worries
So sometimes I get really upset with the way things are in my relationship. It's never over anything big and it's probably just stupid worries that are just cause by PMS or something stupid like that. But nonetheless, I'm kinda feelin down right about now and feel the urge to get things out. Have been watching Dawson's Creek for the past.....2 1/2- 3 Hours. That show always reminds me of the whole fairytale relationship that quite frankly ONLY exists in TV shows and movies. So before the marathon of DC, Eric decided that he was going to get dressed up nice and shave and go to Wal-mart. Let me say now that the past few times specifically that I've asked him to go with me to Wal-mart, I've gotten a very frustrated no, followed by the explanation: We go to wal-mart all the time. We don't need anything from Wal-mart. If we go we'll just spend money, and that he just wants to sit at home. So while I was taking a bubble bath and he was getting ready I begged him to wait for me. He asked me did I not ever just get dressed and go somewhere and hope a guy noticed me. I don't.....not since we've been engaged. I have had chances, but it all seems so pointless to me. But apparently he felt the need tonight to feel attractive, and apparently I am unable to adequately make him feel that way. So he told me he just wanted to do some stuff alone, so he left. Instead of moping like normal, I decided to take things into my own hands, and put on a cute short skirt and a tight shirt....an outfit he's always died over.....and go to Barnes and Noble in hopes that Nicholas Sparks decided to be more of a god than he already is and release his new book 4 days early. This didn't happen, but I did call Eric and tell him where I was.....which made him realize that his idea was not so cool. So he was like....come on over to wal-mart. I got there, talked to my brother on the phone....he isn't going to make it to our rehearsal dinner because Eric's mom is making the dinner in Franklin at like....8 o'clock. And having no regard for the fact that my family has small kids and 2 horu drive home. Then Eric started rushing me out of wal-mart. I just feel like he can't just walk around and play and have fun with me. So on the way home, he stopped at E.W. James to see Brad. They talked for about 30-45 minutes. Eric....talking....what is that? Something i sometimes feel cheated out of. I know it's stupid to be jealous of a man, but I am. Sometimes I think Eric would 10 times rather hang out with Brad than hang out with me. He talks to Brad, they went to a movie, Brad comes over all the time. All the things I want to do with Eric, Brad does. It isn't Brad's fault, nor am I mad at him....don't get me wrong. It just hurts sometimes. So a lil bit ago when I was watching DC, Joey and Pacey were taking ballroom dancing lessons. Eric told me once he'd teach me how to dance......hasn't happened yet. I am just kinda feeling down. I feel like I'm not good enough for him right now. And that hurts like hell. I just needed to get my feelings out. I would kill for him to just take me in his arms and go somewhere alone with me and hold me and talk. But that won't happen.....which SUCKS!!! So I'll just have to ride this out and remind myself of who this is and that he isn't the hopeless romantic that some people in the past were, or that I am. But he is the one person that I love and that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just wish I got all the perks she used to. All the romance. The fire....whatever you want to call it. The ex ruined that for me....stupid bitch. It will come back, it's just going to take A LOT of time.