[FIC] Love and Sex 1/8
Title: Love and Sex
Author: Clay
Pairings: Mainly Chip/Wayne and Chip/Drew, but there’s also Wayne/Drew, Ryan/Colin, Greg/Brad, and a mention of Greg/Ryan. Yes, my little Whose Line soap opera. Chip’s POV
Rating/Warnings: I’m going to say R, maybe NC-17 at times for cursing and sexual situations
Summary: “They had been friends who had taken to helping each other out with certain problems when they were away from their wives. Add feelings to the mix, however, and the situation would become far more complicated.”
Author’s notes: This is a little AU in the fact that Greg isn’t married, Chip is but has no children, and certain other things take place later than they really did. All games aside from those from episode 227 are straight out of my head. Also, this might qualify for Leatharegee’s challange: “Tell the story about the pairing of your choice entirely through the eyes of someone else,” though while I do inadvertently do that in this chapter, the Ry/Col thing is more of a background pairing than anything else.
Chapter 1
I first learned that Ryan and Colin were a couple some time during the taping of the third US season. I couldn’t tell you exactly when-either the taping wasn’t that memorable or the shock just pushed everything else from my mind.
I was going back to my dressing room when I heard Ryan laugh. I paused then; that laugh sounded almost sexual, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why Ryan would sound like that. I hadn’t seen his wife at all during the taping, and he hadn’t mentioned anything about her showing up, so who...?
I’m not proud of it, but I ended up eavesdropping, pressed flat against the wall head cocked to one side. He wasn’t talking, just laughing, until suddenly a moan rippled through the corridor. Not Ryan, but unmistakably masculine. It almost sounded like....
I risked a glimpse around the corner-
-and froze.
Ryan was standing maybe ten feet away, caught in Colin’s loose embrace. He was smiling against Colin’s throat, one hand trailing teasingly over the obvious tent in the other man’s pants. I couldn’t help but stare, though luckily they were too wrapped up in each other to notice my presence. As I watched, Colin jerked forward, planting his lips forcefully over Ryan’s, and oh, that was no stage kiss. He continued to press forward, pushing Ryan back until they hit the door on the other side of the hall. Colin’s dressing room, my mind supplied. Ryan fumbled with the knob, and they stumbled through, door slamming shut behind them followed by an audible click as the lock slid home.
I don’t know how long I stood there, but eventually a hand dropped on my shoulder, and I looked up into Wayne’s dark eyes.
“I...,” I stuttered, gesturing vaguely to where the two men had been.
Wayne merely shrugged and brushed past me, disappearing into his own room.
For me that’s where it began. Through Wayne’s lack of comment, lack of question, I understood that he knew and that he didn’t care. Over the course of that season’s tapings, through half-formed questions and veiled comments I discovered that I was quite possibly the last to find out, but more importantly, I learned that it was not something we talked about.
I don’t think Ryan and Colin even talked about it.
I began to watch them more closely after that. They acted the same as always, and if I hadn’t known better, I would have assumed they were just good friends. After what I’d seen, however, every look, every touch took on a new meaning.
Like I said, that’s where it began. I became nearly obsessed with watching them. The concept of two men together was not a foreign one, but up close it was fascinating. I needed to know what the attraction was. I had never considered being with a man before, but whenever I was on the set the idea slowly crept into the foreground of my mind. I refused to kiss another man on stage, and they’re the reason why. I was a married man after all. What if I ended up kissing one of the guys and liked it? I wasn’t prepared to answer that question, and though part of me wanted to screw it all and find out, I was always held back by fear.
Oh, but it was hard. Wayne in particular seemed to like kissing me on the cheek, and more than once I considered the fact that if I just turned ever so slightly, it would turn into a real kiss.
I had so many questions. I thought perhaps if I just understood why they did it that I could put it out of my mind for good. But, again, it wasn’t something we talked about. Not that I didn’t try.
I tried to be subtle, mentioning how much I missed my wife when I was in L.A., but nothing seemed to phase them. More often than not, everyone would agree, and Ryan sometimes went off to phone his wife when I spoke like that. Once, however, when Ryan and Colin were sitting particularly close on one of the green room’s couches, and I had brought it up, Ryan simply stared at me, not saying a word. Maybe he was finally getting the hint.
I think he felt a bit guilty. He was always the first to point out his wedding ring. Odd considering how willing, even eager he was to kiss Colin on stage. Perhaps he was ashamed of the relationship. Whatever the case, attempting to figure those two out became somewhat of a hobby for me.
One memory in particular stands out clearly. A few weeks before the next season’s taping was to begin, I randomly caught an episode of Whose Line on tv. It wasn’t from a taping I had participated in, so I settled down to watch. After all, I loved watching the others work just as much as I enjoyed playing with them.
Song styles that night had Wayne signing in the style of a strip-o-gram, and oh God, it turned me on far more than I’d like to admit. I had the house to myself for the moment. When Wayne started to undo his belt I felt my own hand slipping across my thigh, skimming the front of my jeans over my growing erection. I had gotten as far as pulling my zipper down before I realized just what I was doing. I stilled, looking around before remembering that my wife was out shopping. That thought in itself had me straightening, yanking up my zipper and practically sitting on my hands to keep them still.
It wasn’t difficult to regain some sense of self control, though I did feel a twinge of... something... deep in the pit of my stomach when Wayne dissolved into laughter at the end of the song. The man is adorable when he loses it like that.
Anyway, the show progressed without incident from there. I found myself watching Ryan and Colin again. This episode was taped before I found out about them, though there was obviously something there between them. But it seemed different somehow.
They came to a game of Narrate, and something clicked. I vaguely remembered hearing something about that game years ago, but couldn’t quite remember what. Then Colin said two words and everything fell into place.
“...Maltese Burger...”
Ah....
Colin so set himself up for what happened next. I watched Ryan’s face as Colin went on an on, describing what Ryan would have to do. Ryan knew it would have to be spectacular. In the end, just as Colin stepped back into the scene, Ryan looked rather resolved. He had come up with the perfect solution, but he wasn’t sure if he could go through with it.
Ryan took one step forward, grasped Colin’s head with both hands and planted a firm kiss on his mouth. Colin sure as Hell hadn’t expected it; I’m not sure Ryan believed what he had done.
When the kiss ended, I found my eyes flicking back and forth between the two, but it was impossible to decipher their thoughts; I couldn’t tell what was real and what was acting.
What interested me most as I watched the show, perched on the edge of my couch in my darkened living room wasn’t the kiss, however, nor even Wayne’s dancing from earlier. It was one off hand comment, barely heard about the roaring of the crowd.
“I think that was the first time I kissed you....”
At that point I started to laugh. The idea was ludicrous. The kiss I had witnessed in the corridor of the studio had happened maybe a year later. There was no way this relationship was so new. I had to find out. Screw the whole ‘we’re not talking about it’ mentality that everyone adhered to. The next time I saw Ryan or Colin I was going to ask.
Turned out to be Ryan. I actually hesitated in bringing it up. I’ve had Ryan’s anger directed at me before, and let me tell you it’s not fun. Curiosity won out in the end.
Wayne, Ryan and I were waiting in the green room before the first taping of that season. Wayne and I were playing chess, Ryan pacing. We didn’t ask why; we didn’t have to. Colin had yet to arrive and considering that the Canadian only spent about six weeks a year in the states, it was obvious that Ryan was eager to see his best friend.
I spent most of the chess game trying to figure out a way to bring it up. Colin was getting very close to being late, and I knew that time was running out. The moment Colin walked in that door, Ryan would whisk him away, wardrobe and makeup be damned. Just as Wayne declared “Check mate,” I decided that whether the words were right, I had to ask now.
We were setting the pieces back into their molded Styrofoam homes when I said, as casually as possible, “I caught an episode of the show on tv the other night.”
“Oh?” Wayne replied politely. Ryan didn’t reply at all; I doubt he even heard me, he was so caught up in his own thoughts.
“Yeah,” I continued, louder, and turned to face Ryan, leaving Wayne to finish the clean up. “There was that game of Narrate on-the Maltese Burger one.”
Ryan paused and turned to look at me, though he still didn’t speak. I could feel Wayne’s eyes on me and flicked my gaze to him briefly, noting and completely ignoring the warning look he gave me.
“I was curious,” I stated, taking a step toward Ryan. “After that game you said that was the first time you kissed Colin, but that’s not possible, is it?”
Ryan opened his mouth and then closed it without making a sound. His eyes narrowed dangerously.
Shit.
He looked like he wanted to hit me, so I tried to tone down the insinuation. “You guys have been doing improv together for what, twenty years? You really never found reason to kiss before?”
It seemed to work. Some of the tension fled Ryan’s shoulders. “No,” he said. “That was the first time we kissed.”
“You’re kidding me.” I spoke before I had time to think, and there was a lacing of derision under my disbelief.
Ryan looked very, very angry. He crossed the distance between us and I was suddenly reminded of how very tall he was.
“What are you-“ he started to say, but just then the door opened.
We all looked up, startled, but it was just Colin, looking flushed, but happy. His eyes swept the room, taking in our positions: Ryan and I facing off, the tension a palpable thing, Wayne hanging back, but ready to jump in if he was needed. Colin’s smile faltered ever so slightly, but he held on to it, moving into the room with a forced sense of casualness.
“Hey,” he greeted the room at large. His eyes darted to Ryan. “Sorry I’m late. What’s, um, what’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Ryan said immediately and with a cheerfulness that was so fake it was painful.
“Okay...,” Colin looked to Wayne and I, but apparently found no answers. He turned back to Ryan and slowly closed the distance between them as he asked, “Did you want to go... talk?”
“About what?” Ryan hadn’t moved.
That was obviously not the answer Colin expected. He paused, confusion written across his features. For some time he didn’t speak, just watched Ryan. Finally he took one last step forward and said, “Just... you know, catching up. It’s been a while.”
“Sure,” Ryan shrugged, the tension still evident in the stiffness of the movement. He walked away to seat himself on one of the couches. “Let’s talk..”
“But,” Colin began to gesture toward myself and Wayne, but stopped himself. It was far too obvious that he had anything but talking in mind.
“Well we were just leaving,” Wayne cut in suddenly. He took hold of my upper arm and began steering me toward the door. The pressure of his fingers digging into my skin bordered on painful.
“Don’t leave on out account,” Ryan was saying, but Wayne merely smiled at him.
“No, it’s okay. I had something I wanted to talk to Chip about in private.”
