[FIC] Love and Sex 8/8
Title: Love and Sex
Author: Clay
Pairings: Mainly Chip/Wayne and Chip/Drew, but there’s also Wayne/Drew, Ryan/Colin, Greg/Brad, and a mention of Greg/Ryan. Yes, my little Whose Line soap opera. Chip’s POV
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 over all, but most chapters are just R
Summary: “They had been friends who had taken to helping each other out with certain problems when they were away from their wives. Add feelings to the mix, however, and the situation would become far more complicated.”
Author's notes: I want to thank everyone who stuck with this story over the past couple of months because, Hell, it IS a Drew/Chip story. ^_^ I'm surprised even I kept with it. Thanks.
When Drew said he would take me home he was actually referring to the hotel. I reflected on how quickly a place could become “home” as we drove back. Right now L.A. was where my friends were and the only place I wanted to be; home was quite a fitting description.
I had plenty of time to think about it since neither Drew nor I said one word the entire ride home. Even after we parked and found our way to the elevator, we still didn’t speak. I contemplated during the ride up to the ninth floor that maybe I should have just had sex with Drew the other night when he’d offered. Perhaps then it would have been out of his system by now and we could go on like normal. I would have been crushed, but at least we wouldn’t be standing here in awkward silence, our newly formed friendship laying shattered in a puddle in the park.
When we stepped out into the hallway we just stood facing each other for a few moments, neither knowing what to say.
Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. “Look, Drew-“
“Chip, I-“
We had both started at the same time. Drew chuckled and I smiled in return. Suddenly this was far less awkward.
“You go first,” I insisted.
Drew nodded. The smile fell from his lips. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I ruined things today. I really didn’t mean to, and... and I’m sorry.”
Maybe this friendship wasn’t as broken as I thought it was; if we were both willing to work at it, then there would still be a chance.
“Can we just forget the park ever happened?” I asked. “I still really want to be your friend. Let’s not let something stupid get in the way.”
Drew frowned, and for a moment I thought he was going to object, but then he smiled ever so slightly. “Sure,” he said.
Damn it. I was getting exactly what I wanted yet again, and it was killing me. I had to stop thinking this way, but every time Drew agreed to be “just friends,” I felt a more and more powerful twinge of disappointment. Common sense can really be a bitch.
“Great,” I said, trying very hard to sound like I meant it. I nodded for lack of anything better to do. “Good. I guess I’ll see you on Saturday then?”
“Right. Sure.”
It was my last Whose Line taping for the year. There would be more in October, but I wasn’t to be a guest at those. It hit me then that it would most likely be the last time I saw Drew until the following summer. The thought left me feeling very empty.
“Goodnight, Drew.”
He gave me one last lingering, thoughtful look, and then nodded and turned to go. I watched him retreat down the hallway feeling more miserable than I could ever remember in my life.
“What the Hell are you doing?”
It was eight o’clock Saturday morning and I was seated across from Colin in the hotel’s restaurant, a chuck of waffle poised inches from my mouth.
“Excuse me?”
Colin just gave me a long-suffering look and took a sip from his mug of coffee. He had come to collect me a half hour prior, asking to have breakfast with me. I had wondered at that as well as the lack of Ryan, but now things were falling into place.
Once he’d replaced the cup on its saucer, Colin leaned forward, elbows on the table as he searched my eyes. I could see concern and a certain amount of derision in his gaze.
“Ryan wants to kill you, you know.”
I heaved a sigh, a wry smile tilting my mouth as I lifted my glass of orange juice to my lips. “No, I didn’t know that,” I said once I’d swallowed. I was going for a sardonic sort of nonchalance, but the fear his words had provoked in me was undeniable. Getting Ryan mad at you was never a good idea.
“Well, he does,” Colin asserted. He was still watching me curiously. “I thought you liked Drew.”
Oh. Suddenly it all made sense. I could hear Ryan’s words from a week earlier echoing through my head as clearly as though he were at the table with us now.
”...only if you’re serious...”]
If Drew had spoken to Ryan since Tuesday about what had transpired between us, then it would certainly look like I was toying with him. Even if Ryan was a goof on stage, he had a protective streak a mile wide when it came to his friends. If I were him, I’d want to kill me, too.
“I do like Drew,” I told Colin. “I....” And now I could feel myself blushing. “I think I love him... but that’s exactly why I’ve been pushing him away!”
When I had started speaking, Colin had gotten a happy, almost dreamy look about him, but sobered up as I finished.
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Think of it this way,” I said. “If you liked Ryan, but all he wanted was a fling, would you act on it?”
Colin frowned, shaking his head. “Drew isn’t looking for a fling.”
“What else could he be looking for? He’s still hung up on Wayne.”
Colin sighed, exasperated. “If Drew was still ‘hung up’ on Wayne, then why did I have to listen to him go on and on about you to Ryan for two hours last night?”
To be honest I had no idea; I was still unwilling to look past my own assumptions. Instead I smiled and answered, “So you’re just upset that Drew was taking up time that you would rather have spent making love to Ryan?”
Colin’s eyes widened dramatically, and he sat up straight. For a moment I was sure that he was going to clam up; I could even see him just getting up and storming off, but instead he smiled, blushing embarrassingly.
“No,” he chuckled. “I just want to know why we’re going through the trouble of getting you two together if you’re just going to sabotage it.” Colin leaned forward again, gazing at me earnestly. “Why are you fighting this?”
“Well, Wayne-“
Colin gave a violent shake of the head. “Forget Wayne. Stop lying to me and tell me what’s really bothering you.”
That last statement left me feeling very indignant. I opened my mouth, ready to argue that Wayne really was the problem, to even go so far as to tell Colin that he could take his insinuations and shove em’, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. It was true that Drew’s feelings for Wayne caused me a decent amount of hesitation, but it was not the be all and end all. I would gladly have pushed Wayne from my mind and gone for Drew whole-heartedly if not for one thing.
“I’m not gay.”
Colin just stared at me, understanding dawning in his deep brown eyes. “I see,” he said after a moment. I expected him to say more, but instead he just picked up his fork and continued to eat. Silence descended over our little table, and I had no choice but to continue with my breakfast as well.
Not another word was spoken until the plates had been cleared away and our drinks were refreshed. Colin had begun to watch me again, both hands wrapped around his steaming mug.
“Do you think I’m gay?” he asked suddenly.
I wasn’t about to answer that. I had seen the aggravation deciding another’s sexuality could cause.
“Because I don’t,” Colin continued when it was obvious I wasn’t going to speak. “Ryan is the only man I’ve ever been attracted to.” He was silent a moment, staring down into his cup with an unreadable expression. “Maybe that does make me gay. Or bisexual. Whatever. All I know is that I love him, and even if the whole world found out and shunned me for it, it wouldn’t matter because I’d still have Ryan.” He looked up at me then, quite serious. “Love has nothing to do with gender. It’s about finding someone who completes you.”
“But what about sex?” I argued. “Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you want to see them naked.”
“Of course not,” Colin agreed, “but when you love some... when you’re in love with them, then the anatomy doesn’t matter. It’s attractive to you because it’s part of their body. You want to make love because you want to give them pleasure. You want to be with them in every way possible.”
It was the raw emotion in his voice that struck me speechless. I didn’t have to be a mind reader to know every word was spoken with Ryan in mind.
“Don’t let labels dictate how you live your life,” he was continuing. “I did, and now I only see Ryan a couple months out of the year. I wouldn’t give Luke up for anything in the world,” he hurried to add, “but if I knew at twenty what I know now....”
He let that sentence hang unfinished between us. For a few minutes we sat in silence. I had to digest everything he’d told me.
He was right. I was being stupid. It didn’t matter than Drew and I were both newly single or that until now a real relationship with another man was the last thing I had wanted. If Drew and I were meant to be then we would find a way to make it work.
There was only one problem.
“Today’s my last day here,” I said. “Tomorrow I’m moving into my new apartment.”
Rather than discourage Colin, my words seemed to please him. He grinned mischievously. “Everything is already taken care of. You just have to say the word.”
“What?” I asked, grinning in confusion. Colin didn’t reply. He just lifted his eyebrows in question, still smiling that mysterious smile.
“Well?” he prompted.
This was it. I had to make the decision that could very well change the rest of my life. It was no contest.
“Let’s do it.”
Soon after we were making our way to the studio, just Colin and I. I assumed Ryan knew what was going on and had found his own way. Try as I did, I couldn’t get Colin to divulge any of their plan. The only thing he told me was to go on as if everything was normal. And to follow my feelings.
When we arrived we were both hustled off to makeup and wardrobe. I didn’t see Colin again until shortly before the taping, and by then he had found Ryan and the two were caught up in deep conversation. There could have been an earthquake going on and it wouldn’t have fazed them.
Instead I found myself talking to Wayne. He was still riding so high on Mandie’s pregnancy that I didn’t have the heart to bring up the Drew situation. Drew himself came into the green room only moments before we were to go on stage. I briefly considered pulling him aside to tell him how I felt, no games, just the truth, but the timing didn’t feel right. Even if it had, I had no idea how I would go about it, and besides, Ryan had sprung to his feet at the sight of him, gathering up Drew and leading him away before I had the chance to think it over.
He did catch my eye, giving me a distant smile which I returned with warmth. After our latest discussion it would take something huge to convince him I wanted a relationship.
Just moments later we were all on stage and the games had begun. From Colin’s words in the car I assumed they were going to try something during the taping, but over an hour went by and things played on as usual.
