good.”
“Actually, it is.” I smiled then, most likely just confusing Brad further. “It means I’m going to let him go.”
That statement didn’t seem to relieve anyone. Brad looked to Greg again, most likely wondering if I was okay as I sounded, which, of course, I wasn’t. This was an abrupt and rather disappointing end to my crush on Wayne, but it was for the best. I had the rest of my life to live, and I certainly wasn’t going to dwell on something that could never be.
“Come on, guys,” I insisted. “Tonight’s supposed to be about relaxing, having fun. Let’s do that. Let’s party.”
To be continued
8/25/05
I'm not fond of this chapter, but the next one more than makes up for it. ^_^
Author: Clay
Pairings: Mainly Chip/Wayne and Chip/Drew, but there’s also Wayne/Drew, Ryan/Colin, Greg/Brad, and a mention of Greg/Ryan. Yes, my little Whose Line soap opera. Chip’s POV
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 over all, but most chapters are just R
Summary: “They had been friends who had taken to helping each other out with certain problems when they were away from their wives. Add feelings to the mix, however, and the situation would become far more complicated.”
Author’s notes: This is a little AU in the fact that Greg isn’t married and Chip is but has no children. Turns out that that thing that I thought happened later than it did is probably happening right on time.
Despite Drew’s enthusiasm, we didn’t leave the park straight away. It would be hours until my wife arrived home, and besides, he still had to convince me.
We ended up back under the maple tree, arguing.
“I still don’t see what you hope to achieve,” I said for what seemed like the millionth time in just under an hour.
Drew sighed. We were leaning on opposite sides of the trunk facing away from each other, so I couldn’t read his body language, but even an idiot would have been able to hear the frustration in his voice. “I told you: we’re going to catch her in the act.”
“But what if there’s nothing to catch? What if I’m just being stupid and paranoid? She’ll think I don’t trust her.”
“But you don’t,” Drew reasoned with me.
“But she doesn’t need to know that.”
Drew sighed again, and it was followed by a thump; in his aggravation, Drew had knocked the back of his head against the tree. I could hear him muttering curses under his breath and stifled a smile.
“If two people are in a relationship and there’s a lack of trust, it’s obvious. She already knows. Besides,” he continued when I didn’t respond, “why do you want to be with a woman you don’t trust?”
“You don’t trust Wayne,” I pointed out.
“Don’t change the subject,” he shot back. Oddly enough, it sounded as though he were smiling.
He was right, though. I was trying to divert the conversation; I wasn’t ready to answer that question. From what I knew of Drew, however, I had no choice.
“I love her.”
“So?”
“So?!” I cried, twisting around the trunk to look at Drew. He had done the same. We locked eyes, and I continued to rant, “What do you mean, ‘So?’ I take it you’ve never been in love before. And marriage-marriage is sacred....” I was quickly losing steam. I had already broken my vows, so to continue was nothing short of ludicrous. It didn’t help, the way Drew was smirking at me, either.
“If you’d let me interrupt for just a moment,” Drew said, “you never said you were in love with your wife. You said you loved her. There’s a big difference. But who cares? That’s not the point. The point is that loving someone, or even being in love with someone, is not enough to hold a relationship together. You need trust. You need common bonds. You need conviction.”
I broke his gaze and turned back to once again lean against the tree. “I can’t believe I’m getting relationship advice from you.”
“Hey! I’m with someone!”
“Drew,” I laughed, “you’re having an affair with a married man who’s cheating on you.”
“Well, yeah, but I still know what I’m talking about.” The hurt rang clearly in each word.
“Shit.” The guilt was creeping back. Here Drew was, only trying to help me and I had to go and flaunt my tryst with Wayne. “Look, man, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, it’s cool. It’s true.”
Damn it. Damnitdamnitdamnit. I sprang to my feet and circled around the tree to come face to face with Drew. He stared up at me, looking quite surprised. I hesitated for just a moment and then dropped to my knees and enveloped him in a tight hug.
“You’re too nice,” I said with absolute conviction. “You don’t deserve this.”
His arms came up around me hesitantly. “Chip?” he asked, voice low, concerned. “Are you okay? I’m really not that upset.”
I shook my head, but couldn’t seem to make myself speak. I was overreacting, at least from his point of view, but I couldn’t pull away. I think I needed this-needed to know that, for now, at least, things were good between us.
“Hey....” His arms tightened around me imperceptibly. “We can talk about it later if you want. For now let’s take care of your problem.”
“Yeah, okay.” I pulled back, flushed with embarrassment and unable to meet his worried gaze.
We both got to our feet and started for the car without speaking. When we had almost reached it, Drew asked, “Is there something else going on that you’re not telling me?”
“There is,” I admitted before I could stop myself, “but I really don’t want to talk about it.”
He nodded in understanding.
Other than my giving the occasional direction, we made the drive in silence. We wanted to get to my house around eight that evening, so we actually had a couple hours to kill. Conversation was the last thing I wanted to partake in, so I suggested a movie. Drew chose some low brow comedy that, while funny, left very little impression. All in all, it wasn’t a bad way to spend the evening.
We pulled up to my house at a quarter to nine. Drew hopped out of the car immediately, but I was a bit more reluctant. My wife’s car was parked in the driveway alongside an unfamiliar black Sedan. Part of me was dying to see what was going on inside, but mostly I was just scared. Whatever happened tonight, I had the feeling that it would change everything. I’m not sure I was ready for that.