Throughout this transaction, Colin hadn’t moved. He stood very still in the center of the room, eyes locked on the far wall, mouth set in a grim line.
As soon as we were outside, Wayne dropped my arm. I hesitated while he walked away. I wanted to eavesdrop; I was far too interested in what was going on behind that door. I didn’t, though. After only a moment my conscious kicked in along with guilt. After all, I was prying into things that were absolutely none of my business, and therefore ultimately responsible for whatever was happening between Ryan and Colin just then.
I sprinted to catch up with Wayne, falling in step beside him as we slowly wandered the studio’s corridors. The place was a mad house. The taping would be starting in a little more than a half an hour, and technicians and interns flitted about paying us little mind.
I eventually noticed that Wayne was leading us toward our dressing rooms. He opened the door to his own, gesturing for me to enter before coming in and closing the door behind us.
I stood just inside, watching Wayne as he leaned back against the door, his eyes on the floor. It seemed to take an eternity until he looked up and met my gaze.
“You shouldn’t have said that.”
Something snapped inside of me. I was suddenly, irrationally angry. “Why? Why don’t we talk about Colin and Ryan? Everyone knows, so what’s the big deal?”
Wayne shook his head. “They’re not ready to deal with it yet.”
“Not ready?” I couldn’t help the sardonic laugh that erupted from my lips. “It’s only been, what, twenty years? When are they going to be ready?”
“Two years.”
I stopped, mouth hanging open, mid-rant. “What?” I was pretty sure I had understood what Wayne was saying; it just seemed so... so impossible.
He was nodding slowly. “They’ve only been together for two years.”
“But that’s-“ I gestured vaguely, shaking my head in disbelief. “I mean, even back in England they were too... it can’t be.”
Wayne was still nodding. He was biting his lip as though caught up in thought. He knew something, but he wasn’t sure if he should tell me.
Finally he sighed, one long exhale, and his shoulders seemed to slump with resignation. He opened his mouth, closed it again. His fingers tapped a rhythm on his thigh.
“Ryan...” he trailed off, sucked in a deep breath. “I think he was telling the truth.”
I didn’t have to ask what Wayne was referring to.
“I...” The tapping grew more insistent. “I saw something that day.”
His eyes slid shut. His brows were furrowed. He wanted, needed to say this, but he’d spent so long fighting the urge that the words wouldn’t come. What followed was a tale that eerily resembled my own.
“It was after the taping,” Wayne said. His eyes were still closed. It was as if in not looking at me he could pretend he wasn’t breaking the rules he had set for himself so long ago.
“Drew and I had been talking, so it was a little while before I got the chance to go back to my room to change. While I was walking back, I saw Colin... pacing in the hall in front of Ryan’s room. He looked kind of upset, and I was just about to ask him what was wrong when Ryan came out.
“Colin stopped pacing, and they just stared at each other. I knew that I shouldn’t be there. I was standing in full view, but I felt like I was spying. They hadn’t seen me yet and I just knew that I shouldn’t be seeing this.
“It was strange. They said hi to each other and kept staring. After a while Colin said something like “What happened out there doesn’t change anything, does it?” but before he could finish, Ryan cut him off with this really harsh “No,” and I just remember being really confused. I couldn’t imagine what they could be talking about.
“Anyway, Colin looked even more upset, but also kind of relieved. He said something about having to go and started to leave, but then Ryan grabbed him and, um....”
Wayne lifted the hand that had been tapping his thigh to rub at his temples, trying to recall more of the memory.
“I can’t really remember what happened next. They kept talking without finishing their sentences. Answering like they were reading each other’s minds. Ryan.... I think he was talking about it just being part of the game and Colin kept saying “I know” over and over and then....”
Here Wayne paused. His hand dropped back to his side. His eyes opened very slowly and he watched me intently.
“Then Ryan said ‘This doesn’t change anything because I already loved you.’
“And I remember Colin looked really happy and really, really scared. And then they were kissing. I mean really kissing... and it was...” a ghost of a smile flitted over Wayne’s lips, and he laughed, shaking his head, “it was... this is going to sound stupid, but it was beautiful because you could tell they’d never kissed like that before. I don’t know how I could tell, but I could, and it was just amazing to watch.”
Wayne stopped, and I had the distinct impression that the story was over. He still had that small smile on; his eyes were distant, lost in the memory. I wanted him to go on; I wanted every detail he had to offer, but at the same time he had told me more than I’d ever hoped to learn. For now it would have to be enough.
I turned away from Wayne to cross the floor and fall onto his love seat. I supposed that it all made a sort of sense. “So,” I said, drawing Wayne out of his reverie, “that was them giving in to it?”
It took a moment for him to regain the thread of conversation. Once he did, however, he chuckled, “Ah... no....” He licked his lips, throwing me a mischievous smile. Now that he’d told his story, he seemed far more relaxed. “It was,” he said slowly, “the first time they kissed, but I think-I know-there was something more... physical... going on before that.”
“I see...,” I said, but I didn’t really. I mean, I understood what Wayne was saying, but it didn’t make sense. “But wouldn’t that mean that it’s been more than two years? How long as this been going on?”
Wayne considered that for a moment as he traversed the room to settle on the arm of the couch and propped one leg on the seat beside him, leaning forward on his bent knee, facing me. “I guess it’s around seven. Maybe more.”
“And they’re still not ready to deal with it?”
“Well, it’s different now.” Wayne was watching me, all traces of humor gone. “They never meant to fall in love.”
Oh.
Suddenly I understood everything. Ryan and Colin had been friends-best friends-who had taken to helping each other out with certain problems when they were away from their wives. Considering how close they were, it most likely came very naturally with just a bit of initial awkwardness. Add feelings to the mix, however, and the situation would become far more complicated.
I nodded to myself. There had to be a whole Hell of a lot of guilt and confusion on both their parts. I wouldn’t want to talk about it either. Still, I had more questions, first and foremost being, “How do you know all this?”
Wayne shrugged. He wasn’t going to tell me. Instead he tilted his head to one side, still watching me, and asked, “Why are you so interested?”
“Um....” I could feel a slow burn creeping up my cheeks. I don’t think I would have been so embarrassed over the fact that they were making me curious if the object of my fantasies wasn’t the one asking.
Wayne saved me from answering. He brushed the question off with a wave of his hand. “I understand. They make me wonder, too.”
Oh, God, I don’t think I’ve ever heard better words spoken. I blinked at Wayne, but he wasn’t looking at me anymore. He couldn’t be saying what I thought he was saying, could he? Even if he was, there was no way he was talking about me... right?
I had to ask.
Just at that moment the door flung open and we both jerked our heads up to see Dan standing in the doorway looking more than a little perturbed.
“Please tell me you’ve been to wardrobe already.”
I wondered just how long that conversation had taken. It couldn’t have been that long, but I could see how Dan could be frustrated that his stars weren’t waiting patiently in the green room. We both nodded, and he seemed to relax, but only for a moment.
“Good. Where the Hell are Ryan and Colin?”
I frowned and turned to look at Wayne, who simply shrugged at me before we both turned back to Dan.
“They’re not in the green room?” Wayne asked.
“No,” Dan sighed. “Nor are they in their dressing rooms. God.” He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair in exasperation before jerking a hand out to point at us. “Go to the green room and stay there. Taping starts in twenty minutes.”
The moment the door slammed behind him, Wayne started to laugh. “Looks like everything is okay between them after all.”
I wasn’t so sure. Sure, Ryan and Colin could be off somewhere humping like bunnies, but it was just as plausible for them to have found somewhere private to fight. I had forgotten to feel guilty during Wayne’s story, but now it came back full force.
Without another word, Wayne lifted himself from the couch, crossing to the door, and only pausing when he realized I hadn’t moved.
“Chip?”
I nodded, picked myself up and walked toward him. His hand was on the door knob. I placed my hand over his; I found I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“Can we talk about this later?”
He didn’t reply at first. I could hear him breathing beside me, calm but shallow. The silk of his sleeve slid against my bare forearm.
“I’ve told you everything I know.”
We both ignored the fact that he was lying. After all, I think we both knew that I wasn’t alluding to Ryan and Colin. He was shooting me down.
“How about...,” Wayne continued calmly. I could feel the tension in his hand beneath mine. “I’ll think about it.”
I reflected as we made our way back to the green room that that had been one of the oddest conversations of my life. I never knew I could say so much without actually saying anything. I was filled with the strangest sense of anticipation. I couldn’t say if I was excited or scared of what would happen if we did get around to having that talk.
Ryan and Colin were in the green room when we arrived, looking for all the world like they’d always been there, calm and unhurried. They were seated on the couch, thighs barely touching, both holding sections of a newspaper; Ryan was reading the sports while Colin did the crossword.
They looked up when we entered. Our confusion at seeing them there must have shown on our faces because they almost immediately burst out laughing.
Wayne was the first to shake it off. He smiled at the guys and said, “You know Dan is looking for you.”
Colin just laughed harder and Ryan’s eyes twinkled mischievously.
“I hope he’s furious,” was all he said.
I found myself relaxing immensely, even joining in the laughter after a moment. It looked like everything was all right after all.
The taping passed in a blur with only key moments sticking out in my mind. I tried not to watch Ryan and Colin so much, mostly out of respect. It wasn’t that hard to do since my attention was elsewhere.
Wayne was stunning as usual. I thanked God and any other deity that may have been listening for my ability to sing. Wayne and I usually play off each other well in songs, and tonight was no exception. They were suddenly my favorite part of the show.
Greatest Hits in particular is a fabulous game. Not only do I get to play with Wayne, but the game itself is a thrill. I love having to come up with songs on the spur of the moment, and I think Ryan and Colin are at their best. They’re so natural, playing off each other, feeding off each other, that you can’t help but be captivated by them, wondering what they’ll come up with next.
As I said, however, this all passed me by without a second thought. So much is going on, so many thoughts and ideas running through my mind at any given moment that once it’s all said and done, it’s hard to focus on any specific incidents... most of the time.
One game, however, stayed with me for quite a while.
We were playing Party Quirks. Wayne was, of course, the first guest. I flung the “door” open, welcoming him in with a flourish. He smiled at me, leering almost, and mimed using a walker. All right, I thought, he’s an old man, but I knew there had to be more to it than that, so I just went along with it, pointing out the refreshments as I waited for the rest of his quirk to be revealed. I wasn’t long in waiting.