Every once in a while I would steal a glance at Colin and Ryan out of the corner of my eye. Between each game they remained locked in discussion, huddled close, head bowed together, whispering frantically. Neither Drew nor Wayne seemed to pick up on it, though. I was starting to think it was all in my head when Scenes From a Hat was called.
We all jumped to our feet with our usual amount of enthusiasm. I took my place next to Wayne, across the stage from Ryan and Colin. If the rest of us were enthusiastic, then Colin was downright glowing. He stood there, bouncing on the balls of his feet, all nerves and giddiness.
His demeanor struck me as odd, and I felt a nudging in the back of my mind. There was something about this that seemed vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t wrap my brain around it long enough to remember. Then Drew was announcing the first suggestion, and we all looked to him expectantly.
“If Ryan Stiles ruled the world.”
All else left my mind as I focused on the game. Ryan came out and did something, but I paid it little mind, still trying to come up with something myself. Ryan went back among gales of laughter, and I stepped out.
I stood, staring up at something over my head. I gave a little frown and jumped up, reaching out one hand to try and grasp something above me. Finally I gave a sigh and looked over to Wayne. “Could you give me a hand up? The doorknob is too high.” It was a play on Ryan’s height that the audience ate up. I went back to my place, and Colin came out, made a joke about Ryan’s shoes, and then we moved on.
Drew sifted through the hat and pulled out the next slip of paper. “World’s worst documentary.”
Colin immediately jumped back out and pretty much repeated his last bit about Ryan’s shoes. After that we all came out and did something; it was an easy one, but nothing matched Colin’s in the audience’s mind. The next suggestion was “Things you never want to hear your mother say,” and that marked the end of the innocent suggestions.
It was another easy one where we all could have come up with at least half a dozen scenarios easily. I had gone out for two myself, and then watched on the sidelines, letting everyone else have a chance.
As I watched, I found my gaze once again drawn to Colin. He was still bouncing ever so slightly, but rather than from enthusiasm, it now looked like he was growing impatient. He was waiting for something. I was positive.
Then Drew called the next suggestion and something clicked.
“If Drew had been slower on the buzzer during the Ravenous Boa Constrictor incident.”
Drew’s eyes widened as he read the suggestion, a broad smile on his lips. His eyes shot up to Ryan and Colin eagerly.
I think every eye on the set was on them. Wayne and I didn’t even bother to think of anything for it; this was their territory. Ryan gave a shake of the head and his eyes, oddly enough, went out into the audience. He must have found what he was looking for because he gave a sardonic little grin before stepping down from the Party Quirks step, latching onto Colin’s sleeve as he did so.
I didn’t want to miss this, but my curiosity got the better of me. I quickly looked out in the audience myself, exactly where Ryan had looked. I can’t say I was surprised to meet Greg’s eyes. I remembered something then: a drunken vow made in the wee hours of the morning.
They didn’t.
Apparently they did if that exchange was any indication. As implausible as the idea of sabotaging the hat was, it certainly wasn’t impossible. If I had to guess, I’s have to say this was Greg’s suggestion. He had been there originally, but apparently it hadn’t been enough.
I suddenly felt intoxicated as I swung my gaze back to the action on stage. I couldn’t wait to see what else they had planned.
Ryan and Colin came to the center of the stage now. They looked lost for only a moment, wondering just where to begin. Then Colin looked to Ryan, smiling sweetly, and Ryan laughed. He could barely keep a straight face as he stuck his tongue out, waggling it seductively in a fair approximation of how he had done in that game of Let’s Make a Date years ago. Colin was giggling, too, but he nonetheless put on a convincing show of being very turned on. I doubt it was that hard.
The female portion of the audience was going wild. There couldn’t have been many at all who had been there for the original game, and to see it live now must have been a thrill.
Ryan was still doing the tongue thing, but the longer he did it, the harder it was for him to keep a straight face. Just when I thought he was going to break, Colin shot forward, placing both hands on either side of Ryan’s face, and kissed him. The force of it nearly knocked Ryan off his feet, but he pressed back against Colin, regaining his balance just in time. It was only a stage kiss, but it lasted longer than any I’d yet to witness. When they finally parted, the cheers were just about deafening. Drew hit the buzzer, but for a moment neither Colin nor Ryan moved. They just stood, grinning at each other. Drew pressed the buzzer twice more before they finally took the hint and left the stage. They played it off as part of the game, but I, for one, wasn’t buying it.
The laughter died down and we all looked to Drew. Now that I knew the game was rigged, I felt a shiver of apprehension work its way under my skin. What if this was part of what the guys had planned to get Drew and me together? Sure, I had decided to go through with it, but not in front of an audience.
I ended up sitting out the next suggestion (what really goes on backstage) sine I was too worried over what else might come up. Luckily I wasn’t needed. Wayne ended up going on stage, motioning for Colin to come with him. Not one to be outdone, Wayne pulled Colin into a kiss despite the other man’s reluctance. Suddenly Ryan bounded on stage and a “fight” ensued. After that Ryan came back out to do something that made fun of Drew and then we moved on.
By this time I was wondering if Drew had picked up on the fact that something was amiss. There were far too many sexual suggestions, and most of them revolved around us. Normally there would be at least one topical suggestion, and quite a few that didn’t result in a big enough laugh to get on air, but not today.
Drew called the next suggestion, however, and my concerns took a sudden, gut wrenching U-turn.
“Confessions you always wanted to make to the other Whose Line cast members.”
This was it. I met Colin’s eyes across the stage, my own wide with fear. He had finally stopped bouncing, only to grin innocently. That was what he had been waiting for. Fortunately Ryan had given him a little nudge, and they were descending the stage, giving me time to think. Unfortunately not one thought popped into my head. Instead I watched Ryan and Colin.
Their bit was simple but funny. Once on the stage proper Ryan had mimed pulling off his hair as he told Colin, “You’re right. It is a toupee.”
They were leaving the stage now, and I was still standing off to the side. I couldn’t do it. Not now. Not like this.
I felt a sharp jab at my ribs and looked up, startled, to find myself caught in Wayne’s intense stare. “Go ahead,” he whispered to me.
I shook my head. “I can’t.”
He frowned. No one was going out and Drew looked like he was going to move on. With an exasperated groan, Wayne lay both hands on my back and pushed-hard. I went stumbling onto the stage gracelessly. Once I had regained my footing, my gaze shot immediately to Drew. He looked incredibly perplexed. His hand hovered over the hat, a yellow slip of paper between his fingers as he looked from me to Wayne and back again. Finally he let the paper fall and looked to me expectantly.
When I had first staggered onto the stage, it had been accompanied by a good amount of laughter, but silence was quickly descending as I merely stood staring at Drew. The fact that I had been forced out there had not gone unnoticed, and now everyone wanted to know why.
Had I not been so nervous, I’m sure I could have come up with something no problem, but as it was, all I could do was stare at Drew, the words I didn’t want to say to him playing through my mind like a mantra.
I heaved a very deep sigh and closed my eyes, trying to regain at least a little composure. “Drew,” I said as I slowly opened my eyes. I took two long strides forward, bringing me to the edge of his desk. Drew had the strangest expression on his face, as if trying to prepare himself for a joke at his expense, but at the same time knowing that whatever I was about to say was deadly serious.
I placed both hands on the desk and leaned forward, not because I wanted to whisper or hide my words from the audience, but because he had to know that this was no game.
“I’m in love with you.”
And before he had a chance to consider that, before I’d even let myself think, I leaned down and kissed him.
It was soft, chaste, but it was no stage kiss. Ever if there was no tongue, just lips pressed against lips, it was so real that not even a casual observer could have mistaken it for just a joke. I pulled back after only a few seconds to watch Drew curiously. His eyes fluttered open. He was staring at me, blinking slowly, and then he lifted his hand-
-and pushed the buzzer.
I had no choice but to return to my place next to Wayne. That was it. We’d always joked about being “buzzed out” before, but now that it had actually happened, no one on was laughing. That one simple gesture had me feeling more like I wanted to cry. Wayne placed a hand on my back to let me know he was there, but I shrugged him off. I didn’t want pity.
I could hear the murmur of the crowd as Drew tried to continue the game. There had been a smattering of laughter, but for the most part they just seemed confused, almost indignant. I looked across the stage to Ryan and Colin. They were both frowning at Drew. Ryan in particular looked like he wanted to march right over to the desk and have a few words with him, but he didn’t. We were professionals, after all, so when the next suggestion was called we all wiped our faces clean of any negative emotion and continued with the game.
I couldn’t meet Drew’s eyes for the rest of the taping, but at the same time I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. I knew that in time things would go back to normal despite this rejection. It would be uncomfortable for a while, but we had yet to go past the point of no return. We would be okay... but it still hurt. I daresay I deserved it what with all I’d put him through.
The mood lightened considerably as we went from game to game. I watched as Drew giggled over Ryan’s antics and as he struggled to come up with a decent hoedown.
Part of me wished I had just kept my mouth shut, but a larger part of me was glad I had gone through with it. Even if it didn’t work out the way I’d hoped, I’d faced up to my fears. I wasn’t running from them any more. I had more or less come out in front of hundreds of strangers, quite possibly thousands more if that little scene ever made it to air. Time continued to tick by, and the world kept turning, and I would be okay.
So it was that I wasn’t nearly as miserable as I’d expected to be by the time the taping was over. Ryan and Colin ran off to talk to Greg the second the cameras were off, leaving Wayne and I to head back to the dressing rooms by ourselves.
Wayne was shooting me sidelong glances as we made our way down the hall. Just when I couldn’t take it anymore he asked, “Hey, are you okay?”
It took me a moment to answer that, and when I did, I was smiling, bright and genuine. “Yeah. I am.”