Noting my hesitation, Drew came around the car to open my door. He ushered me out with a false sense of bravado, going into a deep bow and swinging one arm out.
I didn’t want to leave the safety of the car, but I did anyway. Drew followed me to the door where I paused yet again. With a sigh that bordered on disgusted, Drew pushed past me to open the door himself.
“Wait!” I shot one hand out, catching his wrist just as the door swung in. “Shouldn’t we knock?”
“Knock?” he scoffed. “It’s your house!”
“Yeah, but-“
“But what?” Drew took his hand off the knob to face me properly. “You want to give them a chance to get decent?”
I cringed at that. His words had struck me like a physical blow. In actuality, I think that’s exactly what I wanted. Like I said, I wasn’t ready for this. I wanted to run, to get back in Drew’s car and head straight back to the hotel and forget I’d ever agreed to this.
I think Drew knew it as well because the next moment had him taking hold of my hand and practically dragging me inside. Most of the lights were off, save the kitchen and upstairs hall, both of which we could see from the foyer. The darkness, along with an unnatural quiet that seemed to permeate each room left me feeling like we were trespassing; any second a ghoul or a stern-faced old man with a shotgun would come round the corner, screaming at the top of his lungs.
I considered calling out to my wife, but I was sure Drew would smack me for even thinking it and stayed quiet. We made a quick circuit of the downstairs, not speaking except for Drew giving me a whispered compliment on the decor. It was his first time in my home.
The ground floor was empty, and we ended up back in the foyer facing the staircase that lead to the second floor. I felt a sinking feeling in my gut. There was a small computer room on the second floor, but it mostly housed bedrooms and the master bathroom. This wasn’t looking good.
But along with that sudden sense of dread, I felt an overwhelming surge of confidence. As it became more and more obvious that my suspicions were being confirmed, anger replaced hesitation. I may not have been ready to change my life, but that wasn’t going to stop me from plunging in head first.
I took the lead as we headed upstairs, Drew practically tiptoeing behind me. I turned right as we hit the landing, instinctively heading for the master bedroom. The door was shut tight. I had the urge to put my ear to the door, but held it in check. I think even I was tiptoeing now, and I knew I was holding my breath. I lay one hand on the door knob to my bedroom, alert, almost excited. The brass was cold against my sweaty palm. I couldn’t hear anything; the house still had that surreal, empty feeling. Finally, sucking in a deep breath, I threw the door open-
-only to find an empty room.
“Huh,” Drew said. He was so close behind me that I could feel his breath on my cheek.
I could do little more than stare into the room uncomprehendingly. I had been so sure. Coming back to my senses, I commented dumbly, “They’re not here.”
“Yeah,” Drew replied. “I noticed that.”
We stood there for a minute and then Drew shrugged. “Maybe they went out?”
“Both of their cars are in the driveway,” I pointed out, “They have to be here somewhere.”
“Maybe they-“ Drew started to say, but I swung around, slapping one hand over his mouth.
He started, eyes narrowing, but I paid him no mind. I was too busy listening, eyes skipping from door to door down the hallway.
“There! Did you hear that?”
It was muffled, but I distinctly heard what could only be described as a squeal. There were two more bedrooms, a bathroom, and the computer room. Oddly enough, I could swear the sound was coming from that last one.
“I heard it,” Drew said, pushing my hand from his mouth and meeting my eyes. He moved back against the wall, allowing me to pass him. All his energy from earlier had faded; he looked to me now with obvious concern, perhaps regretting that he’d pushed me into coming here. I didn’t hold it against him, though. I attempted to give Drew a reassuring smile, but I’m afraid ti came out as more of a grimace.
Giving up, I crossed the hall to the computer room door, swinging it open without hesitation.
I froze.
Whatever I had been preparing myself for, this was not it.
My wife sat in the rolling chair we used when seated at the computer, completely naked, head thrown back, knuckles white as she clutched at the armrests. Someone was kneeling between her legs, head buried between her thighs.
It wasn’t Bob.
Not unless he’d gotten a sex change since yesterday.
From what I could tell from my vantage point, my wife was cheating on me with a rather busty and undeniably female brunette. With a nice ass.
I could only stare as I tried to wrap my brain around this. They were still going at it, and as I watched, my wife let out another one of those squeals, puttering off into a breathy sigh. They had yet to notice us, that is, until Drew practically shouted, “Holy shit!” The amusement in his voice was plain, and I suddenly wanted to kick him.
My wife, Patty’s, eyes opened immediately and locked with mine. She looked absolutely mortified. Her lover jerked back, falling back on her ass.
“Chip!” Patty squeaked, desperately trying to cover herself with her hands.
“Patty,” I replied, my voice calm, even.
“What are you doing here?” She was practically yelling now.
Drew was outright laughing. “I think the better question is what are you doing?”
Patty finally noticed his presence. She turned a very deep shade of red, hand scrounging around on the floor for something, anything to throw at him. She finally came up with a shiny black heeled shoe and lobbed it erratically. Drew and I dived out of the way, watching it bounce off the wall as she screamed, “Get out! Get out of here!”
Anger was overtaking me yet again, shoving aside the shock. “Come on, Drew,” I said, turning and giving him a rather harsh shove back into the hallway. I followed, slamming the door behind me. I had every right to be mad at her, but at the same time, no right at all. The juxtaposition was just confusing and only added fuel to my anger.
