Why?
Click to viewSo I continue with the quarter life crisis mode... Let me explain.
The more time I think about this birthday upcoming, the more I begin to think about life. I love my roommates; I love this experience (maybe not all the details); and I love the chance to explore this world and my life's vocation. But, there comes that time in everyone's life when they begin to think about something more, something more secure and settled. I 'm beginning to grow a little tired of being transient year after year. I want to be tied to something more lasting, something steady. I want that feeling of security and peace - something that I get from time to time, but it's more like a taste when I get it now - I want more.
I am beginning to grow tired of the college life and what happens afterward. This becomes very apparent when I visit other JVC cities and community across the East Coast. In each city, there will be a party with as many JVs, former JVs, and friends as possible. Hanging out, letting go, and having fun can be great, but at what time to you begin to grow up and become tired of inane drunkenness and foolish behavior at every moment possible? When do you say to yourself that you are tired of this and decide it's time to move on? This is what goes through my head when I'm surrounded by a large group of 22 year old volunteers. This is what goes through my head when I'm surrounded by a large group of 14-19 year old high school students. When comes time for someone to grow up and move on?
I believe this all started with reading "The Rum Diaries," by Hunter S. Thompson (great book - I highly recommend it). I can see that struggle within me to stay free but to be tied to something - that moment when one begins to grow weary of fighting all the time and wants to follow the flow for awhile. I begin to notice that feeling of invincibility that I once had fading to a stark realism that I too am human and must act as such.
I am growing anxious and desperate for some normalcy and constancy in my life. Part of me thinks that I'll always be somewhat of a rolling stone, even experience and age cannot fundamentally change a person, only trauma. So, I don't see myself settling down, buying a house and car, and waiting for death anytime in the quite near future. However, I want to do something with my life that when I go home I can say, "That's it! That's what I'm supposed to do right now! WOW! That's what that feels like!" I want to be attached to something much greater than me to anchor me in this life and my travels. I want the positives that age will bring me without getting old... I don't want to be old. Wise yes, old no.
Well, those are my thoughts right now. The rest of what is happening my life is the same old thing. Enjoy young age everyone; but, better yet, enjoy the transition into adulthood and realize your life's vocation - where your interests and talents meet with the world's greatest needs.
Peace out <
Steve