“You know, I wouldn’t give up on him yet if I were you.”
I shrugged, but didn’t reply. Even if I accepted my fate, it was all still too fresh in my mind to keep up a happy demeanor for long.
Wayne slung one arm around my shoulders and gave me a brief, sideways hug. “Really. Don’t give up. It took me forever to get him to come around, and I think he cares more about you than he ever did about me.”
“I don’t know.”
“So depressing,” Wayne said with a smile. He gave me one last squeeze and then drew away, moving off to his own dressing room as we had just arrived at mine. He unlocked his door, a few down from my own, and then turned to me again. “Are you going out with us tonight?”
“I don’t think so. I have packing to do.”
Wayne nodded, but I doubt he believed the excuse.
“Well, don’t run off right after you’ve changed,” Wayne said. “I want to talk to you.”
I knew that he would just make another attempt at comforting me or possibly even try to get me and go out with the guys anyway, neither of which I wanted to deal with, but I decided I’d stay anyway. There were things I wanted to tell him, too. I needed to thank him for the past couple of weeks. Even if they had been rough at times, they were still two of the best, not to mention eye opening, weeks of my life.
But once I’d changed and gathered up my belongings, Wayne was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t in his dressing room, so I went off to see if either Ryan or Colin knew his whereabouts... but they seemed to have disappeared as well.
It took me almost ten minutes, scrounging about the studio, and I was just about to give up when I ran across them. Ryan, Colin, Wayne and Greg formed a little group half way down a hallway in the depths of the studio. They were all talking animatedly and looked to be having quite a good time just standing there. I felt bad about breaking up the party, but I really did want to talk to Wayne.
“Hey,” I called, raising my hand in greeting once I’d gotten their attention.
They looked startled at first, but then identical wolfish grins adorned each other their faces one by one. I had begun to walk toward them but stopped, wary of the picture they made.
“We were just going to come get you,” Wayne said as he advanced toward me.
Something strange was going on here, but I couldn’t tell exactly what. Wayne finally got to me and wrapped one hand around my forearm. “Why don’t you join us?”
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you alone,” I protested, though I gave very little resistance as he steered me further down the hall toward the group.
I could hear a pounding. I thought it was all in my head, but the closer we got to the others, the louder it grew. No one else seemed to hear it, or perhaps they were just ignoring it. Either way, the oddness of the situation was starting to get to me. I paused, still half a dozen feet from where the other three stood. At my hesitation, Colin stepped forward to take my other arm. Something was definitely wrong, but I felt no fear. These guys were my friends; they wouldn’t hurt me, right?
With just the slightest amount of force, Colin and Wayne had me moving forward again. I looked curiously to Ryan and Greg, and that’s when I noticed it.
Ryan was standing in the dead center of the hall, arms crossed, still wearing that disturbing smile. Greg, however, was leaning against the wall-no, wait, not the wall-against a door that I hadn’t seen before. The pounding was louder than ever and... was someone yelling?
“Guys...” I said slowly, careful to keep a smile on my face. “Where’s Drew?”
“Oh, he’s around,” Greg replied. “Why? Did you want to talk to him?”
I shook my head vigorously, but the gesture went utterly and completely ignored. The others were talking amongst themselves now as though I weren’t even there. I could vaguely make out the words, but my entire being was focused on that plain grey door, and the little plaque beside it that read “Janitor’s Closet,” so I had no idea who was speaking.
“Do you think he wants to talk to Drew?”
“I think so, don’t you?”
“Oh, yeah. Colin?”
“Definitely. We should let him talk to Drew.”
“Why don’t we let him talk to Drew, then. Greg?”
“My pleasure.”
And before I even knew what was happening, Greg had stepped away from the door. He flung it open, and Colin and Wayne shoved me inside. I caught a fleeting glimpse of Drew’s wide, startled eyes before the door slammed shut behind me and everything went black.
In the back of my mind I registered the sound of a key turning in a lock and a bolt sliding home, but I was far more interested in the warm body I had collided with, the one that was currently pressed against me in the very confined space. For just a moment everything was still. I had put my hands up instinctively to break my fall, and now they were resting on Drew’s chest. I could feel the rapid beating of his heart beneath my palms.
And then Drew started yelling.
He shoved me to one side and resumed his attack on the door. “Greg! Ryan! Let us the Hell out of here! Now!”
I could hear the others talking, their voices muffled.
“Hey, Greg, do you hear something?” That was Ryan.
“No, I don’t believe I do.”
“It’s probably just rats,” Colin put in.
Suddenly Wayne piped up. “Hey, who wants to go out for a drink?”
There was a chorus of enthusiastic agreement and then the slowly fading sound of footsteps as they retreated down the hall. Drew continued to pound on the door, the deep thumping resonating throughout the closet each time his fist made contact with the thick wood.
I wasn’t any happier about this than he was, but I could see it wouldn’t get us anywhere. More likely it would result in Drew hurting himself and prolonging our captivity.
“Drew,” I said, laying one hand on his shoulder, and then louder when he showed no sign that he had heard me. “Drew! Stop it! They’re gone.”
He continued to hit the door for a few moments and then suddenly stopped. His shoulders slumped beneath my hand as he let out an audible breath.
“Shit.”
My eyes were adjusting to the darkness, but as the only source of light was the thin band beneath the door, I could still only make out the vaguest outline of my surroundings. Shelves stood just behind me filled with light bulbs and Windex. Drew was leaning against the door now, his head pillowed on one upraised arm.
“Drew?” I said very quietly. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” He turned to me slightly, but I couldn’t make out his expression. I doubt he could see much of me either. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about. It was those jackasses that locked us in here.”
“Yeah, but...” Here I hesitated, unsure of how much I wanted to confess. After a moment I decided that I might as well go for it, spill it all; I didn’t have anything left to lose. “They were doing it for me.”
Drew laughed in disbelief. “You asked to be locked in a closet?”
“Well, no, but... damn it... Drew... I meant what I said on stage today.”
Drew was quiet for a very long time. He was still half turned toward me, not moving. In the silence that followed, I could hear my own harsh breathing. It was disturbing.
I just wished he would say something, anything. I could deal with rejection; Hell, I was expecting it. I no longer cared. I just wanted all the God damned games to end. I was sick and fucking tired of the confusion and the guilt. One way or the other this needed to end now.
“Drew? Are you listening to me?” He still said nothing, just remained as he was, frozen. “Drew! God damn it, Drew, I’m in love with you!”
Without thinking I had reached for him, gripping his shoulders and spinning him toward me. My heart was pounding in my ears, blocking out all else.
Up close I could finally make out Drew’s face. His lips were drawn in a tight, thin line; the whites of his wide eyes gleamed as he trembled beneath my hands. Startled, I let go of him. I had expected indifference or sorrow, but certainly not this. The pounding in my ears abated ever so slightly, and I could just make out the shallow pants issuing from Drew’s parted lips. He was either very scared or very, very angry.
“Drew?” I said for the millionth time, quiet now, questioning.
“Stop it.” It came out low, gravely, as if from the mouth of a stranger.
“What-“ I started, but Drew cut me off immediately. He practically screamed, “Stop it!” I stepped back, instinctively wanting to protect myself, to get away, and I ended up bumping into the shelf, sending light bulbs in all directions. They shattered against the walls and at my feet, tinkling in eerily melodic waves.
None of this registered until much, much later, however. I was too focused on Drew, on his lips pulled back into an ugly snarl, his fists clenched at his sides.
“Stop it,” he said one last time. Now his voice was cold, deadly. I suppressed a shiver, overtaken by the loathing and the promise of pain the words delivered. “Just shut up, Chip. I don’t want to hear it.”
“I....” What the Hell do you say to that? Apparently nothing if the way Drew’s eyes narrowed at that one word was any indication, but I wasn’t about to let that stop me. “It’s true,” I told him. “I love you.”
And now Drew was laughing, bitter and beautiful. “Why are you doing this?”
There was something going on that I was completely unaware of. “What am I doing?”
“Don’t fuck with me,” Drew snarled. “You know how I feel, so why are you playing with me like this.”
What? This wasn’t making any sense. “I’m not playing, Drew. It’s true. I swear.”
“That’s bullshit!” Drew yelled. “All week you’ve been pushing me away and now you suddenly love me? I don’t buy it, so just stop.” His voice had grown steadily quieter as he spoke, so that it was now just above a whisper. “Please. Just leave me alone.”
Oh. Oh, God. I knew my actions had been confusing, but I’d also assumed that today’s confessions had cleared things up. It’d only made it worse. But hadn’t he been playing with me, too? I know Colin had argued otherwise, but there was still Wayne... wasn’t there? I may have been using him for an excuse not face up to my own fears, but that didn’t mean Drew wasn’t still rebounding.
The only way to fix this was to tell the truth. All of it.
“Yeah, I was fucking with you,” I told Drew.
The sorrowful look he had obtained snapped away as quickly as it had come. He was glaring at me with sheer hatred.
“I was teasing you, kissing you, wanting you, and then pushing you away.”
Drew opened his mouth, and I could imagine the tirade of curses he would bestow upon me, but before he could utter a word, I placed two fingers over his mouth, silencing him.
“And I’m sorry.”
He still looked very angry, so I continued.
“I wasn’t thinking about how I was making you feel because I was too scared to admit what I felt. I’m in love with you, and I’m having a hard time accepting that. And, of course, there’s Wayne.”
I was silent a moment, collecting my thoughts, trying to figure out a way to make Drew understand, make him believe me, but I never got the chance.
Drew’s hand flew up, knocking mine from where it still rested against his mouth.
