(no subject)
it's ben a while since I've updated.
my life right lately had been great. there isn't anything mroe I could ask for in my life... some regrets have popped up but at the same time, regrets after being thought about changed into not being regrets because a... I've thought about it and I realize yes it was a mistake but I learned from it, and b... although I may regret something in my past... my life is so much better now and my life may not be where it's at right now if it wasn't for those things.
I've decided to get a tattoo... well actually I decided on that a long time ago... I was tossing around a lot of ideas, but at the same time I think I have come to the conclusion for my first tattoo... my first one is going to be a memorial tattoo... I never dealt with my papa's death. to this day (11 years after his death) I still blame myself. well I am going to get a tattoo in memory of him. hoping not only that it will help me cope with his death but maybe it will help me deal with my own iner-demons about his death. I'm still caught on a couple of ideas though. I'm thinking I may get a fly rod with the line being cast and the ine spelling out papa the on top it would have 4-7-29 and on bottom I would have 8-24-95 his birth date and death date. He loved to fly fish and he loved fishing in general. I'm not sure about that one though. I may get a fish instead almost as though the fish is jumping out of the water with a lure hanging out of his mouth. The idea I like the most though would be one of yogi bear. The last place I saw my papa in good health was at Yogi bear campground. That was the last place we hung out together before he died. That's one of my fondest memories of him.
Thinking about it more I remember (can't remember if it was the last time I went or just one of the times I went) I wasn't allowed to sleep outside with the big boys because I was sick with cancer and Icould still get sick. a lot easier then them. I was upset because I wanted to camp. Well... what because I was upset my papa tried to make me as happy as possible. so he made me feel like I was camping as much as he could inside the motor home and he made me a tent out of blankets and where the tables and chairs where. It's the best tent I have ever been in. Maybe that's what I'll do get a tent with Yogi sticking his head out. or something along those lines. I miss him so much. it's been almost 11 years. It's hard but at the same time I guess There really isn't anything I can do to bring him back. I still like my idea of the whole zues and hades thing but I'm more so leaning towards just zues somewhere on me... or I may find a different greek god.
That's my life right now though. I have to figure out what I want and how I want it. but I'm going to get a tattoo in memory of my papa.
William "Billy" Vernon Sanborn. April 7, 1929- August 24, 1995
I miss you papa have since the day you left. I will always miss you and I will always love you.
let me know what ya'll think
I'm out
Sandy #22