“Chip, wait!” Patty called out to me as I stepped foot on the staircase, still herding Drew. I paused, but didn’t turn around. “I didn’t mean for you to go.”
“I can’t be here right now.” My voice was low, but in the otherwise silent hallway I had no doubt that she heard me. “I can’t deal with this now. I can’t even look at you.”
I started down again, blocking out any further protests. Drew had reached the first floor and stood at the bottom of the steps, watching, waiting patiently for me to join him. There was no trace of amusement in his wide, blue eyes now. Only pity. And I hated him for that.
I was disgusted with myself. I felt used, betrayed, like a five dollar whore thrown out on the street. I wasn’t in the mood for sympathy. I just wanted to curl up in a dark corner with a bottle of Jack Daniels and wallow in self-loathing.
I brushed past Drew and out of the house without another word. We didn’t speak as Drew unlocked the Porche and we slid inside. Out of habit, I automatically buckled my seatbelt, but then turned to stare out the window. I wasn’t looking at anything in particular; more it was my way of telling Drew that I needed to be left alone, not that it worked.
“Hey, man,” he said, reaching out a hand to me, but pulling it back at the last moment. “I’m so sorry.” We were still in the driveway, the car idling mindlessly in the background. I half expected my wife to come out, to make another attempt at stopping me, but there was no sign of her.
“Are you okay?”
“Do I fucking look okay?” It came out far harsher than I had intended, growled into the car window, but I had no intention of apologizing.
“Yeah. Sorry. Stupid question.” Drew sighed. His fingers tapped a rhythm on the steering wheel. “Look, let’s get out of here... go back to the hotel....”
“Fine.”
Drew shifted the car into reverse and began to back out of the driveway. He paused once we were on the street, however.
“Um... I need directions back to the highway.”
“I don’t care.”
Drew heaved another sigh, this one out of obvious aggravation. “If you want to get back, then you need to help me.”
“Just leave me alone.”
“Then stop being such a fucking prick and give me directions!”
It was the first time I had ever heard Drew raise his voice. I whipped my head around to stare at him, startled speechless. I think it startled him a little as well. He was looking back at me, eyes wide, breathing quick and shallow.
“I’m sorry,” he said. He closed his eyes, turning back to face front. “Can I please have directions?”
I nodded numbly. “You don’t have to apologize. I.... You’re trying to help, and I’m taking out my anger on you, and-“
Drew shook his head and cut me off with, ‘No, it’s cool. Just tell me where to go.”
Once we made it to the highway, we lapsed back into silence. Strangely, it felt rather companionable. The day’s events had left me drained, slumped bonelessly into the car seat. I was dozing on and off, but grateful for Drew’s presence. Most of his attention was focused on the road, though he continued to randomly flip through radio stations the entire drive. On one level it was quite annoying, especially considering that I was trying to sleep, but it was also comforting. It was so normal, like he was coming back from a day at the beach and his biggest concern in the whole world was avoiding listening to the Backstreet Boys.
The sun had set some time ago. The sky was an inky black as we set out from my house, but the closer we got to the city, the lighter the horizon grew, like a perpetual half-light covering L.A. I found myself smiling at my reflection in the window. Los Angeles was OZ, but I had left my ruby slippers back in Kansas. I could never go home again.
My smile faded, and I closed my eyes again, slipping back into unconsciousness.
I jolted awake when Drew turned the car off. We were in the parking garage beneath our hotel. The yellowish-green overhead lights threw Drew’s profile into sharp relief. We stayed in the car for a moment, Drew staring forward, lost in thought as I yawned and stretched. My back was killing me; the Porche was a nice car but not the ideal place for a nap.
Drew still wasn’t moving by the time I’d fully awakened, so I made myself ask, “Now what?”
If he was surprised to hear me speak, it didn’t show in his demeanor. He shrugged.
“Thanks for...” I turned away to stare out the windshield, tracing the grooves of the concrete wall beyond with my eyes as I searched for the right words. “... for today. For everything. It was.... fun.” While that may not have been entirely true, all things considered, I’d had a better day than I would have imagined.
Drew chuckled, shaking his head. “You sound like we’re on a date.”
I laughed along with him. “Hey, a stroll through the park, a movie... all we need is a goodnight kiss.”
“Yeah.”
We turned back to each other at the same moment, and our eyes locked. Some irrational part of me wondered just what it would be like to kiss Drew. He had nice lips.
The next moment I was blushing, my ears burning as I thanked God for the dim lighting.
It had grown extremely uncomfortable in the car. Drew opened his mouth to speak, but his words came out muffled and scratchy. He cleared his throat and tried again.
“Feeling better?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry I was such a dick earlier.”
Drew shrugged it off, smiling. “You had reason.”
There was another lull in the conversations where we both fidgeted nervously. I was reminded that while today had been fun, I really didn’t know Drew very well. Nevertheless, it still felt odd that we couldn’t think of a thing to say.
“Hey,” Drew said suddenly with a burst of inspiration. “Let’s go up to my room. We can order room service and watch tv. You know, relax.”
I was all for it, but once we’d reached Drew’s room (which was actually more of a suite) we realized just how late it was and Drew opted to raid his dinette for beer rather than order actual food. There wasn’t much on at eleven o’clock on a Monday night, however. We eventually settled on some B movie on the sci-fi channel, ripping on everything from the bad acting to the even worse special effects. We had turned to the film when it was already half over, and had absolutely no idea what was going on, but that just made it all the more fun.