“You idiot,” he snarled, taking one step forward so that we were toe to toe. He got right in my face, so close, in fact, that our noses actually bumped. “There is no Wayne. That’s over.”
“But you-“
“But nothing. I tried to explain this before, but you wouldn’t let me. Well, you’re not getting out of it now.” Drew took a deep breath. His eyes were still wide, hard but more intense than angry. “Do you remember that conversation you overheard in the bathroom? I said that Wayne was angry because he thought I wanted you, and I also said that it was all a misunderstanding.” He paused, searching my eyes. “Well I lied.”
Drew was breathing very heavily now and looked down, no longer able to meet my eyes. I could taste his breath, delightfully minty from far too many Altoids.
“When I came into Mackenzie’s room the night of the party,” he continued, “I wasn’t looking for Wayne. I was looking for you. I love Wayne, but even before we got together, when Wayne was still pushing me to just forget everything else and see what it would be like, there was someone else on my mind. I don’t want to say that I used him, because that’s not it at all. If things had been different, I would have spent the rest of my life with him. But they’re not. He helped me to figure a lot of things out, though, and gave me the desire to go for what I really want.”
Drew looked at me then, so beautiful and earnest in the half light. His gaze was open, but demanding. “So now you know,” he said in a harsh whisper. “There’s no Wayne. There’s nothing in your way. What are you going to do?”
And I couldn’t take it anymore. Even as the question was leaving his lips, I was closing the distance between us, gathering him in my arms. He was pliant, willing beneath my palms, leaning into me as our lips touched.
By now we had already kissed a half a dozen times, but it was as though it was the first time. I could kiss him without reservations, without thoughts of Wayne looming over us or the fear I had been so irrationally clinging to. It was the first time I wasn’t going to push him away.
I think he realized this the same time I did because as soon as the thought crossed my mind, Drew purred deep in his throat. He used his weight to press me back, turning us so that I bumped into the cold concrete that was the wall of the closet. The difference between the near freezing rock at my back and the searing heat of Drew on my front was incredibly erotic. His hands had been cradling my neck, but now they moved, slithering down my sides to tug at the hem of my t-shirt. Soon his cool, soft fingers were tickling my stomach.
I moaned in response, breaking out of the kiss to whisper, “I love you.”
“I love you,” he returned, smiling against my lips. “I have for a long time.”
And then we were kissing again and I couldn’t believe there was ever a time I didn’t know I wanted him. We were all hands and thoughtless passion, each exploring every inch of the other’s body as though we’d never again have the chance.
For some reason an image of Drew high up in the maple tree that first day in the park flashed through my mind. I could see him clearly, eyes alight, barefoot and wistful as he looked out over the surrounding fields. I think that was the exact moment I had fallen in love with him; I just didn’t know it then.
I stopped my exploration of his body to wrap Drew in a tight hug, kissing him with a renewed vigor.
Light suddenly filled the tiny room, blinding us after the near blackness. Drew pulled back and we both turned toward the door, blinking owlishly as we waited for our sight to adjust.
Ryan, Colin, Greg and Wayne were all crowded into the doorway grinning like fools. I had the presence of mind to blush when I realized that Drew and I were still tightly wrapped around each other.
“I was going to ask if you two wanted to come out,” Ryan said, “but if you’re busy...”
I could see Drew smirking out of the corner of my eye. He squeezed me affectionately and laughed. “Asshole.”
Five Months Later
Winter in Vancouver was a frigid, horrid affair. It was maybe a thirty second walk from our rental car parked in the driveway to the front door, but even bundled in the thick, bright red coat I’d borrowed for the trip, I was still shivering when we reached the stoop.
“Ring the bell,” Drew said, setting down his suitcase and adjusting his hold on the cardboard box he carried under one arm. It was filled with bottles of beer we had picked up at a liquor store between here and the airport. I had scoffed at the plebeian gesture, but Drew had merely shrugged off my complaint with a simple, “At least it’s not fruitcake.” Still, I had at least convinced him we needed a bottle of champagne to go along with it; after all, the occasion called for nothing less.
“You ring it,” I shot back, burying my hands deeper in my pockets to accentuate my argument. “If I take my hands out I’m going to get frost bite.”
Drew laughed and shook his head, but reached around me to press the doorbell anyway. “You southerners can’t take the cold,” he chuckled.
“And you northerners are too dumb to live where it’s warm,” I replied with a smirk.
We stared at each other for a minute, both grinning challengingly.
Drew was the first to break the silence. “Did you need me to warm you up?” he asked. He lifted one gloved hand to trail up the length of my coat, stopping to play with the zipper at my throat.
“Open that before we get inside and I’ll kill you.” But the threat was weakened considerably by the obvious desire in my voice.
“Did you two want to come in or were you just going to have sex in the snow?”
Drew and I turned in unison to see Colin standing in the open doorway. He had his arms crossed over his chest, which was covered in a thick, light blue sweater that looked very comfortable, but more importantly, very warm.
“Let me in,” I nearly begged.
Colin moved out of the way just in time; I barreled past him, practically running to get into the luxurious warmth of the entry way.
In no time Colin had taken our coats and luggage, thanking us for the alcohol and assuring us that he would take care of it. Then he pointed us in the direction of the living room and the rest of the party.
We were two of the last to arrive, if not the last. I spotted Brad, Greg and Jeff conversing by the fireplace. Ryan was busy talking to some of his and Colin’s friends from Second City. As soon as he noticed us, Ryan waved Drew over. I watched Drew cross the room with a smile on my lips.
It was four days after Christmas, and we all had converged for a combination housewarming/New Years party. There were only maybe a dozen of us now, but that number would double at least on the 31st. For now, it was just a very small group of close friends celebrating the beginning of Colin and Ryan’s lives together.
Ryan had once told me that he was thinking about leaving his wife for Colin, but I don’t think he ever planned on going through with it. Not, that is, until she happened to come to the studio unannounced maybe two months ago, only to discover her husband naked and sweaty over top his best friend before a taping. The infidelity made the divorce and still waging custody battle a living nightmare, but now was not the time to dwell on that.
Ryan and Colin had just barely finished moving into their new home and were eager to forget about real life for a while and just enjoy the company of their friends.
“Hey, stranger.” A hand on my shoulder pulled me from my reverie. I looked up into Wayne’s dark, smiling eyes. Just over his shoulder I could see Mandie perched on the arm of the couch talking with Colin. At six months pregnant she was just barely showing, and she looked absolutely radiant.
“Hey yourself,” I greeted Wayne, pulling him into a half hug. It was quick, but heartfelt. “How are you?”
“I’m great,” he replied. He seemed to be glowing just as much as his wife. I couldn’t wait to see how thrilled he was once the baby was actually born.
“How about you?” It was a simple question, but absolutely layered with meaning. He threw a look past me to where Drew and Ryan were still talking.
I followed his gaze, my smile widening. I couldn’t even remember frowning in the past five months. “Good,” I said. I was still watching Drew. Even now I was still enamored with everything about him from the way his eyes lit up when he smiled to the way every movement was succinct, meaningful. I turned back to Wayne. “Really, really good.”
“I’m glad.” I could hear the sincerity in his voice, see it in his eyes. Suddenly he stepped back, arms swinging wide. “Isn’t this great?” he called, loud enough to get everyone’s attention. He looked around, catching Colin and Ryan’s eyes in particular. “Isn’t this just how things should be?”
There was a general murmur of agreement from the group at large. I looked around to see every last person grinning from ear to ear. Colin and Ryan were gazing at each other across the room, looking so happy that it was infectious.
“Now that everyone’s here, we should really get the party started,” Greg shouted, standing. “Everyone grab some booze and let’s get plastered!”
There was an answering laugh at his words, but it really did sound like a good idea. Colin, ever the gracious host, soon had every last guest (save Mandie) with a bottle of beer or a glass of wine in hand. Light jazz spilled forth from the speakers just loud enough to add to the ambiance without obstructing conversation.
I caught up to Drew in the kitchen as he was cracking open a beer.
“This is perfect, isn’t it?”
I didn’t specify exactly what I was talking about, but I found I rarely had to when it came to Drew.
“It is,” he agreed. In unison, we turned to look at Ryan and Colin through the wide doorway. They were standing off to the side of the party, leaning against one wall, deep in conversation, twin smiles on their lips. Just the sight of them left me feeling insanely giddy.
I lifted a hand out to Drew, and he took it without hesitation, entwining our fingers. I gave the slightest tug and he came to me, pressing his lips to mine in a chaste kiss. He tastes like beer and Altoids, a taste I had come to associate with him, and I loved it.
We smiled at each other for just a moment, and then he nodded toward the living room.
“Come on.”
Hand in hand we went out to join our friends.
“A toast!” Drew cried, raising his bottle of beer. Conversation paused as one by one, each person mimicked him. I held my own glass aloft, watching Ryan and Colin.
Ryan had wrapped one arm around Colin’s waist, and they stood there, holding their drinks high as they waited for Drew to continue. Everything about this was inspirational, from the ease of that one gesture to the fact that they could express such affection in front of their friends without fear of scorn or ridicule. I thought back to only six months ago and was amazed at all that had come to pass.
“To love,” Drew said. Sure, it was sappy, but not one person was laughing. We all knew what it had taken for Ryan and Colin to come this far.
“To love,” we all echoed. We drank deeply, cheering when Ryan and Colin shared a kiss in its wake.
I met Drew’s eyes over the rim of my wine glass. Here, surrounded by my dearest friends, warm and safe while snow drifted down from the heavens outside I knew that I was exactly where I belonged.