As he passed by me, Wayne lifted one hand from the walker to grab my ass. Nothing big, just a quick squeeze to one cheek before he continued on, giggling in that wheezy way he does when playing an older person.
I paused then, watching him with an amused grin, and the door bell rang again. Colin entered, but I couldn’t say what his quirk was, nor Ryan’s for that matter. I remember having a bit of difficulty guessing Colin even though his actual quirk eludes me. I was far too interested in watching Wayne.
It was obvious as time went on that he was playing a dirty old man. He moved about the stage continuing to touch the other players suggestively while making lewd comments. I waited until last to guess him. I think I wanted him to touch me again. He did, briefly slapping my ass and then giggling as he shuffled away once more. At that point I quickly guessed Ryan before beginning to work on Colin.
I wasn’t get him quite right, and looked to Drew for a hint. Drew, however, was a little distracted.
Wayne had ambled his way over to our host and was currently groping at his crotch while Drew attempted to fend him off. Just then Wayne abandoned his attempts, abandoned his walker to place two hands on either side of Drew’s face to pull him into a sloppy kiss.
I saw red.
It shouldn’t have affected me so. I’d seen Wayne kiss (or attempt to kiss) Drew a dozen times before, but when Wayne’s lips touched Drew’s and Drew stopped fighting, even going so far as to lean in a bit, I felt myself go cold followed immediately by a wash of burning anger. Things were different now. It had been far too strenuous to admit to myself that I just might feel something more than friendship for Wayne; I wasn’t about to let anyone else have him.
The moment that thought crossed my mind I was sickened nearly to the point of being physically ill. I was straight, damn it, and this was just a game. This is exactly why I hadn’t wanted to explore these feelings; the moment I allowed myself to wonder about another man I was finding myself far too attached to the idea, and I couldn’t let that happen.
Colin was chuckling beside me.
Without another thought, I shouted out another guess at his quirk. I knew I was right then because Colin gave a quick nod and began to head off stage. He stopped at the World’s Worst step, though, once he realized that Drew hadn’t buzzed.
No, he was still too busy.
I growled unconsciously low so that the microphone wouldn’t pick it up, and then cleared my throat loudly.
Drew finally pushed Wayne away, and I repeated my guess about Colin before following it up with Wayne. Both guesses were correct and the game ended there.
Ryan, Drew and Wayne joked about the game afterward, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was far too intent on trying to quell the mixture of anger and nausea that still threatened to overwhelm me. A hand lighted on my shoulder, and I looked up, startled, to see Colin watching me.
“You okay?” he mouthed.
I nodded quickly and forced myself to smile. I could tell he wasn’t really buying it, but he didn’t press the issue. We moved on to the next game, and soon I was back into the rhythm of things, Party Quirks pushed into the back of my mind for the moment.
Normally after a taping we would all spend a little time together, going out to a bar for a few drinks before heading back to the hotel. All things considered, I had no illusions that we’d be getting around to that tonight.
When the taping was finished and pickups done, we headed back to our dressing rooms in relative silence. Only Colin and Ryan were talking, but though the tone of their conversation was light, they were speaking too quietly for me to make out the words.
I changed into my street clothes in record time, leaving wardrobe to clean up after me as I tore off down the hall to talk to Wayne. The door to his dressing room was closed. I hesitated in knocking, my hand hovering inches from the cheap wood. More than anything I wanted to address our conversation from earlier, needed to see what could come of it. But I was scared. What if I had misread him somehow? I still had no idea if he had any interest in me; we were both married, after all. Even if he had started to find himself attracted to men it didn’t mean he was willing to risk his marriage to explore that.
Screw it, I thought, finally working up the will to knock. The worst that could happen was that he would shoot me down, and things would continue as normal. Best I find out sooner rather than later.
“Wayne’s not there.”
My hand paused mid-knock. I turned to see Ryan moving toward me. He had yet to change out of his stage clothes, and from the direction he was coming from, I deduced that he had been pulled into a meeting, probably some producer thing, before he had the chance.
I shrugged, going for nonchalance and feeling that I’d pulled it off successfully enough. “I’ll wait.”
“He’s in a meeting,” Ryan replied. He smiled then and averted his eyes. I felt as though he was laughing at me, that there was some joke I wasn’t getting. I didn’t see anything remotely funny about the situation, but it didn’t matter because then Ryan was talking again. “I think he’s going to be a while.”
“Nothing’s wrong, is it?”
“Oh, no,” Ryan said, still smiling. “I just don’t think you should wait for him... unless you had plans?”
“Not really...,” I trailed off, frowning. I wasn’t willing to discuss this with Ryan. “I take it we’re not going out tonight?”
“No,” Ryan shook his head. “Tonight’s not good for me.” He thought a moment and then said, “You could come with us tomorrow night, though.”
That made sense. There were three tapings that weekend, though tonight’s was the only one I would be partaking in. I was doing a couple more in the weeks that followed, however, so I’d be hanging around. I had wanted to talk to Wayne tonight, but I supposed I could wait twenty four hours if I had to.
“Sure.” I smiled, nodding my thanks. Then I paused, watching Ryan. He was being really nice to me, and I had been a bit of a bastard to him. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
He looked confused for only a moment and then shrugged as if to say that it was no big deal, but he looked away, refusing to meet my eyes.
“Really. It’s none of my business, and-“
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, still not looking at me.
Damn it. I was trying to fix things, but instead I was just making him uncomfortable. I wanted to say something encouraging, let him know that his thing with Colin, whatever it may be, didn’t bother me. He was my friend; I wanted him to know that, but I couldn’t think of anything to say that didn’t sound stupid or patronizing.
In the end I just reached out and gave his shoulder a quick squeeze, not saying anything. I was rewarded with the slightest of smiles.
I was feeling much better after that, but by the time I’d made it back to the hotel, I had begun thinking about Wayne again and decided that even if I wasn’t going out with the guys tonight, I needed a drink.
There was a bar in the hotel which was far too overpriced, but it would do. I stopped at my room briefly to drop off the things I had brought to the studio and check my messages. I thought that there might be some word from Wayne as absurd as that sounds. I doubt he even knew what room I was in. There wasn’t, of course, though there was a message from my wife. Nothing drastic; she just called to say the usual, that she missed me and wanted me to call her when I got in.
I didn’t.
The guilt I was suddenly feeling would be far too plain. I knew it would make me feel worse for not calling her, but I didn’t care just then. My need for a nice, stiff drink had just about tripled.
It was close to ten by the time I made it to the bar, and the place was hopping. People of every age and description, from scantily dressed girls I would have guessed wto be too young to be there to middle aged men in suits, were seated at every available table. Even the bar itself was full. I had just about resigned myself to breaking open the mini bar when I spotted an empty chair. I looked to see who might be occupying the table and felt my face split into a wide grin.
“Greg! Brad!”
The two men looked up from where they appeared to be going shot for shot against each other. I realized they must be the other fourth seaters planned for the weekend.
They both grinned when they saw me and began waving me over emphatically. I nodded and then motioned to the bar to indicate I wanted to get myself a drink first. I was ecstatic; I hadn’t been looking forward to drinking alone.
I ordered a simple rum and coke (heavy on the rum) but as I was about to turn back to the table a strong hand slapped me on the back. Brad shuffled up beside me, grinning wildly.
“Can we get another shot glass?” he called to the bartender, and then turned back to me as the glass was placed before him. “Come on! Greg and I are doing shots of tequila. That can be your chaser.” He nodded to the glass in my hand, grinning all the while.
I was so very glad I’d run into them just then. I saw neither Brad nor Greg very much considering that we were never on set at the same time, but from the little time I did spend with them, I regarded them both as good friends. Brad was always hyper, which tended to affect everyone around him. Greg, on the other hand, was more down to earth, but like Brad was also very smart and very lewd and very good company. I knew hanging out with the two of them would lift my spirits.
“I figured you guys would be out at the bar,” Brad was saying as we seated ourselves. He said “the bar” rather than “a bar” because we tended to frequent the same locale throughout the years, a seedy little place where very few people recognized us just a few blocks from the studio. It certainly wasn’t the most upstanding establishment. It tended to be a hang out for a bit of a rougher crowd, though they usually behaved themselves. It was shabby, but clean, and we loved it dearly.
I shrugged at Brad, all of this running through my head as I watched Greg sprinkle salt along the back of his hand, taking the first sip of my rum and coke. It left a pleasant burning sensation in the pit of my stomach; there was a lot of rum in it. “No one was really up for it tonight.”
Greg chuckled and lifted his shot glass in a mock toast. “Trouble in paradise?” he joked.
But the look on my face wiped the smile off his. He set down his glass without drinking, both eyebrows raised. “Something did happen then? I think we need details.”
“Oh, it was...” I shook my head, waving the question away, “ it was nothing.”
Brad and Greg exchanged a look, and I knew they weren’t buying it. Luckily they didn’t press the issue. Instead Greg reached for my shot glass, filling it and then pushing it toward me.
“I think the newcomer needs to take a shot.”
If I hadn’t been so desperate to forget just about everything that had happened that day, to hide behind the numbing wash of alcohol, I may have been suspicious of Greg’s motives. As it was, I accepted the glass greedily, lacing the side of my hand with salt and grabbing a lime from a dish on the table without thought.
The conversation turned lighter then, for at least a short while as we all made it our mission to get absolutely hammered, discussing things of little consequence while we focused on the tequila. By midnight, Brad and Greg (who by this time I had learned had only arrived maybe ten minutes before me) and I were all pleasantly smashed. Greg appeared most in control and was currently steering the conversation toward more personal topics.
The crowd in the bar had thinned considerably, most people either having had enough or moving on to find better entertainment. So it was that I heard Greg’s next question, however low he may have asked it, quite clearly.
“So...” he slurred the word slightly, toying with his empty shot glass, “what did happen at the studio today?”
I groaned into my glass. I had nearly forgotten why it was that I was drinking in the first place. Now that I was remembering, however, I was more than ready to rant about it, having lost all those pesky inhibitions somewhere around my sixth shot.
“It was Ryan and Colin and their stupid little fling that no one talks about.”
“Oh, that,” Brad chuckled.
I realized, somehow through the drunken haze, that I had never attempted to discuss this with either man sitting before me. I never really had the chance before, but taking their personalities into consideration, they had to be just as frustrated about it all as I was.
“They need to, like, come out on stage or something. I’m always telling Colin that,” Brad said.
“He actually talks about it to you?” I was a little stunned. I knew Colin and Brad got on well, but it didn’t seem the type of thing Colin would divulge.