By the time the credits were rolling, squashed to the side to make room for a Stargate commercial, my eyelids were drooping. Drew and I had worked our way through one six pack and were nearly finished a second, so I was feeling warm, safe, and pleasantly buzzed, curled up on one half of Drew’s king sized bed.
The credits faded away to be replaced by an old episode of The Twilight Zone. I rarely caught the show, but I tended to like what I saw of it. I was far too tired to pay attention tonight, though, and found my mind wandering. Drew had slipped off the bed and was wiggling out of his jeans. It seemed like a good idea. Pants were stupid.
Stripped down to a t-shirt and boxers, Drew crawled back into bed, scrounging around the mess we had made of the covers for the remote. He muted the tv. I watched Rod Sterling give the premise for the episode. It was creepy, watching him talking without hearing him. I knew he was warning the audience of something disturbing if not downright terrifying, and in my sleepy haze, it worried me just a little that I would have to finish the night without his prophetic advice.
“I think it’s time for bed,” Drew said after a moment, stifling a yawn.
That was an absolutely fabulous idea. “Yeah....” I snuggled further into the covers.
Drew laughed. “Not going back to your room?”
“Too far,” I objected. In truth, I was just down the hall and around the corner, but I couldn’t imagine myself making the trip as tired as I was.
Drew was still laughing, but he nodded. “You can stay here if you want.”
I made some indistinct happy noises in the back of my throat and made a half-assed effort to pull off my button down shirt. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Drew stiffen slightly just before I lifted the material over my head, but I paid it little mind as I was currently working on getting rid of my slacks. Wearing nothing but the briefs I had donned that morning, I wormed back under the covers.
Drew stayed in bed another moment and then got up to switch off the light. He had pulled closed the curtains some time ago, so once they were off, it left the room in compete darkness. I could hear Drew stumbling across the room as he attempted to locate the bed. It sagged a little under his weight before I felt him shifting around; his bare calf brushed mine.
I must have giggled or something then because Drew asked, “What’s so funny?”
“This,” I said, still chuckling. “I did not imagine the day ending up like this when I woke up this morning.”
“Yeah...,” Drew mused and then chuckled himself. “It is kind of weird, isn’t it?”
“The whole day was weird,” I replied. Drew said nothing. I found my thoughts drifting over the events of the day, ending with, “Did you want to talk about Wayne?”
“Not now,” Drew said immediately. “I’m too tired.”
Despite his response, I had questions of my own. This might be my only chance to ask them. “Do you love him?”
Drew was a long time in answering, so long, in fact, that I figured he was either ignoring me or had fallen asleep. When he did speak, it was soft, hesitant. “I... I’m not sure how to answer that. I do... but, then I love all my friends. Am I in love with him? I don’t know. I care about him. A lot. More than a friend, I guess, but... it’s... I’m.... Wayne is married. I want to get married. I want to have kids, so no matter how I feel about him, it can’t last.”
“Did you ever think about adopting kids?”
“Of course, but.... I don’t know. Just the thought that I’ll never be with a woman again scares me. I’m not homophobic,” he chuckled, “obviously, but I don’t know if I want to be labeled as gay. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.” I nodded in the dark, thinking to myself, fully aware that he couldn’t see me. I think that was part of my problem: I was starting to get comfortable with the idea of getting sexual with another guy, but to be thought of as gay still bothered me.
Coming back to the present, I considered Drew’s words and then asked, “So if you don’t see a future with Wayne, then why are you with him?”
“Well....” Drew blew out a long breath. “It’s like... it’s like Ryan and Colin. You know they’ll never leave their wives, but they can’t not be together. It’s just the way things are.”
“Yeah....” I was nodding again. I suppose it was like what Greg had said that first night: there was so much sexual tension floating around that it would be more of a shock if nothing ever developed from it.
“But now he’s cheating on you.”
“Probably. Yeah.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Of course not! It sucks. It hurts. I mean, I know he’s married, but this... I thought....” Drew groaned, and his next words were muffled, as though he’d covered his face with his hands. “This is going to make me sound like such a girl, but I thought we had something special.”
“Yeah, you do sound like a girl,” I chuckled, trying to make light of the situation. Possibly more for my benefit than his; that old familiar guilt was creeping back. Drew whipped his pillow from under his head and smacked me with it. I laughed, but the next instant he was sighing deeply. Okay. Joking time was over.
“Well, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I guess that depends on Wayne.”
“Do you want to stay with him?”
Drew sighed. “I want... I want to go to bed. Can we talk about this later?”
He sounded frustrated and just a little put off. I supposed I could understand that. I was dragging the information out of him, making him talk about something that could only be painful. “Yeah. Um... goodnight.”
“Night.”
The bed shifted as he rolled onto his side, facing away from me. Soon he was snoring softly, but I was a long time from finding my own rest.
It felt like I had just fallen asleep when I was awoken by the sound of arguing. I opened my eyes briefly. I had rolled onto my back some time in the night and could only see the blank white canvas that was the ceiling. I tried to look around without moving too much. Near the foot of the bed, just to the right, Drew stood in the doorway that connected the bedroom to the rest of his suite. He was speaking to someone out of my line of sight. While they were obviously fighting, their words were being kept to just above a whisper and I couldn’t make them out.