End
10/02/05
Author: Clay
Pairings: Mainly Chip/Wayne and Chip/Drew, but there’s also Wayne/Drew, Ryan/Colin, Greg/Brad, and a mention of Greg/Ryan. Yes, my little Whose Line soap opera. Chip’s POV
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 over all, but most chapters are just R
Summary: “They had been friends who had taken to helping each other out with certain problems when they were away from their wives. Add feelings to the mix, however, and the situation would become far more complicated.”
Author's notes: I want to thank everyone who stuck with this story over the past couple of months because, Hell, it IS a Drew/Chip story. ^_^ I'm surprised even I kept with it. Thanks.
When Drew said he would take me home he was actually referring to the hotel. I reflected on how quickly a place could become “home” as we drove back. Right now L.A. was where my friends were and the only place I wanted to be; home was quite a fitting description.
I had plenty of time to think about it since neither Drew nor I said one word the entire ride home. Even after we parked and found our way to the elevator, we still didn’t speak. I contemplated during the ride up to the ninth floor that maybe I should have just had sex with Drew the other night when he’d offered. Perhaps then it would have been out of his system by now and we could go on like normal. I would have been crushed, but at least we wouldn’t be standing here in awkward silence, our newly formed friendship laying shattered in a puddle in the park.
When we stepped out into the hallway we just stood facing each other for a few moments, neither knowing what to say.
Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. “Look, Drew-“
“Chip, I-“
We had both started at the same time. Drew chuckled and I smiled in return. Suddenly this was far less awkward.
“You go first,” I insisted.
Drew nodded. The smile fell from his lips. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I ruined things today. I really didn’t mean to, and... and I’m sorry.”
Maybe this friendship wasn’t as broken as I thought it was; if we were both willing to work at it, then there would still be a chance.
“Can we just forget the park ever happened?” I asked. “I still really want to be your friend. Let’s not let something stupid get in the way.”
Drew frowned, and for a moment I thought he was going to object, but then he smiled ever so slightly. “Sure,” he said.
Damn it. I was getting exactly what I wanted yet again, and it was killing me. I had to stop thinking this way, but every time Drew agreed to be “just friends,” I felt a more and more powerful twinge of disappointment. Common sense can really be a bitch.
“Great,” I said, trying very hard to sound like I meant it. I nodded for lack of anything better to do. “Good. I guess I’ll see you on Saturday then?”
“Right. Sure.”
It was my last Whose Line taping for the year. There would be more in October, but I wasn’t to be a guest at those. It hit me then that it would most likely be the last time I saw Drew until the following summer. The thought left me feeling very empty.
“Goodnight, Drew.”
He gave me one last lingering, thoughtful look, and then nodded and turned to go. I watched him retreat down the hallway feeling more miserable than I could ever remember in my life.
“What the Hell are you doing?”
It was eight o’clock Saturday morning and I was seated across from Colin in the hotel’s restaurant, a chuck of waffle poised inches from my mouth.
“Excuse me?”
Colin just gave me a long-suffering look and took a sip from his mug of coffee. He had come to collect me a half hour prior, asking to have breakfast with me. I had wondered at that as well as the lack of Ryan, but now things were falling into place.
Once he’d replaced the cup on its saucer, Colin leaned forward, elbows on the table as he searched my eyes. I could see concern and a certain amount of derision in his gaze.
“Ryan wants to kill you, you know.”
I heaved a sigh, a wry smile tilting my mouth as I lifted my glass of orange juice to my lips. “No, I didn’t know that,” I said once I’d swallowed. I was going for a sardonic sort of nonchalance, but the fear his words had provoked in me was undeniable. Getting Ryan mad at you was never a good idea.
“Well, he does,” Colin asserted. He was still watching me curiously. “I thought you liked Drew.”
Oh. Suddenly it all made sense. I could hear Ryan’s words from a week earlier echoing through my head as clearly as though he were at the table with us now.
”...only if you’re serious...”]
If Drew had spoken to Ryan since Tuesday about what had transpired between us, then it would certainly look like I was toying with him. Even if Ryan was a goof on stage, he had a protective streak a mile wide when it came to his friends. If I were him, I’d want to kill me, too.
“I do like Drew,” I told Colin. “I....” And now I could feel myself blushing. “I think I love him... but that’s exactly why I’ve been pushing him away!”
When I had started speaking, Colin had gotten a happy, almost dreamy look about him, but sobered up as I finished.
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Think of it this way,” I said. “If you liked Ryan, but all he wanted was a fling, would you act on it?”
Colin frowned, shaking his head. “Drew isn’t looking for a fling.”
“What else could he be looking for? He’s still hung up on Wayne.”
Colin sighed, exasperated. “If Drew was still ‘hung up’ on Wayne, then why did I have to listen to him go on and on about you to Ryan for two hours last night?”
To be honest I had no idea; I was still unwilling to look past my own assumptions. Instead I smiled and answered, “So you’re just upset that Drew was taking up time that you would rather have spent making love to Ryan?”
Colin’s eyes widened dramatically, and he sat up straight. For a moment I was sure that he was going to clam up; I could even see him just getting up and storming off, but instead he smiled, blushing embarrassingly.
“No,” he chuckled. “I just want to know why we’re going through the trouble of getting you two together if you’re just going to sabotage it.” Colin leaned forward again, gazing at me earnestly. “Why are you fighting this?”
“Well, Wayne-“
Colin gave a violent shake of the head. “Forget Wayne. Stop lying to me and tell me what’s really bothering you.”
That last statement left me feeling very indignant. I opened my mouth, ready to argue that Wayne really was the problem, to even go so far as to tell Colin that he could take his insinuations and shove em’, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. It was true that Drew’s feelings for Wayne caused me a decent amount of hesitation, but it was not the be all and end all. I would gladly have pushed Wayne from my mind and gone for Drew whole-heartedly if not for one thing.
“I’m not gay.”
Colin just stared at me, understanding dawning in his deep brown eyes. “I see,” he said after a moment. I expected him to say more, but instead he just picked up his fork and continued to eat. Silence descended over our little table, and I had no choice but to continue with my breakfast as well.
Not another word was spoken until the plates had been cleared away and our drinks were refreshed. Colin had begun to watch me again, both hands wrapped around his steaming mug.
“Do you think I’m gay?” he asked suddenly.
I wasn’t about to answer that. I had seen the aggravation deciding another’s sexuality could cause.
“Because I don’t,” Colin continued when it was obvious I wasn’t going to speak. “Ryan is the only man I’ve ever been attracted to.” He was silent a moment, staring down into his cup with an unreadable expression. “Maybe that does make me gay. Or bisexual. Whatever. All I know is that I love him, and even if the whole world found out and shunned me for it, it wouldn’t matter because I’d still have Ryan.” He looked up at me then, quite serious. “Love has nothing to do with gender. It’s about finding someone who completes you.”
“But what about sex?” I argued. “Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you want to see them naked.”
“Of course not,” Colin agreed, “but when you love some... when you’re in love with them, then the anatomy doesn’t matter. It’s attractive to you because it’s part of their body. You want to make love because you want to give them pleasure. You want to be with them in every way possible.”
It was the raw emotion in his voice that struck me speechless. I didn’t have to be a mind reader to know every word was spoken with Ryan in mind.
“Don’t let labels dictate how you live your life,” he was continuing. “I did, and now I only see Ryan a couple months out of the year. I wouldn’t give Luke up for anything in the world,” he hurried to add, “but if I knew at twenty what I know now....”
He let that sentence hang unfinished between us. For a few minutes we sat in silence. I had to digest everything he’d told me.
He was right. I was being stupid. It didn’t matter than Drew and I were both newly single or that until now a real relationship with another man was the last thing I had wanted. If Drew and I were meant to be then we would find a way to make it work.
There was only one problem.
“Today’s my last day here,” I said. “Tomorrow I’m moving into my new apartment.”
Rather than discourage Colin, my words seemed to please him. He grinned mischievously. “Everything is already taken care of. You just have to say the word.”
“What?” I asked, grinning in confusion. Colin didn’t reply. He just lifted his eyebrows in question, still smiling that mysterious smile.
“Well?” he prompted.
This was it. I had to make the decision that could very well change the rest of my life. It was no contest.
“Let’s do it.”
Soon after we were making our way to the studio, just Colin and I. I assumed Ryan knew what was going on and had found his own way. Try as I did, I couldn’t get Colin to divulge any of their plan. The only thing he told me was to go on as if everything was normal. And to follow my feelings.
When we arrived we were both hustled off to makeup and wardrobe. I didn’t see Colin again until shortly before the taping, and by then he had found Ryan and the two were caught up in deep conversation. There could have been an earthquake going on and it wouldn’t have fazed them.
Instead I found myself talking to Wayne. He was still riding so high on Mandie’s pregnancy that I didn’t have the heart to bring up the Drew situation. Drew himself came into the green room only moments before we were to go on stage. I briefly considered pulling him aside to tell him how I felt, no games, just the truth, but the timing didn’t feel right. Even if it had, I had no idea how I would go about it, and besides, Ryan had sprung to his feet at the sight of him, gathering up Drew and leading him away before I had the chance to think it over.
He did catch my eye, giving me a distant smile which I returned with warmth. After our latest discussion it would take something huge to convince him I wanted a relationship.
Just moments later we were all on stage and the games had begun. From Colin’s words in the car I assumed they were going to try something during the taping, but over an hour went by and things played on as usual.
Every once in a while I would steal a glance at Colin and Ryan out of the corner of my eye. Between each game they remained locked in discussion, huddled close, head bowed together, whispering frantically. Neither Drew nor Wayne seemed to pick up on it, though. I was starting to think it was all in my head when Scenes From a Hat was called.