“Oh, no,” Brad laughed. “He just doesn’t get mad at me when I bring it up like Ryan does, so I like to tease him about it.”
“You’ve got balls; I’ll admit that.” I raised my glass in salute and finished off my drink.
Greg did the same with his shot and then popped a lime into his mouth, sucking noisily. He went to refill his glass, and I noticed that the bottle of tequila was nearly empty. As soon as he replaced the bottle on the table, I had my hands around it, filling up my own glass.
“So how’d you guys find out?” I asked. I was searching for the salt, but in my inebriated state it took me a moment to realize Greg had it.
Brad was laughing again. He did that a lot, even more so when he was drunk. I found myself laughing along with him for no reason.
“I walked in on them with their hands in each others’ pants.” It looked like he was blushing, though that could have been the alcohol. “You?”
“I just saw them kissing,” I replied. Oddly enough, I think I might have been jealous of Brad. By no means was I a voyeur, but to see Ryan and Colin going at it had a certain appeal.
Brad nodded and we both turned to Greg expectantly. He was staring into his drink, a wry smile on his lips. He seemed to sense our gazes after moment because he suddenly said, “You want to know how I found out?”
Neither of us said a word. We could sense a story coming on, and it was obvious Greg would need no prodding to tell it. Apparently he did need courage, however, because before continuing he downed his shot-no salt, no lime.
He looked up then, first to Brad and then meeting my eyes. “I found out about Ryan and Colin when Ryan left me for him.”
The silence at our table was so absolute it was almost amusing. Almost.
When I finally found my voice, I managed a stuttering “What?” but it was drowned out by Brad’s much louder “Holy fuck. You’re shitting me, right?”
At Brad’s exclamation, Greg started to laugh. For the life of me I couldn’t see what was so funny and started to say as much, but Greg quieted us both down with a wave of his hand.
“Okay, it’s not actually as dramatic as all that.” He nodded to himself, staring down into his once again empty glass. “Well, you know Ryan and I met a long time ago. Back when Whose Line was still a baby. Both being Americans, we kind of gravitated to each other, and I... well, I....” It was strange to see Greg so hesitant. He toyed with his glass nervously, running one finger along the rim. “I developed a crush on him.” Greg paused here. I think he was expecting us to be disgusted, though I thought that rather absurd, especially considering our obvious acceptance of Ryan and Colin.
Brad and I looked to each other. Brad was smiling, both eyebrows raised as if to say “Now isn’t this interesting.” I smiled back before returning my attention to Greg.
“Go on,” I said gently. I wondered if I should mention my thing for Wayne in an effort to make this more comfortable, but it didn’t seem the right time.
Greg looked up at me then, so I continued to smile. “Don’t think you can tell us that and just stop,” I said, trying to make a joke out of it. It seemed to work. Greg gave me an answering smile, and he relaxed just the tiniest bit.
He gave another nod and continued, this time brave enough to meet my and Brad’s eyes as he spoke.
“I didn’t tell him how I felt, but I did manage to convince him to get sexual with me-as buddies. You know, jerking each other off and eventually a blow job here and there... and then Colin showed up.
“Now don’t get me wrong, I liked the guy immediately, but he was just so... clingy with Ryan, especially at first. It took him a while to get comfortable in England, and during that time, Ryan and I rarely spent any time alone. It was fucking frustrating.”
Greg chuckled, shaking his head. “Add to that the fact that you’d have to be blind, deaf, and pretty stupid to not see that Colin liked Ryan the way I did. I started to feel kind of bad because I had what he wanted, even if he didn’t have the guts to say it. Every time Ryan and I left him out of what we were doing he’d get this kicked puppy look. You know the one.”
I nodded, and I could see Brad doing the same out of the corner of my eye. Mind, Colin had gained quite a bit of confidence since the days Greg spoke of. I didn’t see Colin upset all that often, but I think everyone knew the look Greg was referring to.
“This went on for years,” Greg was continuing, “and Ryan and I spent less and less,” he smirked, “quality time together. I was disappointed, but not really upset. After all, I knew this was nothing more than a fling. Ryan was married. With kids. But then one day something was different. Ryan was keeping his distance, and I just knew that it was over. He told me as much after the taping. I expected some excuse about his wife, but he didn’t offer any explanation. He didn’t have to.
“Colin was down the hall from us when he told me, and Ryan kept looking to him. I’m not stupid.”
“That must have been awkward,” Brad put in.
Greg thought about that for a moment and then shrugged. “Actually it wasn’t,” he said. “I think they’re good together. I did even back then. I was happy for them.” He paused again, thinking, and then said, “Colin knows what went on between Ryan and me. I’m positive. We’ve never talked about it, though. I do like Colin. Hell, I love the guy; I think that neither of us have brought it up because we’re afraid of what it could do to our friendship.”
We all sat in silence for a few minutes after that, all lost in our own thoughts. The conversation had taken somewhat of a somber turn, and I’m not sure any of us knew where to take it from there. Suddenly Greg shook himself and looked right at me.
“So why are you really here?”
“What?”
He shrugged. “Colin and Ryan can be frustrating, but they’re certainly not enough to drive someone to drink.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but Greg raised one hand, silencing me.
“You came in here alone looking to get plastered. Don’t bother denying it. So what’s up?”
I considered protesting anyway, but there was no way Greg was going to let this go. Besides, I really did want to talk about it and given Greg’s confession it didn’t seem fair to lie to him.
I sighed and said, “Wayne.”
After the conversation we’d just had, it wasn’t necessary to explain just what about Wayne had me wanting to drown my sorrows.
Greg nodded, blowing a breath out through his teeth. He raked a hand through his hair and said, “That’s probably not a good idea.” I looked up sharply. “He’s already involved with someone.”
Brad gave a barking laugh, startling us both. “Like his wife?”
Greg didn’t respond, but from the look he was giving Brad, it was more than a little obvious that we were definitely not talking about his wife.
“Who?” I asked, hating the note of desperation in my voice.
Greg shook his head, not meeting my eyes. “It’s not really my place to say.”
Well fuck. I slumped in my chair. I was right when I guessed that Wayne wasn’t talking about me earlier. No wonder he was so hesitant.
Brad started laughing, condescending disbelief plain on his face. “Am I the only straight guy on this show?”
I started to argue that despite my current situation, I really did consider myself straight, but Greg cut me off with, “Now that is bullshit.”
Brad looked shocked for just a moment before anger took over. “Who the Hell are you to tell me what my sexuality is?”
It was rare to see Brad so emotional. I know it startled me, and it looked to have affected Greg as well. He leaned back a bit before raising both hands defensively.
“Look, I’m not saying you’re gay-“
“You’re going to tell me you’re straight then?”
Greg shook his head. “I’m not saying that either.”
“So what are you saying?”
“If you’d shut the fuck up for half a second, I’ll tell you.”
Brad looked more than a little affronted at this, but he kept his mouth closed.
“Now,” Greg said, looking to Brad though flicking his eyes briefly to me to let me know I was still part of this conversation, “It’s rare to be one hundred percent straight. Or one hundred percent gay for that matter,” he added as an afterthought. “Almost everyone has fantasies about members of the same sex-finds themselves attracted to another guy at one point. Doesn’t mean it’s very strong or that they ever do anything about it, but it’s there. After what Chip and I just told you, I think it’s really shitty of you to act like we’re the weird ones.”
Brad just stared at Greg; he seemed to have calmed considerably.
“So,” Greg said in a mockingly cheerful tone, “with all the sexual stuff we do on stage, you can’t tell me that it hasn’t once crossed your mind.”
“Well....”
“Who is it for you?”
“Who is it for me?” Brad echoed uncomprehendingly.
Greg sighed. “Don’t play dumb, Sherwood. If you could experiment with one guy on the show, who would it be?”
Brad didn’t answer right away. There was a tinge of pink in his cheeks, and this time I was certain it had nothing to do with the alcohol. Brad frowned, staring down at the polished walnut of the table before him and mumbled something.
“Pardon?” Greg asked. I leaned forward, wanting to hear this as well.
Brad flushed deeper and looked up sharply at Greg. “You. All right? Happy now?”
Happy isn’t the word I would use to describe Greg at that moment, though he did look rather smug. “Quite.”
With a frustrated groan, Brad pushed away from the table, nearly knocking his chair over in his desperation to get up-to get away from us. He grumbled something about having to go to bed and slapped a few bills on the table.
Greg and I watched him stalk off, only stumbling slightly as he was still quite drunk. Greg heaved another sigh as he watched Brad go. He reached for the bottle of tequila, pouring himself a drink and then emptying the rest into my glass.
“Should we go after him?”
Greg shrugged and downed his drink. “Maybe. Probably. I’ll talk to him.”
Despite the rather depressing way our little party had ended, I found myself smiling. “Talk?” I asked, barely suppressing a chuckle.
Greg just rolled his eyes, but a smile was curving the corners of his mouth. His eyes drifted to the empty doorway or the bar. I wished I could read his mind.
I finished my own drink quickly and reached for a lime. My stomach was starting to rebel against the copious amounts of the vile liquor. I ended up draining the juice out of one lime and then another before my queasiness subsided. I would definitely have a hangover in the morning.
We paid our tab, leaving a generous tip and then walked to the elevator together in silence. The Whose Line contestants were always put up on the same floor of the hotel, so I didn’t bother to ask Greg where his stop would be; I just pushed the button for nine and stepped back.
“So,” Greg said as we watched the little numbers light up at each subsequent floor, “Wayne, huh?”
I shrugged.
“You’d be better off just forgetting about him. He’s pretty much having an affair already.”
Something clicked. I stole a look at Greg out of the corner of my eye. “It’s Drew, isn’t it?”
He didn’t answer, but then, he didn’t have to.
We parted at the elevator after exchanging room numbers, Greg heading left while I went right. We’d both be in L.A. for some time, and for the moment at least, we’d be calling these rooms home.
I watched Greg move away from me after I’d reached my door. I wondered what the other guys were doing, thinking that they were all somewhere on this floor. I knew Colin was only a few doors down from myself, but aside from him and now Greg, I had neglected to get any information from the others.
Greg’s room was down the hall and around a corner, but I wasn’t surprised to see him stop after only a few feet and knock at a door. A moment later it opened and though I couldn’t make out the words, the lilt of Brad’s voice was unmistakable.
At that point I decided to give them a modicum of privacy and headed into my own room, desperate for a nice, long sleep.