Suddenly Drew turned to look my way. I slammed my eyes shut and forced myself to relax. He must have thought I was still asleep because he dared to raise his voice just the tiniest bit.
“This really isn’t a good time.”
“What? Why?”
I recognized Wayne voice immediately. The only thing I could think was “Oh shit.” It repeated in my mind, a useless mantra. After all, if I was fighting with my boyfriend and went to see him just to find another man in bed, I’d sure as Hell think something was up. Belatedly, I realized that Drew must have been thinking along the same lines, because he wasn’t just standing in the doorway-he was blocking it.
“It’s just... I’m not dressed, and I’m not awake, and I don’t want to argue right now.”
“I just want to know where you were last night. Why won’t you tell me?”
“I did. I went to the park.”
Wayne sounded incredulous. “Ten at night and you were at the park?”
“Well....”
For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why Drew wasn’t telling Wayne the truth. Last night had been nothing if not innocent. It didn’t make sense.
“Is there someone in there?”
Shit. I had the insane urge to hide under covers, but that was stupid-nothing had happened.
“No. Well, yes, but it’s not what you think.”
“Oh? And why don’t you tell me what it is, exactly, that I think?”
“Look... he... we... he wasn’t feeling well, so we came back here and we were tired, and-“
“He? He who?”
There was a bit of shuffling. Wayne was trying to see into the room. I immediately turned away from the door. I didn’t want him to see my face.
“Chip?”
“Yes, Chip-“
“What did you do?”
“Nothing!” Drew was almost practically shouting now. “I’m trying to tell you that we went to the park and we got to talking, and-“
“What did he tell you?”
“-he told me that he was having.... wait. What? He thought his wife was being unfaithful.... What did you think I was going to say?”
“Never mind. You know what? This is a bad time. I’m going to go.”
“No. No no nononono. Hold up. You can’t just leave. What did you think I was going to say?”
It was so strange to hear Wayne and Drew arguing. I felt like a child, my parents fighting in the next room as my world fell apart around me. I wanted to bury my head under the pillow and forget this was happening.
“Not now, Drew.” Wayne sighed, paused. “We’re going to wake him up.”
“Then we’ll shut the door,” Drew replied and did just that. I could hear the conversation continue, but their voices were lowered and I could no longer make out the words. I decided then that I was going to get the Hell out of there. I was far too deep into this-Jesus, I was practically the cause of this argument, and I had no desire to deal with Drew when it was all over, or worse, get pulled into the fight myself.
Luckily, Drew’s suite had two doors that led to the hallway: one in the living room and one in the bedroom. I dressed and made a hasty exit. I considered leaving Drew a note, but that seemed far too reminiscent of a one night stand. It was the last impression I wanted to leave.
Tuesday and Wednesday passed in somewhat of a blur. Miraculously I saw neither Wayne nor Drew over the course of those two days. In fact, I didn’t see much of anyone. I randomly ran into Brad once on the elevator, but he was busy and I was tired, so very few words were even exchanged.
Much of Tuesday was spent talking to my wife. After leaving Drew’s room I headed for my own. I had no less than five messages from Patty ranging from angry to tearful, and even though I knew she would be at work at the time, I called back and left a message of my own.
The phone rang a few times while I stayed holed up, flipping through the channels and drinking water from the tap because I had no appetite. I ignored the calls, however, as they were most likely Drew or Wayne calling; it was far too early for my wife to be home.
I tried her again around seven, and this time I got her. Less than twenty four hours had passed since we’d last seen each other, but tempers seemed to have cooled considerably on both sides.
The conversation was calm, almost business-like. She asked if I wanted to try and work things out. I said “No” without even thinking, and she seemed okay with that. The word divorce was never spoken, though it was heavily implied. We discussed who would get what, and it was decided that she would keep anything that didn’t hold a personal significance for me, including the house and ninety percent of the furnishings. None of it seemed important.
Somewhere in there I admitted that I had cheated on her as well. She didn’t appear to be surprised, and even went as far as to guess that it had been with a man. I didn’t contradict her, but I refused to give her any further information.
She promised to get in contact with our lawyer, and I was content to let her handle most of the details. Someone would find me later that week so I could read through the papers and give them my signature.
The conversation ended shortly thereafter. Out of habit I almost said “I love you” just as I was about to hang up the phone, but stopped myself just in time. She sensed the words, though, because with a mirthless chuckle she said, “I love you, too, Chip,” and I was left listening to dead air.
It certainly wasn’t the best conversation of my life, but it left me with a bewildered sense of freedom. I spent most of Wednesday trying to figure out what I was going to do now. I knew I needed to find somewhere to live, and I didn’t have a lot of time. I would be in L.A. for just over a week, and after that I’d have nowhere to go. I considered asking one of the guys if I could crash at their place, but I didn’t want to impose. I’d probably end up in a cheap motel for a while.
Once the conversation with my wife was over I didn’t really think about her much. I was far too busy considering my own future. Other than the housing situation, I had to wonder when I would be dating again. Mind, I wasn’t quite ready to jump back into a relationship, but to have something going on with another guy-with Wayne specifically-was looking very appealing.
And it would be safe. There was no chance that Wayne would be looking for something long term. Of course there was my old friend guilt to contend with. I wasn’t about to destroy Wayne and Drew’s relationship, not after all Drew had done for me.
It was that complication that haunted me throughout Wednesday and into Thursday. That is, until something more interesting came up.