We all jumped to our feet with our usual amount of enthusiasm. I took my place next to Wayne, across the stage from Ryan and Colin. If the rest of us were enthusiastic, then Colin was downright glowing. He stood there, bouncing on the balls of his feet, all nerves and giddiness.
His demeanor struck me as odd, and I felt a nudging in the back of my mind. There was something about this that seemed vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t wrap my brain around it long enough to remember. Then Drew was announcing the first suggestion, and we all looked to him expectantly.
“If Ryan Stiles ruled the world.”
All else left my mind as I focused on the game. Ryan came out and did something, but I paid it little mind, still trying to come up with something myself. Ryan went back among gales of laughter, and I stepped out.
I stood, staring up at something over my head. I gave a little frown and jumped up, reaching out one hand to try and grasp something above me. Finally I gave a sigh and looked over to Wayne. “Could you give me a hand up? The doorknob is too high.” It was a play on Ryan’s height that the audience ate up. I went back to my place, and Colin came out, made a joke about Ryan’s shoes, and then we moved on.
Drew sifted through the hat and pulled out the next slip of paper. “World’s worst documentary.”
Colin immediately jumped back out and pretty much repeated his last bit about Ryan’s shoes. After that we all came out and did something; it was an easy one, but nothing matched Colin’s in the audience’s mind. The next suggestion was “Things you never want to hear your mother say,” and that marked the end of the innocent suggestions.
It was another easy one where we all could have come up with at least half a dozen scenarios easily. I had gone out for two myself, and then watched on the sidelines, letting everyone else have a chance.
As I watched, I found my gaze once again drawn to Colin. He was still bouncing ever so slightly, but rather than from enthusiasm, it now looked like he was growing impatient. He was waiting for something. I was positive.
Then Drew called the next suggestion and something clicked.
“If Drew had been slower on the buzzer during the Ravenous Boa Constrictor incident.”
Drew’s eyes widened as he read the suggestion, a broad smile on his lips. His eyes shot up to Ryan and Colin eagerly.
I think every eye on the set was on them. Wayne and I didn’t even bother to think of anything for it; this was their territory. Ryan gave a shake of the head and his eyes, oddly enough, went out into the audience. He must have found what he was looking for because he gave a sardonic little grin before stepping down from the Party Quirks step, latching onto Colin’s sleeve as he did so.
I didn’t want to miss this, but my curiosity got the better of me. I quickly looked out in the audience myself, exactly where Ryan had looked. I can’t say I was surprised to meet Greg’s eyes. I remembered something then: a drunken vow made in the wee hours of the morning.
They didn’t.
Apparently they did if that exchange was any indication. As implausible as the idea of sabotaging the hat was, it certainly wasn’t impossible. If I had to guess, I’s have to say this was Greg’s suggestion. He had been there originally, but apparently it hadn’t been enough.
I suddenly felt intoxicated as I swung my gaze back to the action on stage. I couldn’t wait to see what else they had planned.
Ryan and Colin came to the center of the stage now. They looked lost for only a moment, wondering just where to begin. Then Colin looked to Ryan, smiling sweetly, and Ryan laughed. He could barely keep a straight face as he stuck his tongue out, waggling it seductively in a fair approximation of how he had done in that game of Let’s Make a Date years ago. Colin was giggling, too, but he nonetheless put on a convincing show of being very turned on. I doubt it was that hard.
The female portion of the audience was going wild. There couldn’t have been many at all who had been there for the original game, and to see it live now must have been a thrill.
Ryan was still doing the tongue thing, but the longer he did it, the harder it was for him to keep a straight face. Just when I thought he was going to break, Colin shot forward, placing both hands on either side of Ryan’s face, and kissed him. The force of it nearly knocked Ryan off his feet, but he pressed back against Colin, regaining his balance just in time. It was only a stage kiss, but it lasted longer than any I’d yet to witness. When they finally parted, the cheers were just about deafening. Drew hit the buzzer, but for a moment neither Colin nor Ryan moved. They just stood, grinning at each other. Drew pressed the buzzer twice more before they finally took the hint and left the stage. They played it off as part of the game, but I, for one, wasn’t buying it.
The laughter died down and we all looked to Drew. Now that I knew the game was rigged, I felt a shiver of apprehension work its way under my skin. What if this was part of what the guys had planned to get Drew and me together? Sure, I had decided to go through with it, but not in front of an audience.
I ended up sitting out the next suggestion (what really goes on backstage) sine I was too worried over what else might come up. Luckily I wasn’t needed. Wayne ended up going on stage, motioning for Colin to come with him. Not one to be outdone, Wayne pulled Colin into a kiss despite the other man’s reluctance. Suddenly Ryan bounded on stage and a “fight” ensued. After that Ryan came back out to do something that made fun of Drew and then we moved on.
By this time I was wondering if Drew had picked up on the fact that something was amiss. There were far too many sexual suggestions, and most of them revolved around us. Normally there would be at least one topical suggestion, and quite a few that didn’t result in a big enough laugh to get on air, but not today.
Drew called the next suggestion, however, and my concerns took a sudden, gut wrenching U-turn.
“Confessions you always wanted to make to the other Whose Line cast members.”
This was it. I met Colin’s eyes across the stage, my own wide with fear. He had finally stopped bouncing, only to grin innocently. That was what he had been waiting for. Fortunately Ryan had given him a little nudge, and they were descending the stage, giving me time to think. Unfortunately not one thought popped into my head. Instead I watched Ryan and Colin.
Their bit was simple but funny. Once on the stage proper Ryan had mimed pulling off his hair as he told Colin, “You’re right. It is a toupee.”
They were leaving the stage now, and I was still standing off to the side. I couldn’t do it. Not now. Not like this.
I felt a sharp jab at my ribs and looked up, startled, to find myself caught in Wayne’s intense stare. “Go ahead,” he whispered to me.
I shook my head. “I can’t.”
He frowned. No one was going out and Drew looked like he was going to move on. With an exasperated groan, Wayne lay both hands on my back and pushed-hard. I went stumbling onto the stage gracelessly. Once I had regained my footing, my gaze shot immediately to Drew. He looked incredibly perplexed. His hand hovered over the hat, a yellow slip of paper between his fingers as he looked from me to Wayne and back again. Finally he let the paper fall and looked to me expectantly.
When I had first staggered onto the stage, it had been accompanied by a good amount of laughter, but silence was quickly descending as I merely stood staring at Drew. The fact that I had been forced out there had not gone unnoticed, and now everyone wanted to know why.
Had I not been so nervous, I’m sure I could have come up with something no problem, but as it was, all I could do was stare at Drew, the words I didn’t want to say to him playing through my mind like a mantra.
I heaved a very deep sigh and closed my eyes, trying to regain at least a little composure. “Drew,” I said as I slowly opened my eyes. I took two long strides forward, bringing me to the edge of his desk. Drew had the strangest expression on his face, as if trying to prepare himself for a joke at his expense, but at the same time knowing that whatever I was about to say was deadly serious.
I placed both hands on the desk and leaned forward, not because I wanted to whisper or hide my words from the audience, but because he had to know that this was no game.
“I’m in love with you.”
And before he had a chance to consider that, before I’d even let myself think, I leaned down and kissed him.
It was soft, chaste, but it was no stage kiss. Ever if there was no tongue, just lips pressed against lips, it was so real that not even a casual observer could have mistaken it for just a joke. I pulled back after only a few seconds to watch Drew curiously. His eyes fluttered open. He was staring at me, blinking slowly, and then he lifted his hand-
-and pushed the buzzer.
I had no choice but to return to my place next to Wayne. That was it. We’d always joked about being “buzzed out” before, but now that it had actually happened, no one on was laughing. That one simple gesture had me feeling more like I wanted to cry. Wayne placed a hand on my back to let me know he was there, but I shrugged him off. I didn’t want pity.
I could hear the murmur of the crowd as Drew tried to continue the game. There had been a smattering of laughter, but for the most part they just seemed confused, almost indignant. I looked across the stage to Ryan and Colin. They were both frowning at Drew. Ryan in particular looked like he wanted to march right over to the desk and have a few words with him, but he didn’t. We were professionals, after all, so when the next suggestion was called we all wiped our faces clean of any negative emotion and continued with the game.
I couldn’t meet Drew’s eyes for the rest of the taping, but at the same time I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. I knew that in time things would go back to normal despite this rejection. It would be uncomfortable for a while, but we had yet to go past the point of no return. We would be okay... but it still hurt. I daresay I deserved it what with all I’d put him through.
The mood lightened considerably as we went from game to game. I watched as Drew giggled over Ryan’s antics and as he struggled to come up with a decent hoedown.
Part of me wished I had just kept my mouth shut, but a larger part of me was glad I had gone through with it. Even if it didn’t work out the way I’d hoped, I’d faced up to my fears. I wasn’t running from them any more. I had more or less come out in front of hundreds of strangers, quite possibly thousands more if that little scene ever made it to air. Time continued to tick by, and the world kept turning, and I would be okay.
So it was that I wasn’t nearly as miserable as I’d expected to be by the time the taping was over. Ryan and Colin ran off to talk to Greg the second the cameras were off, leaving Wayne and I to head back to the dressing rooms by ourselves.
Wayne was shooting me sidelong glances as we made our way down the hall. Just when I couldn’t take it anymore he asked, “Hey, are you okay?”
It took me a moment to answer that, and when I did, I was smiling, bright and genuine. “Yeah. I am.”