To be continued
07/31/05
Author: Clay
Pairings: Mainly Chip/Wayne and Chip/Drew, but there’s also Wayne/Drew, Ryan/Colin, Greg/Brad, and a mention of Greg/Ryan. Yes, my little Whose Line soap opera. Chip’s POV
Rating/Warnings: I’m going to say R, maybe NC-17 at times for cursing and sexual situations
Summary: “They had been friends who had taken to helping each other out with certain problems when they were away from their wives. Add feelings to the mix, however, and the situation would become far more complicated.”
Author’s notes: This is a little AU in the fact that Greg isn’t married, Chip is but has no children, and certain other things take place later than they really did. All games aside from those from episode 227 are straight out of my head. Also, this might qualify for Leatharegee’s challange: “Tell the story about the pairing of your choice entirely through the eyes of someone else,” though while I do inadvertently do that in this chapter, the Ry/Col thing is more of a background pairing than anything else.
Chapter 1
I first learned that Ryan and Colin were a couple some time during the taping of the third US season. I couldn’t tell you exactly when-either the taping wasn’t that memorable or the shock just pushed everything else from my mind.
I was going back to my dressing room when I heard Ryan laugh. I paused then; that laugh sounded almost sexual, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why Ryan would sound like that. I hadn’t seen his wife at all during the taping, and he hadn’t mentioned anything about her showing up, so who...?
I’m not proud of it, but I ended up eavesdropping, pressed flat against the wall head cocked to one side. He wasn’t talking, just laughing, until suddenly a moan rippled through the corridor. Not Ryan, but unmistakably masculine. It almost sounded like....
I risked a glimpse around the corner-
-and froze.
Ryan was standing maybe ten feet away, caught in Colin’s loose embrace. He was smiling against Colin’s throat, one hand trailing teasingly over the obvious tent in the other man’s pants. I couldn’t help but stare, though luckily they were too wrapped up in each other to notice my presence. As I watched, Colin jerked forward, planting his lips forcefully over Ryan’s, and oh, that was no stage kiss. He continued to press forward, pushing Ryan back until they hit the door on the other side of the hall. Colin’s dressing room, my mind supplied. Ryan fumbled with the knob, and they stumbled through, door slamming shut behind them followed by an audible click as the lock slid home.
I don’t know how long I stood there, but eventually a hand dropped on my shoulder, and I looked up into Wayne’s dark eyes.
“I...,” I stuttered, gesturing vaguely to where the two men had been.
Wayne merely shrugged and brushed past me, disappearing into his own room.
For me that’s where it began. Through Wayne’s lack of comment, lack of question, I understood that he knew and that he didn’t care. Over the course of that season’s tapings, through half-formed questions and veiled comments I discovered that I was quite possibly the last to find out, but more importantly, I learned that it was not something we talked about.
I don’t think Ryan and Colin even talked about it.
I began to watch them more closely after that. They acted the same as always, and if I hadn’t known better, I would have assumed they were just good friends. After what I’d seen, however, every look, every touch took on a new meaning.
Like I said, that’s where it began. I became nearly obsessed with watching them. The concept of two men together was not a foreign one, but up close it was fascinating. I needed to know what the attraction was. I had never considered being with a man before, but whenever I was on the set the idea slowly crept into the foreground of my mind. I refused to kiss another man on stage, and they’re the reason why. I was a married man after all. What if I ended up kissing one of the guys and liked it? I wasn’t prepared to answer that question, and though part of me wanted to screw it all and find out, I was always held back by fear.
Oh, but it was hard. Wayne in particular seemed to like kissing me on the cheek, and more than once I considered the fact that if I just turned ever so slightly, it would turn into a real kiss.
I had so many questions. I thought perhaps if I just understood why they did it that I could put it out of my mind for good. But, again, it wasn’t something we talked about. Not that I didn’t try.
I tried to be subtle, mentioning how much I missed my wife when I was in L.A., but nothing seemed to phase them. More often than not, everyone would agree, and Ryan sometimes went off to phone his wife when I spoke like that. Once, however, when Ryan and Colin were sitting particularly close on one of the green room’s couches, and I had brought it up, Ryan simply stared at me, not saying a word. Maybe he was finally getting the hint.
I think he felt a bit guilty. He was always the first to point out his wedding ring. Odd considering how willing, even eager he was to kiss Colin on stage. Perhaps he was ashamed of the relationship. Whatever the case, attempting to figure those two out became somewhat of a hobby for me.
One memory in particular stands out clearly. A few weeks before the next season’s taping was to begin, I randomly caught an episode of Whose Line on tv. It wasn’t from a taping I had participated in, so I settled down to watch. After all, I loved watching the others work just as much as I enjoyed playing with them.
Song styles that night had Wayne signing in the style of a strip-o-gram, and oh God, it turned me on far more than I’d like to admit. I had the house to myself for the moment. When Wayne started to undo his belt I felt my own hand slipping across my thigh, skimming the front of my jeans over my growing erection. I had gotten as far as pulling my zipper down before I realized just what I was doing. I stilled, looking around before remembering that my wife was out shopping. That thought in itself had me straightening, yanking up my zipper and practically sitting on my hands to keep them still.
It wasn’t difficult to regain some sense of self control, though I did feel a twinge of... something... deep in the pit of my stomach when Wayne dissolved into laughter at the end of the song. The man is adorable when he loses it like that.
Anyway, the show progressed without incident from there. I found myself watching Ryan and Colin again. This episode was taped before I found out about them, though there was obviously something there between them. But it seemed different somehow.
They came to a game of Narrate, and something clicked. I vaguely remembered hearing something about that game years ago, but couldn’t quite remember what. Then Colin said two words and everything fell into place.
“...Maltese Burger...”
Ah....
Colin so set himself up for what happened next. I watched Ryan’s face as Colin went on an on, describing what Ryan would have to do. Ryan knew it would have to be spectacular. In the end, just as Colin stepped back into the scene, Ryan looked rather resolved. He had come up with the perfect solution, but he wasn’t sure if he could go through with it.
Ryan took one step forward, grasped Colin’s head with both hands and planted a firm kiss on his mouth. Colin sure as Hell hadn’t expected it; I’m not sure Ryan believed what he had done.
When the kiss ended, I found my eyes flicking back and forth between the two, but it was impossible to decipher their thoughts; I couldn’t tell what was real and what was acting.
What interested me most as I watched the show, perched on the edge of my couch in my darkened living room wasn’t the kiss, however, nor even Wayne’s dancing from earlier. It was one off hand comment, barely heard about the roaring of the crowd.
“I think that was the first time I kissed you....”
At that point I started to laugh. The idea was ludicrous. The kiss I had witnessed in the corridor of the studio had happened maybe a year later. There was no way this relationship was so new. I had to find out. Screw the whole ‘we’re not talking about it’ mentality that everyone adhered to. The next time I saw Ryan or Colin I was going to ask.
Turned out to be Ryan. I actually hesitated in bringing it up. I’ve had Ryan’s anger directed at me before, and let me tell you it’s not fun. Curiosity won out in the end.
Wayne, Ryan and I were waiting in the green room before the first taping of that season. Wayne and I were playing chess, Ryan pacing. We didn’t ask why; we didn’t have to. Colin had yet to arrive and considering that the Canadian only spent about six weeks a year in the states, it was obvious that Ryan was eager to see his best friend.
I spent most of the chess game trying to figure out a way to bring it up. Colin was getting very close to being late, and I knew that time was running out. The moment Colin walked in that door, Ryan would whisk him away, wardrobe and makeup be damned. Just as Wayne declared “Check mate,” I decided that whether the words were right, I had to ask now.
We were setting the pieces back into their molded Styrofoam homes when I said, as casually as possible, “I caught an episode of the show on tv the other night.”
“Oh?” Wayne replied politely. Ryan didn’t reply at all; I doubt he even heard me, he was so caught up in his own thoughts.
“Yeah,” I continued, louder, and turned to face Ryan, leaving Wayne to finish the clean up. “There was that game of Narrate on-the Maltese Burger one.”
Ryan paused and turned to look at me, though he still didn’t speak. I could feel Wayne’s eyes on me and flicked my gaze to him briefly, noting and completely ignoring the warning look he gave me.
“I was curious,” I stated, taking a step toward Ryan. “After that game you said that was the first time you kissed Colin, but that’s not possible, is it?”
Ryan opened his mouth and then closed it without making a sound. His eyes narrowed dangerously.
Shit.
He looked like he wanted to hit me, so I tried to tone down the insinuation. “You guys have been doing improv together for what, twenty years? You really never found reason to kiss before?”
It seemed to work. Some of the tension fled Ryan’s shoulders. “No,” he said. “That was the first time we kissed.”
“You’re kidding me.” I spoke before I had time to think, and there was a lacing of derision under my disbelief.
Ryan looked very, very angry. He crossed the distance between us and I was suddenly reminded of how very tall he was.
“What are you-“ he started to say, but just then the door opened.
We all looked up, startled, but it was just Colin, looking flushed, but happy. His eyes swept the room, taking in our positions: Ryan and I facing off, the tension a palpable thing, Wayne hanging back, but ready to jump in if he was needed. Colin’s smile faltered ever so slightly, but he held on to it, moving into the room with a forced sense of casualness.
“Hey,” he greeted the room at large. His eyes darted to Ryan. “Sorry I’m late. What’s, um, what’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Ryan said immediately and with a cheerfulness that was so fake it was painful.
“Okay...,” Colin looked to Wayne and I, but apparently found no answers. He turned back to Ryan and slowly closed the distance between them as he asked, “Did you want to go... talk?”
“About what?” Ryan hadn’t moved.
That was obviously not the answer Colin expected. He paused, confusion written across his features. For some time he didn’t speak, just watched Ryan. Finally he took one last step forward and said, “Just... you know, catching up. It’s been a while.”
“Sure,” Ryan shrugged, the tension still evident in the stiffness of the movement. He walked away to seat himself on one of the couches. “Let’s talk..”
“But,” Colin began to gesture toward myself and Wayne, but stopped himself. It was far too obvious that he had anything but talking in mind.
“Well we were just leaving,” Wayne cut in suddenly. He took hold of my upper arm and began steering me toward the door. The pressure of his fingers digging into my skin bordered on painful.
“Don’t leave on out account,” Ryan was saying, but Wayne merely smiled at him.
“No, it’s okay. I had something I wanted to talk to Chip about in private.”