I was venturing out of my room for the first time in over twenty four hours late Thursday morning dressed in jeans and an old t-shirt when I ran into Kathy Greenwood in the lobby.
She had checked in barely an hour before. She, Brad and I would be the fourth seaters for the upcoming weekend.
We chatted amicably over an early lunch, talking of trivial things. I didn’t know Kathy very well; I had no desire to discuss my current situation with her. Still, the conversation was pleasant enough and I found myself very much enjoying her company.
As we parted ways (she was going out and I was thinking going back to my room) something very interesting came up.
I had given her a quick hug, saying, “So I guess I’ll see you around?”
“Sure,” she nodded. Something occurred to her then. Her eyes widened comically. “Oh. Just so you know-I won’t be able to make it tonight. Tell the others if I don’t see them?”
“Tonight?”
“You know. The party?”
I think the confusion on my face was clear because she looked absolutely mortified. The next moment it was gone, to be replaced by a bright smile. “Oh, ah, nothing. Never mind. See you.” She gave a short wave and turned away quickly, but there was no way I was letting her go.
“Hold on one minute.” I ran after her, scooting around to block her exit. “What party?”
“No party,” she replied in that obviously false cheerful tone. “I was just... um....”
I simply raised my eyebrows at her, waiting for the truth.
“No, really... I... ah, crap.” She sighed, and with a grimace, met my eyes. “Drew’s having a party tonight at Ryan’s house. I ran into him when I was checking in, and he invited me. He said everyone was going to be there, but if you don’t know about it yet....”
“Oh.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense!” she continued hastily. “I mean, he’d have no reason not to invite you. I’m sure it’s just... he forgot... or....”
If you asked me, Drew had every reason not to invite me. I had to wonder just what was said between him and Wayne after I’d left. I plastered a smile on my lips and replied, “I’m sure you’re right. Yeah. I should go. I’ll see you later.”
I could see it in her eyes; she was afraid she’d made a huge mistake mentioning the party to me, but I had no intention of getting her in trouble. I wasn’t about to crash a party when I was obviously not wanted. I turned and walked to the elevators without glancing back. I was far too sure that she was looking at me with pity. I was going to get enough of that when everyone learned of the divorce; I didn’t need it to start now.
Of course now, I reflected during the short ride to the ninth floor, I had even more on my mind. I’d been doing nothing but thinking for days and I was damn sick of it. It would have been nice to go to a party and just not think for a few hours.
The bell dinged, signaling my arrival as the elevator gave a slow lurch. The doors slid open and I found myself facing Brad.
“Hey!” he cried, grinning broadly at the sight of me. Well, I thought, at least one person is still happy to see me. I squashed the thought before it had time to fully surface, however, rippling with mild disgust. Hadn’t I just been thinking that I wasn’t ready for the pity parade to begin just yet?
“Hey, Brad,” I greeted him with the most genuine smile I could muster.
“Long time no see,” he only half joked, slapping me on the back as we passed each other. He settled into the elevator and spun around. “See you tonight?”
I mumbled some neutral response, and Brad frowned. “You are coming, right?”
I just shrugged, my smile fading. “I don’t know.”
Just then the elevator dinged impatiently. It gave a hiccup and the doors kicked into gear, wanting to close. I turned to go back to my room, but a scuffle behind me gave me pause. Brad had thrown himself forward and was now trapped by the doors, squirming between the metal slabs before the elevator realized he was there and released him. He stumbled into the hallway and up to me, red-faced and panting.
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
His concern for me was obvious and incredibly touching, bringing back my smile full force. I found myself laughing at the picture he made. “I wasn’t invited, but it’s fine.”
“Not invited? Of course you were!”
“No,” I insisted, still smiling. After all, the party seemed rather trivial when facing Brad-a friend, and a damn good one at that. “No one’s mentioned it.”
“We’ll see about that!” he huffed. The next moment he had grabbed my hand and was tugging me forcefully down the hall.
“No, wait, Brad- it’s okay! Really!”
“No, it’s not.”
I fought against him, but Brad was stronger than I and managed to pull me down the hall to Drew’s door. With one hand still clamped around mine, he lifted the other to knock on the door.
A few moments passed and I began to fidget. I had it in my head that not only did Drew not want to see me, but he’d be downright angry with me. I was seriously considering employing all my strength and making a run for it when the door opened.
Drew stood in the doorway blinking sleepily. He looked much the way he had the last time I had seen him, dressed in boxers and a t-shirt. He smiled when he saw us.
“Hi Brad, Chip. Something wrong?”
Brad took the offensive, stepping forward to prod Drew with one forefinger and dropping my hand. “Did you invite Chip to the party?”
Drew blinked at him. “What?”
“Chip thinks he wasn’t invited.”
Drew turned to me thoughtfully. The smile had fled from his lips, but now it came back, bright and mischievous. “Of course I invited him. Maybe if he’d actually answer his phone once in a while....”
I had to blush at that. It was true that I hadn’t taken any calls since Monday; I hadn’t even thought about it.
“I left you, like, half a dozen messages,” Drew continued, “but you seem to want to take up life as a hermit.”
“Yeah.” I had to grin back at him. “I guess I have been kind of out of it.”
“See!” Brad crossed his arms smugly, aiming a smirk my way. “What did I tell you?” He nodded to himself, and then something seemed to occur to him. “Shit! Now I’m really late. I have to go.” He turned to bolt, but paused and looked back to me. “So I’ll see you tonight? Both of you?”
