Ranting
I can't take this any more. I Just have to let it out before I explode. I just can't seem to stop thinking about it. To a point where I can't really concentrate on my studies, which is not really a good thing. This has been bugging me for the past, I'm not really sure how many months, but it has been bugging me for quite sometime already.
I just don't get it. Why do you have to do all this when it is also hurting you. Do you have to always walk off whenever the both of us are together. Do you know how much that hurts every time you do that. If it is also hurting for you, then why do it? Walking off is not going to solve anything, it is only going to make it worst. It is still going to be the same, whether a not you do walk off or stay with us if you feel hurt when you walk off. But I guess you would prefer to walk off rather than watch us being close. Its okay. I understand. All you care about is yourself only. I guess it is to be expected.
Another thing that I don't get is why do you have to lie to us. If you are not going to be truthful, then just don't say anything. It is just going to hurt us more when we find out that you have been lying to us all these while. Is it really necessary to lie when you still don't really trust us or are you just trying to make it seem like you did nothing wrong and everybody just seems to be hurting you for no apparent reason. That is just a bunch of nonsense. Do you enjoy hurting yourself? I'm sure nobody enjoys getting hurt. I just don't get it. Do you have to lie all the time? If you don't want to tell us then just don't. We understand and respect your privacy. Do you actually care about how other people feel when you treat them like this? Do you know how much it hurts knowing that somebody you really trust has been lying to you all this while? I don't think so.
Although I have forgiven you for your action, that does not mean that I will forget what you have done. What is done is done, the damage has been done and can never be fixed. Maybe not in this lifetime. I just don't get it how some people can be so selfish and only care about their own feelings. I guess it is true that we are all alone in this world. Who need friends if they are all like you. I just don't see why you have to do all this. What do you want exactly? Do you want attention? Who do you want the attention from? You can't be expecting to be given attention all the time. What is so nice about people giving you attention anyway? Don't you get enough attention at home? I know I'm asking a lot of question, but I just cant take it any more. Day in, day out, all I can think about is what you did to me. What did I ever do to you to deserve this kind of treatment? That is all I want to know. I just can't stop thinking about it. Even when I sleep, I dream of what you did to me. It just keeps on haunting me over and over again. There was also a period of time when I did not really sleep because I did not want to be haunted by you in my dreams.
Right now, I'm not sure if I should feel happy or hurt that you have decided to stop talking to us completely and also ignoring us. In some ways, I do feel happy that you are not talking to us any more as I don't have to feel hurt by you any more. But on the other hand, I feel hurt because you think that by cutting off all contacts with each other can help solve the problem and lessen this feeling of hurtfulness. Well, You are wrong. By doing that, You are actually just hurting us and yourself even more.
I'm just ranting out all my pent up feelings that I have been holding it in all this while. I can't continue keeping it in as I will not be able to concentrate in anything that I do if I continue to keep it in. I also am not good at expressing it by talking. So here I am writing this post as a way to release all this tension that has been building up inside of me. Sorry to anyone who may be offended when they are reading this post. This is just how I am feeling right now. It is not a very nice feeling and I do not want to feel like this any more. Hence, the post as I can no longer take it any more. I am very close to exploding and need to just get it out of my mind and what better way then to write about it. Million apologies for wasting your time reading how I have been feeling for the past few months.
I just don't get it. Why do you have to do all this when it is also hurting you. Do you have to always walk off whenever the both of us are together. Do you know how much that hurts every time you do that. If it is also hurting for you, then why do it? Walking off is not going to solve anything, it is only going to make it worst. It is still going to be the same, whether a not you do walk off or stay with us if you feel hurt when you walk off. But I guess you would prefer to walk off rather than watch us being close. Its okay. I understand. All you care about is yourself only. I guess it is to be expected.
Another thing that I don't get is why do you have to lie to us. If you are not going to be truthful, then just don't say anything. It is just going to hurt us more when we find out that you have been lying to us all these while. Is it really necessary to lie when you still don't really trust us or are you just trying to make it seem like you did nothing wrong and everybody just seems to be hurting you for no apparent reason. That is just a bunch of nonsense. Do you enjoy hurting yourself? I'm sure nobody enjoys getting hurt. I just don't get it. Do you have to lie all the time? If you don't want to tell us then just don't. We understand and respect your privacy. Do you actually care about how other people feel when you treat them like this? Do you know how much it hurts knowing that somebody you really trust has been lying to you all this while? I don't think so.
Although I have forgiven you for your action, that does not mean that I will forget what you have done. What is done is done, the damage has been done and can never be fixed. Maybe not in this lifetime. I just don't get it how some people can be so selfish and only care about their own feelings. I guess it is true that we are all alone in this world. Who need friends if they are all like you. I just don't see why you have to do all this. What do you want exactly? Do you want attention? Who do you want the attention from? You can't be expecting to be given attention all the time. What is so nice about people giving you attention anyway? Don't you get enough attention at home? I know I'm asking a lot of question, but I just cant take it any more. Day in, day out, all I can think about is what you did to me. What did I ever do to you to deserve this kind of treatment? That is all I want to know. I just can't stop thinking about it. Even when I sleep, I dream of what you did to me. It just keeps on haunting me over and over again. There was also a period of time when I did not really sleep because I did not want to be haunted by you in my dreams.
Right now, I'm not sure if I should feel happy or hurt that you have decided to stop talking to us completely and also ignoring us. In some ways, I do feel happy that you are not talking to us any more as I don't have to feel hurt by you any more. But on the other hand, I feel hurt because you think that by cutting off all contacts with each other can help solve the problem and lessen this feeling of hurtfulness. Well, You are wrong. By doing that, You are actually just hurting us and yourself even more.
I'm just ranting out all my pent up feelings that I have been holding it in all this while. I can't continue keeping it in as I will not be able to concentrate in anything that I do if I continue to keep it in. I also am not good at expressing it by talking. So here I am writing this post as a way to release all this tension that has been building up inside of me. Sorry to anyone who may be offended when they are reading this post. This is just how I am feeling right now. It is not a very nice feeling and I do not want to feel like this any more. Hence, the post as I can no longer take it any more. I am very close to exploding and need to just get it out of my mind and what better way then to write about it. Million apologies for wasting your time reading how I have been feeling for the past few months.