Throughout this transaction, Colin hadn’t moved. He stood very still in the center of the room, eyes locked on the far wall, mouth set in a grim line.
As soon as we were outside, Wayne dropped my arm. I hesitated while he walked away. I wanted to eavesdrop; I was far too interested in what was going on behind that door. I didn’t, though. After only a moment my conscious kicked in along with guilt. After all, I was prying into things that were absolutely none of my business, and therefore ultimately responsible for whatever was happening between Ryan and Colin just then.
I sprinted to catch up with Wayne, falling in step beside him as we slowly wandered the studio’s corridors. The place was a mad house. The taping would be starting in a little more than a half an hour, and technicians and interns flitted about paying us little mind.
I eventually noticed that Wayne was leading us toward our dressing rooms. He opened the door to his own, gesturing for me to enter before coming in and closing the door behind us.
I stood just inside, watching Wayne as he leaned back against the door, his eyes on the floor. It seemed to take an eternity until he looked up and met my gaze.
“You shouldn’t have said that.”
Something snapped inside of me. I was suddenly, irrationally angry. “Why? Why don’t we talk about Colin and Ryan? Everyone knows, so what’s the big deal?”
Wayne shook his head. “They’re not ready to deal with it yet.”
“Not ready?” I couldn’t help the sardonic laugh that erupted from my lips. “It’s only been, what, twenty years? When are they going to be ready?”
“Two years.”
I stopped, mouth hanging open, mid-rant. “What?” I was pretty sure I had understood what Wayne was saying; it just seemed so... so impossible.
He was nodding slowly. “They’ve only been together for two years.”
“But that’s-“ I gestured vaguely, shaking my head in disbelief. “I mean, even back in England they were too... it can’t be.”
Wayne was still nodding. He was biting his lip as though caught up in thought. He knew something, but he wasn’t sure if he should tell me.
Finally he sighed, one long exhale, and his shoulders seemed to slump with resignation. He opened his mouth, closed it again. His fingers tapped a rhythm on his thigh.
“Ryan...” he trailed off, sucked in a deep breath. “I think he was telling the truth.”
I didn’t have to ask what Wayne was referring to.
“I...” The tapping grew more insistent. “I saw something that day.”
His eyes slid shut. His brows were furrowed. He wanted, needed to say this, but he’d spent so long fighting the urge that the words wouldn’t come. What followed was a tale that eerily resembled my own.
“It was after the taping,” Wayne said. His eyes were still closed. It was as if in not looking at me he could pretend he wasn’t breaking the rules he had set for himself so long ago.
“Drew and I had been talking, so it was a little while before I got the chance to go back to my room to change. While I was walking back, I saw Colin... pacing in the hall in front of Ryan’s room. He looked kind of upset, and I was just about to ask him what was wrong when Ryan came out.
“Colin stopped pacing, and they just stared at each other. I knew that I shouldn’t be there. I was standing in full view, but I felt like I was spying. They hadn’t seen me yet and I just knew that I shouldn’t be seeing this.
“It was strange. They said hi to each other and kept staring. After a while Colin said something like “What happened out there doesn’t change anything, does it?” but before he could finish, Ryan cut him off with this really harsh “No,” and I just remember being really confused. I couldn’t imagine what they could be talking about.
“Anyway, Colin looked even more upset, but also kind of relieved. He said something about having to go and started to leave, but then Ryan grabbed him and, um....”
Wayne lifted the hand that had been tapping his thigh to rub at his temples, trying to recall more of the memory.
“I can’t really remember what happened next. They kept talking without finishing their sentences. Answering like they were reading each other’s minds. Ryan.... I think he was talking about it just being part of the game and Colin kept saying “I know” over and over and then....”
Here Wayne paused. His hand dropped back to his side. His eyes opened very slowly and he watched me intently.
“Then Ryan said ‘This doesn’t change anything because I already loved you.’
“And I remember Colin looked really happy and really, really scared. And then they were kissing. I mean really kissing... and it was...” a ghost of a smile flitted over Wayne’s lips, and he laughed, shaking his head, “it was... this is going to sound stupid, but it was beautiful because you could tell they’d never kissed like that before. I don’t know how I could tell, but I could, and it was just amazing to watch.”
Wayne stopped, and I had the distinct impression that the story was over. He still had that small smile on; his eyes were distant, lost in the memory. I wanted him to go on; I wanted every detail he had to offer, but at the same time he had told me more than I’d ever hoped to learn. For now it would have to be enough.
I turned away from Wayne to cross the floor and fall onto his love seat. I supposed that it all made a sort of sense. “So,” I said, drawing Wayne out of his reverie, “that was them giving in to it?”
It took a moment for him to regain the thread of conversation. Once he did, however, he chuckled, “Ah... no....” He licked his lips, throwing me a mischievous smile. Now that he’d told his story, he seemed far more relaxed. “It was,” he said slowly, “the first time they kissed, but I think-I know-there was something more... physical... going on before that.”
“I see...,” I said, but I didn’t really. I mean, I understood what Wayne was saying, but it didn’t make sense. “But wouldn’t that mean that it’s been more than two years? How long as this been going on?”
Wayne considered that for a moment as he traversed the room to settle on the arm of the couch and propped one leg on the seat beside him, leaning forward on his bent knee, facing me. “I guess it’s around seven. Maybe more.”
“And they’re still not ready to deal with it?”
“Well, it’s different now.” Wayne was watching me, all traces of humor gone. “They never meant to fall in love.”
Oh.
Suddenly I understood everything. Ryan and Colin had been friends-best friends-who had taken to helping each other out with certain problems when they were away from their wives. Considering how close they were, it most likely came very naturally with just a bit of initial awkwardness. Add feelings to the mix, however, and the situation would become far more complicated.
I nodded to myself. There had to be a whole Hell of a lot of guilt and confusion on both their parts. I wouldn’t want to talk about it either. Still, I had more questions, first and foremost being, “How do you know all this?”
Wayne shrugged. He wasn’t going to tell me. Instead he tilted his head to one side, still watching me, and asked, “Why are you so interested?”
“Um....” I could feel a slow burn creeping up my cheeks. I don’t think I would have been so embarrassed over the fact that they were making me curious if the object of my fantasies wasn’t the one asking.
Wayne saved me from answering. He brushed the question off with a wave of his hand. “I understand. They make me wonder, too.”
Oh, God, I don’t think I’ve ever heard better words spoken. I blinked at Wayne, but he wasn’t looking at me anymore. He couldn’t be saying what I thought he was saying, could he? Even if he was, there was no way he was talking about me... right?
I had to ask.
Just at that moment the door flung open and we both jerked our heads up to see Dan standing in the doorway looking more than a little perturbed.
“Please tell me you’ve been to wardrobe already.”
I wondered just how long that conversation had taken. It couldn’t have been that long, but I could see how Dan could be frustrated that his stars weren’t waiting patiently in the green room. We both nodded, and he seemed to relax, but only for a moment.
“Good. Where the Hell are Ryan and Colin?”
I frowned and turned to look at Wayne, who simply shrugged at me before we both turned back to Dan.
“They’re not in the green room?” Wayne asked.
“No,” Dan sighed. “Nor are they in their dressing rooms. God.” He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair in exasperation before jerking a hand out to point at us. “Go to the green room and stay there. Taping starts in twenty minutes.”
The moment the door slammed behind him, Wayne started to laugh. “Looks like everything is okay between them after all.”
I wasn’t so sure. Sure, Ryan and Colin could be off somewhere humping like bunnies, but it was just as plausible for them to have found somewhere private to fight. I had forgotten to feel guilty during Wayne’s story, but now it came back full force.
Without another word, Wayne lifted himself from the couch, crossing to the door, and only pausing when he realized I hadn’t moved.
“Chip?”
I nodded, picked myself up and walked toward him. His hand was on the door knob. I placed my hand over his; I found I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“Can we talk about this later?”
He didn’t reply at first. I could hear him breathing beside me, calm but shallow. The silk of his sleeve slid against my bare forearm.
“I’ve told you everything I know.”
We both ignored the fact that he was lying. After all, I think we both knew that I wasn’t alluding to Ryan and Colin. He was shooting me down.
“How about...,” Wayne continued calmly. I could feel the tension in his hand beneath mine. “I’ll think about it.”
I reflected as we made our way back to the green room that that had been one of the oddest conversations of my life. I never knew I could say so much without actually saying anything. I was filled with the strangest sense of anticipation. I couldn’t say if I was excited or scared of what would happen if we did get around to having that talk.
Ryan and Colin were in the green room when we arrived, looking for all the world like they’d always been there, calm and unhurried. They were seated on the couch, thighs barely touching, both holding sections of a newspaper; Ryan was reading the sports while Colin did the crossword.
They looked up when we entered. Our confusion at seeing them there must have shown on our faces because they almost immediately burst out laughing.
Wayne was the first to shake it off. He smiled at the guys and said, “You know Dan is looking for you.”
Colin just laughed harder and Ryan’s eyes twinkled mischievously.
“I hope he’s furious,” was all he said.
I found myself relaxing immensely, even joining in the laughter after a moment. It looked like everything was all right after all.
The taping passed in a blur with only key moments sticking out in my mind. I tried not to watch Ryan and Colin so much, mostly out of respect. It wasn’t that hard to do since my attention was elsewhere.
Wayne was stunning as usual. I thanked God and any other deity that may have been listening for my ability to sing. Wayne and I usually play off each other well in songs, and tonight was no exception. They were suddenly my favorite part of the show.
Greatest Hits in particular is a fabulous game. Not only do I get to play with Wayne, but the game itself is a thrill. I love having to come up with songs on the spur of the moment, and I think Ryan and Colin are at their best. They’re so natural, playing off each other, feeding off each other, that you can’t help but be captivated by them, wondering what they’ll come up with next.
As I said, however, this all passed me by without a second thought. So much is going on, so many thoughts and ideas running through my mind at any given moment that once it’s all said and done, it’s hard to focus on any specific incidents... most of the time.
One game, however, stayed with me for quite a while.
We were playing Party Quirks. Wayne was, of course, the first guest. I flung the “door” open, welcoming him in with a flourish. He smiled at me, leering almost, and mimed using a walker. All right, I thought, he’s an old man, but I knew there had to be more to it than that, so I just went along with it, pointing out the refreshments as I waited for the rest of his quirk to be revealed. I wasn’t long in waiting.
As he passed by me, Wayne lifted one hand from the walker to grab my ass. Nothing big, just a quick squeeze to one cheek before he continued on, giggling in that wheezy way he does when playing an older person.