We nodded, and he smiled before taking off.
“So...” Drew said after we’d watched Brad disappear around the corner. “Didn’t think you were invited?”
I couldn’t meet his eyes. “I thought you might be angry at me.”
Drew didn’t respond right away. When he did, it was in a much softer tone. “Why would I be mad?”
“I don’t know. I....”
“Because you had sex with Wayne?”
I think I just about shit myself. I spun to face Drew, shocked beyond words, fear a cold, hard thing in the pit of my stomach. “How...?”
“How did I know? I didn’t, but I guess I do now.” We stared at each other for a second and then Drew laughed. “No, I’m fucking with you; I knew.” He was smiling at me and I had no idea what was going on. “Wayne fessed up the other day, but I knew before then. It wasn’t that hard to figure out.” Drew nodded to himself, leaning against the door jam as he settled in to tell me a story. “Wayne’s not the type for a one night stand, so I assumed it was someone he knew. Since it happened just a few days ago, it had to be one of us. Colin and Ryan are out of the question, so it would have to be either you, Greg, or Brad. Greg is so not Wayne’s type; I counted him out immediately. And then Greg told us that he’d started something with Brad, so that only left you.”
“So...” I frowned, thinking, trying to figure out the time line. “Then you knew on Monday? We spent the whole day together and you never said anything.”
Drew shrugged. “We were dealing with your problem that day.”
I couldn’t wrap my mind around that one. “But why would you do that for me after what I did to you?”
It took Drew a moment to mull that over. Eventually he shrugged. “I don’t know. We were having fun. And you seemed so upset that it didn’t feel right to be mad at you.”
It was nearly incomprehensible, the selflessness of that statement. People weren’t that nice. I wanted to give him another hug, but I couldn’t imagine Drew wanting me to touch him just then.
“So yeah,” Drew straightened up. He smiled at me, though it looked almost strained. “You’re coming tonight, right?”
“I... yeah... I guess.... You... you’re okay with this?”
“No.” The barest hint of a frown crossed his lips before the smile was back. “I mean, well, it’s complicated. We’re not talking about it”
“Well... don’t we kind of have to?”
Drew sighed. “Probably, but not now. I don’t want to think about it. Let’s just have this party and have fun, okay?”
I nodded and let him go back to his room, even though I still felt uneasy. This party seemed like an even worse idea than when I thought I hadn’t been invited. I’d try to have fun, but I couldn’t imagine relaxing enough to really let loose, not when I’d be dealing with Drew and Wayne all night. If they’d made up, they’d most likely be all over each other, and I wasn’t sure I could deal with that. After all, despite everything that had transpired, I still wanted Wayne.
But Drew had forgiven me once. I wasn’t about to push my luck. Well, I’d try not to.
The next couple of hours passed torturously slowly. A little after six, Greg came over. We’d be taking his rental car over to Ryan’s house together. They’d told me to pack a few things as we would all be drinking heavily and therefore spending the night. They also hinted that I might want to take a pair of swim trunks, though I didn’t actually bring a pair with me. Ryan had an awesome pool, though, and even if swimming and drinking wasn’t the smartest idea, it sure as Hell wasn’t going to stop us.
My house was vaguely in the same direction as Ryan’s, however, so the guys offered to make a stop. I had yet to tell them about my marriage problems and had absolutely no idea how to get out of it without making the night more awkward than it was already bound to be.
Eventually, and completely against my better judgement, I conceded. Less than twenty minutes later we were pulling out of the hotel’s garage.
The drive over was pleasant enough. Brad and Greg were in high spirits, though far less touchy-feely than I had expected. It struck me as odd, all things considered. So much so that I found myself asking about it just as we turned into my neighborhood.
“So... how are you guys doing?”
“Fine.” They replied in unison and then glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
“No,” I ratified, “I mean... you know... relationship wise.”
There was another shared look and then Brad turned around in his seat to look at me. “There is no relationship.”
“But-“
“It’s just sex,” Greg clarified. He was looking at me in the rearview mirror.
“I know, but... shouldn’t you...”
“Shouldn’t we what?” Greg had lifted an eyebrow. He continued to glance between me and the road, looking thoroughly amused.
“Well, you’re having sex!” I cried, lifting my arms in frustration. “Shouldn’t you act like it?”
They looked at each other again.
Brad frowned. “I think he wants to see us make out.”
Greg nodded, the picture of seriousness. “A voyeur.” He had pulled the car into the driveway and parked it.
“I’m serious.”
They smiled and both turned to meet my eyes. “Calm down, dude,” Greg laughed. “What Brad and I have going on... it’s like the whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing. We like it that way. It’s never going to be something more.”
Brad nodded his agreement. “It’s not like we’re boyfriends or anything like that.” The idea alone made him giggle.
I still wasn’t getting it; it seemed far too impersonal. But then, wasn’t it what I was hoping for with Wayne: sex with no commitment? I had thought so... I could never have anything more with him... so why did it bother me so much?
“Go,” Greg said suddenly, startling me. He nodded toward the house. “Get your stuff so we can get going.”
I approached the front door with more than a little apprehension. My wife’s car was in the driveway, but it was alone. My hand hovered over the knob for a moment. Just as I had worked up the courage to go inside, the door swung open on its own.