“You know, I wouldn’t give up on him yet if I were you.”
I shrugged, but didn’t reply. Even if I accepted my fate, it was all still too fresh in my mind to keep up a happy demeanor for long.
Wayne slung one arm around my shoulders and gave me a brief, sideways hug. “Really. Don’t give up. It took me forever to get him to come around, and I think he cares more about you than he ever did about me.”
“I don’t know.”
“So depressing,” Wayne said with a smile. He gave me one last squeeze and then drew away, moving off to his own dressing room as we had just arrived at mine. He unlocked his door, a few down from my own, and then turned to me again. “Are you going out with us tonight?”
“I don’t think so. I have packing to do.”
Wayne nodded, but I doubt he believed the excuse.
“Well, don’t run off right after you’ve changed,” Wayne said. “I want to talk to you.”
I knew that he would just make another attempt at comforting me or possibly even try to get me and go out with the guys anyway, neither of which I wanted to deal with, but I decided I’d stay anyway. There were things I wanted to tell him, too. I needed to thank him for the past couple of weeks. Even if they had been rough at times, they were still two of the best, not to mention eye opening, weeks of my life.
But once I’d changed and gathered up my belongings, Wayne was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t in his dressing room, so I went off to see if either Ryan or Colin knew his whereabouts... but they seemed to have disappeared as well.
It took me almost ten minutes, scrounging about the studio, and I was just about to give up when I ran across them. Ryan, Colin, Wayne and Greg formed a little group half way down a hallway in the depths of the studio. They were all talking animatedly and looked to be having quite a good time just standing there. I felt bad about breaking up the party, but I really did want to talk to Wayne.
“Hey,” I called, raising my hand in greeting once I’d gotten their attention.
They looked startled at first, but then identical wolfish grins adorned each other their faces one by one. I had begun to walk toward them but stopped, wary of the picture they made.
“We were just going to come get you,” Wayne said as he advanced toward me.
Something strange was going on here, but I couldn’t tell exactly what. Wayne finally got to me and wrapped one hand around my forearm. “Why don’t you join us?”
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you alone,” I protested, though I gave very little resistance as he steered me further down the hall toward the group.
I could hear a pounding. I thought it was all in my head, but the closer we got to the others, the louder it grew. No one else seemed to hear it, or perhaps they were just ignoring it. Either way, the oddness of the situation was starting to get to me. I paused, still half a dozen feet from where the other three stood. At my hesitation, Colin stepped forward to take my other arm. Something was definitely wrong, but I felt no fear. These guys were my friends; they wouldn’t hurt me, right?
With just the slightest amount of force, Colin and Wayne had me moving forward again. I looked curiously to Ryan and Greg, and that’s when I noticed it.
Ryan was standing in the dead center of the hall, arms crossed, still wearing that disturbing smile. Greg, however, was leaning against the wall-no, wait, not the wall-against a door that I hadn’t seen before. The pounding was louder than ever and... was someone yelling?
“Guys...” I said slowly, careful to keep a smile on my face. “Where’s Drew?”
“Oh, he’s around,” Greg replied. “Why? Did you want to talk to him?”
I shook my head vigorously, but the gesture went utterly and completely ignored. The others were talking amongst themselves now as though I weren’t even there. I could vaguely make out the words, but my entire being was focused on that plain grey door, and the little plaque beside it that read “Janitor’s Closet,” so I had no idea who was speaking.
“Do you think he wants to talk to Drew?”
“I think so, don’t you?”
“Oh, yeah. Colin?”
“Definitely. We should let him talk to Drew.”
“Why don’t we let him talk to Drew, then. Greg?”
“My pleasure.”
And before I even knew what was happening, Greg had stepped away from the door. He flung it open, and Colin and Wayne shoved me inside. I caught a fleeting glimpse of Drew’s wide, startled eyes before the door slammed shut behind me and everything went black.
In the back of my mind I registered the sound of a key turning in a lock and a bolt sliding home, but I was far more interested in the warm body I had collided with, the one that was currently pressed against me in the very confined space. For just a moment everything was still. I had put my hands up instinctively to break my fall, and now they were resting on Drew’s chest. I could feel the rapid beating of his heart beneath my palms.
And then Drew started yelling.
He shoved me to one side and resumed his attack on the door. “Greg! Ryan! Let us the Hell out of here! Now!”
I could hear the others talking, their voices muffled.
“Hey, Greg, do you hear something?” That was Ryan.
“No, I don’t believe I do.”
“It’s probably just rats,” Colin put in.
Suddenly Wayne piped up. “Hey, who wants to go out for a drink?”
There was a chorus of enthusiastic agreement and then the slowly fading sound of footsteps as they retreated down the hall. Drew continued to pound on the door, the deep thumping resonating throughout the closet each time his fist made contact with the thick wood.
I wasn’t any happier about this than he was, but I could see it wouldn’t get us anywhere. More likely it would result in Drew hurting himself and prolonging our captivity.
“Drew,” I said, laying one hand on his shoulder, and then louder when he showed no sign that he had heard me. “Drew! Stop it! They’re gone.”
He continued to hit the door for a few moments and then suddenly stopped. His shoulders slumped beneath my hand as he let out an audible breath.
“Shit.”
My eyes were adjusting to the darkness, but as the only source of light was the thin band beneath the door, I could still only make out the vaguest outline of my surroundings. Shelves stood just behind me filled with light bulbs and Windex. Drew was leaning against the door now, his head pillowed on one upraised arm.
“Drew?” I said very quietly. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” He turned to me slightly, but I couldn’t make out his expression. I doubt he could see much of me either. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about. It was those jackasses that locked us in here.”
“Yeah, but...” Here I hesitated, unsure of how much I wanted to confess. After a moment I decided that I might as well go for it, spill it all; I didn’t have anything left to lose. “They were doing it for me.”
Drew laughed in disbelief. “You asked to be locked in a closet?”
“Well, no, but... damn it... Drew... I meant what I said on stage today.”
Drew was quiet for a very long time. He was still half turned toward me, not moving. In the silence that followed, I could hear my own harsh breathing. It was disturbing.
I just wished he would say something, anything. I could deal with rejection; Hell, I was expecting it. I no longer cared. I just wanted all the God damned games to end. I was sick and fucking tired of the confusion and the guilt. One way or the other this needed to end now.
“Drew? Are you listening to me?” He still said nothing, just remained as he was, frozen. “Drew! God damn it, Drew, I’m in love with you!”
Without thinking I had reached for him, gripping his shoulders and spinning him toward me. My heart was pounding in my ears, blocking out all else.
Up close I could finally make out Drew’s face. His lips were drawn in a tight, thin line; the whites of his wide eyes gleamed as he trembled beneath my hands. Startled, I let go of him. I had expected indifference or sorrow, but certainly not this. The pounding in my ears abated ever so slightly, and I could just make out the shallow pants issuing from Drew’s parted lips. He was either very scared or very, very angry.
“Drew?” I said for the millionth time, quiet now, questioning.
“Stop it.” It came out low, gravely, as if from the mouth of a stranger.
“What-“ I started, but Drew cut me off immediately. He practically screamed, “Stop it!” I stepped back, instinctively wanting to protect myself, to get away, and I ended up bumping into the shelf, sending light bulbs in all directions. They shattered against the walls and at my feet, tinkling in eerily melodic waves.
None of this registered until much, much later, however. I was too focused on Drew, on his lips pulled back into an ugly snarl, his fists clenched at his sides.
“Stop it,” he said one last time. Now his voice was cold, deadly. I suppressed a shiver, overtaken by the loathing and the promise of pain the words delivered. “Just shut up, Chip. I don’t want to hear it.”
“I....” What the Hell do you say to that? Apparently nothing if the way Drew’s eyes narrowed at that one word was any indication, but I wasn’t about to let that stop me. “It’s true,” I told him. “I love you.”
And now Drew was laughing, bitter and beautiful. “Why are you doing this?”
There was something going on that I was completely unaware of. “What am I doing?”
“Don’t fuck with me,” Drew snarled. “You know how I feel, so why are you playing with me like this.”
What? This wasn’t making any sense. “I’m not playing, Drew. It’s true. I swear.”
“That’s bullshit!” Drew yelled. “All week you’ve been pushing me away and now you suddenly love me? I don’t buy it, so just stop.” His voice had grown steadily quieter as he spoke, so that it was now just above a whisper. “Please. Just leave me alone.”
Oh. Oh, God. I knew my actions had been confusing, but I’d also assumed that today’s confessions had cleared things up. It’d only made it worse. But hadn’t he been playing with me, too? I know Colin had argued otherwise, but there was still Wayne... wasn’t there? I may have been using him for an excuse not face up to my own fears, but that didn’t mean Drew wasn’t still rebounding.
The only way to fix this was to tell the truth. All of it.
“Yeah, I was fucking with you,” I told Drew.
The sorrowful look he had obtained snapped away as quickly as it had come. He was glaring at me with sheer hatred.
“I was teasing you, kissing you, wanting you, and then pushing you away.”
Drew opened his mouth, and I could imagine the tirade of curses he would bestow upon me, but before he could utter a word, I placed two fingers over his mouth, silencing him.
“And I’m sorry.”
He still looked very angry, so I continued.
“I wasn’t thinking about how I was making you feel because I was too scared to admit what I felt. I’m in love with you, and I’m having a hard time accepting that. And, of course, there’s Wayne.”
I was silent a moment, collecting my thoughts, trying to figure out a way to make Drew understand, make him believe me, but I never got the chance.
Drew’s hand flew up, knocking mine from where it still rested against his mouth.