I paused then, watching him with an amused grin, and the door bell rang again. Colin entered, but I couldn’t say what his quirk was, nor Ryan’s for that matter. I remember having a bit of difficulty guessing Colin even though his actual quirk eludes me. I was far too interested in watching Wayne.
It was obvious as time went on that he was playing a dirty old man. He moved about the stage continuing to touch the other players suggestively while making lewd comments. I waited until last to guess him. I think I wanted him to touch me again. He did, briefly slapping my ass and then giggling as he shuffled away once more. At that point I quickly guessed Ryan before beginning to work on Colin.
I wasn’t get him quite right, and looked to Drew for a hint. Drew, however, was a little distracted.
Wayne had ambled his way over to our host and was currently groping at his crotch while Drew attempted to fend him off. Just then Wayne abandoned his attempts, abandoned his walker to place two hands on either side of Drew’s face to pull him into a sloppy kiss.
I saw red.
It shouldn’t have affected me so. I’d seen Wayne kiss (or attempt to kiss) Drew a dozen times before, but when Wayne’s lips touched Drew’s and Drew stopped fighting, even going so far as to lean in a bit, I felt myself go cold followed immediately by a wash of burning anger. Things were different now. It had been far too strenuous to admit to myself that I just might feel something more than friendship for Wayne; I wasn’t about to let anyone else have him.
The moment that thought crossed my mind I was sickened nearly to the point of being physically ill. I was straight, damn it, and this was just a game. This is exactly why I hadn’t wanted to explore these feelings; the moment I allowed myself to wonder about another man I was finding myself far too attached to the idea, and I couldn’t let that happen.
Colin was chuckling beside me.
Without another thought, I shouted out another guess at his quirk. I knew I was right then because Colin gave a quick nod and began to head off stage. He stopped at the World’s Worst step, though, once he realized that Drew hadn’t buzzed.
No, he was still too busy.
I growled unconsciously low so that the microphone wouldn’t pick it up, and then cleared my throat loudly.
Drew finally pushed Wayne away, and I repeated my guess about Colin before following it up with Wayne. Both guesses were correct and the game ended there.
Ryan, Drew and Wayne joked about the game afterward, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was far too intent on trying to quell the mixture of anger and nausea that still threatened to overwhelm me. A hand lighted on my shoulder, and I looked up, startled, to see Colin watching me.
“You okay?” he mouthed.
I nodded quickly and forced myself to smile. I could tell he wasn’t really buying it, but he didn’t press the issue. We moved on to the next game, and soon I was back into the rhythm of things, Party Quirks pushed into the back of my mind for the moment.
Normally after a taping we would all spend a little time together, going out to a bar for a few drinks before heading back to the hotel. All things considered, I had no illusions that we’d be getting around to that tonight.
When the taping was finished and pickups done, we headed back to our dressing rooms in relative silence. Only Colin and Ryan were talking, but though the tone of their conversation was light, they were speaking too quietly for me to make out the words.
I changed into my street clothes in record time, leaving wardrobe to clean up after me as I tore off down the hall to talk to Wayne. The door to his dressing room was closed. I hesitated in knocking, my hand hovering inches from the cheap wood. More than anything I wanted to address our conversation from earlier, needed to see what could come of it. But I was scared. What if I had misread him somehow? I still had no idea if he had any interest in me; we were both married, after all. Even if he had started to find himself attracted to men it didn’t mean he was willing to risk his marriage to explore that.
Screw it, I thought, finally working up the will to knock. The worst that could happen was that he would shoot me down, and things would continue as normal. Best I find out sooner rather than later.
“Wayne’s not there.”
My hand paused mid-knock. I turned to see Ryan moving toward me. He had yet to change out of his stage clothes, and from the direction he was coming from, I deduced that he had been pulled into a meeting, probably some producer thing, before he had the chance.
I shrugged, going for nonchalance and feeling that I’d pulled it off successfully enough. “I’ll wait.”
“He’s in a meeting,” Ryan replied. He smiled then and averted his eyes. I felt as though he was laughing at me, that there was some joke I wasn’t getting. I didn’t see anything remotely funny about the situation, but it didn’t matter because then Ryan was talking again. “I think he’s going to be a while.”
“Nothing’s wrong, is it?”
“Oh, no,” Ryan said, still smiling. “I just don’t think you should wait for him... unless you had plans?”
“Not really...,” I trailed off, frowning. I wasn’t willing to discuss this with Ryan. “I take it we’re not going out tonight?”
“No,” Ryan shook his head. “Tonight’s not good for me.” He thought a moment and then said, “You could come with us tomorrow night, though.”
That made sense. There were three tapings that weekend, though tonight’s was the only one I would be partaking in. I was doing a couple more in the weeks that followed, however, so I’d be hanging around. I had wanted to talk to Wayne tonight, but I supposed I could wait twenty four hours if I had to.
“Sure.” I smiled, nodding my thanks. Then I paused, watching Ryan. He was being really nice to me, and I had been a bit of a bastard to him. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
He looked confused for only a moment and then shrugged as if to say that it was no big deal, but he looked away, refusing to meet my eyes.
“Really. It’s none of my business, and-“
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, still not looking at me.
Damn it. I was trying to fix things, but instead I was just making him uncomfortable. I wanted to say something encouraging, let him know that his thing with Colin, whatever it may be, didn’t bother me. He was my friend; I wanted him to know that, but I couldn’t think of anything to say that didn’t sound stupid or patronizing.
In the end I just reached out and gave his shoulder a quick squeeze, not saying anything. I was rewarded with the slightest of smiles.
I was feeling much better after that, but by the time I’d made it back to the hotel, I had begun thinking about Wayne again and decided that even if I wasn’t going out with the guys tonight, I needed a drink.
There was a bar in the hotel which was far too overpriced, but it would do. I stopped at my room briefly to drop off the things I had brought to the studio and check my messages. I thought that there might be some word from Wayne as absurd as that sounds. I doubt he even knew what room I was in. There wasn’t, of course, though there was a message from my wife. Nothing drastic; she just called to say the usual, that she missed me and wanted me to call her when I got in.
I didn’t.
The guilt I was suddenly feeling would be far too plain. I knew it would make me feel worse for not calling her, but I didn’t care just then. My need for a nice, stiff drink had just about tripled.
It was close to ten by the time I made it to the bar, and the place was hopping. People of every age and description, from scantily dressed girls I would have guessed wto be too young to be there to middle aged men in suits, were seated at every available table. Even the bar itself was full. I had just about resigned myself to breaking open the mini bar when I spotted an empty chair. I looked to see who might be occupying the table and felt my face split into a wide grin.
“Greg! Brad!”
The two men looked up from where they appeared to be going shot for shot against each other. I realized they must be the other fourth seaters planned for the weekend.
They both grinned when they saw me and began waving me over emphatically. I nodded and then motioned to the bar to indicate I wanted to get myself a drink first. I was ecstatic; I hadn’t been looking forward to drinking alone.
I ordered a simple rum and coke (heavy on the rum) but as I was about to turn back to the table a strong hand slapped me on the back. Brad shuffled up beside me, grinning wildly.
“Can we get another shot glass?” he called to the bartender, and then turned back to me as the glass was placed before him. “Come on! Greg and I are doing shots of tequila. That can be your chaser.” He nodded to the glass in my hand, grinning all the while.
I was so very glad I’d run into them just then. I saw neither Brad nor Greg very much considering that we were never on set at the same time, but from the little time I did spend with them, I regarded them both as good friends. Brad was always hyper, which tended to affect everyone around him. Greg, on the other hand, was more down to earth, but like Brad was also very smart and very lewd and very good company. I knew hanging out with the two of them would lift my spirits.
“I figured you guys would be out at the bar,” Brad was saying as we seated ourselves. He said “the bar” rather than “a bar” because we tended to frequent the same locale throughout the years, a seedy little place where very few people recognized us just a few blocks from the studio. It certainly wasn’t the most upstanding establishment. It tended to be a hang out for a bit of a rougher crowd, though they usually behaved themselves. It was shabby, but clean, and we loved it dearly.
I shrugged at Brad, all of this running through my head as I watched Greg sprinkle salt along the back of his hand, taking the first sip of my rum and coke. It left a pleasant burning sensation in the pit of my stomach; there was a lot of rum in it. “No one was really up for it tonight.”
Greg chuckled and lifted his shot glass in a mock toast. “Trouble in paradise?” he joked.
But the look on my face wiped the smile off his. He set down his glass without drinking, both eyebrows raised. “Something did happen then? I think we need details.”
“Oh, it was...” I shook my head, waving the question away, “ it was nothing.”
Brad and Greg exchanged a look, and I knew they weren’t buying it. Luckily they didn’t press the issue. Instead Greg reached for my shot glass, filling it and then pushing it toward me.
“I think the newcomer needs to take a shot.”
If I hadn’t been so desperate to forget just about everything that had happened that day, to hide behind the numbing wash of alcohol, I may have been suspicious of Greg’s motives. As it was, I accepted the glass greedily, lacing the side of my hand with salt and grabbing a lime from a dish on the table without thought.
The conversation turned lighter then, for at least a short while as we all made it our mission to get absolutely hammered, discussing things of little consequence while we focused on the tequila. By midnight, Brad and Greg (who by this time I had learned had only arrived maybe ten minutes before me) and I were all pleasantly smashed. Greg appeared most in control and was currently steering the conversation toward more personal topics.
The crowd in the bar had thinned considerably, most people either having had enough or moving on to find better entertainment. So it was that I heard Greg’s next question, however low he may have asked it, quite clearly.
“So...” he slurred the word slightly, toying with his empty shot glass, “what did happen at the studio today?”
I groaned into my glass. I had nearly forgotten why it was that I was drinking in the first place. Now that I was remembering, however, I was more than ready to rant about it, having lost all those pesky inhibitions somewhere around my sixth shot.
“It was Ryan and Colin and their stupid little fling that no one talks about.”
“Oh, that,” Brad chuckled.
I realized, somehow through the drunken haze, that I had never attempted to discuss this with either man sitting before me. I never really had the chance before, but taking their personalities into consideration, they had to be just as frustrated about it all as I was.
“They need to, like, come out on stage or something. I’m always telling Colin that,” Brad said.
“He actually talks about it to you?” I was a little stunned. I knew Colin and Brad got on well, but it didn’t seem the type of thing Colin would divulge.