Patty stood just inside, looking at me expectantly. She looked rather fetching in jeans and an untucked button down, the top few buttons undone to reveal just a hint of cleavage.
“Chip.” She nodded to me, face devoid of any emotion.
“Hi.”
We stood there awkwardly for a moment where her eyes skipped past me to glance at the car. “What are you doing here?”
“Why?” I asked, feeling irrationally angry, “Going on a date?”
Her demeanor darkened for just a moment and then she smiled. “That’s funny. I was thinking that you came here to flaunt your boy-toy, actually.”
I smiled back, weak, but genuine. Here we were, both automatically thinking the worst of each other. “What happened?”
Though the question wasn’t exactly clear, she seemed to know what I was asking. “I honestly don’t know.” She moved aside then and I passed her to head inside. I automatically went up the steps, going to the bedroom, and she followed.
“Sometimes people just... they just don’t work,” she commented. “Maybe we did at first, but-“
“Yeah.” I nodded, glancing back at her as I crossed the threshold into what used to be our bedroom. She still looked good to me, but I found I really didn’t want her-not the way I used to. My anger from a few days ago and faded into almost nothing. While this exchange was far from comfortable, it held the distinct feeling of being right, like this was how things were meant to me.
I turned away to search my bureau, and we lapsed into silence. I could feel her eyes on me.
“I’m just here to get my swimsuit,” I said once the quiet had become oppressive. “We’re goingn over to Ryan’s house.”
“Mm.”
“So... How is... she?”
“Christy is fine,” Patty replied, putting a slight emphasis on the name. "She’s a little embarrassed, of course, but not really upset. I think she’s kind of happy about this. I think I am, too.”
I looked up at her then, having just found my shorts. I considered her words and then smiled. “You know, I think I am, too.”
She smiled back and suddenly things weren’t so uncomfortable.
“So are you seeing anyone?”
I shook my head. “Not really. How long have you and Christy been together?”
She took a moment to work it out. “I think it’s been six months now.” She thought a little more, her smile turning wistful. “I’m thinking about asking her to move in.”
I considered asking Patty if she loved Christy, but the fact that just thinking of her brought a smile to her lips told me all I needed to know. I stood to go, telling Patty that the guys would be waiting for me. She followed me down the steps to the front door, showing me out. After I’d stepped outside, we stood, just staring at each other.
“I’ll come and get my stuff once the tapings are over,” I told her.
She just nodded. “All right.”
I glanced back to the car to see Greg and Brad waiting impatiently. “I’m going to go now. I’ll see you later.”
“Chip? Wait.” Patty stumbled through the doorway to pull me into a tight hug which I returned immediately. We stayed that way for a moment, hanging on to each other, trying to convey all the things we didn’t know how to say in words. Finally, she pulled back and lay a soft kiss on my lips.
“Good luck,” she whispered. “Go be happy.”
I grinned at her. “Christy is one lucky woman. Don’t let her forget it.”
I was feeling far brighter climbing into the car than when I’d left it.
Brad was looking at me curiously. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, smiling, watching Patty as Greg backed into the street. “Everything’s fine.”
They knew there was something I wasn’t telling them, but neither Brad nor Greg pressed the issue. I was immensely glad that we’d made the stop at my house. Not only did it give me the sense of closure that I’d needed, but it also put another aspect of my life into surprising perspective.
“So you’re not in a relationship,” I said, picking up our conversation from earlier as we approached the on ramp to the 405, “but how would you feel if the other cheated on you?”
“Well,” Brad argued, “since we’re not in a relationship, there really can’t be any cheating.”
“So you’re saying that you wouldn’t be upset if you found out Greg and I were having sex?”
Brad laughed. “You mean after getting over how ludicrous that would be?”
“Greg and Ryan then.”
Brad frowned and then glanced at Greg, milling it over. “I wouldn’t be upset, no.... I’d be pissed, maybe, but mostly concerned about Ryan and Colin.”
I supposed I could understand that, but still it didn’t feel like a strong enough reaction. “You wouldn’t be jealous?”
“No,” Brad answered immediately and with absolute certainty.
“But, see, I’d need that.”
Greg laughed, flicking his eyes to me briefly. “You’d need to be jealous?”
“Yes!” I cried and then clarified, “I couldn’t just have sex with someone I didn’t want all to myself.”
“You had sex with Wayne,” Brad pointed out.
Despite the fact that I hadn’t mentioned the affair to Greg, I wasn’t surprised at his lack of reaction. After all, if Brad hadn’t already mentioned it to Greg, then I assumed he’d heard it from Ryan who would have gotten it from Drew.
“Exactly,” was all I said.
Brad looked confused for a moment, and then his eyes lit up with clarity. “Oh.” He glanced at Greg and then back to me. “That’s not good.”
“Actually, it is.” I smiled then, most likely just confusing Brad further. “It means I’m going to let him go.”
That statement didn’t seem to relieve anyone. Brad looked to Greg again, most likely wondering if I was okay as I sounded, which, of course, I wasn’t. This was an abrupt and rather disappointing end to my crush on Wayne, but it was for the best. I had the rest of my life to live, and I certainly wasn’t going to dwell on something that could never be.
“Come on, guys,” I insisted. “Tonight’s supposed to be about relaxing, having fun. Let’s do that. Let’s party.”
To be continued
8/25/05
I'm not fond of this chapter, but the next one more than makes up for it. ^_^