“You idiot,” he snarled, taking one step forward so that we were toe to toe. He got right in my face, so close, in fact, that our noses actually bumped. “There is no Wayne. That’s over.”
“But you-“
“But nothing. I tried to explain this before, but you wouldn’t let me. Well, you’re not getting out of it now.” Drew took a deep breath. His eyes were still wide, hard but more intense than angry. “Do you remember that conversation you overheard in the bathroom? I said that Wayne was angry because he thought I wanted you, and I also said that it was all a misunderstanding.” He paused, searching my eyes. “Well I lied.”
Drew was breathing very heavily now and looked down, no longer able to meet my eyes. I could taste his breath, delightfully minty from far too many Altoids.
“When I came into Mackenzie’s room the night of the party,” he continued, “I wasn’t looking for Wayne. I was looking for you. I love Wayne, but even before we got together, when Wayne was still pushing me to just forget everything else and see what it would be like, there was someone else on my mind. I don’t want to say that I used him, because that’s not it at all. If things had been different, I would have spent the rest of my life with him. But they’re not. He helped me to figure a lot of things out, though, and gave me the desire to go for what I really want.”
Drew looked at me then, so beautiful and earnest in the half light. His gaze was open, but demanding. “So now you know,” he said in a harsh whisper. “There’s no Wayne. There’s nothing in your way. What are you going to do?”
And I couldn’t take it anymore. Even as the question was leaving his lips, I was closing the distance between us, gathering him in my arms. He was pliant, willing beneath my palms, leaning into me as our lips touched.
By now we had already kissed a half a dozen times, but it was as though it was the first time. I could kiss him without reservations, without thoughts of Wayne looming over us or the fear I had been so irrationally clinging to. It was the first time I wasn’t going to push him away.
I think he realized this the same time I did because as soon as the thought crossed my mind, Drew purred deep in his throat. He used his weight to press me back, turning us so that I bumped into the cold concrete that was the wall of the closet. The difference between the near freezing rock at my back and the searing heat of Drew on my front was incredibly erotic. His hands had been cradling my neck, but now they moved, slithering down my sides to tug at the hem of my t-shirt. Soon his cool, soft fingers were tickling my stomach.
I moaned in response, breaking out of the kiss to whisper, “I love you.”
“I love you,” he returned, smiling against my lips. “I have for a long time.”
And then we were kissing again and I couldn’t believe there was ever a time I didn’t know I wanted him. We were all hands and thoughtless passion, each exploring every inch of the other’s body as though we’d never again have the chance.
For some reason an image of Drew high up in the maple tree that first day in the park flashed through my mind. I could see him clearly, eyes alight, barefoot and wistful as he looked out over the surrounding fields. I think that was the exact moment I had fallen in love with him; I just didn’t know it then.
I stopped my exploration of his body to wrap Drew in a tight hug, kissing him with a renewed vigor.
Light suddenly filled the tiny room, blinding us after the near blackness. Drew pulled back and we both turned toward the door, blinking owlishly as we waited for our sight to adjust.
Ryan, Colin, Greg and Wayne were all crowded into the doorway grinning like fools. I had the presence of mind to blush when I realized that Drew and I were still tightly wrapped around each other.
“I was going to ask if you two wanted to come out,” Ryan said, “but if you’re busy...”
I could see Drew smirking out of the corner of my eye. He squeezed me affectionately and laughed. “Asshole.”
Five Months Later
Winter in Vancouver was a frigid, horrid affair. It was maybe a thirty second walk from our rental car parked in the driveway to the front door, but even bundled in the thick, bright red coat I’d borrowed for the trip, I was still shivering when we reached the stoop.
“Ring the bell,” Drew said, setting down his suitcase and adjusting his hold on the cardboard box he carried under one arm. It was filled with bottles of beer we had picked up at a liquor store between here and the airport. I had scoffed at the plebeian gesture, but Drew had merely shrugged off my complaint with a simple, “At least it’s not fruitcake.” Still, I had at least convinced him we needed a bottle of champagne to go along with it; after all, the occasion called for nothing less.
“You ring it,” I shot back, burying my hands deeper in my pockets to accentuate my argument. “If I take my hands out I’m going to get frost bite.”
Drew laughed and shook his head, but reached around me to press the doorbell anyway. “You southerners can’t take the cold,” he chuckled.
“And you northerners are too dumb to live where it’s warm,” I replied with a smirk.
We stared at each other for a minute, both grinning challengingly.
Drew was the first to break the silence. “Did you need me to warm you up?” he asked. He lifted one gloved hand to trail up the length of my coat, stopping to play with the zipper at my throat.
“Open that before we get inside and I’ll kill you.” But the threat was weakened considerably by the obvious desire in my voice.
“Did you two want to come in or were you just going to have sex in the snow?”
Drew and I turned in unison to see Colin standing in the open doorway. He had his arms crossed over his chest, which was covered in a thick, light blue sweater that looked very comfortable, but more importantly, very warm.
“Let me in,” I nearly begged.
Colin moved out of the way just in time; I barreled past him, practically running to get into the luxurious warmth of the entry way.
In no time Colin had taken our coats and luggage, thanking us for the alcohol and assuring us that he would take care of it. Then he pointed us in the direction of the living room and the rest of the party.
We were two of the last to arrive, if not the last. I spotted Brad, Greg and Jeff conversing by the fireplace. Ryan was busy talking to some of his and Colin’s friends from Second City. As soon as he noticed us, Ryan waved Drew over. I watched Drew cross the room with a smile on my lips.
It was four days after Christmas, and we all had converged for a combination housewarming/New Years party. There were only maybe a dozen of us now, but that number would double at least on the 31st. For now, it was just a very small group of close friends celebrating the beginning of Colin and Ryan’s lives together.
Ryan had once told me that he was thinking about leaving his wife for Colin, but I don’t think he ever planned on going through with it. Not, that is, until she happened to come to the studio unannounced maybe two months ago, only to discover her husband naked and sweaty over top his best friend before a taping. The infidelity made the divorce and still waging custody battle a living nightmare, but now was not the time to dwell on that.
Ryan and Colin had just barely finished moving into their new home and were eager to forget about real life for a while and just enjoy the company of their friends.
“Hey, stranger.” A hand on my shoulder pulled me from my reverie. I looked up into Wayne’s dark, smiling eyes. Just over his shoulder I could see Mandie perched on the arm of the couch talking with Colin. At six months pregnant she was just barely showing, and she looked absolutely radiant.
“Hey yourself,” I greeted Wayne, pulling him into a half hug. It was quick, but heartfelt. “How are you?”
“I’m great,” he replied. He seemed to be glowing just as much as his wife. I couldn’t wait to see how thrilled he was once the baby was actually born.
“How about you?” It was a simple question, but absolutely layered with meaning. He threw a look past me to where Drew and Ryan were still talking.
I followed his gaze, my smile widening. I couldn’t even remember frowning in the past five months. “Good,” I said. I was still watching Drew. Even now I was still enamored with everything about him from the way his eyes lit up when he smiled to the way every movement was succinct, meaningful. I turned back to Wayne. “Really, really good.”
“I’m glad.” I could hear the sincerity in his voice, see it in his eyes. Suddenly he stepped back, arms swinging wide. “Isn’t this great?” he called, loud enough to get everyone’s attention. He looked around, catching Colin and Ryan’s eyes in particular. “Isn’t this just how things should be?”
There was a general murmur of agreement from the group at large. I looked around to see every last person grinning from ear to ear. Colin and Ryan were gazing at each other across the room, looking so happy that it was infectious.
“Now that everyone’s here, we should really get the party started,” Greg shouted, standing. “Everyone grab some booze and let’s get plastered!”
There was an answering laugh at his words, but it really did sound like a good idea. Colin, ever the gracious host, soon had every last guest (save Mandie) with a bottle of beer or a glass of wine in hand. Light jazz spilled forth from the speakers just loud enough to add to the ambiance without obstructing conversation.
I caught up to Drew in the kitchen as he was cracking open a beer.
“This is perfect, isn’t it?”
I didn’t specify exactly what I was talking about, but I found I rarely had to when it came to Drew.
“It is,” he agreed. In unison, we turned to look at Ryan and Colin through the wide doorway. They were standing off to the side of the party, leaning against one wall, deep in conversation, twin smiles on their lips. Just the sight of them left me feeling insanely giddy.
I lifted a hand out to Drew, and he took it without hesitation, entwining our fingers. I gave the slightest tug and he came to me, pressing his lips to mine in a chaste kiss. He tastes like beer and Altoids, a taste I had come to associate with him, and I loved it.
We smiled at each other for just a moment, and then he nodded toward the living room.
“Come on.”
Hand in hand we went out to join our friends.
“A toast!” Drew cried, raising his bottle of beer. Conversation paused as one by one, each person mimicked him. I held my own glass aloft, watching Ryan and Colin.
Ryan had wrapped one arm around Colin’s waist, and they stood there, holding their drinks high as they waited for Drew to continue. Everything about this was inspirational, from the ease of that one gesture to the fact that they could express such affection in front of their friends without fear of scorn or ridicule. I thought back to only six months ago and was amazed at all that had come to pass.
“To love,” Drew said. Sure, it was sappy, but not one person was laughing. We all knew what it had taken for Ryan and Colin to come this far.
“To love,” we all echoed. We drank deeply, cheering when Ryan and Colin shared a kiss in its wake.
I met Drew’s eyes over the rim of my wine glass. Here, surrounded by my dearest friends, warm and safe while snow drifted down from the heavens outside I knew that I was exactly where I belonged.
End
10/02/05