“Oh, no,” Brad laughed. “He just doesn’t get mad at me when I bring it up like Ryan does, so I like to tease him about it.”
“You’ve got balls; I’ll admit that.” I raised my glass in salute and finished off my drink.
Greg did the same with his shot and then popped a lime into his mouth, sucking noisily. He went to refill his glass, and I noticed that the bottle of tequila was nearly empty. As soon as he replaced the bottle on the table, I had my hands around it, filling up my own glass.
“So how’d you guys find out?” I asked. I was searching for the salt, but in my inebriated state it took me a moment to realize Greg had it.
Brad was laughing again. He did that a lot, even more so when he was drunk. I found myself laughing along with him for no reason.
“I walked in on them with their hands in each others’ pants.” It looked like he was blushing, though that could have been the alcohol. “You?”
“I just saw them kissing,” I replied. Oddly enough, I think I might have been jealous of Brad. By no means was I a voyeur, but to see Ryan and Colin going at it had a certain appeal.
Brad nodded and we both turned to Greg expectantly. He was staring into his drink, a wry smile on his lips. He seemed to sense our gazes after moment because he suddenly said, “You want to know how I found out?”
Neither of us said a word. We could sense a story coming on, and it was obvious Greg would need no prodding to tell it. Apparently he did need courage, however, because before continuing he downed his shot-no salt, no lime.
He looked up then, first to Brad and then meeting my eyes. “I found out about Ryan and Colin when Ryan left me for him.”
The silence at our table was so absolute it was almost amusing. Almost.
When I finally found my voice, I managed a stuttering “What?” but it was drowned out by Brad’s much louder “Holy fuck. You’re shitting me, right?”
At Brad’s exclamation, Greg started to laugh. For the life of me I couldn’t see what was so funny and started to say as much, but Greg quieted us both down with a wave of his hand.
“Okay, it’s not actually as dramatic as all that.” He nodded to himself, staring down into his once again empty glass. “Well, you know Ryan and I met a long time ago. Back when Whose Line was still a baby. Both being Americans, we kind of gravitated to each other, and I... well, I....” It was strange to see Greg so hesitant. He toyed with his glass nervously, running one finger along the rim. “I developed a crush on him.” Greg paused here. I think he was expecting us to be disgusted, though I thought that rather absurd, especially considering our obvious acceptance of Ryan and Colin.
Brad and I looked to each other. Brad was smiling, both eyebrows raised as if to say “Now isn’t this interesting.” I smiled back before returning my attention to Greg.
“Go on,” I said gently. I wondered if I should mention my thing for Wayne in an effort to make this more comfortable, but it didn’t seem the right time.
Greg looked up at me then, so I continued to smile. “Don’t think you can tell us that and just stop,” I said, trying to make a joke out of it. It seemed to work. Greg gave me an answering smile, and he relaxed just the tiniest bit.
He gave another nod and continued, this time brave enough to meet my and Brad’s eyes as he spoke.
“I didn’t tell him how I felt, but I did manage to convince him to get sexual with me-as buddies. You know, jerking each other off and eventually a blow job here and there... and then Colin showed up.
“Now don’t get me wrong, I liked the guy immediately, but he was just so... clingy with Ryan, especially at first. It took him a while to get comfortable in England, and during that time, Ryan and I rarely spent any time alone. It was fucking frustrating.”
Greg chuckled, shaking his head. “Add to that the fact that you’d have to be blind, deaf, and pretty stupid to not see that Colin liked Ryan the way I did. I started to feel kind of bad because I had what he wanted, even if he didn’t have the guts to say it. Every time Ryan and I left him out of what we were doing he’d get this kicked puppy look. You know the one.”
I nodded, and I could see Brad doing the same out of the corner of my eye. Mind, Colin had gained quite a bit of confidence since the days Greg spoke of. I didn’t see Colin upset all that often, but I think everyone knew the look Greg was referring to.
“This went on for years,” Greg was continuing, “and Ryan and I spent less and less,” he smirked, “quality time together. I was disappointed, but not really upset. After all, I knew this was nothing more than a fling. Ryan was married. With kids. But then one day something was different. Ryan was keeping his distance, and I just knew that it was over. He told me as much after the taping. I expected some excuse about his wife, but he didn’t offer any explanation. He didn’t have to.
“Colin was down the hall from us when he told me, and Ryan kept looking to him. I’m not stupid.”
“That must have been awkward,” Brad put in.
Greg thought about that for a moment and then shrugged. “Actually it wasn’t,” he said. “I think they’re good together. I did even back then. I was happy for them.” He paused again, thinking, and then said, “Colin knows what went on between Ryan and me. I’m positive. We’ve never talked about it, though. I do like Colin. Hell, I love the guy; I think that neither of us have brought it up because we’re afraid of what it could do to our friendship.”
We all sat in silence for a few minutes after that, all lost in our own thoughts. The conversation had taken somewhat of a somber turn, and I’m not sure any of us knew where to take it from there. Suddenly Greg shook himself and looked right at me.
“So why are you really here?”
“What?”
He shrugged. “Colin and Ryan can be frustrating, but they’re certainly not enough to drive someone to drink.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but Greg raised one hand, silencing me.
“You came in here alone looking to get plastered. Don’t bother denying it. So what’s up?”
I considered protesting anyway, but there was no way Greg was going to let this go. Besides, I really did want to talk about it and given Greg’s confession it didn’t seem fair to lie to him.
I sighed and said, “Wayne.”
After the conversation we’d just had, it wasn’t necessary to explain just what about Wayne had me wanting to drown my sorrows.
Greg nodded, blowing a breath out through his teeth. He raked a hand through his hair and said, “That’s probably not a good idea.” I looked up sharply. “He’s already involved with someone.”
Brad gave a barking laugh, startling us both. “Like his wife?”
Greg didn’t respond, but from the look he was giving Brad, it was more than a little obvious that we were definitely not talking about his wife.
“Who?” I asked, hating the note of desperation in my voice.
Greg shook his head, not meeting my eyes. “It’s not really my place to say.”
Well fuck. I slumped in my chair. I was right when I guessed that Wayne wasn’t talking about me earlier. No wonder he was so hesitant.
Brad started laughing, condescending disbelief plain on his face. “Am I the only straight guy on this show?”
I started to argue that despite my current situation, I really did consider myself straight, but Greg cut me off with, “Now that is bullshit.”
Brad looked shocked for just a moment before anger took over. “Who the Hell are you to tell me what my sexuality is?”
It was rare to see Brad so emotional. I know it startled me, and it looked to have affected Greg as well. He leaned back a bit before raising both hands defensively.
“Look, I’m not saying you’re gay-“
“You’re going to tell me you’re straight then?”
Greg shook his head. “I’m not saying that either.”
“So what are you saying?”
“If you’d shut the fuck up for half a second, I’ll tell you.”
Brad looked more than a little affronted at this, but he kept his mouth closed.
“Now,” Greg said, looking to Brad though flicking his eyes briefly to me to let me know I was still part of this conversation, “It’s rare to be one hundred percent straight. Or one hundred percent gay for that matter,” he added as an afterthought. “Almost everyone has fantasies about members of the same sex-finds themselves attracted to another guy at one point. Doesn’t mean it’s very strong or that they ever do anything about it, but it’s there. After what Chip and I just told you, I think it’s really shitty of you to act like we’re the weird ones.”
Brad just stared at Greg; he seemed to have calmed considerably.
“So,” Greg said in a mockingly cheerful tone, “with all the sexual stuff we do on stage, you can’t tell me that it hasn’t once crossed your mind.”
“Well....”
“Who is it for you?”
“Who is it for me?” Brad echoed uncomprehendingly.
Greg sighed. “Don’t play dumb, Sherwood. If you could experiment with one guy on the show, who would it be?”
Brad didn’t answer right away. There was a tinge of pink in his cheeks, and this time I was certain it had nothing to do with the alcohol. Brad frowned, staring down at the polished walnut of the table before him and mumbled something.
“Pardon?” Greg asked. I leaned forward, wanting to hear this as well.
Brad flushed deeper and looked up sharply at Greg. “You. All right? Happy now?”
Happy isn’t the word I would use to describe Greg at that moment, though he did look rather smug. “Quite.”
With a frustrated groan, Brad pushed away from the table, nearly knocking his chair over in his desperation to get up-to get away from us. He grumbled something about having to go to bed and slapped a few bills on the table.
Greg and I watched him stalk off, only stumbling slightly as he was still quite drunk. Greg heaved another sigh as he watched Brad go. He reached for the bottle of tequila, pouring himself a drink and then emptying the rest into my glass.
“Should we go after him?”
Greg shrugged and downed his drink. “Maybe. Probably. I’ll talk to him.”
Despite the rather depressing way our little party had ended, I found myself smiling. “Talk?” I asked, barely suppressing a chuckle.
Greg just rolled his eyes, but a smile was curving the corners of his mouth. His eyes drifted to the empty doorway or the bar. I wished I could read his mind.
I finished my own drink quickly and reached for a lime. My stomach was starting to rebel against the copious amounts of the vile liquor. I ended up draining the juice out of one lime and then another before my queasiness subsided. I would definitely have a hangover in the morning.
We paid our tab, leaving a generous tip and then walked to the elevator together in silence. The Whose Line contestants were always put up on the same floor of the hotel, so I didn’t bother to ask Greg where his stop would be; I just pushed the button for nine and stepped back.
“So,” Greg said as we watched the little numbers light up at each subsequent floor, “Wayne, huh?”
I shrugged.
“You’d be better off just forgetting about him. He’s pretty much having an affair already.”
Something clicked. I stole a look at Greg out of the corner of my eye. “It’s Drew, isn’t it?”
He didn’t answer, but then, he didn’t have to.
We parted at the elevator after exchanging room numbers, Greg heading left while I went right. We’d both be in L.A. for some time, and for the moment at least, we’d be calling these rooms home.
I watched Greg move away from me after I’d reached my door. I wondered what the other guys were doing, thinking that they were all somewhere on this floor. I knew Colin was only a few doors down from myself, but aside from him and now Greg, I had neglected to get any information from the others.
Greg’s room was down the hall and around a corner, but I wasn’t surprised to see him stop after only a few feet and knock at a door. A moment later it opened and though I couldn’t make out the words, the lilt of Brad’s voice was unmistakable.
At that point I decided to give them a modicum of privacy and headed into my own room, desperate for a nice, long sleep.
To be continued
07/31/05